Ok. First, folk here cooked prime rib tonight such that the meat pulled from the bone – dang.That said, this is for the men, even the lurkers, but I wont hate on any woman responding on behalf of her men – but not what you want, but actual behaviors evinced. So here goes.
1] How do you respond or feel when your favorite teams looses, to a rival or in a championship game like the Super Bowl (true I was reminded of Memphis – Kansas last night, guess I’m not over it)?
2] How do you live your life such to show your spiritual connection to a higher power?
3] How do you see your role as a father, and what does it mean to be a father to you?
4] If you are the single provider responsible for feeding, clothing, shelter or any other necessity or frivolous request for your family, how do you expect your woman, wife, son or/and daughter to show appreciation for such? Do you think they would reciprocate appreciation?
5] How do you define your role as a man to your family and what is the single most important aspect or act you can define in the capacity of fulfilling that role?
6] What would you not do for your wife, woman, son and/or daughter as the man of your household?
7] Is there a difference in how you express love (not sexually) to your woman or wife when compared to your son or daughter?
8] How do you describe the passion for a son’s love when compared to the passion for a daughter’s love?
9] What does it mean to be the man of the house and as being such, what appreciation and/or value to you expect to receive from your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?
10] How should your work ethic be appreciated or valued and reciprocated unto you by your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?
extra credit: How do you see and define your responsibility to your community?
Lets b honest
39 comments:
NO THE WOMEN ALL PAUSE!!!!!
WELL DO ONE FOR THE LIL SISTERS!!!
thanks hon know u always got my back folk
Somebody smack me...cuz I know I'm lookin good...LOVED them
Men all pause...I miss you and meeting in the ladies room...drummer was ill
Shouts to Joyce Fenderella Irby
Burnt, dont even want to watch TV anymore or talk to anyone
ESP if it was close.
Not on the outside or not obvious to others...personal relationship stays personal
Haven't thought about it; still not sure if I want to be a father...more so because of society than anything else
I expect them to show appreciation by respecting what is providied and what it takes to get there.
Some of these are tough being single and childless
I do love the post and the thought process...I'll be around to read the answers
I need a person like you on the messageboard.
e.
I'll just answer straight up.
1] How do you respond or feel when your favorite teams looses, to a rival or in a championship game like the Super Bowl (true I was reminded of Memphis – Kansas last night, guess I’m not over it)?
Man, I have been known to have bouts of depression over a loss.
2] How do you live your life such to show your spiritual connection to a higher power?
Hate to think about it. I have a lot to atone for.
3] How do you see your role as a father, and what does it mean to be a father to you?
Do as much as you can, for as long as you can, and hope it makes a difference.
4] If you are the single provider responsible for feeding, clothing, shelter or any other necessity or frivolous request for your family, how do you expect your woman, wife, son or/and daughter to show appreciation for such? Do you think they would reciprocate appreciation?
I don't expect appreciation for doing something I'm supposed to do.
5] How do you define your role as a man to your family and what is the single most important aspect or act you can define in the capacity of fulfilling that role?
I really don't have that role anymore, other than to be around when someone calls.
6] What would you not do for your wife, woman, son and/or daughter as the man of your household?
Be an enabler.
7] Is there a difference in how you express love (not sexually) to your woman or wife when compared to your son or daughter?
Yes.
8] How do you describe the passion for a son’s love when compared to the passion for a daughter’s love?
N/A
9] What does it mean to be the man of the house and as being such, what appreciation and/or value to you expect to receive from your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?
Again, it's your job. You do it because it's a responsibility you choose to take on. No appreciation necessary.
10] How should your work ethic be appreciated or valued and reciprocated unto you by your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?
I hope my Son understands that you work for it, no one is going to give it to you.
extra credit: How do you see and define your responsibility to your community?
I don't. White Folks are doing okay all by themselves in their self-denial little worlds. They need no help from the likes of me.
i'm just here to applaud Terry's answers!
The few, the proud.
You done well Terry!
