pre-k graduation

4

Lil Momma turned four this past Sunday. With all this drama with her female parental unit, I didn't know I would see here until last momment. So I trew a party for my Princess in 45 minutes. Enjoy

i want the pink one

A woman told me recently, you don’t mess with a daddy’s girl. It made me smile and the simper was so warm that folk here could have burnt the sun. I was hoping she was right and in my optimism got even warmer.

Maybe that why she is the way she is. Why she reaches out for me while in her mother’s embrace, or why when she sees me gazelle like, she jumps in my arms. Or why every times she pretends her phone rings she answers “Brain cell; or sit down with her toy laptop on her legs telling me she ordering dogfood too. Yep, maybe, in the rambunctious recalcitrance she gleams, I just smile and say yes or ok.

So I guess I got the best of both world, guess my sperm work like that. First Born is my number one son. Fellas, gotta get you one of them. Second born, baby girl, fellas you gotta get you one of them too.

Especially the latter, I mean the way she crawls on me, lays her head on my shoulder when she is my arms, even how she sleeps in my lap – can u say the bomb. And I really love it when she say “naw folk, we don’t get down like that” or “nothing jones” or “that’s my song.” So fellas, I don’t know what gives. I mean love your kids, I don’t care if they momma crazy or you crazy. Nurture that spirit which has originated from your loin for love sake, and make no excuse and let no obstacle get in your way for doing such.

Cause if u true, learn to live the love in the experience of buying your baby girl cupcakes with pink icing just because she say “I want the pink ones.” I guess money and the economy aint everything. vote

I want that daddy

Today I crossed the thresh hole of a new world. So staggering it was that it moved me to what I am about to state now. Originally I had toyed with a title called MALES VALENTINE DAY. It was basically a post for the ladies letting them know that for brothers, March Madness is our Valentine’s Day. And that on he start of this day, they should get their men a bottle or a six pack and some chicken wings, as he would Lily’s or pearls on Valentine’s day. Not that I am into ovation pronounced toward ye old Vicar saint, it was an idea I could likely drop a little satire in. But then I realized there were two such days when you add the super Bowl. And women get or should each day and ergo don’t need no nother holiday for them to get shit for free.

I suspect that given my predilection of lascivious activities, I know some of my readers may have their mind in the gutter from the title alone. So now I will apologize for it contains none of he sordid deeds this mind could make into reality.

You know I have a wonderful and adorable little girl. She is the age of parallel play and plain verbal communication. Now she talks, and wont let me even take a phone call with out saying “I wanna talk.” Then she got them Patty Label lungs too.

Walking into the kitchen to fix dinner, she walked over to the Pantry with her fuzzy pink bear house shoes, sliding her feet full of echo to the pantry and pointed. I looked but couldn’t find what she desired for each time I touched something she quickly shook her head and said “no” at the same time. Frustrated she got her stool, went to the back of the cereal box and said, “I want that daddy.”

I froze. First because it was not the cereal, but the picture of the toy on h back of the box; second, because she strategically laced daddy at the end. Now she calls me daddy and poppa. Daddy is the living and walking half monkey bar half chattel that she orders around. Poppa is just some dude she recognizes when I am in photograph form. Not to mention she uses daddy all the time, like by itself, or “daddy hungry too”, “daddy let’s go”, or the ubiquitous “my daddy, daddy mine.” But this time it was “I want that daddy.”

Everyman’s fear fell into my soul. I wondered if she would be able to say them magic words in the future, forever to get what ever she wanted from me? I looked at her and caught myself. I could only deal with now. She talks a mean game, but I took advantage of her inexperience and said no. That was close, I better get ready for the future.

get just released DIRT BEHIND MY EARS; ESSAYS AND SATIRE FROM THE DIRTY today

to whom it may concern:

NOTE: I wrote this last year when my son's school suspended him for defending himself after a white boy hit him. Didn't want to write on politics today so I found this. Hope u dont mind. And for the record, he was reinstated that day. The things they try and do to our young men. Fathers stand tall.

I am writing this letter in reference to the disturbance that my son (in picture) was alledgedly involved in on Wednesday, November 14, 2007. I am disconcerted given from my terse understanding of the situation and the resulting suspension of my son. More disheartening is the understanding that the white male youth was not suspended when he was involved as a "mutual combatant."

First is the recantation overheard by my son regarding the comparison of the participants in a monochromatic fashion, specifically the references of behaviors described as "black" and "white." I would hope that professionals such as you would not participate in the usage of stereotypical references that would suggest, "everyone knows black boys can fight." Or that the clothes one wears is indicative of being in "a gang."

