True, i have my iniquities and I'm not the most attractive mother fucka or smartest person in the world, but my kindness and unconditional positive regard for others, especially my children and family or a significant other can't be matched. I just know what I aint, and as of yet, i have not been able to locate it. That someone, that special person that would be willing to share my spirit late at night, after work even when they get off. A person that when they would call, they would want to hear my voice and not call just to ask for something or because they needed something. A person that would be willing to hold me and share my bed regardless of where I lived, or what type of pillows I had, or any other superficial and nonsensical excuse. For such woman is the type that will try and kiss u and have a date planned with anotha jones the next night and folk here dont get down with that. Couldnt begin to imagine im in a commited relationship and i'm taking other dames out for food an drinks. First i's disrespectful and second no sister would stand for such.
I want someone that I don't mind giving my last dime to, the same way I would for my children and someone that woud do the same for me. I want them to trust and know that my word would be reflected in my actions toward them and the would know that mere words would not be indicative of love or affection or amorous consideration.
I do know that for me, it would mean having a person in my life that would do anything for me and would appreciate or value that I would do he same for them. I would want them to know that my money and my food was theirs and would hope they would reflect the same reciprocity towards me. I would never give them lip service or lie, for I would hold a person in disdain that did such to me. To them i would be faithful, sincere and honer them with my heart and life. I would like them to have the security in know that if they were cold, that I would shelter them, or put clothes on their back. If they needed a ride to he store or a place to lay their head, then I would wan them to know that my vehicle was theirs and that my bed was as well. I would want to feel as if I could come and see or stay or spend time with them anytime I want and would hope to have the same offering. More so, I would want them to accept my love and dedication as my children do.
I would also want t be able to depend on them and to know the would be there or me as would them. Yep, for me being in a committed relationship would involve the act of binding yourself (intellectually, emotionally and spiritually) to a course of action; or an act to maintain a charge or trust.
I don't desire fantasy or illusion but rather all that would encompass being in a long-term relationships. I need for her to know that love is not wonderful, easy, or effortless. This means that we would have to work to maximizing similarities and minimizing differences. I don't need for anyone to take care of me, but I would want her to desire to feel that she wanted to take care of me. She would need to understand that we will never always agree, nor will we always disagree on anything'. She as well as I would understand that what is real is not always beautiful and that we would not be immune to struggle. She would understand that I would feel and be able to tell her anything without ridicule or being defensive and that I would accommodate her in the same manner
We would both know, being in a committed relationship, that taking responsibility for one's part in conflict and in lack of satisfaction is mandatory. and in the long run, know that accept her as she is if she is wiling to grow, and that I would anticipate that she would do the same. This would me when I told them I loved them, that I would only tell them and n other and that I would expect the same. If I told such to any woman, then I could not love them. It is not a word to be thrown around and told to each and every person just because they do something or buy something for you.
If i cant have the aforementioned, then I don't think a person is worthy of what I have to offer - my love my smile nor my laugh. You tell me what a committed relationship is for I have never been apart of one, and can't tolerate people who say they will do anything for you, but instead, do not, don't do what the say or keep their word, and worse, only take and never give. Such would mean that they could lean on me, but I could not lean on them; and that what was mine was theirs, but theirs not mine, meaning they would not be my partner or in a relationship, let alone a committed one with me.
95 comments:
Man, committed relationships are one of those tricky things. I hope that you find what you want and need my brotha. It ain't easy, but all good once you get what you are lookin' for.
Marcus LANGFORD
You know what...the shit I wanna say is too long for the comments section, so I'll post on it.
But I will say this...Looks don't mean shit, I'd rather have a mufucka who looks like a king than acts like a queen..ya dig?
To my brother in TRUTH………..
For an act to qualify as LOVE, it has to be conducted in an environment absent of emotional pressure. It must not be the desire of a preference manifesting its self. It must not be conducted for the furthering of ones own superficial value. It must not be based in the aquisition of gain. However, it must be given in a principle (FREEDOM, JUSTICE & EQUALITY)! You’re right T, you cannot enter into it with the intent of gaining anything or in thinking that everything will be all happy times. LOVE is quite a different entity than we think it.
“When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness (light).
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.” ~ Kahlil Gibran
You see, love is not what we make it out to be. We think that love is something we offer when one pleases us. Yet, when we experience a disturbance in the relationship, we withdrawl our love and trade it for something else…….. someone else who will…..SATISFY us. That is NOT love. Love is not easy. Relationship is a mirror in which we see ourselves. Yet we do not generally want to actually look at ourselves. We want to pretend that we are all the things we like and nothing we don’t. This is simply not a fact. We all have issues. Each and every one of us. Black, White, Hispanic, Asian and all the other branches of humans. We are all the same in nature yet, differ only in degree. We all want to experience LOVE. We all want acceptance. We all hurt. We all experience joy. We are all fundamentally the same. But we let our lack of understanding of human emotion drive us to oblivion. Love is not an emotion,but emotion is definitely and effect of love or the lack thereof.
