we no longer make that model

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to request a catalog for the woman of my dreams. I have looked high and low the regular way, but I figure it may be easier to get one via mail order catalogue. To make your selection easier, I would like for her to have the following characteristics:
1] I would like her to be able to accept me as I am and love me unconditionally.

2] I would like for her to open her heart and arms to me and my family with out question

3] I would like for her to be mine and only mine and appreciate me with every bit of passion her heart can muster

4] I would like for her to support me and be able to bring me up when I am down

5] I would like for her to do for me as I would for her

6] I would like for her to be faithful to me as I would to her and never cheat on me as I would never cheat on her

7] I’d like her to fix me neck-bones and hot water corn bread even if she didn’t eat pork because she knew I liked pork

8] I’d like her to want to desire me sedulously, amorously, and sexually every time she saw me

9] I’d like her not to be mean, evil, vile, and/or heinous.

10] I’d like for her to be strong, secure and optimistic about herself and what she brings to the table

11] When she calls on the telephone, I’d like for her to ask about me, and my day and not ask, need or want something all the time instead.

12] and doesn't complain saying that my penis is too large


This is all for now, if you need any additional information I can be reached at this address.


Response:

Dear Sir:

I regret to inform you that we no longer have that model in stock. In fact we no longer make those anymore. If you like we can send you a list of our money hungry, groupie selfish women. That’s all we have in stock.