He had no game

Relationships and how we form them are an integral part of the human condition. In particular relationships between men and women and for the theologians among us may have been as such since the times of Adam and Eve. I was at the shop this past week as usual. My folk 12kyle stopped by and another associate who I have been trying to talk into starting her own business.

Some way or another the counselor in Kyle got her to discuss more in detail some of the issues she spoke about over wine regarding men and dating. In one voice she said that she was just seeing different people and didn’t desire a serious relationship. Yet at the same time she mentioned that she could not find a man that she wanted to be serious with. T made me think, so as I listened to her talk and recant of the men she had been going out with and meeting, one thing stood out. Especially about one gentlemen in which she said she didn’t like him because “he had no game.”

It just strikes me as odd when women would suggest that a man has no game when they complain that men tend to play games, in particular here in Atlanta. I informed her that I have no games and that all I do is put or place my persuasion on a woman minds to consider and think about. To me playing games is for Parker Brothers or Milton Bradley. She said that a man had to have game to get with her but in the same voice she was tired of playing games. These are two incongruent angles if you ask me. She added that in Atlanta there were 10 women to each man and that it was hard. I corrected her and said it depends on what you are looking for because I felt the woman to man ratio, excluding tricks and money hungry groupies was really 1 to 1.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that some women have expectations that exceed reality and may be at the same time inconsistent with the reality at hand. It is unthinkable for me to say I want a person that does not play games but yet gauge them on what type of game the have. Maybe this is why some women do not get the men they seek for they fail to recognize their actions in concert to both attracting and or pushing off a man. For we are really simple creatures. So if you flirt and query with respect why your love interest has no desire to be a part of your life – look in the mirror. If you desire a relationship bout attend to what the man can bring or doesn’t bring to the table – look at yourself in the mirror. If you desire a man you once had who no longer wants you – then look in the mirror. Attraction in the form of rocket science and quantum mechanics is science, not physical attraction, compromise and accepting people for whom and what they are as opposed to their deficiencies.

4 peanut butter

As many of you may know, family is essential and likely the most important part of my existence on this planet as a human being. As such, I have been blessed through action, word and deed to have amassed a corpus of advice, stimulation and knowledge from my relatives, in particular my elders, especially my grand parents.

As a single parent it is essential I feel to have a bond with others. As a man, I think this bond is maximized in a single dedicated relationship with a woman. Now true, I aint had one in a while and my disposition may evince otherwise but it remains true.

It in my mind is the greatest tandem, the most valuable partnership, especially if we walk side by side and act as if it is us against the world. For such a mutual disposition announces trust, honest and dependability first and foremost above all and promotes the family, collectively – hers and mine.

Now I know the man I am is not an individual accomplishment, but rather the accomplishment of not only the men in my family, but also my aunts, mother and grand mothers and even in the case on my first and only wife – her and her mother a sisters. It just seems today that finding women as such, women who would rather give than take, women who place the family over self, women who care more about the home than those that succumb to external, and often contradictory outside influences are a dying breed. Women that assisted to make me had no concern about what others thought, they did not think of themselves as an individual and such needs and desires as being more important than they mean – no they were not selfish. The thought of events as we as opposed to I and me or my.

I think that this is dead, for it is more important for some to think of their goals in isolation, albeit they may be dependent on a man, than the equity espoused as a union. It is as if what one would desire individually, does not even proffer thought in concert with another. I say this to give my folks, the women in my family props, for my grand mother said and told me a lot of things. One I have said before is “that if you a ditch digger, be the best ditch digger and they will always call Torrance to dig that ditch.” But another was about relationships and she would just say “for peanut butter.” Her logic was that if we had to eat peanut butter, I will be with my man for love is like that. Anything else will only destroy a relationship if it is not based on love. So I want a woman who can get down with “for peanut butter.” And given such, I have just two choices. 1] Wait and not be involved with women at all (which aint my nature) or 2] bone and disown until I find the one I want to keep for ever.

Why u lost your man

Point of order: This post is not about being dumped by a man, its about a woman or women who break up with a man and want to get back with them.

Okay, was gonna beat up Geither and his droogs today, but I digress. My folk called me and said she was up set, which is the impetus for this post. She said she asked her former man, ex, lover or whatever the dog tag was if they could work it out, you know get back together. Jones said no. I told her I agreed with him. She had indicated that he was always there for here and never lied or did anything to hurt or, or hit her.

Now this aint about the scum bag, wanna be thug fuck boys who don’t know to treat a woman like their daughter or mother, but regarding the men that represent as men. The men that provide, pay bills, pay for your car, put a rang on your finger and keep a roof over your head if they needed to and food in your stomach – yep we do exist folk. This is regarding the men who help their kids with home work and provide and take care of them without reservation. So if folk you lost wasn’t like that, well sorry – that wasn’t a man and herein could lay the problem. But that aside.

See many times, it is on you. You need to ask yourself what have you done for him. And I know many will say I am not in a position to do, as the man does, but that is beside the point. Ask yourself what can you do that is within your power. Many things men desire don’t cost money: dependability, being their when he may want or need you (the are different)

So some advice:

1] When something happens or go wrong, don’t always blame him. For some women this can become as ritualistic as cannibals in the caucuses. This means that you will all was blame before you evaluate – a def turn off to am real mutha fuca who doing what he say and walking the talk.

2] Remember that a man has needs and desires. So if yawl fucking and all of a sudden you obviate pussy privileges, don’t get mad cause folk don’t wanna kick it with you. We perceive such as a game – and tricks as games are for kids, we will get ghost and find a real woman. And don’t sleep it aint about the sex. Because if you started out not giving folk none, he wouldn’t trip. But changing the rules after half time is foul.

