Friday, May 02, 2008

i aint no prince charming (post # 400)

No Boring ass politics today from this diabolic mind, just a simply query. I have always wondered where the knight in shining armor, for lack of a better phrase, the “prince charming syndrome came or originated from. Sure, I know about fairy tales and Sleeping Beauty, but when did such transpose itself to real life? You never hear folk talking about Frankenstein in real life, so why this particular fairy tale? I mean it is specifically designed for women.

I know men have their dreams of the perfect mate, however, we are not raised to look for a princess charming, nor are we raised to seek the ubiquitous doctor or Lawyer for a mate; or as it is nowadays, a rapper, professional athlete or movie star.

I think this syndrom does noting for positive relationships. In fact it does the opposite, it places fictitious standards on real life such that many are blinded by ones accomplishments and material attainment more so than the character, integrity of actual substance of the man - which in all actually define a man.

Personally, I can cut the Prince charming cake. I have meet women who were more enamored with me having a PhD than the person I attempt to be. The problem most women I meet is that they thing Jones here is a regular mutha fucka. But I aint, I consider myself the truth. Many say they like a man with family values or a family man but will turn around and say that you spend too much time with your kids. Others will say they like a man who is well endowed in the manhood department, but will complain and say that one is too big. They may say the like a man with some street acumen but suggest the folk you hang with - your friends, are too dangerous. Or worse, that they like a man who can cook, but indicate that you are trying to get them fat. So what gives?

Again like I said just a simple query. If there is a woman that desires me to be her prince charming, they better go else where for I am not prince charming, I am Torrance Stephens, a man, and more importantly, a human being.


Urban Thought said...

It's all that book reading mothers do when they tuck their little girls in at night. They end up growing up thinking that some knight in shining armor is going to knock them off their fee. Oh well, wake up and join reality.

Do woman even know what they want? And when they get it do they actually know what to do with it?

Anonymiss said...

I like this post.

The sexes have really got it messed up with regards to relationships.

Society's very image-driven and having good character (IMO, comprised of a good heart, passion, ambition, intelligence, and just having that special something) doesn't seem all that important in the beginning. Sadly enough, people begin to assess good character after they're months- or years-deep into their relationships. It really brings truth to the notion that "Hindsight is 20/20."

I think the key to a healthy relationship is for both parties to check their baggage at the door and appreciate their differences. If that can't be done, just forget about it.

sista gp said...

it's about

There is a saying that girls will seek men who are like their fathers. Whether he is a hard-working family man or an abusive, manipulative sociopath, his image will greatly affect her choice in a mate.
Sadly, when there is no positive male role model in her life, her decisions can be based of false identities presented outside the home, such as music videos, soap operas, reality shows, etc.
This is a separate issue than your post, but I am thankful for all the devotion my dad had for us and the sacrifices he made to support his family; he was my "prince charming".

The Bear Maiden said...

Well, my mother didn't read me too many of those damn fairy tales, rather reading things like Uncle Remus and making up many of her own stories, and lots and lots of re-readings of Proverbs 31:10 "who can find a virtuous woman?"

The problem with that is that it made me too damn strong for my own good, and also very suspect of anyone who thinks they are prince charming. Unless I fall in love with someone (which is something I apparently have no control over) men generally don't impress me at all... not even if they are "stars" or famous.

I think this syndrome you speak of is a uniquely American, mainstream thing. Other cultures, particularly those who still arrange marriages (as well as sections of society like upper-echelon WASPS and JAPS), seem to have more lasting relationships because they form a partnership based on various guidelines, and "love" only comes secondary.

I'm already scouting out my Sun's wife. He'll fall in love with her regardless if she's good to him. And even if he doesn't he has already been instructed to treat her with respect (whoever she may turn out to be... I have a few prospects but I'm still watching... the Teen years will be where I make my final decision).

Anonymous said...

congrats on the 400th, im just approaching 50

MrsGrapevine said...

Men don't have princess charming because they have beauty queen contestants, models, video "vixens", martha stewart, and all these fake images of what women are and should be. They have the bible they says women submit unto your husband, and they use that to justify ungodly love. If a woman has flaws they compare her to Eve the destruction of mankind, or Pandora. I can go on and on and on, the problem is not the images, the problem is knowing who you are, and recognizing it when you meet someone. The prefect girl for you, is not a perfect person, and is being passed up because she probably doesn't fit some image you have as well. For the record, I've never heard of a woman complaining about it being too big, if so they that's a compliment, not a complaint.

Neonnea said...

Urban thought...I like your follow up question. I speak for myself when I say that I don't know what I want. My "prince charming" would be God-fearing, close to my age, educated (self or institutionalized), hard-working, preferably no kids.

However, like sista gp mentioned, I seem to be attracted to those who are like my father - free spirited and irresponsible.

So I must agree with anonymiss who states to check your baggage at the door. I don't have an picture perfect past but that's what makes me 'Cinderalla'.

The Immoral Matriarch said...

I don't have any ideal prince charming. I never have.

