Thursday, May 18, 2006

why u wanna go and do that

I was talking to a friend yesterday while the basketball game was on. She indicated that she was having problems with a certain man she was dating. I was trying to pay attention to her but Detroit was loosing and I wanted them to win. She finally admitted that he was not the problem but that she was. The problem, which I didn’t consider a problem was that she was attracted to folks she saw on TV and in videos and craved them to the extent of actually trying to meet them. She told me that she had met one such person and that he propositioned her knowing that she had a man. I got of the phone and continued to think about this even after the Detroit loss. So I started to write.

At first I was gonna write today about Rush Limbaugh and some other rich folks (inclusive of the Kennedy’s) who do drugs, get caught and are slapped on the had – if that. But I decided to table that piece until another day.

It made me think of how many folks actually desired folks they saw just because they were famous or on television , video’s or movies? The strangest part was that she really loved her man but still felt that she was missing out on life since she could not be with someone famous.

Bun B said it right when he stated “movies got these folks fucked up in the mind.” Is it so bad that folks don’t respect anything about a relationship that they will proposition you knowing that you have a significant other, or are engaged or even married? And if a person decides to accept the proposition, how do they look at that person and do they think they are different such that they won’t turn around and do it again, when they are together? I just want to know what these folks be thinking. Personally, if a woman propositioned me, I would first think that if she did it once she would do it again and therefore wouldn’t be the kind of woman I would desire to date or be with. Next, I’d think that if I sacrificed my relationship that I had worked hard to maintain, I did not believe in it in the first place or that this person could never honor a relationship at all. So fellas and ladies what do u think is this fucked up or am I just an old school country boy who needs to move beyond wearing flip flops and socks and wife beaters? Or is the question of the day as T.I put it

“go and tell a nigga no wit an ass so fat
hey why u wanna go and do that love huh?....
and the relationship been faithful to a nigga so wack,
hey why u wanna go and do that love huh….?

Is this really how yall men feel? And would you women say yes?


chris said...

I don't think you are country at all or old fashioned. you have morals. people get enthralled with what they so on t.v. not realizing that it's not who the person is, they are just entertaining.

P said...


A very overwhelming subject.

This is no doubt, the reason why the romance-book industry has such an enormous following.

I liken it to how a person feels when they receive a love letter from someone who is 'locked up'.

They say all the right things and push all the right buttons, but this is not reality; it is fiction designed to give you a romanticized - often unrealistic view of what the real deal is.

This is a great post.

By the way, I hope that she should realize that if she wants a TV man, she very well better be an airbrushed TV/King Magazine/Maxim woman as well.


texasbeauty said...

I totally agree with you... Alot of women are caught up in the whole "famous" person thing and would drop their man or commit to infidelity due to a thrill.. but I personally would not do it if i was in a comitted relationship because that would defeat the purpose of "being in a relationship". But i know a whole lot of females who would.. lol Great post... there is so much on this topic!

i like liquor and tv said...

I've been propositioned by a famous face, and I REFUSED follow through. I would never hook up with a well known somebody I've seen on TV because I'd assume that he has a different women every day of the week. Plus I'd feel like a you never know when your name will come up in a song or stand up comedy

Emanuel Carpenter said...

That kind of shit don't happen too much here in Cleveland. People are more down to earth and not too caught up on celebs (not that there's that many here outside of Lebron and company.)

From what I hear, these women end up becoming used up groupies who regret making these types of choices. Ain't that what "Confessions of a Video Vixen" is supposed to be all about?

BTW, the Cavs got in that Detroit ass last night. I'm a Cavs fan first and Pistons fan second since I lived in both cities for about the same amount of time. I lived in Portland when Rasheed was there too. I ain't cheering for them though.

I'm not a nice Gurl said...

WEll I have neva been propositioned by a celeb.. so im not sure what kind of comment i can give.. i know i wouldnt do it.. my mind is so far from that game... but i do have a daughter and two boys.. and i consistently and constantly share my feelings about how folks make a living on tv... gotta be careful and educate the youngin... interesting post

BTW - I love what P had to say about tv folk and maxim females. Classic!

Stay up! R-

Mizrepresent said...

Been there..done that...buthat was back in the 80's...when i thought the only way to make it was to grab ahold of a baller...the truth of the matter is they are so overwhelmed with gorgeous women willing to do everything and anything...that the only thing they desire is the chase...learned that the hard way...but no regrets. Important lesson learned, if i can't get a baller, than, i would be the mission for more than a decade...most women seek out these kinds of men,thinking that just being seen with them, will make them into something they are not, will in fact make them the Cinderella of the's all fantasy...dealing with the famous, most often times means dealing with a whole lot of drama, ask Denzel's wife, or Isaiah Thomas's wife, or even young chase the man and his fame when what you really want is the fame yourself...then i say, get it for the damn thing, and the rest will follow...back in the day i had a taste for athletes and intellectuals...but now, a good man, respectful, independent, god loving, with a sense of humor and someone who is is actively working towards his dreams will do me just fine...but then again, i'm older and to the sista who dreams of being with the famous i say...follow your own dreams...

oh btw T- you would have been one of those intelletuals on my list for sure.

Rose said...

It always happen and it is flattering but I would never cross the line. I value my relationship too much and knows that what that person is after once they conquer, you are left feeling used and they satisfied. Not worth it....

Lisa said...