3] If you want folk back be real and true, admit your iniquities and most of all don’t WHINE or CRY. That’s what kids do. That’s the quickest way for a real jones to get ghost. We desire women. True women cry, but not because they can’t have their way – be with this particular dude, which that is. We look at crying as saying “damn he was good man, and I don’t want nobody but me to have him.” The is the essence and definition of selfish and most real folk don’t get down .like that. Not to mention, folk, if he gave up women to be with you, by this time he fucking a corpus of sum odd women – who don’t trip. Likely cause they had a real man and they miss him and have did some soul searching to say a good man in my bed, who makes me smile and feel like a woman is better than no man or a bich as n I double G a.

4] Do a self evaluation and write down the ten worse things you ever did to him over time. I’m certain that many could proffer a list over ten. When you do weight it against the likely bich shit you complained about to objectively evaluate the situation. Afterward ask yourself, if you sincerely apologized or attempted to for what you did. Real folk can see through pomp and circumstance and won’t tolerate and/or fall for the okie doke, for moon walking is for Usher and Michael Jackson. If your list is super foul chalk up your loses and look at it as if you were fishing – the one that got away. Chance if it is that foul you aint deserve folk and can’t be mad for folk feeling that you didn’t.

Now I could go on for days for I had a prior relationship with a woman and I wrote about it here. She keep asking or saying the aforementioned. But as my daughter would say – poppa don’t get down like that. That’s why you lost your man. Guess that’s why they say you don’t miss something until its gone. LMBAO

when independent is really single

Ok, I digress. This weekend is one of the holidays that I really could give a flying hoppergrass about Valentine’s Day. For one not into celebrating executions of a vicar under the reign of the Roman Emperor Claudius II and secondly, it seems to be more focused on selling a few cards, some flowers or a coupla few boxes of candy. Personal;ly I'd replace that holiday with March Madness If I had my way. With that said, I’m gonna talk about relationships based on my limited and personal understanding via my experiences.

First for us men, one word of advice own up to what we do and apologize. And don’t just apologize but mean it from your heart. For I know when I am wrong and that I am adult enough to apologize sincerely for what ever it is. From this I expect to move forward and grow. This is important for women to do as well. Now this is just the perspective of a man with respect to women, so don’t be commenting that “men do it too”, because this is not the nature of this essay. In fact it is because around the blogoverse, I have read so much about women problems with men, that I am doing this as a service to explain how we think.

But what I have learned is that some women do not listening to what a man is saying but more so how they are saying it. For it has been my experience that a considerable corpus of women have selective hearing. It is cool for me to listen, and I may not even say nothing, but sometimes the tone of discussion can be more that of yapping from a combative point of view. But the trick is that if I take this posture, then I am told that I find her intimidating, especially if I decide I do not want to deal with such and leave the situation. This lady's, playing the intimidation card is merely an excuse. Because in most cases, this is the result of issues from a prior relationship. I figure with a new man comes a new attitude. You can’t bring baggage in the past into a new relationship, especially if you are not trying to get to know me as my own person.

Another issue that women must confront if they desire to have a meaningful relationship with a man, is confusing being independent with being single. As an adult, you are supposed to take care of yourself, and be responsible. What I have found out is that they tend to be independent when they don’t have a man but it ends once they are in a relationship or in other words – no longer single. There is a difference and being independent seems to be more of an excuse, just like convincing ones self that men find them intimidating. I mean I don’t feel I am intimidating, but women often tell me I am. Has a man ever told you he found you intimidating? I doubt it, like I said, it is likely he just didn’t want to be with you and one has to get over it and deal with the rejection. Rejection should be a time for a person to evaluate oneself and not a time to make excuses.

I don’t want a woman in my face fussing and hollering in other words. I’m down with a discussion, but yelling at me for some reason is not a form of communication. Thus the importance of leaving the past in the past, in particular if it is based on another relationship.

The last thing I have learned is that communication is essential. Men will say what they mean as well as provide non verbal cues. We do not liked to be rushed into anything, let alone a relationship. As a result we will act accordingly. But even when we say such, it is as if what we desire at that point in time is relegated to being less than what the woman may desire. If I tell you I don’t want to be in a relationship, that we can date and be a friend. Never figured how a woman could make me her boyfriend or claim me with out me not desiring such and stating I don’t want a relationship. This will drive me away. If what I communicate is placed under what you communicate, there is no partnership, no growth and I’m ghost.

All I am saying is that we need to look inside of what we do, what we say if we want to sustain a meaningful relationship with another. Enjoy your candy and flowers and cards – just my two cents from this man, and i aint TD Jakes son-lol.

will u be ther in the am?

I will free your mind today, thought amnesty. u dont have to think - let me entertain u

Point of order: 1] Listening to Vikter Duplaix Nothing like Your Touch & 2] Sorry about being late to my own show, but I hit the sack early so forgive me.

Was thinking to myself last night, something I do rather frequently, and no, not about the economy or politics this time, but the penchant and desire I have for companionship. Yep the All-Mi-T desires companionship even in my coarse and often abrasive mannerisms. For I know there is nothing wrong for a man expressing love, desire or loving. So I was picturing what it was I think I wanted and imagined if I could put such in words, so here goes.

What I want are her lips, her hair, my fingers riding through her scalp at a relaxing pace. I want to savor the wildness of our relationship and make the best of what ever we have or will have – whatever that is or will be. Even if that means being able to do the Bachata if required such that I can be able to love you for you from your desire to write stories or books for children to the enjoyment you gather when I watch you paint your toes.

I want to take in your every caress and every ounce of wind you breathe. I want you to know and accept that I give love, that it will be and is unconditional and love all the way or not at all and that if I don’t receive what I expect, I will let it depart without question. I just want u to be funny, scholarly, astute, statuesque and assured, but not scared or frigid.