Such a locution, I would remind you is similar to he disposition of those school administrators involved in the "Jena Six" situation. Albeit on a smaller scale, the white students involved were not suspended nor dismissed and the punishment was less sever than the young black men involved. I would have anticipated that professionalism would have proffered better judgment. I was informed that my son ran from the scene when in fact he walked to basketball practice as he does each day at that time. In addition, was informed that he was handcuffed, when neither he nor his associated resisted arrest. Lastly, I was informed that he was accosted verbally as t why he changed clothes, when it should be common knowledge that one changes clothes for basketball practice as well as football practice, which he also did regularly.

There is an additional concern regarding the LABELING of my son as being part of a gang and/or exhibiting "gang-like" behavior. I would like to know your definition of gang like given the courts have admitted that such definitions are broad and not exact enough to connote actual gang membership or participation in a gang. Four your information I have included four such definitions. Neither of the three apply to my son for he is not a criminal, nor an eloquent, nor had any social affiliation with the first youth who accosted the alleged victim.

1. A group of criminals or hoodlums who band together for mutual protection and profit.
2. A group of adolescents who band together, especially a group of delinquents.
3. Informal. A group of people who associate regularly on a social basis: The whole gang from the office went to a clambake.

An additional point of order regards the videotape. From my current understanding, I do not see the exercise of due diligence nor due process on your behalf. I understand it is the essence of your allegations, since only the words of the white youth were accepted as the truth. Again, I hope the stereotypical assertions of what a white person says when compared to a black person is always right. If such is the case, then it is an incessant extension of history fro Dred Scott, to Medgar Evers, to the Sccotsboro Boys and Emmitt Till who were convicted on the lies of white men just based on the fact they came from white people. Due diligence serves to confirm all material facts in investigation. Such would mean that you would look at the cell phone video and discern if it was complete or chopped or edited. If the first portion of the fight was not on the tape, according to you purview, they way in which the tape is being used against my son, then there is a chance the first fight did not occur. Then there is the issue of sequence. Was the tape in the sequences of events as described by the young man who asked my son "if he wanted some too?" And proceeded to hit him. The history of America dictates that Black men defend them selves from white men. I am certain you can understand why such is the case, regardless of the size of the individual. Due diligence means that you would know that my son has never been involved in a fight throughout his public school tenure. Can you say the same for the alleged victim? Or did you not investigate such before you made your presupposed judgment of guilt against my son.

As an infectious disease expert and a behavioral epidemiologist, I use a corpus of variables to come to conclusions regarding disease prevalence, vector concentration and tenable pandemic expectations. Not a single variable, nor the single word of a single material witness. I would advocate that you seek the truth in this mater and defer from your stereotypical purview of asserting that black youth, particularly males are always the perpetrators and their word can never be trusted.

Respectfully,

Torrance T. Stephens, PhD.

I have attached my CV for the record.

We turned two yesterday

We turned two yesterday. Not really me or my son, but my little princess. Nothing real major other than a few gifts and the ubiquitous cake and party at the daycare center of five kids. But still it was a special day, and our special things included to use what many would consider boring.

After getting my hair washed by a friend, I picked lil momma and the real party was on. With her, it began by assisting in the demolishing of a three-piece fish snack with fries and eventually passing out in the car seat on the way home. Yes, she is a true party animal. After a quick nap, we were out again to get her brother who was playing in his third baseball game in three nights. As usual at all the baseball games, she tries to follow her brother to the dug out but waits behind him, calling his name with her fingers through the fence. She has a ball at the baseball field and enjoys the games. She even points and says “Ba’’ball” when it is on television or at the park.

The game was ok; it was their third win in a row this week and ended with a final score of 12 to 1. My son had an error this game. But it happens, not to mention I told him it was Karma. See last week he was mad because he did not get the MVP trophy on his high school baseball team. They gave it to the senior, which they should have. He got the most outstanding offensive and defensive player trophies, in the ninth grade and that was 2 out of three. He had the errors I figured because he was complaining and was not humble.
But he knew it was her birthday too and he smiled and we got some chicken wings (40). Went home in celebration, without cake and watched San Antonio get up in some Cleveland ass. Yep a good day. Albeit i'm gonna waste some loot at Chucky Cheese Sunday, it was good day. It was like we all turned two years old.

Father Knows Best

What is the difference between a woman who was raised with a father in their lives versus a woman that had no such influence? I asked myself because as some of you may know, I am the father of a precious little piece of pound cake I named Chianti. In addition to that, I have been involved with a multitude of women and it just dawned on me that those that were the most turbulent and tumultuous were with women who had no fathers in their lives. Let me see if I can explain. My boys, all of which have little girls and I have all come to the general conclusion that our little girls will be alright just for the simple fact that they have active men in the form of fathers in their lives.

We all joke and say things off the cuff about this asserting that they will make fine wives because the look at football, or that they will not want to have some thug fuckboy for a man because they will expect more from a man and know what a man is supposed to be by having an active father.

