The men all pause

Ok. First, folk here cooked prime rib tonight such that the meat pulled from the bone – dang.

That said, this is for the men, even the lurkers, but I wont hate on any woman responding on behalf of her men – but not what you want, but actual behaviors evinced. So here goes.

1] How do you respond or feel when your favorite teams looses, to a rival or in a championship game like the Super Bowl (true I was reminded of Memphis – Kansas last night, guess I’m not over it)?

2] How do you live your life such to show your spiritual connection to a higher power?

3] How do you see your role as a father, and what does it mean to be a father to you?

4] If you are the single provider responsible for feeding, clothing, shelter or any other necessity or frivolous request for your family, how do you expect your woman, wife, son or/and daughter to show appreciation for such? Do you think they would reciprocate appreciation?

5] How do you define your role as a man to your family and what is the single most important aspect or act you can define in the capacity of fulfilling that role?

6] What would you not do for your wife, woman, son and/or daughter as the man of your household?

7] Is there a difference in how you express love (not sexually) to your woman or wife when compared to your son or daughter?

8] How do you describe the passion for a son’s love when compared to the passion for a daughter’s love?

9] What does it mean to be the man of the house and as being such, what appreciation and/or value to you expect to receive from your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?

10] How should your work ethic be appreciated or valued and reciprocated unto you by your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?

extra credit: How do you see and define your responsibility to your community?

Lets b honest

Check Mate

Sidebar 1: Sorry about not posting what I said I was gone post. It was based on a discussion I had with this chap while eating a BLT. He said he hated all Muslims and Arabs and called them stupid and asked if I agreed. So yawl know me, it resulted in a post for I write what I feel and think regarding what ever is on my mind.

Sidebar 2: Emory University Emergency Rooms are the shit. They got PCs in each room. And I was able to surf the web while I was there. Went last night about 9 ish. Lil momma has been recovering from a yeast infection and was scratching herself real bad. So since I promised her mother I’d take her I did. And the best thing, they gave me some free stuff to put on her for that night and this morning – no more scratching. I was scared cause they said she had t sleep with no panties and all I could imagine was a wet bed – but she didn’t. I tried to call her mother and tell her and text and left messages that were at the ER. She did not respond. So I figured her phone was dead, or she didn’t have it. But I did expect her to call, I mean wherever she was I’m sure they had a landline or cell phone. We stopped by her place around 1150pm; I wanted to leave her so I could finish pricing stuff at the shop. She wasn’t in. Maybe I expect too much.

Side Bar 3: Thanks to the folks at Pimpin Pens for the banner hey made for me.

Sidebar 4: I wonder how many of the folks in China complained about stuff and never counted their blessings, and how they feel now, if they are any of he many who have lost family members and their homes and are sitting outside in he rain after the earth quake

Saturday was an exceptional day. Although folk teeth were giving him problems and I had no loot in my pocket, I still got my shipment of this De-wormer in the mail as well as met a few more dog owners in the area. It was the weekend of the Sweet Auburn Festival and as such, I wrapped a sign around my daughters neck saying “BUY MY PAPPA’s BOOKS” and proceeded to sale 6. But it was only expected given it was the day before the day that humbles all with the effervescent spirit of mothers. Then Sunday wasn’t bad either. Got the mom’s day gifts off, bought Lil momma’s mom breakfast on behalf of her and even gave her a bottle of wine, on a Sunday on Georgia when they don’t ale liquor and I aint got none (fingers crossed). Add to that my Lil cousin graduated for Tuskegee University today and my mom, grandma, step sister and Gip came in town too.

A very needed reprise seeing that I had two days of stacking more than 900 lbs of dog food. But I did want to keep my promise, and get to the food for thought proffered by query for from Riddle me this. I asked the question to make sure I was not out of my mind. See as a man, I feel that our primary job description is to provide and as such we see the majority of our job description to our family and significant other as to provide protect and offer safety. And i dont beat women either, unless you consider slangin a woman to the flor who came after me with a knife abuse (I could have taken the knife and slit her throat but the man in me couldn't do such).

It may be foul on my behalf but that is what I believe, and that there is no reason or room for any one to complain, bitch fuss and bicker if the aforementioned is taking care of. I mean if I keep a roof over your head, keep clothes on your back, the bills paid, you with health insurance and food in your stomach and don’t beat you, there is not a mutha fiuckin reason for one to complain - woman, son or daughter - or any one living under my roof or any roof I pay for. Some may suggest this is a control issue, I say no, albeit I understand we are in America and that he who pays makes the rules.