1] i loose it, cant read paper or lok at espn for a few days
2] i try and b truthful and honest and loving and treat all as i desire to be treated by example
3] as paramount, as a teacher a provider a shoulder a hand. it is the hardest job in the world and i love it
4] i expect them to support, love comfort and show they apreciate what i do in the way they feel i would make me smile the most and do so with pleasure and gratitude, whether its good grades, being polite, not talking back if kids, or being there for me if my wife or woman such that she will do anything for me as i would her
5] its difficult, singularlly it would be unconditional lovevia providing and protecting them = security
6] nothing - would do all within my power n reason
7] no
8] no difference
9] i expect them to make me happy and keep me happy
10] it should be humbling for them to know that i work for them more than myself
extra credit: the same as i do toward my family - one in the same, fam jut more immediate
I don't know if I should pasue or not. But, 1) I learned alone time ago, unless the owner of the team is sending em a paycheck, the loss is no big deal to me. 2) I tend to share my faith openly with others. 3) I am a step-father, and my role is to provide and give guidance. 4) Not single. 5) My role as a man is to face up to and take care of my responsibilities. 6) I will never fail to consider their best interest before making a decision. 7) well, of course their is this sex thin with my partner. I however provide lots of hugs to our kids. 8) I see no difference in the two loves. 9) Answered above. I expect them to take care of the things I provide and never abuse my generosity. 10) My work ethic should be viewed as my commitment to provide for my family. I expect verbal and emotional support for my effort.
That's it, no extra credit for me. I don't even know if I was allowed to answer in the first place.
eclectik, terry, WhozHe
i feel as men we should reaffirm our definitions that purport family, as well as show that regardless of race and age and religious orientation to express that we all have the same universaql committment is supportive for us and instructive to others who may be on our roles one day thanks
whozhe - no extra credit needed lol
aunt jackie
ditto
here we go...
1] How do you respond or feel when your favorite teams looses, to a rival or in a championship game like the Super Bowl (true I was reminded of Memphis – Kansas last night, guess I’m not over it)?
plez sez: it's like a punch in the stomach where i feel kinda nauseous. i'm very competitive, i hate to lose, and i hate to cheer for losers (actually, i'll jump ship in a minute)! but there are a few teams that endender that kind of devotion (Georgia Tech football... okay, there's only one!). i'm fine if we lose to a better team, i'm SICK if we lose when we were supposed to win!
2] How do you live your life such to show your spiritual connection to a higher power?
plez sez: hmmmm... tough question, i guess the short answer is "i don't!"
3] How do you see your role as a father, and what does it mean to be a father to you?
plez sez: my role is to be a rock of constant familiarity, it doesn't matter how things change or how my daughter grows, she should always be able to rely on her father to provide security, shelter, nourishment, and encouragement in her endeavors. check her out playing the piano for her recital last sunday here!
4] If you are the single provider responsible for feeding, clothing, shelter or any other necessity or frivolous request for your family, how do you expect your woman, wife, son or/and daughter to show appreciation for such? Do you think they would reciprocate appreciation?
plez sez: to be honest, i don't expect rewards or kudos for doing things that i'm supposed to do as the head of household. when i was growing up, i would ask my parents to be paid a small sum of money for doing chores around the house, their reply was that you don't get paid for doing what you're supposed to be doing! you get paid for going beyond and raising the bar... as such, i don't seek appreciation for being a good husband and father.
5] How do you define your role as a man to your family and what is the single most important aspect or act you can define in the capacity of fulfilling that role?
plez sez: asked and answered... see #3.
6] What would you not do for your wife, woman, son and/or daughter as the man of your household?
plez sez: there is NOTHING that i won't do for my wife. the only thing that i won't do for my daughter is give her low expectations... whatever she does, must be done well and to the best of her abilities!
7] Is there a difference in how you express love (not sexually) to your woman or wife when compared to your son or daughter?
plez sez: of course! my wife is a mature and we've been together for over 20 years. my daughter is immature and we've only been together for 6 years. my daughter gets the lion's share of my affection, adoration, and encouragement, because she needs it as she grows into a young lady. i pray that i am preparing her so that she does not settle for a man who will not love and adore her, as her father does.
8] How do you describe the passion for a son’s love when compared to the passion for a daughter’s love?
plez sez: i was a son, but don't have one. kind of difficult to provide a good answer here.