I'm extremely fucked up, so how can I expect a perfect partner?

hawa said...

I love this post and the issues you spotlight.

I am an anti-feminist. I read anti-feminist blogs on a regular basis. In fact, feminism coagulates into two words for me:

Male. Bashing.

Doesn't that sound strange coming from a strong independent woman?

I'm against feminism, because the theory went wild and produced a generation of loose women who "want it all." Feminism stepped over the lines of "gender equality" and taught women to do what they want, sleep with who they want, forget about submitting to a husband... and oh yeah... "marry up" so you'll be taken care of while you "do your thang."

Marrying up and "prince charming" sound the same to me. Half the women who want the perfection of a prince charming aren't prepared one bit to love, respect, and honor in return.

Keep writing...

T.C. said...

as always the truth has been spoken on your page...of course being a woman of perfect imperfections and extreme complexities, who in the hell KNOWS what i want...all i know is like you said the fairy tales, hell even movies set us up for tramendous down fall for as you say "real life relationship" and its really is...

love is not peaches and creams and it is really a lot of work and you have to be totally willing to work at it and take off the layers and layers of independant thinking and acting to blind two grown people who have their own way of thinking and doing...

so what do i want? honestly, someone honest, loyal, fair, intelligent, open to going new places and loving life, makes me laugh and can handle all the complexity that is admittedly me

bookfraud said...

you raise some interesting questions. i wonder why it's prince "charming," since most women who have rejected me went for "prince rich asshole," "prince brainless jockstrap," "prince wiener with a guitar," and "prince badass motherfucka with a harley."

i happen to think of myself as charming (when i want to be), but that never won points with the ladies as much as status. and it's all about status. it's 100% about status.

oh, and sorry, but you never hear folk talking about frankenstein in real life is wrong. his name is dick cheyney.

Fat Lady said...

Ok, I think you're talking about two different things here. One is the influence fairy tales have had on how our ideas of romance and love develop. And the other is whether or not people really want someone who meets the idea they have in mind.

Fairy tales affect both men and women. Yes, many women may want Prince Charming, but men want the version of the princess that's provided in those tales.

The beautiful Princess who will sit in her tower, waiting with open arms for the Prince to come to her whenever he happens to get there. And somehow, despite the fact that she's a princess, she knows how to cook and clean better and faster than anyone else. And of course her beauty is natural, no make-up needed, just naturally rosy lips, flushed cheeks and flowing locks.

And the result of little boys tucked in reading those stories? They grow up disappointed at women who expect them to be considerate and accountable. They don't want to be bothered with women who don't meet some narrow ideal of physical beauty and get annoyed that the women who do meet that ideal need time at the hairdresser and in front of the mirror to do so.

Men are definitely as susceptible to the princess/mother/whore image of women that is presented in fairy tales as women are sucked in by the whole prince charming thing.

As for people having ideals and then not being prepared to live with the reality of those ideals - well women aren't the only ones who fall prey to that. For all the ideals you mention that women you know didn't like the reality of, I could give you ones that men balked at. This isn't a man/woman thing - it's a people thing.

When people develop an ideal, a fantasy, they often don't think about how that ideal plays out in the real world. That's true in all aspects of life - not just romance. But when it comes to love - people tend to say it's a man thing or a woman thing.

What I find is that usually when people start complaining that ALL men act like this, or ALL women think that, it's usually the result of their own narrow attractions. Maybe you just keep ending up with the same kind of woman - maybe you need to branch out. Open your mind. Maybe your own ideals are too narrow and when you start looking outside of them, you'll find someone who doesn't act or react in the same old ways.

Lastly, in my experience, whenever a man feels too little or too big, it usually means that he isn't too adept at working with what he has. Someone who knows what he's doing can always make it feel good - even if he has a little more or less to work with.

DeadMule said...

I think that part of the problem is that we forget that two people (a couple) should be friends not just lovers. A woman and a man must be complete people before they have much to bring to the relationship. In other words, they should have something in common other than just being horny. Otherwise, all they get is sex.

Aunt Jackie said...

in one of my favorite books, Women Who Run with Wolves, the author, Clarissa Pinkola Estes really breaks down the archetype of women thru the images of fairy tales and folklore from around the world.

From Blue Beard the man who wooed his woman away from her family with promises of riches thusly cutting off her inner light until her sister had to come rescue her...speaks allot to abusive and isolating relationships that couples suffer.

To the Ugly Duckling, mother dealing with a child who doesn't fit the status quo, to of course some of our favorites Cinderlla and such.

I think many of these fairy tales have been detrimental to the archetype of who and what women are and what they are seeking, but more than that I would say the current stereotypical romantic comedy is far bigger an influence.

Realistically we are entering a the third generation of broken families in many cases, where folks no longer have the same types of families and communities that influence their selection of a marriage partner in the past, so women (and men alike) are all willy nilly in their choices....

I ain't looking for a prince, I'll take a King. A Prince cries for himself, a King cries for his people...

