Worthless Negro

On this gloomy and inclement day in Atlanta, it has just dawned on me that that I have joined the ranks of the worthless Negro. See, I do not expect everybody to understand what I mean. Some people will never know what I am experiencing now because they have never had to provide for themselves or their family or be the single care giver of a household; and may have others to shoulder their burden by protecting them from bills and the pressure of having to provide everything.

But me, there is rent/mortgages to pay, auto bills, daycare, tuition, putting clothes on my family’s back, keeping food in their stomachs and a roof over their heads with electric, phones, gas, and the water running. True, I still have lot coming in and I am a hard worker, but more is always a plus and needed.

See, I was taught that the measure of a man was how he provided and protected his family and how he takes care of his children. It is just that as a man, the only thing I was ever afraid of was not being able to adequately provide and protect my family.

Im writing this to remove the stress of the thought of not being a good provider, although homicide is a big killer of Africa American men, stress is the biggest and there is no bigger stressor than not being able to provide, this is why a loving and supporting home and family is essential.

No I am not depressed or hopeless, in fact the opposite, resolute, resilient and hopeful for the future. However, it is a fear that I have never had to face up front. I guess this would be the time one will be able to separate his real friends fro those that call themselves his friends, or a real woman from one that would call themselves your woman. Yep, this would be the time the ones who call themselves your friends will be no where to be found, and the one who calls herself your woman will leave with the kids to get back with a former lover.

But like I said, I am resolute and I have faith, its just that I feel and know what Willie Dee of the legendary Geto Boys fame meant when in the song “My mind playing tricks on Me”, what he said “I was scareder than a mother fucka”.