Sunday, May 04, 2008

Do Right, All Day woman

Wanted to thank yawl who dropped me an accolade or two regarding my 400th post. I also want to add I love the way yawl think. Although I was torn between bashing on Lewis and Clark again (did so 2 years ago in a post) and writing on how they are experimenting on black folks again in Baltimore by dropping sewage sludge in their yards without permission (2morrows post). Instead, I was motivated by yawl, in particular MrsGrapevine, Q, Sista GP, FatLady, Aunt Jackie, the Princess CC and msladydeborah to present what I desire since im not a prince charming (and thanks to all who observed that I am a King).

MrsGrapevine asserted that men do not have such because we “have beauty queen contestants, models, video "vixens", Martha Stewart, and all these fake.” I agree completely, but still I had never searched for a perfect mate ever, only a woman that made my heart boil - albeit i have a penchant for commitment. So I started to think. I do recall that as I child I only desired a woman in terms of occupation. In fact up until jr. high, I stilled wanted her to be a super hero. From as far I can recant, from early childhood, I also desired for my mate to be a scientist, so we could explore and blow-up shit together in bliss. I too gave that up.

But up until I read the comments to this post, I had never thought about describing or labeling the perfect mate for me. So via soul searching, I have decided to describe her in accordance with one of my favorite songs by Aretha Franklin. Yep, I want a Do Right All Day Woman.

I mean, since women (or men) aint like cereal boxes where you can read what you getting with each serving before you buy it, I think that title suits the woman I desire. I think in some form or fashion, from Lolita Smith (5th grade) to Yodi and Monique Williams, to my son’s Mom and Fallon, all of these women had great qualities and bad ones - just as I do. That’s what made them special to me. None were complete and I didn’t expect them to be. I expected and understood that relationships were a growing deal and that they required hard work and maintaining like an old house or car.

To me a Do Right All Day woman is a person you can depend on, a friend first and a staunch critique of you as an individual. They want to maximize the utility of your performance. They care about you and things you love as you do. They are dependable and will love your kids and family as their own. They don’t take no mess when it comes to their man and family. In addition, she never makes excuses for what she does or did not do. A Do right all day woman is a hard worker, doesn’t expect handouts, cherishes each day of her life and is committed to WE and never is selfish or look at herself as me, I or my. They are faithful, honest and more importantly unconditional in giving and accepting love for they know they are earth, the givers of life and the true queen that a man would desire as a mother, wife, lover, sister or friend.

Now I know I still have some standards that may not be available on today’s market, and leg-blocking still remains a no no in my book. But in short, ladies you are right and wrong, I want a do right all day woman, cause im a do right all night man.


memphiz said...

I can dig the "Do Right, All Day Woman".

sista gp said...

T, thanks for the shout out.
Continue to be who you are and you will be alright.
And it feels good to blow something up once in a while, within reason, of course

Anonymous said...

ALL night? I am scared of you! LOL

Anonymous said...

Thank Raw for the shoutout, but like I told you previously every man has notions that most regular women would have the hell of a time attaining, yeah "players" and "boys" are looking only at the physical "you too want a woman that gives herself over to you, but do you know how extremely hard is for any chick today to play everywoman?? to be a good mommy, career driven?, a good daughter? a lady in the streets, a freak in the bedroom? to be strong for her man AND completely vulnerable and to the mercy and desires of a man on top of keeping herself on point 24/7 and watching what she eats and how she dressed cause it's a damned lie that men are not at least 70% about the visual? (if that wasn't the case why do we always catch you checking out all the other merchandise blatantly EVEN with us close by!!!???!)

Think "prince Charming" is a hard expectation for men... think about what most of us (not me cause damn it if I'm buying or selling into the bullshit anymore) go through on the daily!!

nywele said...

It is interesting the concept of do right, all day woman. Does she exist though? I mean it is one thing to be devoted to the husband and kids but i think it is also important to be selfish once in a while and think about you. I have so many married friends who once they got the ring, that's it, it's all about the husband and new baby and they forgot who they were before. As a result, we have little to say to each other.......

Anonymous said...

Interesting thoughts... enjoyed the read.

Jazzy said...

Leg- blocking (lmao) As far as the ideal partnership in a relationship these attributes are individual dependent IMO a do right all day woman is as unfeasible as a do right all night man. Give and take, compromises ultimately yield the dependable mate because no one person is everything. Expectations from your partner are expected making sure those expectations are reasonable is another thing. I’m really enjoying your blog now that I have discovered it.