Single Black Male said...

Someone on my site said any man she is with better be able to carry the universe on his back.

I don't know what or when it happened but even Prince Charming seems to not cut it for many anymore.

As a guy your not allowed to have those type of expectations. I do blame those fairy tales!

Tony OH said...

Now that's what I'm talkin bout Big Bruh!
Unfortunately not many Sistas recognize.
Great Post...You da truth!

The True Urban Queen said...

Well, I don't believe in fairytales never have.

Don't believe in perfection either.

I am so far from prefection.
But, I ain't gonna put up with no one's mess. Been through that and never again.

I believe I am a caring, kind person and look for the same. Someone I can talk to, laugh with, and cry on. I like time and attention.
Football players, rappers, and men with PHDs don't impress me. I've been approached by a few. And I'm like big deal. I don't care about that. I like someone with a good heart. Yes, I need to be attracted to him.

I'm a mother so I understand spending time with children.

After you cook and I eat. I know how to get up and go exercise.

I don't have to sleep with, hang with, talk on the phone to, live with, etc your friends.

I'm a simple girl. It is men who are difficult.

1/3 of what I used to be said...

I agree most women are caught up in image then what they really want in a mate. I for one dont date guys..I date thier hearts and whats inside of them. Looks matter little to me(well he's got to be taller then me..but thats a preference lol). So I'm glad you putting this out there.

VE said...

I don't think most people have any idea what they want. And why does it have to be all packaged and categorized like it's sitting on some shelf at Costco or something? Why not discover it along the way?

Curious said...

No fair. Fat Lady beat me to it. She said everything I wanted to say and more. Prince Charming's sword cuts both ways.

Anyway, congrats on reaching 400. How question is how are you going to celebrate 500?

Don said...

it places fictitious standards on real life such that many are blinded by ones accomplishments and material attainment more so than the character yep. as always you make a great point. you even go about making the great point in a way where a reader can not deny the truth. even if that reader doesn't want to hear the truth. the truth is being heard.

life is about feelings. people are made to, and want to, need, desire, aspire, whatever, to feel a certain euphoria. no matter what the dynamics are. so i, we, you, me, he, she, they, us, everybody tends to lend and gravitate towards that which warms the heart.

women want to believe prince charming exist. men want to believe that a good woman exist. you know how it is watch sports, it's just something about that pumped adrenaline that grabs a person.

then again, what do i know. lol.

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

Like Anita Baker said "No Farily Tales".

Anonymous said...

From the way i see it (or read it) nothing wrong with that, who would complain? Yes you are no prince, but rather a King. Love the frog pic, and you kind of sexy too.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

ALL - i have been trying to chk blog more so i wont have 20 something post to res[pond too, but i failed again

Urban Thought
Thats a good question, if it is based on the ones I have met - NO

Anonymiss but isnt it the baggage, our experience, who make us who we are?

sista gp

But what of the women who never had a father in their life daily?

The Bear Maiden you sound like a general manager - scouting LOL

yea it happende so quickly and thanks for the blessing

MrsGrapevine said...
Well said, but the too, and not liking to kiss and cuddle too. I have heard it all. I value sex, friends(ship) family and food.

Neonnea I can see where u coming from so u down with fairy tales?

The Immoral Matriarch said...
I was not speaking of perfection, such only exist in the momment. And u are not fucked up sister, all of us are too a degree

hawa Thank you, I would hate a woman to be with me because I did my job as a man, provide for her, cant a woman take care of themselves, I know a ho, bitch, dame or broad cant, but a woman can. Did u accept my apology?

T.C. said...
It is work, but who wants to work for anything now? Most folks want to have stuff given when they ask but not give in return. You want honestly, someone honest, loyal, fair, intelligent, open to going new places and loving life, makes me laugh and can handle all the complexity that is admittedly me but from my understanding and experience, when they get it they fuss and complain.

bookfraud LMBAO at dick cheyney. as mary Shelly’s protaganist.

Fat Lady said...

All I can do is appluade and ask why u take the words out my folk Curious mouth? LOL
Sex aint bad, but a man or woman needs completeness, thats whyvi disagree with the baggage argument

Aunt Jackie said...
BRAVO......I am or consider myself a King, a silver back, an alpha male

Single Black Male Someone on my site said any man she is with better be able to carry the universe on his back. so what was she willing to carry if anything, sound like a free loader to me

Tony OH
Good looking folk, but I am only older than you by less than a year LOL

The True Urban Queen
Do I detect gender bashing? So its always the mans fault, is that what Frued called displacement. Can a woman ever be complicated or wrong? I think it’s a people thing and not a gender thing, itis just this socialized norm is made for women.

1/3 of what I used to be
You welcom hon, hope u sustaining

I feel like im listed in the Firestone Sunday newspaper flyer LOL

Thanks man, if im a live with a fat one and some beverage - preferably Tequelia.....I had a talk with Fat Lady 4 u LOL

Poetic as usual, and you know a lot. So get the books out folk

Tha BossMack TopSoil
Thats a tight Album folk

Yes I am a King I agree but sexy, don’t know about that, next u will be calling folk a pretty booy and I donbt get down likew that

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

"I am not prince charming, I am Torrance Stephens, a man, and more importantly, a human being."

