Tuesday, July 28, 2009

He had no game

Relationships and how we form them are an integral part of the human condition. In particular relationships between men and women and for the theologians among us may have been as such since the times of Adam and Eve. I was at the shop this past week as usual. My folk 12kyle stopped by and another associate who I have been trying to talk into starting her own business.

Some way or another the counselor in Kyle got her to discuss more in detail some of the issues she spoke about over wine regarding men and dating. In one voice she said that she was just seeing different people and didn’t desire a serious relationship. Yet at the same time she mentioned that she could not find a man that she wanted to be serious with. T made me think, so as I listened to her talk and recant of the men she had been going out with and meeting, one thing stood out. Especially about one gentlemen in which she said she didn’t like him because “he had no game.”

It just strikes me as odd when women would suggest that a man has no game when they complain that men tend to play games, in particular here in Atlanta. I informed her that I have no games and that all I do is put or place my persuasion on a woman minds to consider and think about. To me playing games is for Parker Brothers or Milton Bradley. She said that a man had to have game to get with her but in the same voice she was tired of playing games. These are two incongruent angles if you ask me. She added that in Atlanta there were 10 women to each man and that it was hard. I corrected her and said it depends on what you are looking for because I felt the woman to man ratio, excluding tricks and money hungry groupies was really 1 to 1.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that some women have expectations that exceed reality and may be at the same time inconsistent with the reality at hand. It is unthinkable for me to say I want a person that does not play games but yet gauge them on what type of game the have. Maybe this is why some women do not get the men they seek for they fail to recognize their actions in concert to both attracting and or pushing off a man. For we are really simple creatures. So if you flirt and query with respect why your love interest has no desire to be a part of your life – look in the mirror. If you desire a relationship bout attend to what the man can bring or doesn’t bring to the table – look at yourself in the mirror. If you desire a man you once had who no longer wants you – then look in the mirror. Attraction in the form of rocket science and quantum mechanics is science, not physical attraction, compromise and accepting people for whom and what they are as opposed to their deficiencies.

19 comments:

Danielle Ricks said...

...and so is the human male/female dance between being "real" and "having game". We women say we want it all out there on the table and yet we like a little mystery. We say we want honesty but may not be able to handle it when we hear what is really going on. It is actually the human dilemma, that delicate balance between wants, needs and... from what I'm told... predetermined "love maps" that form who we are attracted to by age eight! I write blog about this often but there is no easy answer... for men or women. I can only hope as we age we learn how to love smarter. I do know you can't "get with" someone else if you are not fully committed to "getting with" yourself. I also know, the lies we tell ourselves are the greatest lies of all. So, in order to "be real" with someone else, we must "be real" with ourselves and many of us don't want to do that hard work now do we?

I.Am.Spoken.Word. said...

Very true.

Many times our expectations for a man don't line up with the standard that we live.
It's unfair to men and an unrealistic way to approach love and life in general.

Love your blog :)

Curious said...

What do they call those words that one thing in one context and something completely different in another? I wish I knew, but I think that is what your friend meant when she used the word "game". I also think that if she knew the difference, no slight intended to her, she would also know what she was going after and be better able to identify it. I guess I'm saying she needs to know herself and her needs before she will ever be able find what she wants.

Keli said...

Here we go...

Most people say they want one thing, but don't know how to handle it when they get it. You want a man with game, but you don't want a man that runs game...

Of course this makes perfect sense in her mind...

Kinda like the men wanting the strong independent woman, but always feeling the need to wear a cape and play Capt. Save'em.

nicki nicki tembo said...

The dilemma here is certainly not gender specific. Most peoples focus is off. Their priorities and values are misplaced.

treasurecarelli said...

I think the problem lies within. If you don't truly know who you are and haven't followed the proper channels to become content with who you are as a solo act you'll never be happy as a part of a couple. There is no such thing as the perfect mate just one who best compliments you. Even then you'll have to accept some attributes in that person that aren't appealing to you as they will have to do the same if you going to make your relationship lasting and harmonious. Otherwise a person will forever find themselves blaming others for why they can't find a good mate.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Sometimes we really don't understand we are speaking and acting in contradiction until someone points it out. Hopefully she took what you said to heart and began to work on it.

I'm going to get by the store one of these days. The furbaby needs new toys :)

CocoaBella said...

I see your point. I think it all depends on definition. For instance, FOR ME (only speaking for me) when I think of a man who has "game" I consider that his swagger, his approach, his tone, his style-- how he interacts with me. His wit, and confidence. I don't consider game (In THAT context) to be lying/cheating/stealing, etc.

But when I say a man is "playin games" for me, that's when the lies come in, the back-tracking, the wishy-washiness, etc. Maybe "game" would not be the right word. Maybe she meant: HE HAS NO SWAGGER. Because indeed, these are two totally different things.

Sheliza said...

I think having "game" can have multiple meanings. My husband had madd game when he tried to talk to me way back in high school. Hence, his strong game is what hooked me. 20 years later.... make sense??

Lovebabz said...

The whole notion of "game" puts both men & women at odds. I suspect the Young Lady in question was saying all those things out of fear and desperation. It takes a great deal to figure our what you want and need in someone. It requires internal discernment...Who are you ? and What do you want? I beleive if you are willing to do the work...being real and honest with your behaviours, overcoming past relationship hurts and fears then you are on your way to being open to the love that you say you want.

There are great men out there... there are men who want wives...homes...family. There are men who want commitment and true love. Women just have to be willing to tend to their gardens and grow their hearts and minds in preparation for the bloom of love.

Having discoverd a most profound love myself. I know what it took to be open to this kind of deep and abiding love. It requires a sense of fearlessness and a willingness not to settle.

msladydeborah said...

In the real world you cannot have it both ways.

You know I'm a product of the old school. I often sit and listen to my little sistas talk about their relationships and all I can do is nod my head. Maybe things in the new school are more different than I realize. But, how can that be? There is nothing new up under the sun concerning the ways of humankind.

There are good men and women all over the nation. I believe that we often repeat the same errors in life until we realize what that mistake is. Some of us catch that error sooner than others. Some of us never get the point.

I also believe that we are often drawn to a certain type of individual. Even when the alarms go off inside of our heads and warn us about that person. Why? Because we still haven't mastered what we need to know about our individual wants and needs.

Angel said...

(sigh) I find this all the time women want a TV man instead of a real one and the problem is the older they get, the less likley it is, I know a woman who is 42 who is still looking for a man who has no past, no children and no responsbilities but come on how many men in that age group would have that.....then again...perhaps she should go to Atlanta 10 to 1 you say???

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Anonymous said...

Interesting...

While I respect your intellect and point of view, I believe the fallacy is trying to analyze an emotional "thing", the thing being relationships, from a mathmatical/scientic perspective. To me, that's akin to trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. In relationships 1+1 doesn't always equal 2. I believe the woman, in saying that the guy had "no game" simply meant he didn't do "it" for her.

Overall interesting post....

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