So I assert that a girl who never sees such, will not know what a man is in character and action, and as such will not know what qualities she should look for and expect from a man and as a result will not know how to treat a man and sustain a meaningful relationship with one. All this is just philosophical conjecture on my part but I do think it has some merit. I mean if the role of a man is to provide, shelter and protect his family, and a man does such, a woman who has never learned that the aforementioned comprise a strong mate, will not know how to reward such actions, and may even complain about such qualities if she if fortunate to find such a person. In fact she may even over look such qualities and take them for granted. Or worse end up with a man that beats and disrespects here on the regular.

I am not saying that women don’t have a role in this – they do. For a girl raised seeing a loving and caring interaction between her mother and father will learn how mates reward each other and take care of each other needs. From a woman, they should learn how to treat a man and keep them happy. However, I feel that girls raised on households with just a mother, may not learn these lessons (just as boys without fathers). Being such, they will add to a more dysfunctional society by not knowing what defines a man, how to select a man, or even how to keep a man. Such people are and will be never satisfied with anything they see in their mate because they will not know what qualities merit respect, value and appreciation. For I woul;d not like her to grow up like the 14yr old girl Akon freaked on stage in. Well, at least the way I see it. But not my little girl, even I have to show or try to show her what a woman is.

State of the African American Father

Once, I was asked what being a father means to me. The question was asked of me one night before I was to leave on the overnight business trip the same night that Indiana and L.A. were playing game three of the NBA playoffs. I had never really thought about it before – probably because I knew that “IT” (fatherhood) was something that must be done rather than just thought about. And there was always something to do: to PTA meetings, taking my son to practice, ironing clothes, cooking meal and listening. What does it man to be a father? I mean it has to be a bit more than introducing a sperm cell to a precious ovum. It has to be more than seeing one’s child once or twice a week or month. What does it mean, and what is the state of fatherhood in our community? This was the question and I thought hard.

I thought hard about the fact that I was a single parent; I had been married, but it did not work out a result of unforeseen circumstances. But, mulling the questions of parenthood, I found it difficult to try to conceptualize something that I live; something so paramount and significant that words and thoughts can’t adequately depict its essence. It seems when you become a father – which is no less true for mothers – that you effectively begin a phase of having no social life. For the single father, this is mostly by choice, for you come to realize and internalize that there is no one thing or event more valuable than your children. I came to see that time really does fly by, and my infant son has become a little man with only one month until his eight birthday. I love cherish every moment of fatherhood, and I love having a son. For me being a father is responsibility that is earned with a combination of hardwork and effort, dedication and most importantly, love. It is an endless season in which summer, fall, winter and spring become one and the years often form a conglomerate book of memories and photographs.

Anthony T. Stringfield is CEO of the Living Room Media Group. an Oakland, California transplant, he has been in Atlanta for roughly nine years. “For me,” he says slowly, “I’ve been with little Tone for about 10 and a half years. Being a single parent for all that time has had its trials and tribulations for sure, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. When he came into the world, it just completely slowed my roll.” He says that his son is like a brother to him and that their relationships has steadily grow over the years. “His mother didn’t ever get involved in his life. She calls about twice a year, on Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it has not turned into any real experience for him. She being 3,000 miles away in France did not allow for him to have that access, that immediate access to her.

“Being a father means a lot to me,” Stringfield continues. “I would expect it too mean a lot to a lotta brothers out there. I want him to learn the streets, but at the same time, I don’t want him to earn the streets. Fatherhood slowed my life totally down.” Stringfield admitted that if it has not been for becoming a father, he would have probably ended up ubiquitously wither “dead or in jail”. Parenthood granted him something else that he needed: stability. “I guess God moved inside of me,” he says.

“It was really pride at first, but as pride turned into something that I thoughts was more than I could chew. But in the process, I realized that if I just took small bites, it wasn’t that hard,” Strinfield says. “And now since I am recently remarried, I can see how valuable the dual parent situation is. Looking back on it all, I say being father is a blessing that I would not trade for anything in the world. I wouldn’t trade the frowns for the smiles. Most definitely its been real.”
“My baby is like all the money in the world for me,” says Clarence Harris, founder of the check First Mortgage of Cincinnati, Ohio. “My wife and I had problems, so the doctors had to actually merge my sperm with her egg. It took about for or five attempts. Harris smiles as he continues. “The day I found out, I was in a car accident,” he says. “I was sitting there and all mad and she comes driving around the corner smiling and says she was pregnant. I cheered up immediately.”

He admits that he was hyped and that he “read a “hupla” articles and books” but that was short lived. “I figured that instincts would start to kick in because in all actuality I didn’t want to read a lot about white babies, because all of the books were written by white men,” he says. “I just figured being a man would make my father instincts come out.”