I've never propositioned a celebrity before but I was asked on a date by a professional football player,I had no idea who he was at the time.anyway I was with someone at the time and he was trying to hard to impress me.So it's not you I'm 25 and totally feel the same way.The thing is people truly don't respect commitments anymore.Now if I came across Will Demps what can I say lol.Nah If he had a girl I would totally respect that though.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

E man - dont remind me i got a half a stack on Detriot. Texas Beauty - are they women/men then if fame that is required for them to leave their sig. other...and please liquor - dont be in no comedy acts lol

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

miz....but do women find that type of man attractive and appealing? I suggest nope. "but now, a good man, respectful, independent, god loving, with a sense of humor and someone who is is actively working towards his dreams will do me just fine."

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said... u dont like intelectuals anymore - lol boo hoo

GC (God's Child) said...

your friend is crazy. She needs to stop watching so much tv.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

and she needs to learn to call when no game is on or in between commercials

nekeidria said...

personally im not attracted to those types of people anyway...i have way more of a realistic soul...i would constantly be badgered with questions like when is he coming home...who is he with...does he love me...shit its enough to worry about all that with a regular man..nevermind one that has women sitting in their hotel rooms...

lady friend needs to get a grip someone that superficial i couldnt even be a friend to...she would sell u out in a heartbeat...

knowing me i would probably go off on the celeb who propositioned me for mistaking me for a groupie or a freak


Emanuel Carpenter said...

Not to beat ya'll over the head with this but in my new novel "Where is the Love?" the female main character is faced with this same dilemma. Does she hook up with her college athlete boyfriend who is now a pro athlete making all kinds of loot? Or does she continue working on her 10-year, strained relationship with her bitter husband who refuses to give her children? Ya'll should definitely check out the book on, or hell, ask your local librarian.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

chk emans link on my page to get to his book under writwe friends

Anonymous said...

jammie fox is just like TI
"She's lookin' at me kinda hard, I can tell that things ain't right on the home front
What she really needs is a G like me to Beat a beat, beat it, beat it"

"I can see how you want it baby
Wish ya man wasn't here with ya baby
I can see (ha) curiosity (ha ha)
Gotcha wanna try me (ha ha)
Homeboy can't please ya (ha ha)
On this wall in the open baby"

i guess they only want other folks women instead of their own, but then again TI got Herpes I hear-lol, may as well be called typhid Tip Harris-lol


Mizrepresent said...

Oh no T, thats not true...i'm still attractive to intelletuals..why you think i'm reading you all the

and oh....those god loving men, dont' have to necessarily be boring...there are some god loving intellectuals, comedians, and b-boys with all the right equipment, romance and the like who will do me just fine...but ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that was just a dream.

The L said...

ok, first, tell your girl do not call, it is playoff time, better yet be like me answer the phone and say quick, "let me call you back when this game is over." if its a real life or death emergency they will say so, if not, they will wait for you to call back later.

i don't think you are off base or old fashioned about your thoughts on this one you are on the money. you might want to rethink that whole flip-flops with white socks and a wife beater outfit though! lol

s_j752 said...

I don't believe you're old fashioned at all. Your friend...I don't think it's the celebrity - the person. I think it's the fantasy they create by what they do (ie the character they played in that movie, the song they sang in that video, or even that interview they gave after that game). These things tend to resonate in people's lives.

"Entertainment" being the key word here. It is designed by nature to take us our of our reality, our mundane lives (where ever and whatever that may be - good or bad) to another world. I believe we get a little caught up in the entertainment. We are all guilty of it on some level and to some degree.

Case in point, I've been a HUGE Prince fan since I was 12 years old (39 now). When I was young, I had his posters hanging on my walls and bought everything the man released (video, tape, books, whatever). I'd sit in my room listening to his songs for hours, staring at his posters and analyzing every word and nuance of every song and wonder what it would be like to be a part of his inner circle. I'd think, "Wow, what would it be like if I could actually meet him?"

Today, I'm still a big fan; but of his music not the man. If I were to meet him today, I can say it would be with a different attitude than the one I had when I was 17 or even 22. I cannot honestly say that on any level, I ever wanted to sleep with him or that I wanted to throw myself at him. But nevertheless, the attitude now would be different.

Really the question is, why are there TV shows like "Entertainment Tonight" or magazines like the "Inquirer" sitting at every check out line at the grocery store recording every move these people make; printing and telling half truths about these people's lives? Why does the average person care? Wouldn't you say that your friend has this particular issue? Rather than see these people as people; flawed, imperfect humans with issues like the rest of us; she sees their lifestyles and the image they paint. She desires to be apart of it.

For some, sleeping with that celebrity will (in their minds) give them some connection with that fantasy. For others, it's just down right stalking. But in reality, it's no better than sleeping with some "joe blow" off the street. The comprimise of self respect is just as damaging.

These famous people are just that, people. The difference is they live their lives in a fish bowl. The world sees every thing they do. And like your friend, a significant number of them care; of that number, there are those who want to be apart of that world to escape their own mundane world. Unfortunately for some, they will do whatever it takes, sacrificing valuable things (ie friends, family, meaningful relationships) to get there.

Great post! Keep 'em coming.

Brownsoul said...

You know, I don't know what it is but people do have an obsession with celebrity!

I wouldn't cheat...regardless of who propositioned me. My thing is if I feel the need to be with someone else, then I need to be with someone else and not the guy I'm with.

But even more interesting, the whole celebrity thing aside, why don't people respect relationships period? It seems like a person is more appealing when they have a mate. One of my roommates in college seemed to have an affinity for guys who already had girlfriends, she would always act like she was so hurt to find out that they were off the if they had deceived her. But the real reason she was hurt was because she couldn't get them to cheat. One of her dreams, was to sleep with a married man. I never understood this and never understood why she thought that would make her the shit.

I'm sorry...I just took it to a whole different convo.

Anonymous said...

I think you shuld not try and go with anyone just because they are famous. You do not fall for someone because they are famous but because you are in love with them.

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