Take a look at the nature of a man…… aside from any womans lib crap…… Men are more logical. Their nature is to teach a woman, to give her something and that something is truth. He is the protector and I am not suggesting in a physical sense but the protector of her emotions. She is more emotional, it is her design. He should not use her nature against her. His very function in the relationship is to draw out the nature in her and challenge her emotions not in abuse but in his ability to shield and secure her. She is a mystery and he is to discover that which makes her think and feel the way she does, to understand it. When he does this, she unfolds her nature to him. It is then a womans nature to cultivate that truth and nurture it, thus reciprocating it back to him. It isn’t even about this is his job and that is hers. But a woman, any woman is most fulfilled when she is nurturing, it is how we were designed. And a man doesn’t really need ego praise yet he wants to be noticed by her for what he gives her in emotional security and in how he protects those emotions. Take for instance a playground……. When a child falls a woman would likely run to the child and hold it to her breast assuring it that it is ok and that everything will be fine. Where as a man would likely dust the child off and tell them to suck it up, they cool, and move on. This is just a random example of the nature of man and woman.
Women are the givers of life, men are the output of life, but a woman takes his seed, nurtures and grows it and gives birth to it. Not unlike the physical manifestation of creating life. But we also must do this with the mental sector.
In today’s day and age…. Women think, “I don’t need no man” and Men think…. “ I need a plethora of bitches to make me feel like a man.” We also see the women who expect a man to take care of her and a man who thinks she should him. There are stereo types of who should cook and clean, who should take out the trash, fix the cars, do the laundry. We are so hell bent on separating ourselves from our very nature that we are not aware of our own movements in it. The SEPERATIONSISM tactic has worked its way right down into our homes, into our partnering with someone, into our relationships. A woman will follow a man, it is her destiny……. But men take that as a “Do as I say” type way. In that very notion, he has separated himself from her. He has deemed himself more of value than her. He is now the LEADER by forcefulness not by nature. And she, she thinks to herself…… how can I follow when he don’t even know where the hell he goin? In the bible it speaks on Adam and Eve….. Eve being his “help mate” not his laborer. A help mate suggests a side by side stance…….. EQUALITY. Not his servent. And for the Ladies…. This don’t mean you get to walk behind your man expecting him to pull all the weight…… you are his help mate and equal, You must do your part in that Equality. This all being mentioned for an emotional sense, not physical.
Now lets talk of the FREEDOM…… Freedom is not one or the other sayin….. “I’ll be where I’m at”…lol….. it is not sayin that you can have the freedom to roam the streets or do as you wish. But rather it suggests a state of mind freedom…… the freedom to express yourself and the nature in which you were created on both parties. It speaks of us both loving the undesireable parts of our own self, so that our partner may be more understanding of them….. it speaks of a state of mind in freedom….. free from the emotional pressure of possession we force on our partners….. ie: the… “you can’t do that and …. The I ain’t doin this.” We set ourselves up for failure when we begin to expect from our partners rather than allowing them to be who they are and loving them in spite of themselves.
JUSTICE……. The third of the principles of love…….. What is JUST? Do we really do unto others as we would want done to us? NO…. we are selfish creatures….. we want all their adoration and commitment yet, we somehow feel if they don’t meet our demands, it justifies us wandering about looking for something better…… feel me? That is not justice, to self or other than self. Because in most of our relationships, we are all about what WE want and not operating in the betterment of the other. We lack compassion in our relationships. We lay blame and we fault. We have no understanding as to who our partner is, the nature of them. What causes them to move in the way they do.
Love is wanting to be the best person YOU can and also consistently wanting the highest best for other than yourself.
An understanding of SLEF with clarity would undoubtedly warrant the understanding of another because we are all the same in nature just different in degree.
It isn’t about what one can do for you but what you can give to another. And that means GIVING without the expectation of any sort of return but just giving of yourself in your totality.
Just my thoughts…..
One Love,
Deanna
See now, you know you’ll have folks evaluating their relationships because of this post.
I’m thinking about ending my 5 year relationship, but keep getting that “grass is not greener on the other side” feeling. Unfortunately, I’m not getting some of the things you’re seeking, but I’ve been dragging my ass because I don’t think the values I seek will be found in one person. Maybe that’ll be my solution; be a female honey colored Hugh Hefner… JK
But anyways, I’m sure after this is read by many others, you’ll have a standing-room only room full of women willing and waiting…
Awww T, what you talkin bout! Billy Dee and Denzel put together couldn't match your southern charm and good looks... I seen you in action, dude! lol..