“When I found out I was about to be a father, I zoned, it was like I was thinking about names, him being a boy, what instruments he would play, how he would laugh and every thing else,” he recalls. But like most men staring down fatherhood, his attitude changed. Harris admits, “After I knew my wife was pregnant, I became concerned about her eating habits and everything. My wife worked practically right up until she gave birth, and I didn’t like that, knowing how hard we had been wanting children.


“Now my baby is one month old, he says with pride. “The biggest thing about the delivery was that I had never prepared to see something come out like me, round head and all, it was like looking at the mirror. I got here in my hands and forgot all about my wife.” He says that fatherhood based on his experiences could be broken down into one are: protection. Harris feels his job description with respect to his little girl is to provide support and protection for her forever.

These faces of fathers are often neglected in the real world with respect to media and the overall image of African American men. Let’s not forget; as the descendents of slaves were frequently removed from family responsibilities for the sake of profit by rapacious slave masters, brokers and merchants. Many young men like myself have inherited this sordid legacy, and never really knew or ere raide in households with their biological male parental units. Being basically inaccessible and/or available, we have managed to define being a father in a different perspective.

I will not blame history alone for these occurrences. Self-determination would have manifested another result if many fathers were steadfast in their belief of the family. And for the record most African American men were determined to preserve their families for we as people have survived conditions no one else has confronted. Therefore, it is not unusual when men are overlooked, as Harris was when he was at the hospital. The doctors and nurse always seemed to speak directly to his wife. “I had to straighten them out a few times and explain that the baby’s father is here and got just as an important part in this baby’s life as the baby’s mother does,” he says.

Many have viewed or felt this invisibility either first hand or vicariously. In all truth, church of the world in which we reside, through various news speak sources, purports consistently that men such as those speaking within this article and others such as myself do not exist. Often they talk about us, “black fathers” as if we were invisible. As if we were invisible. As if speaking of African American men as being fathers is taboo or politically incorrect. But the record is otherwise. We have demonstrated that we do exist and that is not because we are individuals. I coach both Little League baseball and basketball and see fathers all over the place, actively involved, from all walks of life.

To say it is troubling that we are often overlooked is an understatement. In our own communities, it seems as if we can only see ourselves. And we see ourselves often,. We see each other at MARTA stations, parks, PTA meetings,school plays and birthday parties. We seem to bon on site, exchanging looks and facial expressions tat only our kind can know. Marvin Davis, a native of Memphis, Tennessee, is that father of tow boys ages eight and five years old. Martin says being a father “is definitely a responsibility that I take strongly.” The business executive continues, “what I mean is that I see that as of now, I ma here to raise two black boys to not doubt themselves for any reason, economics, skin color or nothing.”



Davis reinforces his perspective by saying he is “trying to build string minds that can work and function in a structure and system designed to defeat them.” With all of the may roles he must play, he's says that he can definitely tell you want fatherhood is not. “It is not just bringing your check home and saying ‘I am clothing and feeding my kids.” He says that fathers help children to know that no matter what, there is and will be one main person that they can go to “who ain’t got no other motivations but to help them be better.”


So what is being a father about? I can’t really say, but these men have given us some food for thought. Being a father is a commitment. It is a commitment to supporting a family and working hard in spirit and time to make certain nothing will manifest that brings harm to ones seeds and they may grow, they may never develop or survive without consistent and compassionate care. Fathers, we salute you, for we truly know that we need no reward for what we do, either hand what we experience through daily interaction with our children.

Trick or Treat

Yo, I am a father. I have the greatest son any man could ask for and recently, I added a daughter to the fold – not like she a yearling or something, but rather my newest clan member. I love the both to death and I have fears for both as well, but the fears I have for my son are completely different and not as scary as those I have contrived to develop for my daughter. Namely because as a man, you can accept some things as being inevitable, in particular as an Africa American man. But my daughter, I am just afraid to think.

With the new focus of our individualistic culture, I am afraid that my daughter will value something other than herself as being the most important commodity she has. As it stands, with videos and music, women are nothing more than hoes. Even in the movies, television soaps we see the same imagery. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m the kind of man who liked hoes, tricks, freaks, and bitches and unfortunately, via my south Memphis up-bringing referred to them as such. Even in the understanding that I did not regard the women in my family (with the exception one cousin) as being this way.


Now with a daughter, I am scared. I am scared that she will turn out to be one of these women who defines a man by how much money he has, or more specifically, how much money he will spend on her. I am afraid that if a man offers here a few hundred dollars, or a purse, she will get on her knees and service him orally. I’m afraid that she may end up doing something and selecting a man that may result in her being in a porn movie or worse, dead along some remote rural highway. Dang, I never thought being a father was so hard, but when you have little girls, it’s an entirely different picture. I just hope she will not be a trick, but rather a treat. Guess her mother and I got a ot of work in front of us.