Tish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tish said...

blogger just did something weird to my comment. well i was saying...i like the idea of a do right all day woman. i don't necessarily think a do right woman's main concern is finding a do right at night man (lol sorry my friend...more like a do right all day man) but they are possible. they of course, make mistakes (juggling what the women above mentioned-careers, families and sanity) but i think a do right woman is someone that has such things you listed in mind (coming from a place of good).i'm blessed to know a couple of married folks that consist of 1/2 do right all day women. it's beautiful to behold how those relationships function.

msladydeborah said...

Alright T, you are preaching to my chior this beautiful Sunday!

I understand what you are saying because if you remove woman and place man in your statements~it pretty much sums up what I want. And it probably rings true to people who have already read this post.

It is not a complex issue in thought. The actual execution is hard as hell to achieve.

I especially like the fact that you acknowledge that there has got to be intital respect for who the person is when you meet them. There is nothing like a dose of how it really is~to keep your head on straight.

Women and men who are productive want to have people of the same caliabler around them. That should be in your total friendship make-up or make over.

The seasoning of time and some wisdom has taught me, that if you can only like my smooth edges~my nappy ones will be offensive to you. And your rejection of those nappy spaces and places inside of me~it is a problem for who? I live with my imperfections quite nicely. Because they are a part of me also.

Finding someone to be a stand up individual period, is not an easy task. You know who your folks are when they do so.

Love is supposed to be our greatest spiritual inheritance factor~it is the one we misuse the most.
Or withhold because it is also one that renders us to emotional/spiritual fragility.

I read your post and had immediate reference points of my own pop up. I raised my family, worked fulltime,attended classes parttime and sang in two chiors every month of the year but December. When I met men that wanted to have relationships with me~what started out as acceptable and understandable~suddenly became a major fault of mine. So I fully understood your frustration with dealing with that type of mentality.

I have no belief in Prince Charming. He's a Euro-woman's rescue force.

I am a Grand Queen Mother, so it only stands to reason that only Kingly men can stand as equal in my presence. I have male friends who do so. I consider them to be a blessing and gift from my Creator. They are not life partners and I do not wake up in their presence. But I am truly glad that they have been there for me.

Hang in there T! When it is due time~that individual will step up and make herself known~simply by how she handles herself with you.

mp1 v.8.0 said...

thanks for the history lesson. I'm kind of slipping on my old school music knowledge

Anonymous said...

I feel you on the do right all day woman....and going off of what nywele said about losing yourself in your intimate relationships and kids...I do agree so I would say in the sense of a woman being that she is not so selfish that her actions are done to please her self to the detriment of her children and/or intimate partner.....but dont worry T, you will find your do right woman


Jaded said...

I agree with needing to keep a sense of self. I've seen many marriages break up because one partner or the other was attentive to their spouse's needs at the expense of their own. They ended up not being able to recognize who they'd become and missing the person they were. We each need some alone time and our own groups of friends. Mr. Jaded hangs out with his friends, and I hang out with mine from time to time. we also have mutual friends.

Plus, I am going on the assumption that you are willing to give the same in return. It's a give and take thing on both parts equally.

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

That Do Right Women sounds like what I'm striving to be...A Proverbs 31 woman...Nice Post Brotha Man!

Anonymous said...

Torrance, Ain't nobody tell it like YOU! i hear what you saying.. One can't help but laugh though but yeah i do hope you find your do right all day woman.

Lovebabz said...

I am convinced for most folks that what they say is very different than what they choose. Sure I imagine no one would disagree with any of your post. The choir would sing in agreement...amen.

I think however, in reality and I do not mean your reality but a more general over-arching reality, that we are not truly ready for what we ask for. We are not ready when the gift arrives. The packaging may be a bit unusual...or the method of delivery may be unconventional.

We don't trust that what is before Us is for Us. So we set out to sabotage and test affections and commitments. Wanting a "Do Right" person is not enough. Doing the work to become the very thing you want will attract same. Past performance is just that...past.
Tomorrow is a new day and open for all sorts of possibilities for loveships.

I believe you when you put your desires into the universe via this blog. But I wonder if you believe you. I wonder if you are wishing out loud with no real hope of getting what you want, based on what came before. I do know that every past loveship prepares us for the next grander loveship. And if we believe we are deserving and act accordingly that the love we want will be the love we will recieve. I blog this everyday. I believe this because I believe in love. And what I want is right where it ought to be preparing for me. As I am preparing for that grandest lover, my best possible self is emerging and it radiates my love signal across the air and my beloved will know that it is me. But in the meantime, love surrounds me and I stand in it. Love is already here! The making of love is the expression of love that already exists.