Your blessings are many, dude.. I think you gonna be alright regardless of how life plays out with respect to having that forever love by your side...
When that individual person is meant to step into your life, they will do so.
I hope that while you are moving in their direction, that you are blessed to be ready for what you desire and deserve to have.
Hello Torrance,
This post got me thinking about my last relationship. You said so much of what I believes, we all looking for and wants in a relationship. However, sad to say, folks to lazy to work on a relationship, always looking for an easy way out.
I hope you will find what you wanted and the lady will be lucky to have you in her life.
=:O)
ps: thanks for stopping by my spot
HI There,
Thanks for dropping by in berSAMA MASA.
Hope you will find the woman that can accept you just the way you are, and being committed to you and vice versa.
This is the same concept of relationship that I'm talking about as being committed includes the 3 important aspects of life-emotionally,spiritually and intellectually bind together for the partner perhaps to grow old together.
I must say to be committed also means to be able to give and take,during good or bad times,sharing problems or any misunderstanding,accept and respect differences or negativities perfectly...after all relationship is not bed of roses all the time.
Have a gr8 w/end.Take care.
I hope this kind of relationship is possible. . . I'm just not sure. . .
I think in order for a relationship to be successful, you need to both be complete, satisfied, whole individuals. I don't much buy into that "you're my other half, I'm not complete without you" nonsense. If your partner isn't complete without you, that means he or she has to take part of you, which leaves you incomplete. I don't think it's 2 halves making a whole, I think it's two wholes coming together to make something new entirely.
You are right, marriage isn't easy. There's a reason that romance novels are in the fiction section. Even compatible people have friction in their relationships because we are each complex individuals. It takes work, and sometimes the work isn't easy. I don't think it's as much about having common interests as it is about having common views about life, common views about morality and family and common goals. Common, not necessarily identical. I couldn't live with anyone who didn't challenge me intellectually. I'd be too effin bored.
I think we all wonder if the grass is greener sometimes. I certainly have, I won't lie. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, either. It makes you evaluate what you have vs. what you need. If you find you need more than you have, it gives you a starting point to work on it. Or it tells you that it's time to move on. I don't think we ever get every single thing we'd like in a partner, like if you could pick them out of a catalog based on requirements. But if they have most of what we're looking for, you allow the differences to be diminished by the commonalities.
I'm not an expert on these things. I've been married for 12 years, so I've had plenty of time to think on these things. When asked if I'm happily married, sometimes I say "If happily means I only WANT to wring his neck and don't actually DO it, then yes." Somes days I really want to wring his neck. I'm sure it's a mutual thing 'cause I am a high maintenance woman. I don't mean materially, but I expect a great deal from my husband and my friends emotionally, because that's what I give in return. In the end, it's not about looks, it's not about money, it's not about children, it's not about sex... one day the looks will have faded, kids will be grown, money will be gone, sex will have diminished...and you'll have to sit across from this person at the dinner table and have a conversation. Is it one you'll look forward to having, or is it one that will require too much effort. Make sense?
w.o.w.
I hope this kind of relationship is possible. It seems alot of people are too lazy to put in the work or have too much baggage to truly put their heart in it...
good post
Marcus - good look as usual, but I aint loking, its jus a desire, a penchant
Prettyblack - u should say it and i will read, loks i dont think i mentiond looks on less u referein to action of ones heart, now thats what looks good
D - so true, i guess why i only talk of definitio in terms of the recripocal interaction between folks, albeit a plethera of bitches sounds god if i own a kennel LOL
Marleaux - a room full, horse man is ready, sounds like a harem....and how is the book
VAR - i know u got my back glad i met u at the crib, when is the next book coming out and what is the title
msladydeborah - i agree, thats why i aint loking
GiGi - The Shy Giraffe - u welcome and anytime and do comeback. Like i said i aint lookin but i do know what i want
Noushy Syah - dont worry hon, will likely ad u and GiGi to the roll. and I agree, but nowadays, folks so selfish, give and take dont even exist
Lisa - is, i mea if we have faith , i do.
