Monday, April 24, 2006

Matri-Phoney

It seems that they don’t make people like they used to. I mean back in the day, it seemed as if when people spoke of marriage, it was sacred and meaningful. In current times however, such is not the case. I even had a friend , really several friends, all of which are women indicate that they believe that everybody cheats. I understand where they are coming from but I was kind of taken back. I can see cheating at the dating or boyfriend/girlfriend level, but not necessarily after a proposal, and engagement ring and the celebrated broom jumping.

I guess that in this age of being star struck and celebrity addictions, it can only be expected. Case in Point, Hoopz of Flava of Love allegedly is married and has a husband who plays professional basketball in Europe. Now check this out, over the past weekend, she was seen in Atlanta with the one T.I. Tip Harris at a club and restaurant – which I frequent often. Maybe I need to stop eating at the places I go too, but the strange thing was that a day or two before in the same joint, I saw T.I. with his woman, or what I thought was his Woman – Tiny, who is also his baby momma. And I admit the only reason I know such is via radio banter heard in the morning on the way to work in between the commercials on Sports Talk and NPR.

I just don’t understand why would someone take a vow of commitment to another and then and run off and cheat on them, if they are married, with a rapper. I guess she found a rapper she actually liked this time as opposed to Flav. Maybe all women in this new era see things the same, maybe it’s not cheating to them if it is a star and they are receiving gifts or money from that person. Whatever the case, men, these are some sure signs that marriage may not be for you, if your woman does the following: 1] Dreams of being an actress or dating someone famous – that means that if they get their chance, they will definitely sleep with them just to say they did – lol, 2] If you by her an engagement ring of two carets or more, yet she complains and ask for another engagement ring – that means that she just like rings and that marriage is secondary and marriage to you is even less important – lol. 3] She says she loves you all the time but in the same voice admits she is unhappy, for if one is unhappy regardless of what it is related to, they cannot love another and 4] she talks about being in video’s or wishes she was a video ho, even after reading Superheads book.


Now I’m not downing marriage or women. I believe in marriage and for me the commitment is a major one, for I have to make the commitment to myself first before my woman. In addition, I know that when a man digs out of his pocket for 4 or 5 stacks for a ring, there is not really much more he can do to show his intentions except jump the old broom. So ladies, please be reminded that marriage is sacred, and men, you remember the same, or else you may actually find out instead of a wife, you married a cheap trick.

30 comments:

Georgiapeach said...

Great post T!

I found myself yearning for the engagement ring more than the actual marriage plenty of times.

Emanuel Carpenter said...

Hey Torrance,

At a 50% divorce rate in America (probably higher in the entertainment world), it's obvious marriage is no longer a sacred institution. I think it goes much deeper than the desire of more material wealth, although that can play a part. Other factors for cheating include more or a better quality of sex, the need for intimacy, the desire to have children when a spouse cannot and the need to feel loved.

There was a time where many marriages were sacred and based on spiritual beliefs. Now it's pretty much a disposable committment where people already plan on getting divorced if the going gets rough or if something nicer comes along. The vows are now just lip service for most.

The main character in my novel "Where is the Love?" addresses the sancity of marriage when he's about to get married for the second time saying if marriage was this holy matrimony 'til death do us part then why was about to go through it all over again. Was the first committment just null and void?

I always say if you want to know how to keep a marriage lasting forever, ask a couple who has been married in what seems like forever instead of asking someone who is divorced and bitter or looking at entertainers as examples.

Peace,

Emanuel

Honey-Libra said...

I liked this post. It's so funny that so many people want to be loved and in relationships but can't seem to understand their vows...marriage is serious and when I finally take that step out on faith....trust me it's gonna be serious.

But the bling of the engagement right like peach said is what gets most of us lol

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

e-man, i know he starts on the first page of the book. have to write u a four star review.

Anonymous said...

Marriage is not just a word of a thing. It's taking two people who love eachother to another level. A lot of people do end up in divorce and it's sad, especailly if their are kids involved!

Anonymous said...

I think it refers to a gold digger rather than a women. My personal take on it. Yes marriage is not as sacred as it once was, not by any stretch of the imagination. However, I just don't agree with your reasons... I think it is more so because people "think" that is what they are supposed to do. So if that is what is expected of them they should at least good a nice size ring out of the deal. Just my 2 cents.

diamondcrusted_p said...

Marriage doesnt have the same values and sacredness of before...cultural and societal ills have influenced the lack of respect for marriage. I also HIGHLY recommend pre-marital counseling for couples before marrying...clear up all that baggage before commitment.

nekeidria said...

i must agree with diamondcrusted about having premarital counseling before jumpin the broom. not only to release baggage from previous relationships but to also gain an understanding of what marriage is. i have been married before and i know what does not belong in a marriage and what does...i was able to recognize my mistakes and also understand myself better as a person and what kind of wife i want to be. it also taught me that u cannot settle for anyone just because...and that God has to be the head over the entire marriage of it will break down...that is what society has completely forgotten about amongst the glitz and glamour of rings and dresses...if i had done that in my first marriage i most likely wouldnt have a) married him or b) waiting to get married again.

those are my five cents

Wildflower said...