9] What does it mean to be the man of the house and as being such, what appreciation and/or value to you expect to receive from your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?
plez sez: partially answered in #3. i expect my wife to love me unconditionally. i expect my daughter to grow up and be a valued member of the community and make lots of money to shower on her dear old dad! *smile*
10] How should your work ethic be appreciated or valued and reciprocated unto you by your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?
plez sez: they should take notes and see that you don't succeed in life without hard work. nothing worth having comes without a price. if my daughter learns that one lesson (that the only reason there is money in the ATM is because i worked to put it there), i will be happy!
extra credit: How do you see and define your responsibility to your community?
plez sez: my responsibility is to provide uplift to my community. our household should always be presentable and an asset to the community. our behavior in public should remind all that we occupy a civilized community. and we have an obligation to help those who are less fortunate than us by our deeds and by providing an Excellent Example for how one's life should be lived.
WOW! that was tough!
Hey Baby. I figured this would be a good place to let the young mens know I am accepting applications for a new sugar son(opposite of sugar daddy) since this post is for the mens. If you interested holla at your girl. Take care now
Signed
Ruthie Ann
I haven't thought of
1 - I get quiet and introspective. Then I bite the head off any fool who's dumb enough to remind me of the tragedy in the following weeks.
2 - Turned to a Gnostic form of Christianity, much much reading, in tandem with certain aspects of the Yoruba religion too. I've worked in churches since I was 15 or so but that's had little to do with my spiritual growth or connection so far -- I just like the music. My ancestors are my connection to understanding Christ and the spirit world.
3 - Not a father at this time, so can't really answer most of these questions yet. I guess right now my "role" is avoiding fatherhood until I'm a lil more solvent financially... I'm sure my views will change when/if I become one... but I've always thought of fatherhood -- and the strings -- as a lot of love, a lot of time, a lot of sacrifice. You don't expect anything in return, and you may not get much in return, not tangibly, but you get it back and then some, spiritually, if you do it right (and, I suppose, if you don't).
Great post!! and you guys have some great answers. LOL @ Pew View.
1) I get so emotionally invested that I try to kick the tv or throw things across the room, I scream at the players as if they can hear me, then I begin to pray for divine intervention. Last, after they lose, I vow to never watch another game, and that all changes at the start of a new season. I'm in Dallas, so the last few years have been tough for both football and basketball.
2)Through marriage, I never thought I would ever get married, I was too independent and now look at me barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen.
3)My husband is a great father, he's not afraid to discipline, to teach our sons to think before they act, he loves spending quality time with them, including reading books and praying. He tells them they are loved only a daily basis.
4)We have a family business, but my husband handles the physical labor. I think he loves providing for his family, he's a traditionalist, and the more he provides the further he sticks his chest out. All he asks for in return is gifts of "Ass, Cash, or Gas."
And since this post is for the men, I will stop there. But, I always have to put my two cents in.
I like this post because you presented it to the men...and I love this post because the men have responded...
Nice.
I really love the answers given by the men! LOVE IT! Now can ya'll spread the word to your brethren?
Haute (in LOS ANGELES ;-) thanks you kindly.
It's so nice to see that you guys think about some of the same things we wonder about. Kudos to you for putting it in black and white and the answers from the men are very interesting, insightful!
I give this post two-thumbs-up-and-a-bowl-of-grits.
When I get home, I'll see if my fiance would like to respond.
Other than that, I look forward to a similar question-and-answer for the ladies.
Hawa from
Fackin Truth Blog
@ Pew View
LMAO, you are too funny!
AT Mr. All-Mi-T
Love this post, it's great to see the men's responses, learning so much as usual.
This post was very insightful into the oft times non-verbal world of men. Many thanx.
HEY, THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AND ALWAYS READING MY BLOG I HELLA APPRECIATE A READER, LOL HOPE MY BLOG DOESNT BORE YOU. I THINK YOU MIGHT BE THE ONLY ONE THAT READS IT. ANYWAYS U ALREADY KNOW I AM NOT TRIPPING IF IM ON YOUR BLOG ROLL, ITS AN HONOR.
MALI
Rarely do men get the opportunity to share their feelings on what it means being men and being nurturing, stable, faithful and caring Men.
Very well done Mr. Stephens. You have made me happy today!
1. I am never so invested in a sporting event that it ruins my mood. I could see if I was getting a check.
2. I give thanks for each and every day. I take full advantage of the gifts that God has given me.
3. I'm not a father but I would try to be a provider, guide, and an example for my child(ren).
4. Appreciate should be shown by being the best they can be (kids) and every now and then letting me know that I am doing right by them.