Well I heardddddddddd that!

Jaded said...

There's a reason those books are in the fiction's not real!

I think that's why divorce rates are so high. Men AND women buy into that ideal...the one that says you meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. They never talk about what happens in the after part, y'know, where things like housework, changing diapers, paying bills, cleaning toilets and all of that happens. When people realize that a relationship takes actual WORK, they freak out and think it should be easy. Nothing easy about it.

I heard a saying once that went "A woman marries a man expecting he'll change, and a man marries a woman expecting she won't." I think that's a big part of the problem. Expectations. I, for one, appreciate your honesty. I know who I am and therefore know what I want vs. what I need. I do know the difference. Some people confuse the two.

Jennabee said...

Wow...this is so true. I am guilty of being infatuated with the idea of a "prince charming" coming to sweep me off of my feet and save me from danger. But, I had to change my perspective on that...First of all, no one is coming to rescue me or save me, It's God's job to "save us" plus I believe true love is about 2 complete people coming together to share wonderful lives together, (2) because my so called prince charming may not be arriving in the package that I have been taught he will (tall, dark, and handsome) I (women) can't get caught up everytime they see that image by thinking, "oh this is the guy that's gonna rescue me,") and
(3) Beauty is in the eye of the when the special person arrives, even though he may not be prince charming on the outside and perfect...he is to me..because true love is unconditional, in a sense he will be "my prince charming".

Jazzy said...

Congrats on the 400th post

Marleaux said...

Well, they didn't have fairy tales in Compton. Just real life relationships, as presented by our parents. So I looked at my mother's past relationships and determined what I didn't want. I would never go for the athlete, movie star, rich man. Wealthy men always equal abuse to me. I'm still trying to get over that, but it makes no differnce, because my byf won't be bringing home a six figure check anytime soon.

And yeah, he cooks daily. His fav is fried pork chops. Now, I don't have a problem eating, though I wish he would bake them, but he knows that I can't exercise for a while, so if my azz spreads, I better not hear a word.

Tin Ma'am said...

I dont know what your standards for a mate is, but mine fall into 5 basic categories:
1. He puts me first.
2. He is more "masculine" than I am, in the sense that he will sky dive, rappel, climb mountains, is stronger than me, as emotional if not less so than I am.
3. Capable of being spontaneous and fun, because I am, and I want someone to go with me.
4. He needs to be self-aware.
5. Gives me respect and loyalty.

sista gp said...

you asked, But what of the women who never had a father in their life daily?
Same as having no positive role model in her life. Her decisions can be based of false identities presented outside the home, such as music videos, soap operas, reality shows, etc.
Her choices are not destined to be failures. It is all based upon what she is exposed to and what she is taught to seek.
Even if she had a hard-working dedicated father, it does not mean that she will choose the same as a mate.
Take sisters close in age who are raised in the same household with both parents. As adults, the sisters consistently choose mates that are completely opposite in character.

You can do what you can for your lil princess, but she will make her own choices.

focusedpurpose said...

balls of contradictions---all of us!

both sexes are taught a bunch of nonsense on the regular.


soupasexy said...

ha ha think i just blogged about finding price

Anonymous said...

I dont think that I have ever thought or said that I want what is called "a prince charming" but I have always been a romantic and believe in finding your soulmate, someone who is especially compatible to you, someone who is your better half, I really dont have too much criteria just want to find someone who will love me for me be honest and has a good character....but yes I agree a man is just a man, nothing more nothing less and he must be judged on his character not his financial or educational accomplishments


professor said...

fairy tales...ha...the issue as I see it is that the media has destroyed the realness of folk...I'm far from perfect, not the model type, but damn sexy if I say so myself...but dudes either want buffy the body or the tall slim lightskin sister...I fit neither I live for me...I dress for me...I buy sexy shit for me...and if someone wants to enter my world he will get the best woman around...however I'm happy in/with myself and don't need a man to "complete" ME...
BTW...I've had big and small and agree with fatlady...if they don't know how to work it it's useless and unsatisfying...