You are already in love. You are already surrounded in love. What you think you are missing is a kindred spirit. Another heart to support your already big heart. My prayer for you is that you have and keep all that you desire in a loveship. Just keep your heart open.

N'Drea said...

I'm just loving the qualities of the "Do Right, All Day Woman." I hope I can be that and more to my man, when he comes into my life. It'd be nice if he's a "Do Right, All Day man too. :)

All night, huh? You sound just like someone I know...LOL.

N'Drea said...

Oh, congrats again on reaching the big 4-0-0!

Aunt Jackie said...

Oh you gone' make me put on my Aretha and start singing around the house while I cook dinner.

Thanks for the shout out! and know that the Queen in me sees the King in you...always!

I am reminded of bell hooks, all about love and salvation. her two greatest works in my opinion in which she dissects the history of black men and women in relation to love in particular.

my favorite quote of hers is that a woman is much better off leaving a no good man and being a single mother than being abused and/or allowing her children to be abused and i believe the same to be true for me. Save your sex for someone who is worth it.

save you tears until you can cry tears of joy, know that when you unite with a man you are building a community and we are in desperate need of stronger community, we are in need of strength in numbers.

as a woman i have no problems following a man as a leader cuz it sure in the hell beats following a fool and/or being alone all my damn life.

life is worth living with love...get yours Torrance!!

Mizrepresent said...

I don't see nothing wrong with a "Do Right Woman" T...nor a "Do Right Man.." in fact i think it's what we all want, but you have to look beyond the superficial to find that cookie cutter here. She does exist, but maybe the reason you haven't found her could because you still shopping in the same place.

High^5 Qucifer!

The Jaded NYer said...

you had me until you said this woman had to think only of the "WE" and never herself... impossible! It's human nature to be selfish; if one isn't at least a tiny bit selfish, like my "jaded sister" already commented, one will lose themselves. And then all you'd have left is a shell of the person you fell in love with. And who wants to go to bed next to a shell of a person night after night?

I think it's better to keep your own identities and interests, have something that is separate and all your own, so that when you come together at the end of the day, you'll always have something new and fresh to share with one another.

I also can't agree with being everything to each other because that ish gets "played like the eight track" with a quickness. I know from experience. There has to be a sanctuary of sorts away from each other; you need to miss each other a bit every day or you'll get sick and tired of the same face day after day. again, I know from experience.

just my two cents...

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

yea Re-re is the truth

sista gp
any time folk, but my mom would disagree, especially that time in the tenth grad when she asked me to get a bush out the front yard and I blew it up and the police came over to the crib

yea lil momma, I hope u a momma, backfield in motion, im gonna have to penalize u - lol


The last woman I gave a ring to, 2.5 carats, lost it, she asked for another like folk here a cracker jsack box and aint feel bad

thanks folk. Im gone hit u up

comprimise is important, and she gotta take ling fat country sausage unconditionally

I was just using lyrics to song, im do right all day and NITE

im with that folks just scared of the truth

mp1 v.8.0
yea folk, do that but I was boing before u were born so u good

good look, I aint mad, I just feel like a King, and queens hard to come by, just as Kings

well spoken, and folks complain and don’t miss what they had til zip zone gone

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs Read my post on my granny when she died, she was same kind of woman a diamond treated like glass

D'lee Trecia
Thanks hon, u don’t visit no more whats up folk

u a beautiful mind. Thanks for the accolades Jones

Thats me. But I know u got one and I don’t get down like that folk
and who?

Aunt Jackie
Jackie - I knew u would feel me. My words sould tell u how hard I love

coook woman and sing

yea folk, not in home depot LOL and Q is da truth

The Jaded NYer
u can keep U, but don’t put it before the we. What kind of mother would do such. Im all ears

The Jaded NYer said...

"u can keep U, but don’t put it before the we"

okay... that I can get behind; that sounds MUCH better ;)

dejanae said...

interesting read
feelin the switchup

Taffy said...

Interesting...and enlightening as well. Shows that u know exactly what you are looking for..some people don't and so relationship never work out for them...Good luck in your search...

Deborah said...