Jaded - yes it does make sense, and u may not be a expert but u got 12yrs o the job training, and im not even talking greener, i just wn some grass
Cluizel - yes it is for anything is possible, and y u saw WOW?
first of all i want to applaud you for the two things that stood out the most for me in this post; the fact that you want a committed relationship...I think that many of us want that, however the whole idea of making ourselves vulnerable enough to admit that we want something is huge. Let me clarify, for me it's huge. To open yourself up and admit that perhaps you've not been in such a relationship is also huge.
for the record you're not alone. my past relationships have been a textured quilt of experience but not always the commitment that my heart has desired.
your commitment to stating your hearts desire is the first step towards realizing it/her when it/she manifests itself. your awareness of what a committed relationship mean TO YOU, will hopefully work as your guide to its manifestation.
you have inspired me to take a deeper look into my own heart and body of affairs!
Gackie - thank u, i just have to be honest with myself, and as a writer, i dont care what people think frst, but moreso about writin whats in my heart and mind honestly
Well, Torrance, you certainly laid it all out as to what is required of a good, committed relationship.
My husband and I have been married for almost 14 years, we are some happy mugs, and we love each other deeply. We've grown both as individuals and as a couple over the years.
Neither of us is perfect, and we know this about ourselves and each other--but we know that life is way too short to focus/dwell on our inadequacies, collective or otherwise if it's not for the sake of improvement. [We can sho 'nuff get on the other's nerves every once in a while, but that's part of the territory.]
The biggest thing you said is that a committed relationship will take work. That is HUGE. Good relationships are like full-time jobs and I don't think a lot of people realize that. --They constantly need care, development, reflection and re-tooling, and nurturing. They need I'm sorry's, you're beautiful, you're sexy, you stink, you have a visible booger in your nose, etc. I can't emphasize enough the importance of good communication and honesty--oh, and a good sense of humor, seriously. The thing, of course, is to find somebody that knows the same and is willing to commit in that regard.
So, the best of luck to you in this quest. Committed relationships are not as elusive as they may seem, and it is indeed possible to actually be happy in one.
When "the one" comes along, as somebody else said, I think you'll know.
"TRUE LOVE is not the helpless desire to possess the cherished object of one's fervent affection; TRUE LOVE is the disciplined generosity we require of ourselves for the sake of another when we would rather be selfish" Talcott Garland, Emperor of Ocean Park-a novel by Stephen Carter.
You have released your heart's desire into the universe by way of the www. The Universe will respond in kind. Be ready.
Your words;
"i have my iniquities and I'm not the most attractive mother fucka or smartest person in the world."
That's why I mentioned looks.
Looks shouldn't matter if everything else your saying is on the up...
I had something to say...but funny thing happened...realized that I have not defined my situation...have not gotten clarity from him...nor myself to actually give a good response...
So, I'll just say...thanks for making me take a step in understanding what the hell I'm doing.
Blah - do get back with me and let me know what the reevaluation reveals
Pretty black - thanks for the lucidity, now i ge it
Babz - now im scared, what should i be ready for?
Tamara - 14 year, now thats whats up, keep that relationship tight
Be ready for the very thing you asked for. You ARE looking--and you are very clear about what you want. Don't concern yourself with what you don't want. Your heart and soul is ready for a mate. That is what being a grown person living on their own terms in their own way is all about. We are not meant to go through life alone. So Brother, she will show up and you will recognize her when she does. Just be ready. When HE shows up for me---I will be singing from the mountain tops! Keep me posted.
AMEN....
I know i'm young and have my whole life ahead of me, with that being said...reading such post reminds me to continue being myself and not to settle for less then what I deserve.
I respect you for such post. Alot of men still don't know what they want and continue playing games with women. Sometimes complain about "there is no real woman left" when the type of women they choose to follow isn't what they are supposedly looking for. In time you will find her...
I believe its so because my mommy found hers... not even in the same country... but the story of how they found each other is FUNNY. an amazing guy he is I'm happy for both of them...
I am always late to the party.
I think that everything you desire is possible. I actually think it should be normal. Unfortunately not a lot of people share my sentiments. I actually feel like you tore a page out of my personal journal and posted it on your blog. lol I really think that when you are not looking and are totally open and honest then the person will be there. The packaging may be unfamiliar but the inside will be just right.
Deepnthought - agree all is possible if u have faith. and u are never late, and im not a thief LOL
Coffee - thank u, i consider myself a human being and a real man
Babz - ok, im ready...i think
My mom told me that some wome just do not know how to treat a good man, and that such is no excuse. If a woman wont help her man do anything, and he is helping her do everything, that is just wrong. I second koffee dyme on this. As a woman, I am glad to see a man voice with his heart and emotion what it takes to survive the long haul.
That's deep. I wish more brothers were like you.