I have no consternation about saying, lil momma, I want you, and not just me channeled in your back. Albeit I must admit I like the way it feels when I cant go any farther inside of you and I feel like I cant get enough. What a sensation, your skin against mine with sweat. The juices that flow down the inside of my thigh – makes me talk to my self and say I cannot get enough. Nope, I cant. For I want to want your mind and your simper equally as you crave mine. I know I said five times but eight did not seem it was enough for you from what I felt I needed in a day. And you don’t mind, you just grind pelvic gyrations to my pubic bone – as I need you close, for of your spirit I cannot get enough. All I need to know is will you be there in the morning – for there should be nothing in the universe like her touch

She gotta give me my ax

My folk Soulstress has been requesting for some time that I do a post on relationships. I have been hesitant since my last one turned out the be the first episode of Friday the 13^th. I mean women aint like cereal boxes where you can read that they got bipolar first right under the calcium content. And seeing that such disdain manifest itself directed toward me in trying to keep my lil angel away from me as well as property damage and physical threats, when I pay her rent and car note and all else, I was trying to just focus on stacking some chump – thus the bevy of repetitive post on the economy. But with that said, I got to honor my folk since I perceive myself to be a man of honor.

If you read on the right side bar, have a quote by my folk Genghis Khan. I think along with MLK, Voltaire, Chekih Anta Diop and myself (of course) he is the truth. Thus I honor him as such. Now don’t get it twisted, there are others as powerful in thought and action I admire, but his quote seems to set the tone for how I think and what I post her more so than others

All I am saying is that women like Umph in a man as the Soulstress wrote in her last post, but from personal experience, I find when they get it, they really don’t want it. And based on my personal experiences, jones here done heard it all in the form of grievance and complaint. Women complain about my sex drive as well as the size of man hood as well as all else. I mean I meet women who say they like a smart man and say I'm too smart; or a man with street sense but say I shouldn’t carry a gat or my folk dangerous; or they like a man with a big dick but my dick too big; or that they like a family man but I spend too much time w my kids (they the shit); or worse, like a man who can cook but I’m trying to get them fat. Once, I had a woman call me a show off, cause I was speaking with some Nigerians in Igbo and next to them these folk from Senegal in Wolof at same time. All I have is my mind and my family u know, for real though. I believe relationships are give and take and sacrifice. I believe that the prior should be equitable and that someone should not label me as jealous because I think the family, the unit should come first. Or because I believe that there is no longer the I, my or me, but rather the us and we. I don’t ask for much but I give all, that’s just the way folk here get down.

So if you don’t want no Hannibal Baraca, or no Napoleon or not Genghis Khan, then all I say is don’t fuck with jones here mane. Cause truth be told I am a leader and don’t follow or take orders well, shit I don’t order well in restaurants. So if Genghis Khan or any of my folk rode by my camp and said or asked if I was ready to roll, you just give me my ax and have faith that Jones here the truth and that the truth will return and set you free and at the end of the night plant himself at the base of your wetness, wounded or not and let you feel jones here bend inside your back at the base of your spine. But yawl ladies dont hear me though. there is a difference between a man and a fk boy or bich azz n i double G a z. For on the real, yawl dont want no scholar warrior - dogon priest on bail. vote

Check Mate

Sidebar 1: Sorry about not posting what I said I was gone post. It was based on a discussion I had with this chap while eating a BLT. He said he hated all Muslims and Arabs and called them stupid and asked if I agreed. So yawl know me, it resulted in a post for I write what I feel and think regarding what ever is on my mind.

Sidebar 2: Emory University Emergency Rooms are the shit. They got PCs in each room. And I was able to surf the web while I was there. Went last night about 9 ish. Lil momma has been recovering from a yeast infection and was scratching herself real bad. So since I promised her mother I’d take her I did. And the best thing, they gave me some free stuff to put on her for that night and this morning – no more scratching. I was scared cause they said she had t sleep with no panties and all I could imagine was a wet bed – but she didn’t. I tried to call her mother and tell her and text and left messages that were at the ER. She did not respond. So I figured her phone was dead, or she didn’t have it. But I did expect her to call, I mean wherever she was I’m sure they had a landline or cell phone. We stopped by her place around 1150pm; I wanted to leave her so I could finish pricing stuff at the shop. She wasn’t in. Maybe I expect too much.

Side Bar 3: Thanks to the folks at Pimpin Pens for the banner hey made for me.

Sidebar 4: I wonder how many of the folks in China complained about stuff and never counted their blessings, and how they feel now, if they are any of he many who have lost family members and their homes and are sitting outside in he rain after the earth quake

Saturday was an exceptional day. Although folk teeth were giving him problems and I had no loot in my pocket, I still got my shipment of this De-wormer in the mail as well as met a few more dog owners in the area. It was the weekend of the Sweet Auburn Festival and as such, I wrapped a sign around my daughters neck saying “BUY MY PAPPA’s BOOKS” and proceeded to sale 6. But it was only expected given it was the day before the day that humbles all with the effervescent spirit of mothers. Then Sunday wasn’t bad either. Got the mom’s day gifts off, bought Lil momma’s mom breakfast on behalf of her and even gave her a bottle of wine, on a Sunday on Georgia when they don’t ale liquor and I aint got none (fingers crossed). Add to that my Lil cousin graduated for Tuskegee University today and my mom, grandma, step sister and Gip came in town too.

A very needed reprise seeing that I had two days of stacking more than 900 lbs of dog food. But I did want to keep my promise, and get to the food for thought proffered by query for from Riddle me this. I asked the question to make sure I was not out of my mind. See as a man, I feel that our primary job description is to provide and as such we see the majority of our job description to our family and significant other as to provide protect and offer safety. And i dont beat women either, unless you consider slangin a woman to the flor who came after me with a knife abuse (I could have taken the knife and slit her throat but the man in me couldn't do such).

