Thursday, September 11, 2008

i cant b faded

Somebody told me recently that I was intimidating; that I can be a bit overwhelming and that they could imagine some folks shaking when they may first meet me. They also said that they imagined it took a lot before any person was considered by me to be my folk, but that when they do that I was loyal. My response was, “I am not intimidating Jones, I’m meek and the meek shall inherit the earth, I’m just Hanes Jones, panty hoses – no nonsense.”

I know that some are laughing at Jones for describing myself as meek, but in all truth-e-ness, I am. Yep, meek, and forgive me for as I write this I am listening to Bill Summers and the Summer’s Heat You can call it what you want to and beveraging outside of my shop selling stuff for dogs.

I say this for in my short and shallow life time, I have seen a lot and I have experienced a lot. From trying to find a cobra in my home and locating it when I lived in Nigeria to having to sneak one of my best friends in his home after being stabbed in a crap game over a side bet. From being interrogated inside a Nigeria prison and having to buy my freedom on drummed up charges for $200 US to having to deal with allegations of rape for me, as well as similar allegation toward my son toward his sister by the same mentally ill person who vowed to make his life and mine miserable, to feeling the cold plated pain of metal inserted in my gums in an attempt to rebuild my mouth after being hit by a car and landing on my face.

Yep, I have seen and experienced a lot. And none have any impact on how I view the world or the way I treat others, for I still love Nigeria and I still paid the rent for the one who accused me of raping her, when such did not happen, even as she attempts to use our daughter as a pawn. And I still eat neck bones and ribs albeit the pain in my mouth remains and presses the metal in my gums harder against what remaining nerves I have in my mouth. Yet still, I am kind and likely the kindest mutha fucka am folk gone ever meet.

I can’t be faded, no I am not from the streets, I am the streets as well as the world. I take life for what it is; an enjoyable experience that my cells applaud for as a mass we know the only certainty in our future is death. Add to that, as of now, I hope such a disposition is engendered by my seeds, for they are the only valuables I have outside of what I can create and dispense with my mind. So if some find me intimidating, that’s on them for I feel no matter where I am although it may not be true, that I should run things and that somebody has to be number one, so it may as well be me. You can call it what you want to. vote

60 comments:

  1. Torrance great post and what a lovely family.
    Your last statement hit home: "somebody has to be number one, so it may as well be me." A MEN!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great post and beautiful family. I think the "meek" is an incredible vurtue to describe yourself with.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your kiddos are too cute! Hand over that baby girl! I want to pinch cheeks!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beautiful family...

    I think you're pretty nice. Maybe because I'm biased.

    ReplyDelete
  5. you're just so kool ... great post/cute fam.

    ReplyDelete
  6. well i for one find you an eclectic blend of braniac and homey... you are incredibly real and yet at the same time a huge intellectual presence.. i am fascinated by not only your thought patterns,, but also the way you present yourself... intimidating no,, more surreal..

    i think if i ever met you i would sit quietly and just listen to you talk,, not only cuz it takes me a while to figure out your memphasian tongue,, but also because you are forever shedding new light,, and i would need a few moments to digest it all.....

    ReplyDelete
  7. How the hell can you be #1?

    That's me, dammit.

    Seriously, perhaps the intimidation comes from your ability to use language as a weapon and to heal? That freaks many ppl out.

    Personally, I love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  8. See babe this is why you were nominated 'man of the year'! I'm telling ya! I read your post and it calls to mind one of my favorite poems..."yet do I marvel at this curious thing, to make a poet black and bid him sing!" Feel me?

    ReplyDelete
  9. When I first started reading your blog, I found your style to be exactly what the name implies...RAW. I'm not sure if the comments are from a blog reader or not but, I think people tend to forget that what others write is only a tiny glimpse into their lives. Just because you become familiar with a body or style of writing does not mean you are familiar with the person that wrote it.
    Damn...you've done some living haven't you?! Glad to see that the craziness hasn't made you bitter but, given 100 words to describe how I "think" you are...meek wouldn't be on top of the list...strong however would be. Isn't it a shame that black folk constantly have to feel they need to curtail strength in order to keep from appearing intimidating. First Michelle Obama...now you, "Oh LAWD, make it stop!! LOL

    Nice photo...lovin' the kids...and is that a smile you're wearing?? I mean, you weren't wearing much else so I HAD to focus there. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  10. Gotta watch out for those Nigerian cops.

