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And I have high expectations. ...It kept me reading. And I have high expectations. The last commentre was right, but it is a first draft, so I can feel it.the joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05802618412868607142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17646926.post-38434752552169176942007-05-01T18:19:00.000-04:002007-05-01T18:19:00.000-04:00I enjoyed reading the piece but honestly, that fir...I enjoyed reading the piece but honestly, that first paragraph was tough going. It's the editor in me. Tons of mixed and cliched metaphors. Seed, line of defense, etc. Would have been best to just take one metaphor and use the various aspects of it, or to avoid all those cliches. Subject agreement issues. For instance, someone/person should take "he" as a pronoun, not they. I know, it's a first draft. But ouch.Carole McDonnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15443401088634718848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17646926.post-82080780817647668852007-05-01T13:18:00.000-04:002007-05-01T13:18:00.000-04:00hey man i enjoyed the story i can't wait 2 read th...hey man i enjoyed the story i can't wait 2 read the rest this fall...great job keep it up...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17646926.post-91406136975466262432007-05-01T12:13:00.000-04:002007-05-01T12:13:00.000-04:00I have a book of plays coming out in DC of this ye...I have a book of plays coming out in DC of this year "Why I'm a Gangster and Other plays" and a book of Essays this summer "Dirt Behind My Ear"All-Mi-T [Thought Crime] Rawdawgbuffalohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08843040863123899426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17646926.post-8614956960181228102007-05-01T12:02:00.000-04:002007-05-01T12:02:00.000-04:00I really enjoyed that, but then I'm always anxious...I really enjoyed that, but then I'm always anxious to see what the Great Torrence has to say. I can't wait til 2008!huni706https://www.blogger.com/profile/07245590019347117266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17646926.post-27120416021732640822007-04-30T22:23:00.000-04:002007-04-30T22:23:00.000-04:00Voltaire-esque!!! :)Voltaire-esque!!! :)Saadiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04240365376170214782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17646926.post-13145384222146724492007-04-30T13:56:00.000-04:002007-04-30T13:56:00.000-04:00Good story!Good story!Mizrepresenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02992754393960138393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17646926.post-1744611970031903642007-04-30T13:37:00.000-04:002007-04-30T13:37:00.000-04:00That piece was good! Looking forward to the finish...That piece was good! Looking forward to the finished product!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17646926.post-26653272897358378072007-04-30T09:50:00.000-04:002007-04-30T09:50:00.000-04:00I enjoyed reading that peace. It was full of suspe...I enjoyed reading that peace. It was full of suspense....keep up the good work. I look forward to its release in 2008.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com