It may be foul on my behalf but that is what I believe, and that there is no reason or room for any one to complain, bitch fuss and bicker if the aforementioned is taking care of. I mean if I keep a roof over your head, keep clothes on your back, the bills paid, you with health insurance and food in your stomach and don’t beat you, there is not a mutha fiuckin reason for one to complain - woman, son or daughter - or any one living under my roof or any roof I pay for. Some may suggest this is a control issue, I say no, albeit I understand we are in America and that he who pays makes the rules.

But me, it’s a little deeper than that. Im trying to keep holding up and keep all of the real in place but most folks seem to not be in the same real world that I am in, the one where a gallon of milk is the same price as the gallon of gas. I feel for my work and proficiency, I should have someone, even if it is just my kids, have dinner cooked, the dishes washed or even a back rub ready for me - but I don’t. Another reason why today was exceptional (my mom came in and started cleaning up and better yet, friend pork chops. More importantly , offered me a drink. That’s why she the shit. I am not her man but she know how to motivate and keep and support one, even me as her son and my son as her grandson - that’s the shit.

I feel that a woman should be more than amenable to spending the night at my home and taking care of me, taking fat long dick and milking me all night if I need such to comfort me without . I feel that I should expect a back rub if she is in tune with me and appreciate and value what do.

So ladies I just want to say thank you for making me feel better, for making me feel that I don’t expect what is not earned and deserved. I mean so many men are fuck boy lame, cheating cant provide and foster constructive images for our family, which is my community. So thanks to you Keli for letting me know a man should expect for his woman” being there for him…supporting him…giving him props when he’s done good, but also giving constructive criticism when he does something out of line…I show him I love him by doing the little things.”

Thanks to you Tera for letting me know it is ok for a man to expect his woman to “compliment him where he is strong and supplement him where his is weak. And that you are a LOVER. I can be spontaneous, fun, and I have a sense of humor.... that you don’t mind making him “some collard greens, hot water cornbread, chops and homemade gravy on Sunday, burgers on the grill and baked beans on Monday...we might go out on Tuesday, but I can whip up some stuffed shells and garlic bread on Wednesday. Don't let Thursday roll around for some good fried chicken, fried corn, smashed potatoes and biscuits...or Friday we mellow out and order a pizza and have a nice glass of wine. Saturday, he might just want to wine and dine...or we can do a little all day bump & grind.”

Thank you Nina for letting me know its ok for me to expect my woman to do “all I can for him. I've come home dog dead tired and cooked for my partner, given excellent sex, and stuff."

Thanks Aunt Jackie for the honesty “how do I show my man I love him? same way as I was taught, f*ck and feed him. don't disrespect him in public, keep our shit private, work out our thing behind closed doors so we show a solid front when we leave the house, support him, listen to him, let him be a man and don't try to dominate or change him.”


Tia's Real Talk is saying “How do I love my man? By giving him all that he needs and some of what he wants. Think of him whenever I make a decision. Making sure he feels like a man at all times and never feels he is competing with me on who wears the pants. Reminding him often of how he makes me feel and how I appreciate him. Sometimes its in an email, text, picture or other married folk thangs. Knowing that men to need to vent and need a ear to just listen. Supporting all ideas even if I don't agree, and knowing the difference between the two And most of all making sure he wants to come home, and that home is a place he runs to and not from."

Blah Blah Blah, you represented too when you wrote “I do a million and one little things...and he can list them...right on down to the way I massage his shoulders without thinking about it, to letting him watch his bball while cooking and running in during half-time to suck his dick before the game comes back on, to remembering he has shirts in the cleaners and picking them up, to reading out loud to him from the Sunday paper as he cooks breakfast, to making sure I keep Italian ices in my freezer for his scooby snack after sex, to making sure I buy his favorite sheets in every color so he feels like he's floating when he sleeps, to making sure I've watched my ESPN to make sure our conversation flows...then letting him explain something to me even though I already know it...so it makes him feel like he has taught me something, to telling him I have no problem being the thunder to his lightening, and again...the list goes on.”

Veronica Wright (Hunnie), I see why your folk hugged up on you saying “.I would show a man that I love him by caring for him and doing the things that I know would please him. Being there just to be an ear if needed, rub his back, hot cooked food, give him good GOOOOOOOD lovin..lol, be the encourager and supporter of his goals/dreams/aspirations. Take the bad with the good, etc. Be....His....Help....Mate. Period.”

Lovebabz I can see you when you state “ I have shown my man that I loved him, by being a faithful and abiding wife. I have been generous in my spirit. I have greeted him with a smile and kind words. I have lovingly prepared meals and happily created a romantic space in which to express that love. There was no room for not showing love on my part. I happily choose to love the way that I do."

Ms. Ki, I can respect that to...”In showing a man that I love him. I pay attention to the little things. Cook his favorite food. Study up on the stats of his favorite team and athletes. Dedicate some time to the activities that he may enjoy that often fall on the backburner to the things I want to do.

Divine Perception, even better....”My man usually wants for nothing. I am not a mind reader so as long as he tells me what he wants/needs I act accordingly. There is a fine line, I will do what he asks most times as long as he is not taking me for granted. He also has to be willing to go out of his way for me as well.”

Brownsoul “ Now when it comes to showing love, well, there are obvious ways. But I don't consider that showing love as much as showing that I too am horny....My husband loves homecooked meals and when I'm feeling especially appreciative to have in my life and I want to show him that, I make an incredible meal for him complete with an after dessert foot rub.”