5. Being responsible
6. I would never do what they should do for themselves.
7. Not having kids, I can't answer this one.
8. Same as above
9. It means being the leader of the family. Taking care of your responsibilities. Appreciation should be a fully lived life.
10. It should be mirrored by them.
EC: My role in the community is to be a role model and mentor to those who are not as fortunate.
Not married! Never married! No kids! Plenty of women, but never allowed one to corral me, and I'm 50.
So I can't really answer these questions.
But I would like to say, along the same lines, that there are very serious problems with morals in my community. Too many persons have very low morals. We mostly have Hispanics around here, so I'm not discussing Black folks too much. To me it's just little simple things, like being a decent person. Everyone around here is out for something. If they see you, first thing they ask is to "borrow" money. As a general rule, you will never see it again. I live on a low income of $11,500, but I never "borrow" one dime from a non-family member. I don't really owe anybody any money at this point in my life. I've repaid all my debts to other humans (forget the corporations and governments - I did them with bankruptcy!). For me to walk up to you ask to "borrow" $3 or $5 is a low-life act in and of itself. It degrades me as a human and as a man. And if I did not pay it back, I'm lower than a slug or a worm. People around here never really pay back either. Plus, you let them into your house and they steal things from time to time! These are young males about 18-21 or so. Theft is typically really petty. That's low too. If you are going to rip me, rip me good. Get me for $100's. You're a scumbag, but I have to respect a good thief. If you steal $5 from me, you are just as low as the gutter. Why steal $5? If I did that, I would degrade myself for the rest of my life.
Plus there is a grotesque attitude of just grossly using other human beings. Around here, it's all take and no give. It's "ghetto" mindset. People walk into your house and start using your phone or cell phone. They jump on the computer and won't get off. They see a picture on the wall, and they say, Why don't you give that to me? They almost demand wine. They demand to turn the channel on the radio.
Also, most of the young males around here refuse to work, refuse to go to school, drop out of high school, and are always in trouble. Juvey, boot camp, jail, probation. They ALL live off stupid women! These women give these worthless "men" money every single day and these guys never work a day in their lives! Furthermore, most of them are thieves of one variety or another.
I wasn't brought up this way. To me, these people are just nothing more than animals. It's like they were raised in a barn. I don't know if the solution is, if it's religion or what, but this place is like gutter morals.
I'm not singling out any race here, and most folks engaging in the behaviors above are Hispanic, not Black.
I think it's cool Terry is talking about MORALS cuz that is clearly something in short supply around here!
1] How do you respond or feel when your favorite teams looses, to a rival or in a championship game like the Super Bowl (true I was reminded of Memphis – Kansas last night, guess I’m not over it)?
S.I.C.K. - Man just thinking about it turns my stomach especially if its my football team. I'm learning to take it better though, but my wife still says I act mean and she doesn't want to talk to me after a loss.
2] How do you live your life such to show your spiritual connection to a higher power?
Try to do the right thing and showing my kids that it's OK to see a man worship when we go to church. You don't have to try to act cool, if you really are you're cool when you worship too :-)
3] How do you see your role as a father, and what does it mean to be a father to you?
I see my role as being the one to hold it down and support my family, emotionally, financially, whatever. I expect to always be the hardest worker up in this camp. Being a father means being the one everyone looks to and I'm cool with that role.
4] If you are the single provider responsible for feeding, clothing, shelter or any other necessity or frivolous request for your family, how do you expect your woman, wife, son or/and daughter to show appreciation for such? Do you think they would reciprocate appreciation?
I would just expect everyone to handle what they need to handle and that's appreciation enough.
5] How do you define your role as a man to your family and what is the single most important aspect or act you can define in the capacity of fulfilling that role?
The single most important role to me is being strong when someone else can't be i.e. the wife or kids and making them feel safe and secure.
6] What would you not do for your wife, woman, son and/or daughter as the man of your household?
I do whatever has to be done
7] Is there a difference in how you express love (not sexually) to your woman or wife when compared to your son or daughter?
With the kids I institute discipline and this is part of loving them whether they know it or not.
8] How do you describe the passion for a son’s love when compared to the passion for a daughter’s love?
I always wanted sons of course so I could prepare them for the NBA Lottery or the NFL Draft but after have a few daughters man, there's nothing like having the love of that little girl.