Amen!, personally I've been married before and while I like the warmth and the protecting embrace of a man and the companionship, quite honestly I am also ok with walking it out alone (and more mentally prepared for it than for anything else)
This much I will and have said to those in the " we are steady" category: Only talk marriage if you have considered the practicalities of waking up with me day in and day out for the rest of your life, as I plan to stay married the next time, FAITHFULLY SO! til i gotta change diapers and whatnot,also, don't bother to propose or any such shit if you haven't been together with me for a while (I gotta get cured from my commitment-phobia) and if at the moment those words come out of your mouth you are not officially madly in love with my butt!, else companionship will be just fine but nothing else needs to take place
Your writings are always thought provoking and inspiring.
I hope she finds you.
Wow, I wrote a post back in December entitled The Relationship Equation. It touched on some of the exact things you touch on, but yours is written in a more serious form.
I never posted it because I didn't want to give out any false advertising. Maybe I should post it.
I am not sure relationships work, folk.
I read your comment sections - man, filled with some hard hitting thinkers!
I think I'm skipping all the comments--usually I read them. I'm not sure what the answer is... I wrote something similar myself a little while ago.
I don't know what to tell you. I only know how to be in a committed relationship... my parents have been married 45 years (and yes folks, they fight all the time but they never go to bed on a fight... even if they wake up the next day and go at it again, lol). I only know how to be somebody's woman, but yet, I have been walking alone longer than any relationship I've ever been in... my marriage was 6 mths, and I lived with someone for 4 years. I'm 43 and I've been single most of my adult life, child notwithstanding.
I think in my case, I'm not enough of any one thing... not "Black" enough, not "Indian" enough, not "Hispanic" enough, not "American" enough, certainly not "Jamaican" enough, not "Jewish" enough, etc. So maybe the only thing I can offer you is keep yourself open, keep your ideas open to the packaging. Just because it looks like a duck really doesn't mean it IS a duck. Maybe it's a platypus. And a platypus could be just the thing you need.
I hope you find yours... wish me luck looking for mine. Cuz if not, it'll just be me, the cat and a bottle of vodka/tequila in the end.
Which may not be so bad...
WOW. I know of no woman who has a man and is in a commited relationship that would not want the same. I know of no woman that would hesitate to spend time with or stay with her man because she did not like his pillows. I held out from my man, but when he gave me that 1.5 caret ring, and put it on my hand, he had the cookies anytime he wanted. Although we weren't married until some 3 and 1/2 years latter, I would always look at my ring and smile.
To even have a man to say and communicate what you have in this post is a blessing. You are in touch with your emotions and not afraid to express them. I applaude you.
T, i know without a doubt that there is someone out there for you...most likely she will find you, before you find her. I look at you and your beautiful children, who couldn't love y'all! Man, what you want, alot of our looking for, holding out for...the thing is...it just doesn't happen when we want it. Hug pretty baby for me...i just love seeing her smiling face pics.
I think everyone wants a commited relationship and it is attainable. I thought it was impossible to find a man who can respect me and my values but it is possible. Its hard for men and women to commit for various reasons but always keep your heart open for something new but remember to keep your heart unless you find someone worth sharing it with because that is how people get hurt. Thanks for the comment on my site, this was an interesing blog
I’m loving the book so far. The writing is phenomenal. I want to write like you when I grow up.
And don’t hurt ‘em Horse Man, lol.
Funny... because a woman like me would have been willing to give you excatly what your looking for
(genuinely, and w/o hesitation).. since I desire the same...
NYC "Washington Heights"
Washington Hts - I would like that as u cn tell by what i wrote. I would not be able to see u daily, let alone expect u to drive 1100 miles after u got off work to see me.
Marleaux - thank u and will try not too. I wish more folks got the book, i did a shameless promotion on my bday in Dec and I just got my royalty staements and the folks who said the got books, well i guess they did not and just gave me lip service
Miss April Joy - im cool with that, i mean u can break my heary not my bones or legs or cut or stab me
Miz - I will, u ready for the novel yet?
Anon - yes thats classic, especially if the cookies come with ice cream. When a man gives a rig, it means a lot. Glad u still have yours and sounds like u value it jus because he gave it to u and not for the stone. Yawl keep it tight.
Bear Maiden - save me a few sips (guzzles ) of that tequelia. And m sex drive is like that marcupial u mentioned if not greater. Besides I figure a woman that dont want to share that with me cant be made if i supplement my diet LOL
Don - publish what u write, dont think it would be false, if u feel that way, and i wasnt advertising, its jus what i was thinkin and writin when i wrote it. I hope it aint perceived as advertisin at least
Dollface - y thank u again hon
Qucifer - im down with the daily. But I know tha having someone there all the time for me as i am for my kids and family, is jus as important
Kahnee - thank u, i hope deep s good
Anon - U may be right about how folk treat others
Finally, my turn to blush...YIKES!! Thanks for dropping by my site-I appreciated your comments (smile)
I want one too...need the type in that pic...want to hold hands and lick faces in public...lol
Jones, whad up dough. This yo folk 4 trill, RAILHEAD. Hit me up nigga, one-town, bluff city flip town down 4 life AMB.