Marriage is work, all of the time....and it takes more than love to keep a mariage...especially if you marry...for love..i know, sounds strange, but true, bc some of us equate the butterfly feelings, can't live without you love, touch you, feel you, with long lasting love...it's not...it is however lust, passion, and promise....to sustain such a high-fevered relationship is well...for most folks a fantasy....you can achieve love, lifelong love, but it will come at a cost, and mutual sacrifices for the good of the marraige...some may consider this to be unconditional love, a love not based on anyones perception, but of acceptance. Cheating exists and it exists because either one or more parties have decided that they are not getting what they want out of the relationship, and yet they still want to hold on to it, that's it, pure and simple. If they let go, they could be free to do whateva with whomeva, but at what costs...thats why people cheat, because they are not being honest with themselves, first off and secondly with their significant or not-so significant others. I've been cheated on and it hurts, i forgave, then i forgave again, and now, i'm divorcing....because hey, i get it...he's just not into me.

NegroPino™ said...

I believe all games should STOP once u say "I DO".....I know soem ppl that dont take theri vows seriously and give us single ppl wanting marriage a bad rep..but to some ppl marriage aint nothing but a piece of paper that says u are MRS________.

Melissa said...

Well I have to say that maybe it's like that for those with money...for me it was different. I met him when I was 18 married him when I was 22 and was with him for 22 years. And yes we have now been seperated for 6 months...but I can honestly say that we gave our marriage everything we had, through the good and the bad, and we fought for our marriage up until the very end. But we both agreed to move on and remain friends. I'll love that man until the day I die. He will alway be my best friend. I guess what I'm saying is now people don't value those important things in a relationship they value the money, jewels the big home.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

melissa - thatswhat im talking about

Miz JJ said...

Women aren't the only materialistic people in our society so calling them out for wanting a some bling rings (pun intended) false for me. Infidelity hurts black people. We need to stop the madness. Stop cheating. Stop covering up for a friend who is cheating. Stop turning a blind eye to cheaing. Just stop. I wish more black people would respect and love each other.

kutiepiekarla said...

A couple who prays together, will stay together, through the thick and thin, the better and the worse. They will learn to be each other's backbone,in the good and bad times. If you really love someone and both of you are ready to be committed to each other
for the rest of your lives, the size of the diamond ring will not be an issue, it will not determine how much he/she loves you. The love will show in everything that each of you do for each other

Bygbaby said...

I advocate shakin' before getting married. My momma always said, you never know ni@@a until you live with his a@@. My wife & I shacked for about year and a half before we tied the knot. I know this doe snot work for everybody but, you need to know what you are getting into...

Brea said...

FYI - the divorce rate is currently at roughly 50% b/c a second marriage is more likely to fail than the first. The rate for failed first marriages is actually much lower. That's a little ray of sunshine. I'm still very optimistic about getting married b/c I'm very selective and know it is going to be a lifelong committment requiring hard-work. I am still a romantic at heart and believe in true love.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

Awwwwww, matri-phony =( So sad. I posted about the good ole days of Ruby Dee and Ozzie, even of Will and Jada. I'm still holding on to days when love was true! Andre 3000 wants to know where all the good girls at? What club they be at? I wonder the same cause we see what's been going on in my life!
Tiny and T.I.- split. Hoopz and T.I- supposedly. Divorce rate in the U.S.- 51% and growing =(

The L said...

good post. i often find myself questioning the same thing. i am married and it seems like my husband and i are an endangered species, the american dream married, own a home 2 kids, 2 cars, lots of debt. what freaks we are!

Soulfull said...

I totally agree with you T and like "diamondcrusted_p" said pre-marital counseling is the way to go in this day and age....I'm still newly married (just celebrated 3 yrs in this month), but I've known/been with my husband since I was 15 and like every relationship, we have our moments, but like the vows go..til death do us part and to me, that's some serious shit. So I find it important to make everyday fresh and exciting even with 2 little men running around... Like "the I" said, "what freaks we are...LOL!

BashfulT said...

I think people should take both engagement and marriage more seriously, because once you are engage to someone you shouldn't have the desire to cheat on them. The person you are with should be the only person that deserves your concentration. Cheating on a marriage is just the ultimate sin, Just Don't Do It!

Nika Laqui said...

This is good. I always look at the marriages of today as business arrangements. Cause everyone cheats when they're married. I agree with cheating on a boyfriend/girlfriend level, however, once you marry a person that should be dead!

Ruminations of a Racial Realist said...

I even had a friend , really several friends, all of which are women indicate that they believe that everybody cheats. I understand where they are coming from but I was kind of taken back.

Every man does not cheat...I think it must be the kind of men they are going for - for me it's very easy to sense the kind of man who would cheat - and I simply avoid them!

simnicity said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
simnicity said...

Like Adele Givens' grandmother said...
We are in our last days!!!

Our values have been reduced to a smouldering pot of materialism and lust!!!

Society in general has lost the plot.

*simone launches a search party to find the aforementioned plot*

btw...That ring was purty!!

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