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...
To quote popeys “I AM WHAT I AM”

Jaded The first line had me laughing through the entire comment sista. How is the hubby?

u need to squash that folk, u will miss a real ni double g a

thanks hon, cam so quick

don’t hate on fried pork chop folks, I fried chicken toninght but pork on agnda 4 2moorow

PS speaking of prince charming

eazy is his name and the boy is coming str8 out of comptom
is a brotha that'll smother yo' mother
and make ya sister think I love her
Dangerous motherfucker raises hell
And if I ever get caught I make bail
See, I don't give a fuck, that's the problem
I see a motherfuckin cop I don't dodge him
But I'm smart, lay low, creep a while
And when I see a punk pass, I smile
To me it's kinda funny, the attitude showin a nigga drivin
but don't know where the fuck he's going, just rollin
lookin for the one they call Eazy
But here's a flash, they never seize me
Ruthless! Never seen like a shadow in the dark
except when I unload, see I'll get over the hesitation
and hear the scream of the one who got the last penetration
Give a little gust of wind and I'm jettin
But leave a memory no one'll be forgettin
So what about the bitch who got shot? Fuck her!
You think I give a damn about a bitch? I ain't a sucker!
This is the autobiography of the E, and if you ever fuck with me
You'll get taken by a stupid dope brotha who will smother
word to the motherfucker, straight outta Compton

Tin Ma'am said...
5 should be a given, and I agree, but if u put him first u str8, if not, now thats the conundrum

sista gp
I guess, jesus wept

So true

Obviously I aint charming

Do explain - the concept of soul mate to this all male mandrill

professor said...
Realness is gone, and fat lady, like u aunt jackie and your sis are the truth

PrettyBlack said...

All the Prince Charmings I've ever seen in fairy tales looked liked they'd rather have a Prince Charming of their own.
Give me a man who can hold his own public and in private. Give me a man who has faults but can admit to them. Give me a man who is smart but isn't defined by it.

Give me a muthafucka who can beat me in bones(cause ain't too many out there), know when to fuck and know when to make love, knows when to get the fuck out of my hair and knows when to cuddle and I'm good.

Traycee said...

Prince charming doesn't exist...There is no perfect man ....When I and fell in love with my husband... I fell in love with his strengths and his flaws didn't matter....Thats what true love is ....Some women have true love right in their face but refuse it because he didn't come riding on a white horse.....

Oh and thanks for the drive by

Jaded said...

Glad you laughed!

The hubby is fine...flawed, infuriating, compassionate and loving all rolled into one, just the way it should be. Thanks for asking.

Hope you and those gorgeous babies of yours are doing well.

nywele said...

Hey..thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I am great at cooking but it might be difficult to ship a plate of food :)..anyways..this entry is kinda harsh 'cuz i do believe in prince charming..i know i know i have to wake up..but i really do believe that the one for a person exists...not the perfect man but a man who can sweep me off my feet....
have you seen Enchanted? I am not to her level but not that far....

KC said...

Mr. Buffalo,

First of all, thanks for the comments you left on my blog - much appreciated. Secondly, you raise some very interesting points and I too will be checking this blog on a regular. My vote, people should spend more time cultivating in themselves the attributes they want to see in another (partner or otherwise) as opposed to constantly looking outside themselves for completion. It is always right where they stand if they only knew.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Give me a man who can hold his own public and in private. Give me a man who has faults but can admit to them. Give me a man who is smart but isn't defined by it... know when to fuck and know when to make love, knows when to get the fuck out of my hair and knows when to cuddle Thats what im talking about, had a woman tell me once i was soft for wanting to cuddle, and that black women dont like sex. LOL

Thanks for the drive by, now thats what im talking bout tooI fell in love with his strengths and his flaws didn't matter....Thats what true love is ....Some women have true love right in their face but refuse it because he didn't come riding on a white horse..... and i dont have a white horse and u welcome

Jaded thats good to hear and they eatting me out house and home lol

never seen enchanted, but i have seen things that turn my stomach, like a woman that wont spend the night with a man because of pillows, or who dont like to kiss...not in no movie,

1st, im not Mr. Buffalo, LMBAO
I agree with people should spend more time cultivating in themselves the attributes they want to see in another (partner or otherwise) as opposed to constantly looking outside themselves for completion. Its like a person who would say WE when nover in their life have their actions included another or themselves never offered or gave anything. I guess some people are foul and want benefits without hard work as a commentor noted regarding relationships..thanks for the drive by an do return

Anonymous said...

I just believe a soul mate is someone who balances you out, when you are weak they are strong, they are smart where your stupid kind of like a ying and yang type of thing. A soul mate should complement you and I do believe that everyone has one.....


sista gp said...

Reading the comments triggered thoughts this morning on how we incorporate relationships in our lives.
I disagree that two COMPLETE persons are expected to come together as ONE. If one is COMPLETE, there is no need for the other.
Along the lines of IntrospectiveGoddess' previous comment, a relationship is a balancing act, a strength for one complements a weakness for the other.

Additionally, soulmates should not be expected to fulfill every need of the other person simply because there may be some uncommon interests. These uncommon interests is where other relationships are sought and these relationships should not be an issue with the soulmate.
It could be a writing buddy, friend from back in the day, girlfriend/best buddy, co-worker, or spiritual guide.
A person should not seek that one SOULMATE to satisfy every need of every interest. The match for the heart/soul is what matters.

That's my two-cents this to T-ball game. said...

Great post. I think historically its been a kind of thing where: man is strong. man take care of woman. woman need man to take care of her and kids. man is breadwinner.

Therefore, out of that comes the idea of exalting this man and, as a consequence, having unrealistic or unfair expectations of him; expectations that still persist.