Found you and you know me, Dame I was with was sing that I love you shit. Had to find out from my son (he 5 now) that she was onw the phone all night with other Jones.
But for real, you know we BT. And What I read in your eloquence jones is what I saw and experienced with you. When you love some one you will die for them. Remember that nigh, them niggas had they guns drawn on us, and me and you trying to get Hot Rod home after he had bee stabbed over a side bet. Main, we was gone die for Rod if we had too.
Women dont get that. I mean the only commitment I have know other than fam was AMB. I want a woman like AMB - where I will die for her. But by the same token, I expect the same from her.
Thats why U my love Jones, like all the rest. Then they be wanting to take your kindness for your weakness, and you ain't week, but so beyond petty to try and prove it. Like I say been there and done that. I'm gone email you, so shot me your cell Jones.
South Parkway.
ALL ELSE OBVIATE THEMSELVES FROM THIS CONVO:
Jones, whad up nigga. AMB 4 life love? So how is my favorite aeronautical engineer, I know u scaring them folk at jet proulsion Labratories, and u still cant type, lke i can talk, they wouldnt know u were an air force academy grad with a 1200 sat. But u right main.
We were a rare breed (killas - nit me and scholars) nowadays boys cant see being both. And I remember slim. Foul. Im with u, i just want a woamn who would die for me, if i would die for her. I know my boys will, thats why yawl my love
afrobabe = what pic?
Banz - y u blushing?
all-mi-t: Oh, I know you speak from the heart. No question about it. My post about the relationship was on a more light scaled humor tip. Yours is the real deal. I came back and read it again. Sistas and brothers really have to get it together and solidy our existence. Maybe one day, we all will.
The girl in the video link which ebonne posted on my blog shoutbox left me with a creepy feeing like she was a reptile or something. lol.
yea main, and we told hot rod he was wrong for that shit and he agreeded. But we aint tel him until the next day. Jones main, these lames dont know about that aboyt BT (bonafoed Trill) or AMB - Ambassador CTO Folk Nation. These folks out in cyberville aint been shot or stabbed let alkone had a pistol in they face yo. like the broads I be meeting (and if they met u rail) they'd say u was dangerous.....like your girl used to say abot me. LOL
But u my love. Like cat dady, blow fish and hot rod, and we wont mention the dead. so holla at jones, Jones
Don - sorry bout that. but u gave me an idea for another post. not cheatin but "is it cool to go out to dinner with another when u in a elationship and what does it mean if u do.....good lok folk
*sigh* If only those things were easy to get...good luck finding a woman that fits under every one of those ideals.
hope you find her
bottom line
love is hard work.. (miquel Alcarin). but its worth every ounce of effort. its that good kind of work like building a house with your own hands.
but i tell sisters all the time, you be surprised how many of us feel that way.
man i love my wife
Dejanae - me too.
Brother OMi - thanks 4 the drive by and u are right its like buildin a house, one brick a a time. keep that relationship tight folk
Rayo - wha are u saying, is it too muc to ask for? i didnt sk that she look or sound or be a certain way, that just she loved with her heart as oposed to empty rhetoric...actions u know
I had tastes of this and oooh, such sweet delights that I got greedy cuz i was too immature to appreciate. God willing - I'll get a second heaping helping in this life & i. WILL. savor that 'mug' s.L.o.W.l.YYYYYY....
Cap - too immature? Ive ben there and done that, so do tel me more
Hmm...I see
rayo - do explain did i ask for too much, i only ask for what i would offer in return
I was blushing because of the response you left at my site--based upon a response I gave to someone else's post. (someone posted about missing kissing etc. I responded to that and you responded to my response to that post and it tickled me. LOL
You have swagger, baby and you know it.
Of course you didn't ask for too much. You asked for just enough.
It's just that in this age of feeble love and blinding infatuation, people often assume that happiness means love. It just scares me, that's all.
Babz - swag, me, im coutry folk, reformd socialclubster. Thank u hon
rayo - u b killing me hon and to be honest a lot of folks (men and women) str8 superficial
lol I'm glad you understand. How's the search going?
@Raw...you already know how I feel on this subject. Just great to know tha there are men out here who share the same sentiment as myself.
The things I desire costs him nothing financially-just himself. It's so hard to find an HONEST brother.
Why are the men who approach me, attached??? KNOWING they shouldn't be in my face--but is in my face nontheless.
She's out there waiting for you...somewhere.