But me, it’s a little deeper than that. Im trying to keep holding up and keep all of the real in place but most folks seem to not be in the same real world that I am in, the one where a gallon of milk is the same price as the gallon of gas. I feel for my work and proficiency, I should have someone, even if it is just my kids, have dinner cooked, the dishes washed or even a back rub ready for me - but I don’t. Another reason why today was exceptional (my mom came in and started cleaning up and better yet, friend pork chops. More importantly , offered me a drink. That’s why she the shit. I am not her man but she know how to motivate and keep and support one, even me as her son and my son as her grandson - that’s the shit.

I feel that a woman should be more than amenable to spending the night at my home and taking care of me, taking fat long dick and milking me all night if I need such to comfort me without . I feel that I should expect a back rub if she is in tune with me and appreciate and value what do.

So ladies I just want to say thank you for making me feel better, for making me feel that I don’t expect what is not earned and deserved. I mean so many men are fuck boy lame, cheating cant provide and foster constructive images for our family, which is my community. So thanks to you Keli for letting me know a man should expect for his woman” being there for him…supporting him…giving him props when he’s done good, but also giving constructive criticism when he does something out of line…I show him I love him by doing the little things.”

Thanks to you Tera for letting me know it is ok for a man to expect his woman to “compliment him where he is strong and supplement him where his is weak. And that you are a LOVER. I can be spontaneous, fun, and I have a sense of humor.... that you don’t mind making him “some collard greens, hot water cornbread, chops and homemade gravy on Sunday, burgers on the grill and baked beans on Monday...we might go out on Tuesday, but I can whip up some stuffed shells and garlic bread on Wednesday. Don't let Thursday roll around for some good fried chicken, fried corn, smashed potatoes and biscuits...or Friday we mellow out and order a pizza and have a nice glass of wine. Saturday, he might just want to wine and dine...or we can do a little all day bump & grind.”

Thank you Nina for letting me know its ok for me to expect my woman to do “all I can for him. I've come home dog dead tired and cooked for my partner, given excellent sex, and stuff."

Thanks Aunt Jackie for the honesty “how do I show my man I love him? same way as I was taught, f*ck and feed him. don't disrespect him in public, keep our shit private, work out our thing behind closed doors so we show a solid front when we leave the house, support him, listen to him, let him be a man and don't try to dominate or change him.”


Tia's Real Talk is saying “How do I love my man? By giving him all that he needs and some of what he wants. Think of him whenever I make a decision. Making sure he feels like a man at all times and never feels he is competing with me on who wears the pants. Reminding him often of how he makes me feel and how I appreciate him. Sometimes its in an email, text, picture or other married folk thangs. Knowing that men to need to vent and need a ear to just listen. Supporting all ideas even if I don't agree, and knowing the difference between the two And most of all making sure he wants to come home, and that home is a place he runs to and not from."

Blah Blah Blah, you represented too when you wrote “I do a million and one little things...and he can list them...right on down to the way I massage his shoulders without thinking about it, to letting him watch his bball while cooking and running in during half-time to suck his dick before the game comes back on, to remembering he has shirts in the cleaners and picking them up, to reading out loud to him from the Sunday paper as he cooks breakfast, to making sure I keep Italian ices in my freezer for his scooby snack after sex, to making sure I buy his favorite sheets in every color so he feels like he's floating when he sleeps, to making sure I've watched my ESPN to make sure our conversation flows...then letting him explain something to me even though I already know it...so it makes him feel like he has taught me something, to telling him I have no problem being the thunder to his lightening, and again...the list goes on.”

Veronica Wright (Hunnie), I see why your folk hugged up on you saying “.I would show a man that I love him by caring for him and doing the things that I know would please him. Being there just to be an ear if needed, rub his back, hot cooked food, give him good GOOOOOOOD lovin..lol, be the encourager and supporter of his goals/dreams/aspirations. Take the bad with the good, etc. Be....His....Help....Mate. Period.”

Lovebabz I can see you when you state “ I have shown my man that I loved him, by being a faithful and abiding wife. I have been generous in my spirit. I have greeted him with a smile and kind words. I have lovingly prepared meals and happily created a romantic space in which to express that love. There was no room for not showing love on my part. I happily choose to love the way that I do."

Ms. Ki, I can respect that to...”In showing a man that I love him. I pay attention to the little things. Cook his favorite food. Study up on the stats of his favorite team and athletes. Dedicate some time to the activities that he may enjoy that often fall on the backburner to the things I want to do.