Tamra said...

Fatlady is very much on-point.

My addition:
Forget Prince/Princess Charming (and all of the superficial minutiae that goes along with it) --no such thing. We are all human beings and as such we all are inherently flawed--some of us can just mask/hide our flaws better than others, or pretend they don't exist altogether...

Successful relationships--whether one is a doctor, lawyer, rapper, athlete, garbage hauler, or whatever--take friendship, a whole lotta lotta hard work (really, I mean this), and equal partnering (forget that "wives submit to your husbands..." crap). And of course relationships must employ constant introspection and self-reflection. Relationships are all about evolution continuing education.

Charm aka looks, money, accomplishments, etc.--from either a male or female p-o-v with no substance, with no sense of knowledge of self, no sense of collective within a relationship, without good communication, with no critical thought or ability to troubleshoot and problem-solve within a relationship--is useless.

I've always been too independent to want or to rely on a "prince charming"--I just happened to get lucky with my husband (tho' again, we both have our flaws--BUT, we're constantly working to improve upon ourselves as individuals and as a unit).

You should always *only* be Torrance Stephens...Prince Charming is for losers.

Kudos on 400!

THE PRINCESS "C" said...

Very interesting... I love this topic.

I have never looked for a prince charming, but I do have my expectations and I have been told they are extremely high but they are high because when I meet that special someone, I do everything that I think a man would want from his woman, from my past experiences, ie (love him, cook for him, pamper him, spoil him, relax him, support him) I've done such a good job, I have a had time getting rid of men, if we don't work out.

My prince charming or the man I want, SINCE I AM FUCKING THE PRINCESS C, I want a KING, not a prince, someone that will handle me (emotionally, physically), be on my level oR HIGHER spirtiually, guide me, love me unconditionally (period) if we have that foundation, the rest I can deal with because each individual has their flaws.

And finally, men don't look for security (generally) in women, but they do look for the perfect woman, ie (the air brushed women in the mag, the video vixens, the stripper type women or the pencil then model depending on their taste) They are always claiming they want I DIME yet make PENNIES, it's f*cking ridiculousness! That's why I am single, when the time comes and I am patient, their will be someone that's taylored to me and we will compliment each other perflectly (I am strong where he's weak and he's strong where I am weak THAT's PERFECTION TO ME.

Congrats on your 400th POST!!!!!

PreciousGem-Beautifully Human said...

It's very important to recognize that we are indeed imperfect and refuse to allow others to hold us to some unrealistic standard. Seems simple enough..

DiamondsR4eva said...

It's more a societal thing, we don't learn these things until we're socialized that "prince/cess charming, the one, etc etc" are out there for us.

Lena said...

I think at some point in thime in their lives, everyone is looking ofr perfection. Just last night a guy friend of mine was talking about their perfect woman and how he's not settling until he finds her. As you mature, you realize there isn't perfection or a Disney fairytale. For me, growing up in the enviornment I did of course I wanted a Disney fairytale where some man would "save me" instead of treat me wrong. But as I matured, I realized there wasn't going be some Prince who will save me. There were going to be men out there who would treat me the way I alowed them to treat me and it was up to me to do for myself.

Tish said...

that complex started many moons ago when folks (i.e. men) were trying to take away a lady's sense of empowerment...lets create stories that teach her she's nothing until a man rescues her. make 'em clever...give the girls pretty dresses to think about and castles--all gifts from the knight in shining armor and they won't notice that they as sheroes are being snuffed out ...just my opinion ;)

12kyle said...

anutha good one, folk!

Anonymous said...

this is very true thanks for the comment on my blog.....I will sure be back to check out yours!

Anonymous said...

You men also have ridiculously mythical ideas of the perfect mate only difference is that those standards you have, say absolutely nothing about accomplishments, more of a physical type (be it Big tits on a zero fat body or the apple bottom "long hair" whatever it is) that just meekly sits there, doesn't nag and would happily bend to your desires

Women can in turn overlook ugly for a sense of security and protection is all

Clifton said...

This post is the truth!

I think the most frustrated thing for a man these days is trying to figure out exactly what kind of man the woman you are interested in wants and then attempting to be that. What should happen is that a man should just be himself and stand on his own principles. The sisters he meets should be attracted to that. That way she knows exactly what she is getting and can learn to accept that. If not she ends up being unhappy and no one can do anything to change it.

The Jaded NYer said...

Prince Charming to me is synonomous with being a "kept women" and I can't get behind that. It's actually everything I hate. And it goes against what I was raised to be- all the women in my family are super strong and independent.

However, I will admit that among my circle of friends, we do look for the rare man who can "be a man" but still let us be who we are.

Did that make any sense?

(PS- I also feel there is some truth to what Qucifer's comment, too!)

One Man’s Opinion said...