9] What does it mean to be the man of the house and as being such, what appreciation and/or value to you expect to receive from your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?
I just expect for everyone to handle their business and they can depend on me to handle mine.
10] How should your work ethic be appreciated or valued and reciprocated unto you by your wife, woman, son and/or daughter?
For the kids I hope they see what it means for a man to go out and provide for his family everyday and because they see that I would hope they won't settle for anything less.
extra credit: How do you see and define your responsibility to your community?
I'd like to be out and more hands on in the community but with this rack of kids we got right now staying in my lane means raising the ones we have to be productive members of that community.
The ansmer is the same for all the questions, big.
Hmm...thought-provoking questions. I definitely have to get hubby to respond when he gets back in a few days.
BTW, the team won the game we missed on Saturday, 14-16. Tonight we won 7-21. We are now 3-2 (win-loss).
I'm going to make believe that Mr. Lindsay did not just call out my people in a sweeping generalization of characteristics displayed by a few bad apples.
Otherwise my birthday week might get all spoiled.
*side eye for that fool*
I travel a road less travelled, no kids, almost but that's a sad story to be told later, maybe after the funeral and no loved one so I wasn't going to answer these questions, since a lot of them don't apply to me personally but maybe I can adapt a few.
1. After a loss I feel shocked and ashamed and try to figure out what else it was that I could have done not to make so. And then i realize I had nothing to do with it and bills still have to be paid and I move on in an hour or 2.
2. I don't really believe in a God that actually takes time to see what I or 6.5 billion other people are doing at 1 particular time. I believe in a God or force or power that has created or has been responsible the all the stars in universe and the energy that has created life on this planet. So I try to respect all life on this planet animal or vegetable, I care about not leaving the planet any more desolate or barren than when I first came into so that others after me will know beauty that I have seen - sappy I know but it's late.
3. As I said before I have no children, but I will sometimes play the roll of foster father or god father to members of my larger family, probably because that was the role my father played at times when he was alive. To me it means helping others when I can even if it means turning away at times but always letting people know even if we don't see eye to eye we will always be one family.
4. You probably don't mean the question this way, but I have always believed that you can't buy love unless you're in the red light district. So I don't expect anything except appreciation but if I don't get it well then I try to remember that whatever I gave was done out of my love and not for any personal gain.
5. I am not sure that I believe in gender specific roles any more maybe because of my orientations so I believe in responsibilities that are held by both partners in a relationship and that each should do what they do best and what is best for that relationship to flourish.
6. I would not lie for anyone, well ideally I would not lie. I think learning to take responsibility for one's own actions is the greatest thing that you can teach someone.
7. They say that when people have children they love them all the same but differently. I've seen this with my mother so i assume that if had a family I would do the same with them and my spouse.
8. I can't fake the son and the daughter's love question, I know i used to wrestle with some of some of my younger boy cousins because they would jump all over me, but the girl well she was older and there's just certain things i wouldn't be comfortable with so I can't really judge.
9. This question seems familiar, so I will just say that I would expect to be respected in my own house. There will be differences, because everyone is an individual and I would hate to see a minnie me running the house cause i know i can be a bastard at times, but respect and hopefully love would be there for me.
10. Work ethic? That's a tough one. I think everyone has to find their own calling and that's not for me, as much as may want to, to determine how they get there. Now if you are talking about chores around the house, then that's a different story because J have a list right here for my imaginary kids.
Extra Credit? I'm tired now. Just give me my grade. You can take the man out of the class room but you can't...you get my drift.
Great questions...but, you have so many good responses.
Agree with Darius -- a lot of good responses already.
I will say that as the man we are the example of what God is to our children. If we don't show any signs of His existence then they will not have a spiritual foundation. That is not to say they won't develop it later in life, but I believe we are supposed to be the "Gateway to God" for our children.
I deal with the "show your appreciation" issue quite a bit. I have a wife and four kids. For the most part, I bring in all the loot on the regular, although my wife is helping on some side ventures. Anyway, my expectation is that the kids show their appreciation by not constantly junking up the house after it has been cleaned by the adults, I expect them to pitch in an clean, and as for my wife, I expect her to not spend money like water even if there are things that she wants. There is a time and place for having a good time.
As far as what I won't do for them. I don't allow them to "belly ache" to me. If you are dealing with an issue, fine, lets talk about it, but to be a whiner, I ain't having it -- and that goes for wife on down to little man.