TheophaniaPaige ...“Feed him his favorite foods, do his hair, wash him, tell him how much he means to me and why I'm with him, etc. “

IVENTBYBLOGGING ...” I show my boo i love him by edifying-building him up. Telling him if he believe it he can achieve it, that I see greatness in him. I give him hand/arm & foot massages and watch him go to sleep. I tell him I love him everyday (even when I'd rather chew nails)...and I assure him with my words, that I'm not going anywhere. I encourage him in God...and tell him he will be the prophet, priest and king of our household when God brings us together as hubby/wife.....I also tell him I'm honored that God gave me him...an awesome gift that I will always treasure."

eve "I'd show him I loved him by hugging him, waiting up til late for him to get home, smiling at him, making stuff for him ..... "

yummy411 “showing my man that i love him? the little things, the sacrifice, putting my wants and needs aside to address his, making time for him in between the kids...love notes, phone calls, bringing home his favorite goodies."


Divine Blackness ...”Stand by him and let me know how much you love and appreciate him.”

How to show a man you don't love him.
Cut him off and move on with your life.

....I'm jus sayin'.

Professor...."...how do i show my man i love him? same way as i was taught, f*ck and feed him...THREE HOT AND A COT... don't disrespect him in public, keep our shit private, work out our thing behind closed doors so we show a solid front when we leave the house, support him, listen to him, let him be a man and don't try to dominate or change him..."

IntrospectiveGoddess ....“I show my man I love him by supporting him, listening to him and doing little things for him that he likes..like cooking little gifts and things”
professor "...how do i show my man i love him? same way as i was taught, f*ck and feed him...THREE HOT AND A COT... don't disrespect him in public, keep our shit private, work out our thing behind closed doors so we show a solid front when we leave the house, support him, listen to him, let him be a man and don't try to dominate or change him...

THE PRINCESS "CC" said...”I treat my man LIKE A KING, LITERALLY, what ever he wants, intimacy, emotionally, completely spoiled.”

So ladies, this post is to you who have restored my faith in feeling its ok for a man to desire what you say you offer, provide and give unconditionally. For I have no problem with providing, my momma always said give and ye shall receive, but she also said you can’t get blood from a turnip and that certain things are uncompromisable.

So I want to thank yawl for letting me know that you women know that saying you love someone is nothing – hat you show it. Thanks for being my Jesse Jackson (keeping my hopes alive) Thanks for letting me know that a few bad apples exist and that a real woman knows that a man that keeps a roof over their head, takes care of their children, keeps food in their stomach, pays for heir tuition and auto, who is here when they lock their keys in their car, kills bugs, takes out the trash, or who may even sacrifice having health insurance so they can have it, is something to be valued, respected appreciated, comforted, made love too and cherished – for so many men don’t. Thanks for letting me know to expect such is not unusual, for in the past I have been told such, even that black women don’t like sex, or a man that admits he desires comfort. Thanks for letting me know that I should not feel bad for believing I can go to my mate and tell her anything and expect her to listen and be there for me without saying whatever, or saying something is an argument because I say “no” or “I think”. Thanks for letting me know you see the 85 to 90 times I do things right, or is there for them, and that I try when I can’t that such is appreciated. thanks for letting me know that my work ethic and how hard I work to provide is worth a back rub or some head or some hot soup after I had major oral surgery.

Now I don’t feel bad for wishing I had someone to bring me soup when I got out of four hours of oral surgery; now I don’t feel bad for wishing I had someone to offer to and be waiting to rub my back after working hard all day; now I don’t feel bad for desiring someone to be there for me to depend on and lean on if I need such. Again, I am reassured, for I grew up playing chess along with other things, and if I could roll all of yawl into one incredible being, I’d close the game like Botvinnik used the French Defense.

Do Right, All Day woman

Wanted to thank yawl who dropped me an accolade or two regarding my 400th post. I also want to add I love the way yawl think. Although I was torn between bashing on Lewis and Clark again (did so 2 years ago in a post) and writing on how they are experimenting on black folks again in Baltimore by dropping sewage sludge in their yards without permission (2morrows post). Instead, I was motivated by yawl, in particular MrsGrapevine, Q, Sista GP, FatLady, Aunt Jackie, the Princess CC and msladydeborah to present what I desire since im not a prince charming (and thanks to all who observed that I am a King).

MrsGrapevine asserted that men do not have such because we “have beauty queen contestants, models, video "vixens", Martha Stewart, and all these fake.” I agree completely, but still I had never searched for a perfect mate ever, only a woman that made my heart boil - albeit i have a penchant for commitment. So I started to think. I do recall that as I child I only desired a woman in terms of occupation. In fact up until jr. high, I stilled wanted her to be a super hero. From as far I can recant, from early childhood, I also desired for my mate to be a scientist, so we could explore and blow-up shit together in bliss. I too gave that up.

But up until I read the comments to this post, I had never thought about describing or labeling the perfect mate for me. So via soul searching, I have decided to describe her in accordance with one of my favorite songs by Aretha Franklin. Yep, I want a Do Right All Day Woman.

I mean, since women (or men) aint like cereal boxes where you can read what you getting with each serving before you buy it, I think that title suits the woman I desire. I think in some form or fashion, from Lolita Smith (5th grade) to Yodi and Monique Williams, to my son’s Mom and Fallon, all of these women had great qualities and bad ones - just as I do. That’s what made them special to me. None were complete and I didn’t expect them to be. I expected and understood that relationships were a growing deal and that they required hard work and maintaining like an old house or car.

To me a Do Right All Day woman is a person you can depend on, a friend first and a staunch critique of you as an individual. They want to maximize the utility of your performance. They care about you and things you love as you do. They are dependable and will love your kids and family as their own. They don’t take no mess when it comes to their man and family. In addition, she never makes excuses for what she does or did not do. A Do right all day woman is a hard worker, doesn’t expect handouts, cherishes each day of her life and is committed to WE and never is selfish or look at herself as me, I or my. They are faithful, honest and more importantly unconditional in giving and accepting love for they know they are earth, the givers of life and the true queen that a man would desire as a mother, wife, lover, sister or friend.