He's out there waiting for me...somewhere.
until then, I'll keep writing
I'll Vent by blogging :)
Rayo - i ainr been loking, been carving up a Boar LOL
Ivent - truth be told, women, yawl sisters dont like honest bruhs as a whole, was told by a woman me expressing such was soft
Wow...you really are southern. What did the poor boar ever do to you?
@Raw...I'm going to accept your apology in advance for having the AUDACITY to classify me with those who would say such a thing. I want a man who is willing to share, reveal, open up and expose himself to me. I think it takes courage to be honest with a woman-and that's a real man. It doesn't take skill to shut down and close yourself off to another...to me, THAT'S SOFT-taking the ez way out. And if you Raw, accept that woman's words at face value-then shame on you, and I didn't know you as well as I thought I did. I still love you though-while giving u the 'side eye.'
On another topic...
Here's an oft encountered situation (myself, friends & fam)"Mr.Good men" are usually attracted to women (or in a relationship with women) who treats them like ca-ca (my observations and experience). These men are loyal, faithful, have stick-n-stay power...but expends all of their time/energy on a woman who is insulting, stays out all times of the night, disrespectful etc. Then when fam & friends try to talk to "good man" they excuse "disrespectful woman's" behavior.
Why is it a good man cannot decipher between a good woman, and a woman who's no good?
bria
You hit the spot. Thank you.
Raw Dawg Buffalo,
It takes a GROWN man to express himself they way you did in this post. I like the way you lay in down. I respect your honesty and admire your clarity.
Peace,
Heat(onthepage)
Heat - Thanks for the support.
Hot - Thank u also
Stephen - u m kind of folk, a country boy scholar
Ivent - i apologize but i dont know why u so offended. I write about black men all the time, saying we dont take care of our childrfen, dont read, dont value our women and the whole nine. And when i do, I write we. Now i dont do that but i aint gone feel so special to seperate myself from what is me. I take care of my kid and the rest. But its my community and its my collective unconscious, if men still do it, its like saying i do it to.
as for the other thing, i don buy the god woman bad woman. thats some european absolutism all or nothing. Im dow with the Dogon and harmonics, everybody got good and bad, and from the maybe 1000s of women i have been with, id say its accurate. im glad u aint angry so b easy k hon LOL
Raw--i'm not mad/offended...not at all. that's the thing about written word-hard to convey emotion.
I will admit that i was taken aback that someone would call u soft, cuz u shared-i will never understand that. I guess I felt u accepted her words cuz u repeated them..but mad? nawwww, ican't be mad at u, lol
re: good/bad women...this is where I'll respectfully disagree with u. I'm not blamin white people for what i've observed and questioned. it was a question I would like answered if not by you, then another brother. It goes w/out saying we all have good and bad in us...that's not what i'm speaking of.
i want to know why is it that men who are deemed as a 'good man' seem to go towards and stick with the woman who would NOT be categorically classified as a 'good woman?'
ivent (bria)
-didn't feel like signing in under the correct blogname
I know what you mean about relationsips. For some reason, I can't get my friendships to work so getting the other to work is gonna be a challenge.
I will say this though...keep your faith. You do that and everything else will fall into place.
Ivent - i was refering to how we adopt definitions all or non, absolutism, of all the places i have lived in and visited in Africa, in native languages there are no such words. For examp[le, in Igbo and wolof (which I speak fluently) he and she and him and her are the same words.
And I cant answer your question. My daughters mother has bipolar (so doesa that make her good or bad). Many factors contribute to such a characterization.....and do these men have children with these women? I would say that a man or woman is more likely to stay with a person good or bad, if children are involved, thats why i say no absolutes - we often are on the outside looking in
Kayos - i will and i have faith. Like i say break my heart but dont cut, stab or break my bones
I know im late on this one but this was BEAUTIFUL I really get the impression that your a GOOD MAN! You made me get all warm and fuzzy inside reading this! I'm sure the woman will come wondering in your life without you even knowing it...great post.
@Raw, I hear u. did u check out the bookshelf? lol
Memphiz - hank u maam, im a kind and god person first, a human being, i'd like to think
Bria - hanks for the lok, but pls remove th scientific papers, dont want folks thinking im a nerd lol
I wish more men could be as open as you have been in sharing their heart about what they want from/in a committed relationship without acting like macho fools who think that's a sign of weakness to show or express emotion. Thanks for sharing and for being a real man. A breath of fresh air.
the hand holding pic up there....
N'Drea - y hank u for making my heart fluter, like said, had a wma tell me that what expressed in this post was soft.
AfroBabe - ok
Committment....ummmm..such a strong word.