Son's love vs. daughter's -- it's just different, it's hard to put into words. I guess it's more tender with my daughters, but while my son and I do share tender moments, we connect more verbally than through touch. We just operate on a different wavelength, but we both get it, and it's cool.
As far as a community leader - I want to make a difference. I'm not into just doing stuff for the sake of doing it, like attending marches (although they have there place). I want to affect change over a longer time frame. I have set the wheels in motion to do that on a couple different levels. I think every positive black male owe's it to the community to step up and fill in the gap, because not all brothers are able to navigate the system and make a difference. Survival alone has most brothers on lock so those of us who are able to fly on a higher plane should reach as many as possible, but that's another conversation because in some instances, we hinder each other.
1) I bet sports for a living so most of the time the results just go down on my P & L and that's it. That said, THE NEW YORK METS make me insane like no other team. I've cried the last two US autumns over their results. The only other teams I feel emotional connections to are tne football Giants, and UCLA grid and hoops. Being a Met fan from birth, I consider myself fortunate to be able to root for the NYG and UCLA bb. Any championships they win is just gravy. UCLA football makes me kind of crazy even though I don't expect much out of them. I really NEED them to finish .500 or better each year. Every one of their games makes me happy or sad and their loss to Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl was heartbreaking.
2) I'm an atheist, so I don't believe in a higher power as such. I express the kinds of feelings to which you refer by sticking to the basic tenets of THE GOLDEN RULE and the concept of KARMA.
3) My role is to provide my son with all the necessities of life, some luxuries, and to be a role model in the sense of helping learn from my experience, i.e., showing him how to do the things I do well, and how to avoid some of my many mistakes. I feel obligated to be honest with him in an age-appropriate way, of course.
Being a father means I have an opportunity to impart a fair amount of wisdom to my flesh and blood and do it my way. I'm way more of a Phil Jackson-type father than a John Calipari-type father!
4) I provided my son and ex-wife with an extraordinarily luxurious life-style (I insisted on his attending NYC public school because I felt it was important to practice what I preached politically and to give him the same rich experiences I had as a boy). I don't expect my son to have the manners of an adult. "Thank you" and "I love you, Dad" are plenty.
I left my ex the day I was sure that not only was she not appreciative of me, she was jealous of my success and actively rooting against me. I remember it vividly. I was in Palm Beach with her and our son visiting some friends of hers who have a son the same age as ours. We were at the zoo when I got a call from a partner in my thoroughbred-racing business saying that we had sold a 4YO filly to the Saudis for quite a bit of money. I jumped for joy and announced "everything's on me...all the toys and ice cream the boys want and for the adults, dinner at The Breakers no holds barred!" They inquired why I was so happy and when I explained, my ex said to me "do you think I give a shit about your 'fabulous' career? Why don't you stop drinking all that opiated cough syrup and grow the fuck up?"
We drove back to the house in silence. I got in the shower and began to weep, knowing that it would be a matter of days before my contact with my boy would become sporadic. I sat in that shower crying for two hours.
5) I felt my role was in no particular order to love, protect and provide for my family. I felt like I lived up to that the vast majority of the time. I've already referred to the kind of life I gave them (which he will enjoy for the rest of his life and she will enjoy until he reaches majority). Whenever my wife had health problems, I dropped whatever I was doing and provided heaping helpings of TLC. There is no size at all on either side of my son's families, and his pediatrician told my ex and me that he'd top out at 5' 4" and would always be the smallest child in his classes. So, when he turned 3, I taught him how to box, knowing that if he could box properly, he could avoid getting bullied in these wrasslin dust-ups. My father who played minor-league baseball and I also began coaching him at 3, so now at 8 he starts at short and bats leadoff for his little league team and is regarded as among the top 10 players in his age bracket in lower Manhattan.
6) I felt like I did my best Phil Jackson impersonation as a father and generally promoted a positive vibe around the house. Money aside, I believe that I was a force of karmic good. That said, I have an anxiety condition which kicks in when I'm in an unfamiliar place kind of against my will with unfamiliar people and am bored and the time to expiry is indeterminate. I have to alter my mind with benzodiazipines and/or opiates or else I'll have a crippling anxiety attack. So, I made it a policy NEVER to go shopping with my ex and to avoid visits to my in-laws.