For some reason this post puts me in mind of the song, "Fairy Tales", by Anita Baker. Remember that on? I don't think most women know what they really want. Just like I don't think most men know what they want, but we normally know more so then women.
I too "aint no price charming", but I think I am pretty damn close. But that depends on the indiviual diff. of prince charming. And as you have so nicely illustrated, most tend to contradict themselves on this issue.

msladydeborah said...

I see you sparked it off with this one!

Perhaps it is time to put your desires out into the universe. That is where the right relationships are formed first. It sounds like you need a woman of true substance where it first matters~inside of their thoughts.

People contradict their expressed ideas frequently.
It seems to be human nature.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

I am down with the balance and complement deal

sista gp said...
I agree. Fol;ks will always be themselves. They just should have each other back at all times, even in anger, I also agree on the expectations - u cannot expect no one to fulfill every need of the other person
Thanks and I agree with you also, great point re man is strong. man take care of woman. woman need man to take care of her and kids. man is breadwinner.

As usual Fat Lady is. And so true it is fake a phony unreal (like reality tv) minutiae

And well said (dang do I agree this much with folk ever-lol)
Successful relationships take friendship, a whole lotta lotta hard work and equal partnering and constant introspection and self-reflection.
and u know I will always be ALL MI T and thanks

y thank u sista. You sound like a great person (I meanwoman). I am a KING. And all me want a woman that will I do everything that I think a man ie (love him, cook for him, pamper him, spoil him, relax him, support him) and if u feed me u can have your way with me and I aint mad, u have problems getting rid of them, I see why, I mean my stomach is connected to the rest of my bnody and thanks on the accolades

PreciousGem-Beautifully Human
Well said, thanks for the drive by and do return pls

So true - learned behavior

I can add no more except if he waits for perfection he will have nothing, better tak a 70 or 80 percent woman as opposed to wait on the other 30 or 20 percent in my book

Tish I can see that, but not only men, I mean who nutures? Women, they had a roile in this too. Do come back again sista

Good look mane

Daysha Writes
Y thank u hon and do return and u welcome

Qucifer said...

True, a fat azz azz is important to me, but outside of that, beauty is only sin deep some of the prettiest folk on oiutside have the ugliest hearts, and poor moral fiber. So I disagree. If you would have said a woman that comforts, support, respects, values and that a man can depend on Im with that. We are talkin about men and not players, fuckboys or the likes

Thanks folk.

The Jaded NYer
What’s a kept woman? Sounds like a slave.And I condiser myself that rare man period. And yep it made sense. I agree with Q also

One Man’s Opinion
Boss Mack said the same thing. And I agree most women know what they really want. Just like I don't think most men know what they want, but we normally know more so then women.

You fine folk man from what I can gather, and funny too

It is human nature and I will do that today. Up late I See LOL

The Jaded NYer said...

that is exactly what a kept woman is- a slave. the husband is the one in charge of everything- money, social schedule, etc, and the wife becomes super dependent on him to the point that she no longer has her own self.

I'm not sure if it still happens today, but it is my worst nightmare!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

jade NYer
wait and see what I am about to post in a few

BLKSeaGoat said...

Congratulations on your 400th post.

I cross-posted a piece that was written by another brother that descrubed the dynamics of same sex relationship and you'd probably be surprised at the similarities.

Everyone has an idealized type that the DREAM of being involved with but often time they fall very short of. In the gay community, at least from what I've observed and experienced, this is the case. A man could have a chisled body, 30 inch waist, and ass of steel and a 14 inch penis and many of us would still want more --- and that stuff only addressed the physical!

The older I get the less speceific my type becmes. That could be from just getting older or simply discovering that in reality people are just people and that if I want to love someone I'll have to be ready to accept them for who they are.

N'Drea said...

Congrats on reaching the big 4-0-0!

Do women nowadays believe in all that fairy tale stuff? That's for the movies and fiction.

I'm not even asking for a perfect man. Why? 1) He doesn't exist. 2) I'm not perfect either.

Lovebabz said...

Happy 400! Sorry I was preoccupied with my 45th...BIRTHDAY!

THANK YOU my friend for that most elegant poem! I shall cherish it always!

Lovebabz said...

Happy 400! Sorry I was preoccupied with my 45th...BIRTHDAY!

THANK YOU my friend for that most elegant poem! I shall cherish it always!

Anonymous said...

Understandably so Doc. This ficticious being is nothing but a figment of most womens imaginations. Throughout my long, lengthy span on this earth (20 years and counting) I have come to the most EVIDENT conclusion that women DO NOT know what they want. I am no shovinist of no sort, but I do believe that "logically" speaking men need to be in some sort of upwards command of their respective women. I will expound upon the ideology if need be.

-Brandon Wilson CAU (Stats 12pm-12-50pm)

karrie b. said...

yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! congrats!!! here's to 400 more...


VertigoVirgo said...

