Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood

Wanted to have some fun today, so I regressed back to a time in my childhood after school when I rush home to look at Mr. Roger’s neighborhood, before I go and spend the rest of my time before dinner outside playing. Mr. Rogers was a cool cat. What I liked most about was that it was he who introduced me to the concept of pretend, or what he called make-believe. True, I did pretend and make believe before that, like when I was in trouble and would make believe I wasn’t, or would pretend that if I was, I could sleep it off. But he used to make believe we could go to a place just by riding a toy trolley. So in honor of my beloved satire, I’m finna pretend that I am taking Trolley and that when I get off I will be President of the United States. I am also gonna pretend that I am holding a press conference, here goes.

VOICE: Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States and His Press Secretary: Roulac.

PRESS SECRETARY: Good morning, as you know, the President has dramatic changes planned for the next four years. I will keep it brief; I just want to say that his first forms of legislation were penned last night and signed into law in the form of executive orders. I will read them. Executive order 150000 -Tell it like itis.

WHEREAS telecommunications is vital to the security and welfare of this Nation and to the conduct of its foreign affairs;

WHEREAS the radio spectrum is a critical natural resource which requires elective, efficient and prudent administration in the national interest;

NOW, THEREFORE, as President of the United States and Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces of the United States, and by virtue of the authority vested in me hereby established that all news commentators have to have their political affiliation on screen each time they speak; in addition, if they feel like it they can curse on air without reprimand.

The second is Executive Order 150001- We don’t get down like that. In summary, we have reinstated the rules of duels to settle all political disagreement in the house and senate. You all have received copies of these two Eos in your briefing packages. Now we will open the floor to questions. Yes, Bob.

BOB: We know that the president has not named a NSA director as of yet, any names and what’s the hold up?

PRESIDENT: Let me take that folk. I have decided that I will serve as NSA director and President. I feel that I will save the tax payer money as well as would be the best person for the job.

PRES SECRETARY: Yeas, Joan.

JOAN: We have heard reports that have been on the phone with top executives of Wall Street banks, what was the nature of those discussions?

PRESS SECRETARY: Well the president feels strongly that a lot of these people, albeit not criminals, are crooked. They requested an additional $200 billion in funds for support. I will read the presidents response to their request. “Suck my mother funkn dick.” Next question. Yes, in the back. Your name?

RICHARD: We have been told that the President is planning a trip to Iran. What is the nature of this trip, and does he plan to engage in direct talks with the current president of Iran?

PRESS SECRETARY: Well the President has requested that Iran stop all nuclear activities and allow a team of multi-national inspectors in to examine all nuclear facilities. However the President of Iran rejected this request, so the president challenged him to a chess match and a boxing match to settle all differences.

RICHARD: This is so unorthodox, isn’t this proposition risky?”

PRESIDENT: Not really, but I understand your concern. So I will ask for 25 good American to fly on Air force one with me to have my back. And albeit it is possible that he can whoop my azz, I don’t believe it. So we as gentlemen have decided to handle this in the old squared circle.

PRESS SECRETARY: This concludes today’s briefing – good day.

Yep, that would be how I would run this camp. Long Live satire.