Divine Perception, even better....”My man usually wants for nothing. I am not a mind reader so as long as he tells me what he wants/needs I act accordingly. There is a fine line, I will do what he asks most times as long as he is not taking me for granted. He also has to be willing to go out of his way for me as well.”

Brownsoul “ Now when it comes to showing love, well, there are obvious ways. But I don't consider that showing love as much as showing that I too am horny....My husband loves homecooked meals and when I'm feeling especially appreciative to have in my life and I want to show him that, I make an incredible meal for him complete with an after dessert foot rub.”

TheophaniaPaige ...“Feed him his favorite foods, do his hair, wash him, tell him how much he means to me and why I'm with him, etc. “

IVENTBYBLOGGING ...” I show my boo i love him by edifying-building him up. Telling him if he believe it he can achieve it, that I see greatness in him. I give him hand/arm & foot massages and watch him go to sleep. I tell him I love him everyday (even when I'd rather chew nails)...and I assure him with my words, that I'm not going anywhere. I encourage him in God...and tell him he will be the prophet, priest and king of our household when God brings us together as hubby/wife.....I also tell him I'm honored that God gave me him...an awesome gift that I will always treasure."

eve "I'd show him I loved him by hugging him, waiting up til late for him to get home, smiling at him, making stuff for him ..... "

yummy411 “showing my man that i love him? the little things, the sacrifice, putting my wants and needs aside to address his, making time for him in between the kids...love notes, phone calls, bringing home his favorite goodies."


Divine Blackness ...”Stand by him and let me know how much you love and appreciate him.”

How to show a man you don't love him.
Cut him off and move on with your life.

....I'm jus sayin'.

Professor...."...how do i show my man i love him? same way as i was taught, f*ck and feed him...THREE HOT AND A COT... don't disrespect him in public, keep our shit private, work out our thing behind closed doors so we show a solid front when we leave the house, support him, listen to him, let him be a man and don't try to dominate or change him..."

IntrospectiveGoddess ....“I show my man I love him by supporting him, listening to him and doing little things for him that he likes..like cooking little gifts and things”
professor "...how do i show my man i love him? same way as i was taught, f*ck and feed him...THREE HOT AND A COT... don't disrespect him in public, keep our shit private, work out our thing behind closed doors so we show a solid front when we leave the house, support him, listen to him, let him be a man and don't try to dominate or change him...

THE PRINCESS "CC" said...”I treat my man LIKE A KING, LITERALLY, what ever he wants, intimacy, emotionally, completely spoiled.”

So ladies, this post is to you who have restored my faith in feeling its ok for a man to desire what you say you offer, provide and give unconditionally. For I have no problem with providing, my momma always said give and ye shall receive, but she also said you can’t get blood from a turnip and that certain things are uncompromisable.

So I want to thank yawl for letting me know that you women know that saying you love someone is nothing – hat you show it. Thanks for being my Jesse Jackson (keeping my hopes alive) Thanks for letting me know that a few bad apples exist and that a real woman knows that a man that keeps a roof over their head, takes care of their children, keeps food in their stomach, pays for heir tuition and auto, who is here when they lock their keys in their car, kills bugs, takes out the trash, or who may even sacrifice having health insurance so they can have it, is something to be valued, respected appreciated, comforted, made love too and cherished – for so many men don’t. Thanks for letting me know to expect such is not unusual, for in the past I have been told such, even that black women don’t like sex, or a man that admits he desires comfort. Thanks for letting me know that I should not feel bad for believing I can go to my mate and tell her anything and expect her to listen and be there for me without saying whatever, or saying something is an argument because I say “no” or “I think”. Thanks for letting me know you see the 85 to 90 times I do things right, or is there for them, and that I try when I can’t that such is appreciated. thanks for letting me know that my work ethic and how hard I work to provide is worth a back rub or some head or some hot soup after I had major oral surgery.

Now I don’t feel bad for wishing I had someone to bring me soup when I got out of four hours of oral surgery; now I don’t feel bad for wishing I had someone to offer to and be waiting to rub my back after working hard all day; now I don’t feel bad for desiring someone to be there for me to depend on and lean on if I need such. Again, I am reassured, for I grew up playing chess along with other things, and if I could roll all of yawl into one incredible being, I’d close the game like Botvinnik used the French Defense.