Now I know I still have some standards that may not be available on today’s market, and leg-blocking still remains a no no in my book. But in short, ladies you are right and wrong, I want a do right all day woman, cause im a do right all night man.

i aint no prince charming (post # 400)

No Boring ass politics today from this diabolic mind, just a simply query. I have always wondered where the knight in shining armor, for lack of a better phrase, the “prince charming syndrome came or originated from. Sure, I know about fairy tales and Sleeping Beauty, but when did such transpose itself to real life? You never hear folk talking about Frankenstein in real life, so why this particular fairy tale? I mean it is specifically designed for women.

I know men have their dreams of the perfect mate, however, we are not raised to look for a princess charming, nor are we raised to seek the ubiquitous doctor or Lawyer for a mate; or as it is nowadays, a rapper, professional athlete or movie star.

I think this syndrom does noting for positive relationships. In fact it does the opposite, it places fictitious standards on real life such that many are blinded by ones accomplishments and material attainment more so than the character, integrity of actual substance of the man - which in all actually define a man.

Personally, I can cut the Prince charming cake. I have meet women who were more enamored with me having a PhD than the person I attempt to be. The problem most women I meet is that they thing Jones here is a regular mutha fucka. But I aint, I consider myself the truth. Many say they like a man with family values or a family man but will turn around and say that you spend too much time with your kids. Others will say they like a man who is well endowed in the manhood department, but will complain and say that one is too big. They may say the like a man with some street acumen but suggest the folk you hang with - your friends, are too dangerous. Or worse, that they like a man who can cook, but indicate that you are trying to get them fat. So what gives?

Again like I said just a simple query. If there is a woman that desires me to be her prince charming, they better go else where for I am not prince charming, I am Torrance Stephens, a man, and more importantly, a human being.

a penchant 4 commitment

Not saying that i am looking for one (u never find when u look,it just happens) but I would like to have a committed relationship. I don't know what one is perse, but I would hope it would entail being with a person that had the same mutual respect and admiration for me as I did them. It is just difficult. Unfortunately, I have been told and have come to the conclusion that I intimidate women - yep, nice old me.

True, i have my iniquities and I'm not the most attractive mother fucka or smartest person in the world, but my kindness and unconditional positive regard for others, especially my children and family or a significant other can't be matched. I just know what I aint, and as of yet, i have not been able to locate it. That someone, that special person that would be willing to share my spirit late at night, after work even when they get off. A person that when they would call, they would want to hear my voice and not call just to ask for something or because they needed something. A person that would be willing to hold me and share my bed regardless of where I lived, or what type of pillows I had, or any other superficial and nonsensical excuse. For such woman is the type that will try and kiss u and have a date planned with anotha jones the next night and folk here dont get down with that. Couldnt begin to imagine im in a commited relationship and i'm taking other dames out for food an drinks. First i's disrespectful and second no sister would stand for such.

I want someone that I don't mind giving my last dime to, the same way I would for my children and someone that woud do the same for me. I want them to trust and know that my word would be reflected in my actions toward them and the would know that mere words would not be indicative of love or affection or amorous consideration.

I do know that for me, it would mean having a person in my life that would do anything for me and would appreciate or value that I would do he same for them. I would want them to know that my money and my food was theirs and would hope they would reflect the same reciprocity towards me. I would never give them lip service or lie, for I would hold a person in disdain that did such to me. To them i would be faithful, sincere and honer them with my heart and life. I would like them to have the security in know that if they were cold, that I would shelter them, or put clothes on their back. If they needed a ride to he store or a place to lay their head, then I would wan them to know that my vehicle was theirs and that my bed was as well. I would want to feel as if I could come and see or stay or spend time with them anytime I want and would hope to have the same offering. More so, I would want them to accept my love and dedication as my children do.

I would also want t be able to depend on them and to know the would be there or me as would them. Yep, for me being in a committed relationship would involve the act of binding yourself (intellectually, emotionally and spiritually) to a course of action; or an act to maintain a charge or trust.

I don't desire fantasy or illusion but rather all that would encompass being in a long-term relationships. I need for her to know that love is not wonderful, easy, or effortless. This means that we would have to work to maximizing similarities and minimizing differences. I don't need for anyone to take care of me, but I would want her to desire to feel that she wanted to take care of me. She would need to understand that we will never always agree, nor will we always disagree on anything'. She as well as I would understand that what is real is not always beautiful and that we would not be immune to struggle. She would understand that I would feel and be able to tell her anything without ridicule or being defensive and that I would accommodate her in the same manner

We would both know, being in a committed relationship, that taking responsibility for one's part in conflict and in lack of satisfaction is mandatory. and in the long run, know that accept her as she is if she is wiling to grow, and that I would anticipate that she would do the same. This would me when I told them I loved them, that I would only tell them and n other and that I would expect the same. If I told such to any woman, then I could not love them. It is not a word to be thrown around and told to each and every person just because they do something or buy something for you.

If i cant have the aforementioned, then I don't think a person is worthy of what I have to offer - my love my smile nor my laugh. You tell me what a committed relationship is for I have never been apart of one, and can't tolerate people who say they will do anything for you, but instead, do not, don't do what the say or keep their word, and worse, only take and never give. Such would mean that they could lean on me, but I could not lean on them; and that what was mine was theirs, but theirs not mine, meaning they would not be my partner or in a relationship, let alone a committed one with me.

expectations and concessions

Before I settle down again, as a man, I need to do some soul searching. I mean when life takes you for a ride, its nice to have someone by your side. So I figure expectations and concessions are important. So if I’m looking for such to be a two way street and a partnership, have to put it on the table what I expect. This is some of what i expect - sorry just being honest.


I expect her to fix my plate for dinner without asking and know what I want on that plate

She got to accept my mind and me.