Hopefully true love will come along and hit you like no other.
Monique - may i cal u ms lucious, i hope so tooo, and thanks fr the drive by do pls return again
Oh most definitely..LOL.That's what's up
yummy mis lucious
OMG.. this is such a beautiful post. It make me want to fall recklessly in love.. and have all these very things that you have mentioned. But life is a Bitch.. I always manage to 'miss-road' hereby meeting guys who are no good for me..
Life definitely sucks!
Oh, there is so much I could say to this speaking from personal experience alone. But I'll keep it short in saying that no one should compromise their happiness for the sake of just being in a committed relationship. What was mentioned is what everyone should expect from their significant other as long as they are giving it in return. Love the post.
Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate it.
I love your definition of a committed relationship. I hope you find it, because it sounds to me that any woman would be lucky to have a man like you. It is nice to know that there are still men that not only know what a committment is but appreciate what a beautiful thing that it can be.
As you read, it just seems like getting that true equality in a relationship seems close to impossible. Once you do find someone who will treat you like your willing to treat them ... keep her ... then send her sister my way.
Single Black Male
I truly agree on your outlook of a committed relationship. One of these days I hope to find myself in one.
Everyone has been posting about relationships. What they want and don't want. Something must be in the air. Nice post.
I'd say something super deep and heart wrenching...however I think others have beat me to it.
I will say that that was incredible and I think my eyes watered....just a little bit.
Blessings
Rae♥
A committed relationship is what you looking for...stop and wait and allow God to send you someone! I'm at the M Bar on the24th!
Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving the link to this post. I was humbled,inspired, and was reminded to dust off my copy of Khalil Gibran. The comments and your post helped bolster my hope that we as a people, rediscover love, especially the younger generation.
Beautifully said...
...I assumed my last relationship was a commitment, but at the end, I found out I was with him, but he wasn't with me (that hurts). Although we both had issues, I was the one who wanted to talk about them and work on them together. Instead, he wanted to keep it too himself and screw other women.
commitments are a...Blank
I agree totally. I think the standards and expectations that you've stated are NOT at all fantasy and should be the expectations for all men and women. I think ppl have lowered their standards and made excuses for things that should not be tolerated. We as people let things "slide" because we think that the type of committed relaionship you have described is attainable... but it is. Very much so, it's just finding it. If more people raised the bar, and expected greater values from the people they give their hearts to I think there would be a lot less heart breaks and a lot more marriages. As a female, I see my friends let these half assed men into their life that should have never gotten passed "hello"... if they would wait for the one that could give them the whole pie instead of just a slice they would be alot happier and satisfied in the end. WONDERFUL BLOG!
wouldn't it be nice if men who feel like you and women who feel like me (which is similar to you)could fill a stadium and meet? i know there are sisters who'd be down for you but how do we all meet? oh well...
Great post :) I agree that being committed is not as easy as it looks. Alot of us say we want it but are not willing to put in the work. Now it seems it is harder and harder to find somebody worth fighting for
:-/
And even though you were not looking, I'm glad you put this out into the universe because I believe in all of that "release your thoughts & desires into the universe and it will come to you" stuff :-p Good luck & God bless :)
I truly appreciate the way you expressed your thoughts in this blog. Brothas get a bad wrap when it comes to the accusation that they don't "tell sistas what they want". First and foremost when thinking about commitment, many fail to mention responsibility. In order to receive the honor of committing oneself to someone or something, their has to be an understanding involved that he or she will be held accountable for his or her actions. If we commit to a job and fail to perform our duties, then there is a repercussion involved. Failing to communicate honestly and effectively isn't a failure to commit is just good old fashion lying and betrayal. Communication is key and you've done a great job aligning yourself with someone who hopefully will understand your needs. Good luck to you.
This is the type of self evaluation that we have to do BEFORE getting in a committed relationship, otherwise we'll continue to going around in circles attracting the same men/women and wonder why we can't do better. Maybe it's because we haven't thought long enough about what we need and what we want. Once a person understands their worth, understands what they are capable of in giving and loving another person, they are only going to accept someone who is able to exhibit those same things and for those who can't they will be thrown to the wind. Love is not all sweet all the time but if it's with the right person who has the right qualities and characteristics then it's worth working for. You have to know how to keep your list realistic, but I wouldn't compromise who you are in pursuit of a life long partner.
wow, this is nice and i get it but i think that romance is sometimes lost once we get into the committed relationship. though relationships are not easy at all i think that we all deserve to be in one just as long as we can commit ourselves first.
One of those would be nice. Thought I had one before....nope it was 15 years of bs. I feel your pain. Are you an Aquarian?
I AM THE ONE !!! was my is yours
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