Congratualtions on making 400! Hmm, now about what you wrote. I think women have been placed in that role by Men themselves...e.g. Fathers to daughters, and its been since Mideval(sp)times when the fairytales were being written. Then women carry it out...its generational I think...and I'm not to sure there is anything wrong with it, except that women need to understand that Prince Charming did not have magical powers, and had to fight Dragons, and weeds of thorns to get to the princess. Today those dragons and weeds of thorns can be translated to other things that are a difficulty for a man (jobs,bills,baby mama's etc.) that get in the way, or temporarily hender having a succesful relationship with a woman, and women need to understand that. Also, every Prince Charming is not the same...he's not "cookie cutter" what is a prince for someone else,may be my worst nightmare and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with wanting "Prince Charming"'s just that one has to understand that the Prince has limits, that's all :)

T.C. said...

LOl at your comment to me...well women complain about any and everything right...i am learning how to communicate my needs and wants without sounding like i am complaining...but how can i when everything i say seems like a critism...but men complain and have "critisms" too..just that i am more receptive than he is...i think

2sweetnsaxy said...

First of all congrats on the 400th post. :-)

I have two thoughts on this. I believe the Prince Charming thing is all in how you look at it. I think most women who fall in love with the right man will inwardly feel this man is her Prince Charming whether his castle is a 2-story on a huge lot or an apartment in the hood. I don't think it's so much what he has to give her in as much as how it is he makes her feel. Is he willing to give up his "kingdom" because he loves her just that much?

As far as men not growing up with fairy tales of Princess Charming, you're right. BUT they do grow up with visions of centerfold models and porn actresses who will just as much ruin the idea of a real woman as men thing women are ruined by the idea of Prince Charming.

Not all women are lost in dreaming of Prince Charming and I'm hoping all men aren't lost in dreaming ofthe centerfold porn queen... but many are. I'll agree men and women both need a grip on reality.

I'd like to do a counterpost to yours and call it "I ain't no porn queen". :-D

YoungBelizeanLady said...

I don't believe in a prince charming, fairy tales are just fiction and entertaining when one is a child.
However, the idea of being swept off one's feet is enticing. When I say that, I mean it metaphorically. When you meet someone that is a breath of fresh air, it definitely becomes interesting.
I like this post, sorry it took so long for me to get to it.

hawa said...

torrance: I most certainly did accept your apology. I made sure to leave some love at my blog and at your old post.

You can't chase me away with a stick OR a misinterpreted statement! LOL


Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

thanks hon, and according to myv ex my penis is just 9.5 by 6 inches so I fall short too lol

N'Drea said...

Thanks and I meet ones that do and ones that say they don’t but hold u to the hourse and carriage standard

Thanks sister

Brandon Wilson CAU (Stats 12pm-12-50pm)
For the first time, out side of your views regarding MIS in s. africa , I agree, somewhat

karrie b.
Thanks folk

Thanks, and I jhave been called a dragon LOL

Critisizing is for Alexander Oneal (im old school) lol

Thank u and no one should give up a kindgodom, although im like Im the king, the trainb is going this way, come or stay

I cant wait signed porn king LOL". :-D

Being swept off feet is same to me, but glad u could stop by

Thanks folk Good look

Tera said...!!! That's fantastic!

I don't know what I'm looking for in a man...all these myths and why men aren't looking for a black woman who is "cornbread fed" are just too much for me to handle!

I'll just remain single for now...of course having faith that "he" is out there somewhere!

BossLady said...

Hah Hah It was amusing what you wrote i enjoyed it your wrinting style it reminds me of a great deal of myself and what I go through, but it goes both ways what you said men want a woman to clean cook and maintain a productive home but they dotn want ot support a woman who just stays home all day

Veronica Wright (Hunnie) said...

FO-hundredth post!!! MY LAWD that's alotta typin!!!!



tz said...

I agree with sista gp. My Dad is the only "Prince Charming"
I know of, because he honestly SAVED me.I'm marrying my
"life-mate" in a couple of months, and I know he's not perfect...but perfectly made for me.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

thanks and dad sounds great, and congrats on u recogonizing he aint prfect but that he is yours

thank u ver much - im a writer

thank u and do come back

lol yep cornbread lol

Anonymous said...

Torrance I can tell from your broad range of topics that you are a deep thinker!You dont live to exist ,you exist to really live! With that being said I find this topic interesting as well. I dont buy into the whole Prince Charming ideal.It has set many a woman up for huge dissapointment. The Prince Charming that I read about in books like Cindarella during girlhood was a story! Its unrealistic to demand or even expect perfection in another human being. Sh*t I'm not perfect.I have been saying for years that I'm a work in progress and as long as I'm waking up to see another day will probably always be just that!Another day represents a new opportunity or new perspective to an old way of thinking or doing something. I dont believe in the "perfect mate",only the perfect mate for me" .I have heard women and men alike say that they seek someone to "complete them". Sorry I'd much rather have someone to "compliment" me. Infact we should compliment oneanother.If I was a whole woman when we met ,why would need or want someone to complete me! When people stop placing unrealistic expectations on others and appreciate people for who they are , really get to know them as a person, there will a lot of "lonely hearts" desperately seeking Prince or Princess Charming.Just me 2 cents of course!

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