    ReplyDelete
  11. yay! a smiling photo. :-)
    Your nickname is now Hanes... I like that. The support kind of course.

    My unforgettable experience in Nigeria was being in the front passenger side of a vehicle driving some university exchange students somewhere, with no seatbelt of course, and TONS of traffic, and an emergency vehicle started racing through, and of course the need was to pull in behind the emergency vehicle. What a ride!!! racing through vehicles one foot behind an emergency vehicle - that's when you give up fear and know that whatever will happen, will happen, and there's not a thing you can do about it except decide to enjoy the ride or crap in your pants.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You know first hand, that no one is immune to drama. And even when we learn to stand up against it and thrive in the midst of it, Satan renames our victorious resolve for characteristics we don't desire like "intimidating." This only means that you have foiled him again!

    Wait, this must mean that you ARE intimidating, to Satan that is.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love the picture Torrance...what an awesome family!

    You know what, you can't be faded. Intimidating? No. Intriguing? Mysterious? Charming? Yes.

    Absofuckinglutely yes.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh yeah, as far as those BOGUS-as-FUCK charges...keep your head up pimpin'. You already know that adversity exists in this life to kick you in the balls when you are at your best. Good will, morals, and SANITY shall prevail in this one...and that's REAL.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I truly dig your style mane... love seeing the family picture. You are alright with me.

    ReplyDelete
  16. wow..what doesnt kill us makes us stronger. Nice post. Beautiful Babies.

    ReplyDelete
  17. PS, I like how you differentiate between rumination, thinking, and thought.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks for stopping by the site & leaving a comment. Very nice blog you have here, I will be checking it out in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Cute Kids...
    You know what? I didn't realize you were a writer... Damn I guess I learned something new.

    ReplyDelete
  20. not intimidating at all. just real. yep. and very kind.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ain't a dayum thing wrong with being YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  22. hey, do you have a site for your pet store??

    o.get.whitted@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. Intimidating is a relative term based on the cards you are holding.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Nice post... baby girl is too cute... wanting to be like the men in her life...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Keeping it real! That is what I'm talking 'bout!

    -OG

    ReplyDelete
  26. I would say you are many things...but intimidating isn't one. You seem like a deep brotha, who has alot to say and that has wonderful insight into life! Maybe you're intimidating in person??? LOL...jk

    ReplyDelete
  27. T,

    God designs us exactly like we are meant to be in this life. Some of us understand and accept this and live accordingly.

    If I had to have a non-relative male back me up~your name would definitely be on that list.
    Because I would have no doubt that you'd use that wonderful gift of intelligence first. And that is a powerful weapon in a dumbed down society.

    I didn't know the story regarding lil mama. Wow! I am sure that was one helluva an experience. But in due time and due season, all things work for the common good. I believe that one day the positive will reign supreme and the truth will do as it always does~it will rise to the surface.

    ReplyDelete
  28. far from intimidating. you're good peeps, fam. that's for sho!

    ReplyDelete
  29. "Somebody has to be number one, so it may as well be me."

    You got that right! We all should think this highly of ourselves. Not in an arrogant kind of way, but just knowing exactly who God created us to be. Kudos to you for knowing!

    The pic of you and the family...ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!

    Be blessed!

    ReplyDelete
  30. "...shallow life time..." Um, Torrance, what the heck is YOUR definition of shallow, because I'd hardly say your life has been anything remotely resembling shallow. Thanks for sharing. :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. Dawg,

    Had no idea you've been through so much. Not sure how people find you intimidating. You got your own style.