u are the earth

The hardest job in the world, next to being committed to ones definition or view or belief in God is being a parent. Yep its tough. As such, I think that there is no greater love than the love one receives from their mother. Maybe I say this because I did not have a father in my life. Or maybe because what she showed me allowed for me to understand that it was ok for a man to be passionate, humble, confident and appreciative of all that he had even if they had nothing. I remember as a little child, in Castalia Heights (CTO), sitting at that red little table in that cramped little kitchen in that two bedroom apartment that my mother, her older sister and my grandmother and I lived in, eating what they called milktoast (toast with cinnamon and sugar with a little butter crunched up in a bowl of milk). She was the one who was most proud of me, not when i got my PHD but when she got me a set of encyclopedias when i was 11 and i read them from A to Z that summer. She taught me that if you wanted to hide something from a nigger, put it a book and that if i was a ditch digger, be the best, for they will always call Torrance to dig that ditch. No matter what or when, even until we moved to our house (all of us when I was four) between she and my grand mother, she made sure that I had what I needed to be secure and comfortable.

She was the one who brought me comic books everyday from work at St. Joseph Hospital as the only Black Chief dietician in the city of Memphis, and the first for a major hospital. She was the one who brought me test tubes and lab equipment from other black men who did such at the hospital and got them to let me sit in on their test and experiments when I was in grade school. She was the one who told me that they Brought Martin Luther King Jr to her hospital in a Wonder Bread truck so folks wouldn’t try to mutilate his body. It was these women who taught me how to treat and value a woman, even if they could not do the same - talking about character.

Yep, a mom’s love. You mother’s are the shit. You never place yourself or anything above your children and family. I would give yawl all flowers, so just take this pic of the Verbena growing in my yard as a token of my respect for you all - yep folk here grow flowers. No, you are not baby momma’s just as I am not a baby daddy. You give us the precious intricacies in a cellular form that become children. You bless us with the ability to maintain a pleasant disposition in torrid times. Yes you give us life for you are the Earth, just as mother nature is the earth

So I just wanted to take this chance to toast to you, my breakfast of champions, tequila with a shot of hot sauce in honor of yawl. I have got my mom and last grandmother living cards today. For me and my kids. I have gotten both of my kids mother cards and gifts, although my son’s mom has never given me a fathers day card nor Christmas gift since we went our separate ways, and my daughters mother would not even call me last year on fathers day to let her daughter wish me such while I was in Quebec City, Quebec. But that is neither here nor there for they gave me the greatest gifts any man can cherish. Which means I will be indebted to them always.

They do not dictate what is great and that which should be cherished buy one who came from a mother, no, such is concomitant of my heart and respect and appreciation for the gifts they gave me that hold and hug and kiss and laugh with me; that call me pappa. The are mother's an can never be worthy of anything less as such. So happy mother’s day (especially to momma, granny, Fallon, Sue, Aunt Cecelia, Aunt Trevor,my cousin Monique, my uncle's wife phylis, aunt joyce, grandma Pee wee, Momma-D, and Angie). I love you all.

never neglect anything u love

Today, i was just gonna post a part of chapetr 8 from my mos recently completed novel HER KISS WAS NEVER MIND. However I decided not to, and may post it Thursday or friday.

With that said, the heart, although vascular, reticular and muscular, is really a vacuous organ. Sure it transports blood and fills blood with oxygen, it doesn’t have any meaning outside of an anatomical and physiological compensation unless you allow other in or unless you are allowed inside of others hearts. I came to this conclusion while being a chief with my boy Smoove. For those of you who are unaware, I am leaving academia so that I can be a lot more lazy (yep, I know it is grammatically incorrect). Well really, I am going to do something I have been dreaming about for a while – open up a dog clothing boutique over on the East side of Atlanta in the old 4th ward, Edgewood district of the city. And out side of my little 3 pound black Chihuahua named famous (in picture), I want to use my boys small Terrier for my advertisment flyer and in news papers, of course panoplied in the couture I will be selling

He indicated to me that he had been neglecting his dog and that he needed to give him a bath, and also that he wished he would bark at folks when they came in the door like Famous did, instead of pissing on their shoes. I responded, well we can never neglect the things and people we love. He said it was profound and that he had to think about that and added, “That’s so true.”

Now that I think about it, I wasn’t trying to be prophetic or nothing, but it dawned on me that I never neglected anyone I loved. Neither family member, nor children, nor woman (when I had one) nor friend or pet. I always wanted to be there for them because I truly believe if I wasn’t they wouldn’t be there for me, or worse that I would loose them. I know sometimes you can be there for folks and the not be there for you. But that’s cool, cause then you will have the upper hand and can obviate them from your life. An action that will occur at their own offense. For it is true, they will learn, and that their neglect may have proffered such for “you never know what you have until it is gone. So folk, if you love something or someone dearly (cares, purses and shoes side), then do put in the work and never neglect that love, for it may evaporate. And even moreso, never be afraid to love or show it, saying it empty for love is a verb from where i sit, and can only be demonstrated by actions.