She has to sense when 'm down and need support, comfort and encouragement

That a relationship is like a job and requires work

She has to desire my touch, my embrace and my caress and accept and reciprocate unconditionally

She must understand the concept of partnership, of teamwork and that the family and not the individual comes first.

If I buy her sexy Fredrick’s or Victoria Secrets Draws and bra’s, then I should be the first and only one to see her in them, preferably at the door when I come in from work or whatever.

She will value my family and limited material possessions if the value I gave them were her own.

She must love and respect my children as she loves and respects me.

She will not take my providing for my family and work ethic for granted; she will maintain me for she will know my family depends on my work ethic.

She will not place anyone over her family or me and will show in actions that we come first.

She will desire to kiss my lips, my neck, nipples and the rest of my body like desert that seems to never quench her thirst.

She will love and crave my sex.

She will not serve me tofu.

I probably got some more but this is a start to my personal soul searching.

seduction or sincerity

Need I not remind the good folks in cyberville that it is football season. Waiting on it to start up again after the Super Bowl ended made me understand what it must feel like to be a crack head. Being as such, it means no more interest in going out on a Friday night and no more lounging around trying to figure out what to watch on the cathode ray tube. Now, I am back in heaven.

One thing about football is that it is somewhat like the barbershop for men. All we do is beverage, laugh, eat and talk, and of course, attend to our kids if they are around. This Thursday, I was surprised to see a game on and went crazy. I had some of my folks over also. Through the midst of our over zealous excitement, we struck up one of those barbershop topics.

My boy was talking about lessons learned in dating women and said, “You know the difference that I have noticed between dating younger women is one of seduction versus sincerity.” He went on to say that, younger women are attracted to seduction, that they like the chase and the game and for a man to spit that game in their ears - that they love the flash, the glitz and the glamour – the rims, the cars and the jewelry. On the other hand, he said older women lean toward sincerity. Meaning, that their desire in a man with respect to satisfaction, regards having a man that is not deceitful, a man that is genuine, honesty, open and truthful. He finished by saying that what we as men desire, is a woman that is some where in the middle.

I thought about this during half time, and it made sense. Unfortunately, I could not dwell on it long, because I had to make a beer run and be back before kick off. You tell me, what do u think?

"It’s just a got dam myspace page

Nigga”. That’s what I was telling my folk. Putting a lot more into it than should be allocated in the first place. It also questioned me to wonder about their reading level, or their reading anything with words, web page included completely.

What is it about us that would relegate the albeit and omnipotent to a web page? Sure I love my blog, and writing but pomp and circumstance aside, it is not that important. I mean i check my fantasy sports and stockes every day but thats another apple. I write because I write. I love it, I don’t particularly care for the web, although I use it and am proficient on Mandrake and red hat (Linux), java, html and xtml. That’s not the point. The point is for anyone to accost me verbally on what’s on a web page or whatis not is a fool.

What am speaking of, u ask. Well for starters, I don’t have any fancy background. It aint that much, in fact myspace to me is boring so my page reflects such – pictures of my books, white background, link to my blog, some esoteric truths (note I not say information about me for I have learned such can be lies easily). No I don’t up date it regularly like my blog nor do I read the notes/comments people write daily. I just accept invites from whomever without discrimination and eventually post my blog widget that it took me 3 days to write.

I check it weekly and that in itself should show its importance in my life in concert with work, my family and my writing. I can say a page can tell something about a person, how they write, their favorite songs, movies and TV shows and who are important to them. The mention those that are important, they show them; they venerate third relationships with them. So there may be some benefits myspace. I mean you can let those you love know you love them openly, but in general terms, its just another superficial way to say i am this. Me, I’d rather use it like a nigga in Amerikka, like I’m selling my product – my books and me.

ps been hiating - back with a vengence

it is easy to love

Since the fourth of July is coming up, I was initially gonna post Fredrick Douglas Speech he made on July 4, 1853 in Rochester, New York. However, since I know the folks who have read my blog may have as I have, read it an inordinate amount of times, I decided to write about what I heard in church on Sunday – not that I go all the time but I do listen.

The pastor spoke of two things that stuck out. The first was it is easy to love and the second dealt with passion and commitment. He said it was easy to love and in another voice said but to do so, requires passion. He defined passion as an extreme emotional desire for something. He also said that passion was the trait of being intensely emotional and that such was a good thing. Not purses, shoes, weed, or sports, but factors that tend to the heart. He said without passion, they can never be commitment. For commitment is the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action. It is the act of dedicating or the state of being dedicated and an ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle. Without neither, one cannot love anyone or anything.

It made me think. It is easy to love, however, one cannot love just by saying such. One cannot love if they do not have love for them selves or if their heart is divided. For it requires an individual commitment to the object and individual that love is towards. If the heart is divided, especially for people in the commitment of a relationship, the there will never be any love and thus there is no relationship. For with out passion, one cannot love for they cannot miss, or feel or suffer from the lack of, or commit themselves to another person. To say so without action is a farce.

I only went to church because I told my daughter’s grandmother that I would take her sometimes. I’m glad I went and listened to what I practiced in my actions daily and all the time.

Beauty but No Substance

For those of you who read my blog on the regular, you should have learned a few things about me. First is that my family comes first. Also, that I am an old school Memphis Mac, I love writing and making music, women, got an IQ way over 150, that I’m working with a lot of something (u make the call) and that I am a simple country boy. This past week I was in Bethesda making a presentation to the National Institutes of Health on my infectious disease prevention work in prisons in South Africa. I was there with about 25 or so other scientist from around the world who are doing work in the country and were also funded by NIH.