    The kidz are cute.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I love this post! Stay strong, despite the struggles and cute family pic :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. jjbrock
    Thank u maam

    MP
    Thanks to u as well on both counts

    blackstar
    cant give u lil momma – she don’t get down like that

    Kayos
    U biased too?

    memphiz
    thanks pseudo home slice

    paisley
    brainiac – not really just read too much and surreal – me likes, and intro to mephisian 102 out this weekend lol

    buelahman
    love u too folk, we aint in the same place so its like two undefeated teams that don’t play each other lol

    nicki nicki tembo
    yes I do and love Countée Cullen and leave a url next time folk

    Missy
    Thank u sister, and what u mean now me?
    and I was wearing a towel.

    no_slappz
    LOL u aint never lied It made me think cop was short for corrupt over there

    NoRegrets
    The mean mug (incessant mean mug) is why some have said such. B ut I smile all the time

    RealHustla
    I guess I will have to settle satan “pato bantan”

    Tera
    Thanks sister, im gone handle mine and she will wish she had never threatened my kids, the stories I could tell – but bipolar and selfishness donet mix and envy

    blackgirlinmaine
    I truly dig your style mane... love seeing the family picture. You are alright with me.


    Soulstress
    Thank u sister glad u liked it

    NoRegrets
    It’s the scientist in me

    BLuHaZe
    Thanks folk, I go out my way to find black men and scholars (colorless) that blog, welcome to the ro,ll

    Blog Queen
    Blog queen rules. How are u scholar

    Silly Brown Eyed Girl
    Thank u and we all do or should each day

    fly tie
    That was sweet – did I say that? lol

    Mizrepresent
    Thanks sister. When u stopping back at the shop

    Big O
    Will do folk not online yet

    rainywalker
    I feel u, only to the weak ey brother?

    koffeedyme .
    I hope we can be a blessing to her – I really do

    OG, The Original Glamazon
    Than ks scholar although u aint try my drank in the DR. LOL but I know u got faith

    Daysha Writes
    Im meek sister, cant u see the smile LOL

    msladydeborah
    Thanks scholar and I would have you back as if u were my blood. I rise every day and smile

    12kyle
    Thanks bruh, greatly appreciated from a good father like yourself, but u know whats going like we talked before

    The Artist In Me
    Its what I belive and thanks hon, on both counts and I am blessed

    SoCal Muchacha
    Anytime sisters, how u think your chargers gone do this year

    profunksticated
    Thanks, and yea folk. Thjat is not the tip of the iceburg

    LovexHate
    Thanks hon, I will just hate folk using OUR daughter as a pawn. Some woman.

    ReplyDelete
  34. you aren't intimadating...you are just a real type of person...who in short doesn't take bs, but doesn't expect anything from anyone in return you are just who you are, period...which happens to be a real intelligent dude

    ReplyDelete
  35. Thanks for baring your soul and sharing a little bit of yourself with the electronic world. You are at the very least a responsible and respectable indvidual with mucho love to give and receive.

    Much love to you and your family, doc.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hey Brother!

    God is good...your still standing black man..through it all!

    ReplyDelete
  37. What a great photo :) Hey, you always keep it real, 'no nonsense'. It took me a while to get you but I finally get you. I wish you a lovely weekend. I love neck bones too! he he!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Ah Torrance, that you can still have faith in humanity after all you have experienced..hugs to you brotha..big cyber hugs. ;)

    I really love that pic of you and the kids..thank you for your words of wisdom.

    ReplyDelete
  39. to answer your question about my maxwell post, of course ;)

    you've been through a lot and seen even more...but your are resilent..and that's exactly what your kids need.

    people will always try to still your joy, but they fail to realize that it only makes you a stronger person.


    (damit, for some reason i can never get my openid to work!)

    ReplyDelete
  40. Hm. You're not intimidating,IMO. You're kind of odd though. You know like, pulling your shirt up and rubbing your belly in public-odd. lol

    I think it's just being country though. hahahaha. :P

    And you take good pictures with your kids. You should smile more often ;)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Good read my brotha and you still have the ability to enjoy life after going through all of that..How long did it take you to get through the bitterness of it all.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Tell em how you really feel (about yourself!)! We all need to stand up and do some "Station identification" sometimes,i.e., let people know who we are and what we believe about ourselves. Great post:)

    ReplyDelete
  43. Jones: We've discussed this subject privately a few times before. We share the same DNA. This is a fun post for me to read especially because I've tried versions of it myself now and then.