So I just wanted to share that from me to the reader today, before me and my little monster went outside to plant flowers and replant some plants on this cloudless 62-degree day in the A. Yep it is real important to me, because I only know how to love one way: that is completely and all in, or not at all.

If they do nothing 4 u, u are worth nothing to them

1] Im over Memphis Lost to UT, 2] We Ball in TN u see Vandy get up in that UT ass, & 3] i just love these lyrics "like you'll never see me again" by Alicia Keys. And sorry no pictures today.

Now life has bestowed its share of hardships upon me. In the past and recently, but I still preserver, never get down or depresses, focus on problem solving and move on. But there are things that I have learned in these periods of time that stay with me forever. One of them is that if you do for others, either at any time, or more importantly in their times of need, and they do nothing for you, either at anytime, or in your time of need.

I wish I could say such folks are selfish, but I can’t, for objectively I think they know they take and never give. Maybe it is a personal insecurity, or maybe they just have no home training. Whatever the case, they have expectations when you perform and it just amazes me how they do not imagine or see that others may not have similar expectations.

In the long term actions show value and worth. Just as words do at times, but only when they are grounded with actions. I speak from experience and such folks take on different auras. The strange thing is that they claim and act as if they are self sufficient and independent and don’t need the help or assistance of others. I have one friend who is my age, he is always claiming how he enjoys being single and having no kids and that he is independent, yet he stays with his parents, pays no bills and drives their other auto. The there is the woman I know, who claims she is independent, yet she can’t take care of herself, can’t pay her own bills to keep a roof over her head and depends on a man that she obviously doesn’t love to maintain her. She is the type that thinks about her weed habit over her children’s need for diapers or daycare. I consider both of the aforementioned my friends, but yet the instability in their lives that hey fail to ignore, doesn’t allow for me to expect anything from them except to ask for favors.

So for me, it is more important to cherish and show value to those that assist me in my times of need. No mater who they are. I want them to know they can call on me when their car breaks down, because they know I a dependable and a man of my word. I learned such from my parents and grandparents. Such folks, albeit are good people at heart, cannot put themselves in the shoes of others. They are so focused o their own little myopic square of the world that they forget, and worse, don’t know or have any understanding of carrying, sacrifice, respect or giving. These are foreign concepts for al they see is themselves that they have a trip to go on, or need new shoes, or want to go to the Hawks game. No, they don’t understand, that some folks live day-to-day worrying about how they will feed their families, or whether or not some lunatic with a bomb across their chest will pick to blow up beside them. They even laugh off such as being unrealistic. They would even get upset if you stopped doing or being there for them.

I just question why folks as such ask me why don’t I call them or answer their calls anymore. I do not desire to be rude, but I would hope hat they could look in the mirror for such answers. Or else I would reply, “why call you, when I speak with you, you fuss and complain about what you want or need, and what you do not have, not to mention what do you do for me? Nothing, which means not even in gesture or action, I am worth nothing to you.

he has a Coretta.

I was watching CSPAN when I suspect most folk were looking at the Democratic debates on CNN. I on the other hand was listening to a woman tout how “character counts.” Of a woman who acknowledged that things have occurred under the watch of both democratic and republican presidential administrations. She spoke of her mother in law. Of how she had to be naive and had to be a dreamer, for trying to raise a black male in the 60’s. She admitted her biases, since she confirmed her proud ness to be his wife, his woman. She acknowledged that she would be there for him, that she loved him even if he had nothing, for which she started out with, with him.

She spoke of his beauty and his sacrifice and new that they were blessed, for she saw a person who was willing to give up something for her and others. She said that in her household, “your word is your bond, that you treat people with decency and respect, that nothing was more important than ones commitment to their family and their community.

She said that was why she married him. She said that he was the first African American of the Harvard University Law Review. She said that it was not us, but rather those that keep raising the bar. She said that the only folks that are sacrificing in America now were in Iraq. She said that the rest of us had to shop and that we cant even se our blessings. Yea, folk. She was in Wilmington, Delaware, today and he got him a Coretta. And before I finished this essay, she said. They ask if he is tough enough to deal with the republicans.....she concluded, "look folk, we live in Chicago. 'Cause as she said, "most of us dont know the truth when we see it and most folks aint ready for the truth."