7) Not really. I'm pretty physically affectionate. Of course, I tended to share more of a spirit of compadre with my son than my wife, so I guess I showed him more love by reading to him, teaching him games, watching cartoons with him, sharing jokes and that sort of thing.
8) NOT APPLICABLE. I ONLY HAVE ONE CHILD. THE BOY.
9) See #4, but add that I expected respect for what I gave of myself. My son gave me that. I have never even had to raise my voice to him. Merely an arched eyebrow and the stern words "Kelso Jr, you know better than that" has done the trick. My ex and I had a very complicated relationship in that regard and it all goes back to Coolio, Ol' Dirty Bastard and Stereolab, and the Deal sisters, of all people. At the time, she was their publicist. My ex always had esteem issues with regard to my professional success but she figured that around rappers and rockers, I'd be the awkward White Money Guy. As it turned out, Coolio, Dirty and Kim and Kelley Deal were more interested in hearing my sports opinions than in what my ex had to say and the Stereolab folks were more interested in my views of macroeconomic theory because they are Marxists. I don't think our marriage ever recovered from that at home where she showed me no respect, while trading on being married to a professional gambler and hedge-fund manager to gain cred with her music clients.
10) For better or worse, I'm a workaholic. Make of that what you will.
EXTRA CREDIT: I have been quite fortunate in my life in that I grew up in a loving home, had a wonderful education, fascinating work, have been involved with many interesting women, and have a son who has exceeded any fantasy son I could have imagined. My parents are both alive.
But I've felt very self-assured for as long as I can remember, so I've always felt a duty to do something, anything, to add something positive to the commonweal beyond just charitable contributions. I have always taken great pleasure in volunteering to teach ESL, to tutor English, math, econ, finance, history and drama for older kids and reading, writing and math basics for younger kids. I have done such things as pro-bono financial analysis for THE NEW PRESS, a non-profit publishing house dedicated to bringing out important left-wing writers and voices.
At rock-bottom though, the best things I do for my community is to be quick to forgive and to make sure that in the course of my daily life, I'm never by accident or design making anyone's life WORSE.
I try to help my community but i think i don't have enough gold on to make them listen. Its hard trying to spit knowlege in the hood, if it don't rhyme or shine you just wasting your time....or so it seems. I won't give up though. Keep up the fight son, you like an inspiration or something... And i am hard to inspire.
Aiight folk, what's hannin'
1) depends on how we lost, if it was a blow out I'm pissed! if it was close I can take defeat and move on, still a lil hot though.
2)I try not to get into the gossip, beef and all. Just live life in a respectable way.
3)I see myself as being a protector and role model to my lil one. I want him to see how to treat a lady or anyone with that mater with respect not just go by what I tell him. To be a father is to be able to provide for your child, financially, physically, mentally or however you can.
4)Seeing as I'm not the single provider in the house, it's hard to say. I do make the majority of the money but my wife realizes and appreciates how hard I work and my many hustles to provide her with all that she has. a lil knowledge * wink wink* ain't a bad way to show either... lol
5) I define my role as one of protector, teacher, and nurturer.
6)I refuse to spoil them. I do get them things they just want at times, but don't expect daddy to get you whatever whenever just because.
7)Yeah, i don't think you can express love the same way to your son as you would to your wife. it's just different..
8)can't answer that one because I only have a son..
9)Being the man of the house means being in charge and making the major decisions when they need to be made. Not saying the responsibility shouldn't be shared and evenly distributed but when it comes down to the big decisions, you gotta step up and man up and that should be respected.
10) like before my wife respects my hustles and appreciates what I have to do to make things happen (all legal though).
Bonus: Since I live in a 97% white neghborhood, I think my responsibility to my immediate community is to show that all black men are not thugs or hoodlums and raise my son to be productive in this community.
Peace
sincere
Hey there Raw Dawg Buffalo! {waves}
You have presented some excellent questions for the men!
I wrote a piece a few days ago that was titled, "Who's In Charge? The Mantle of Black Leadership" and it outlined the need for the leadership capital of black men. A few brothas came by and shared some valuable insights with the sistas!
I am happy to see that the men at your blog are discussing some of these same issues.
Stand tall, black man, stand tall.
Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa
Thanks for the post, pretty worthwhile info.
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