    I've tried leading with my chin, describing all of my flaws, errors of commission and omission, ways in which I've failed myself and failed others. I've tried explaining how humbled I am in the presence of my son and my parents.

    In the end my ambition and the degree to which I've banished fear and dread through experience always comes back and I'm right where I started: a passive-aggressive workaholic and dreamer, with a need for constant new challenges and lots of attention. And brother I got a big streak of what I hope is HEALTHY narcissism.

    You didn't give away any secrets to the game, luckily, so I won't either. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  44. You have such a beautiful family...I didn't realise you had been through so much.
    Not many people are truly honest and sometimes others have difficulty handling it...its a shame, just keep doing you.

    ReplyDelete
  45. So yea, I'm with you man...or should I say mane...be you and do you!

    ReplyDelete
  46. WOW!!! that was a great post.
    the pics of you are you kids are beatuiful

    this is my first time here...beginner to the blogworld...but i'll be back to your blog

    ReplyDelete
  47. love when you post pics of the family.

    ReplyDelete
  48. dang bruh, you have been through some stuff in your life. reading this post kinda reminded me of that part on 'antwone fisher' where ol' boy was like ".....all the stuff you did to me, you couldn't break me...i'm still standin', i'm still strong!

    ReplyDelete
  49. Deep. Just gotta be you. You've been through a lot and aren't carrying it but growing from it. Maybe that wisdom in your eyes is what's intimidating- can't and don't change that!

    ReplyDelete
  50. nice lookin family folk. we need more men like u & my hubby out there for these kids.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Perhaps they are intimidated by your versatility. Few are as well versed on both sides of the game. Real folks are really scarce.

    Your children are beautiful. :)

    ReplyDelete
  52. Your lil girl could be baby doll she's so cute! And your big man looks like a fine son for any daddy to be proud. Nice fam, Torrance.

    ReplyDelete
  53. You're the man. Beautiful family.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I can understand "overwhelming" and "intimidating", especially within the first minutes of our meeting, you read aloud Basic Thrust Equation within earshot of my son, mother, and our aunt KB in the other room full of estrogen.
    LOL

    ReplyDelete
  55. wow!! I didn't know you went through all that! You have a big heart for forgiving the wrong doers and moving on....

    Personally, i don't think you're intimidating...:)

    ReplyDelete
  56. T.C
    thank u sister, u made my day

    Literate Muse
    as a writer i must write what i feel and leave wo fear - thanks for the blessings

    Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs i can only try

    Sheliza
    thanks mom


    Dusty
    thanks that hug was what i needed

    (fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] i hope i do them justice, thats all

    BeKinky_Paula
    i thank u for my family lol


    Mr.Slish
    was never bitter folk, if king and jesus could be spat on and not respond, i could too. thanks for the love folk

    LadyLee
    station identification - this is AL MI T

    KELSO'S NUTS
    yea bruh, cant give up the game plan or genetic code

    Ms TooFly
    i will and its all i know how to do and be

    Darius T. Williams
    been in memphis too long i see

    poison.ivy
    thank u and do return sister

    Pajnstl
    they are adorable huh?

    Marcus LANGFORD
    my mom would say they broke the mold when they made men like u and me folk


    rebecca
    nice verse sister

    Cat
    wisdom, me?

    Big Cheekz
    he sounds like a fine man, he did get u


    T.Allen-Mercado
    thats a good way to look at it sister and thank u

    Kit (Keep It Trill)
    thanks folk, family is the shit - just need a wife now

    april
    oh thank u hon

    sista gp
    family will always be biased lol

    Amina
    im a nice person and thanks 4 the love

    ReplyDelete
  57. U DON'T INTIMIDATE ME, RAW!! I AIN'T SCARED A' U!!!
    :p

    BREE

    ReplyDelete

PURCHASE MY BOOKS AT BBOTW.COM