One of the people there gave a presentation on their work, which was also on correctional populations. His slides were beautiful, the colors were vivid and his statistical presentation of the data seemed appropriate. However, when he neared the end of his presentation, he concluded, “participants with low levels of impulse control were six times more likely to be incarcerated and therefore, impulse control is a major factor in incarceration.” Me being a supposed expert in the area, and concerned regarding his implication that mental deficits account for incarceration more than any other factor, asked him a question at the end of his presentation: “Did you discern how much of the variation in self reported impulse control was a function of education, or race, or proximity to living in urban areas given increased penalty enhancements for conducting a criminal act in a drug free zone for example?”

His answer was “No.”

“Well how can you assert such? Doing such is almost Sir Francis Galton like.”

I was told by my grandmother and have heard other say that “Beauty is only skin deep.” Meaning that what is on the surface is not important, but rather what is on the inside. It is what is on the inside that makes one beautiful. It is what is inside that reflects integrity, responsibility, commitment, value respect and passion. Moreover, it is what is inside that makes one reflect such in acts of kindness and positive unconditional regard to others. Otherwise, one can be the most attractive or beautiful person in looks and external features but uglier than a motherfucker on the inside and reflect such in the way they treat people.

I am glad I had the chance to ask him about his presentation. For if I did not, people would have just said how great it was and how good it looked, and how well put together it was. His findings were useless without the substance attached to plausible explination. Underneath it all, it was ugly for he tried to assert that factors related to ones mental state were the most significant variables of all when it comes to individuals being incarcerated. Again, I say, beauty is only skin-deep; it is what is on the inside that counts, which means beauty is nothing and pointless without substance.

young, dumb and no income

It seems to me that being lazy and having little if any value for hard work and work ethic is commonplace nowadays. From my perspective, more and more people, in particular folks that look like me want something for nothing. Many times, the request to be taken care of are so vivid that they themselves do not see their own behaviors. It so bad now that people expect things to be done for them yet they at the same time feel that they do not have to do anything in return or may even posture the opinion that they are entitled to such treatment.

I write this to say that we need to evaluate ourselves and our own behavior to the point of being more realistic about our own personal beliefs. This is to say that if we expect people to do for us, then we should not have a problem with them expecting the same in return. Such practices and inappreciation for others can destroy relationships and friendships and are often the fruit of our own inactivity. Some may blame this on youth, others may blame it on a lack of home training. In most respects, it is due to individuals never having seen love or recive love in an unconditional manner.

The question is reduced to this, is it wise, smart, or realistic to expect folks to do for us, when we do not do for ourselves or those that do for us? I would not be surprised as if some folks would say it is wise. But then again, it will be those same people who cannot show compassion, passion or unconditional positive regard to others, or let alone, see that such behavior makes other less likely to do for them.

keep it tight

I think I want to settle down now. In fact I have been thinking about this for a while. The consternation however, revolves around finding the right partner. Yes, she has to be my partner. By definition, a partner is one that shares; and one associated with another especially in an action. We would have to have a solid relationship too, and by that I mean having and knowing what it takes to create a thriving marriage and being connected or binding in mind, body soul and spirit.

In biblical terms, I would like for it to be as written in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 where real love is defined as being patient with each other, being kind to each other, being never envious of each other, never boasting to or about each other, having a relationship characterized by humility, never being rude to each other, not being self-seeking, not being easily angered with each other, being truthful with each other, protecting each other and trusting each other.

I'm not afraid to love either, i mean if i can give it to my kids and dogs and family I can do it for a woman as well and I'm not afraid of being hurt nor will I fear such because of emotional pain and memories. So I don't think anyone else should be either. For me, the problem is in this age of groupies, tricks and wants be video models, it’s hard to find someone like that. So I still dream and wonder if such is possible. Strike that I do, and I am optimistic and i think/know I have found that one. Its just hard work and ups and downs and some technical difficulities but i know what we got is unbreakable. Just my two cents. So all yawl in a good working partnership/relationship, i hope this motivates u to keep your head up and keep that relationship tight, because its hard work and it wont get any eaiser.

why u wanna go and do that

I was talking to a friend yesterday while the basketball game was on. She indicated that she was having problems with a certain man she was dating. I was trying to pay attention to her but Detroit was loosing and I wanted them to win. She finally admitted that he was not the problem but that she was. The problem, which I didn’t consider a problem was that she was attracted to folks she saw on TV and in videos and craved them to the extent of actually trying to meet them. She told me that she had met one such person and that he propositioned her knowing that she had a man. I got of the phone and continued to think about this even after the Detroit loss. So I started to write.

At first I was gonna write today about Rush Limbaugh and some other rich folks (inclusive of the Kennedy’s) who do drugs, get caught and are slapped on the had – if that. But I decided to table that piece until another day.

It made me think of how many folks actually desired folks they saw just because they were famous or on television , video’s or movies? The strangest part was that she really loved her man but still felt that she was missing out on life since she could not be with someone famous.

Bun B said it right when he stated “movies got these folks fucked up in the mind.” Is it so bad that folks don’t respect anything about a relationship that they will proposition you knowing that you have a significant other, or are engaged or even married? And if a person decides to accept the proposition, how do they look at that person and do they think they are different such that they won’t turn around and do it again, when they are together? I just want to know what these folks be thinking. Personally, if a woman propositioned me, I would first think that if she did it once she would do it again and therefore wouldn’t be the kind of woman I would desire to date or be with. Next, I’d think that if I sacrificed my relationship that I had worked hard to maintain, I did not believe in it in the first place or that this person could never honor a relationship at all. So fellas and ladies what do u think is this fucked up or am I just an old school country boy who needs to move beyond wearing flip flops and socks and wife beaters? Or is the question of the day as T.I put it

“go and tell a nigga no wit an ass so fat
hey why u wanna go and do that love huh?....

and the relationship been faithful to a nigga so wack,

hey why u wanna go and do that love huh….?

Is this really how yall men feel? And would you women say yes?