That is beautiful. I think more youngin's these days should be reading this post to get to know what a real man is like and what it means to be a real woman instead of some cardboard cut-out imitation.

Darius T. Williams said...

Fa sho - a do right all day woman is hot! I love this concept.

Tin Ma'am said...

I added you to my Civilian Blogroll as well :-)
and yes, thsi seems like a comprehensive list.

I think you need to define what you need and want before you can go out searching for a partner... if you don't you'll end up serial dating those who you don't need to.

karrie b. said...

i'm very much in love with that song by the way..


Christina said...

Wow I loved this post! My marriage is my pride and joy! We have been married 20 years (I'm not quite 40) :)

After all this time I still get a smile on my face when he comes through the door each night. He makes me laugh until I cry and tells me I'm beautiful when I'm feeling like I'm not.

I support him, I love him, I know what he likes on his plate. When times got rough through law school I encouraged him and we prayed together.

Relationships are difficult but when you find a good person who wants to grow with you and has unshakable faith in you as a man, you will know you have found your Queen.

Stop looking and she will be in your life in no time. At least that's what I have heard. :)
Thanks for letting me share, sweetie.

THE PRINCESS "C" said...

From what I remember about the song:

"Take me to heart and I'll always love you" And nobody will make me do wrong, take me for granted...leaving things UNSURE, makes will power weak and temptations strong....a woman's only human, you must understand, she's not just a PLAY thing, she's flesh & blood just like a man"

I F*CKING LOVE THIS SONG, and especially ARETHA, great choice in desribing your feelings for a "Do Right Woman".

It is important that you define what you are looking for instead of letting what YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR find YOU. OF all the qualities you are looking for finding a "unselfish" individual is difficult but it is possible. I have no doubt that in one of your post you will write about a new love (in time) that you've connected with, God willing.

May his blessings be upon you!

Thanks for the "shout out" much love to ya!

Don said...

all of these women had great qualities and bad ones - just as I do. That’s what made them special to me. None were complete and I didn’t expect them to be.

real talk. have to take the good with the bad. regardless of whatever else. i want a woman who wants to make it last forever.

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

Anotha heata post folk.

Lovebabz said...

By the way, I like the poems published in the Dead Mule School of Southern Literature Journal.

I like the sense of urgency and dead on commitment of the one titled November 3, 2002 and I really loved the sensualness of She is Silk. Very nice.

Kawana Aminata Oliver said...

All I can say is "Im a Good Woman" period dot. Oh and thank you for checking on me, I am still here ;-)

Mali said...

I think I am a do right woman, ahah i just wrote a blog that would totally back me up! thanks for the drive by, i appreciate any comments on my writting, you got style too, stay up!

J*Shy said...

Thanxz for the blog luv! I really like your blog. Keep in touch!

T.C. said...

many folks have said what i was thinking so i'll try not to repeat...a do right all day woman is like the modern interpretation of a virtuous women...

i will speak for myself when i say that i truly strive to be just that...but as someone stated earlier its hard to be that way...all the time everyday....i have needs too you know...its just like you said you take the good with the bad and never expect anyone to complete you..,because that's not the ideal...

Lex said...

I am inspired by what you look for in a woman. It takes work to strike that balance between vulnerable and giving and strong (but not detrimentally independent).

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

The Jaded NYer
yes maam

dejanae said...
Good look poet extra-ordinaire

Thanks for the drop through and do come back, and I don’t know if it shows what I lok for as much as I am thinking I should offer as a person. Do come back

Thank you sister. I just think the men and women, especially a lot of this video age is messed up in the brain

like Bun Be sang (UGK in Touched)

Niggas often crossed the line
The movies got this boy fucked up in the mind
Not to mention the wine and codiene syrup
Combined easy access to 9's
And shit talkin' hoes that's fine
And all they got time for is four Swisher dimes
Committing crimes amped off water
And some exaggerated rhyme
So, if bein' hard ain't in your heart
Then don't start,
Niggas 'll tear your weak mind apart.

Darius T. Williams said...
Good look 2 u 2 folk, as usual, how ya living?

Tin Ma'am
civilian - LMBAO

and it would not be dating to me
I call it bone and disown

karrie b.
Thats cause u got good, exceptional taste, and them fk boys u deal with to stupid to see it

Christina Thank u sister, now thats what Im talking about a marriage, working relationship, 20 years - congrats and keep that relationship tight hon

THE PRINCESS "C" said...

You a trooper hon, for know that, are u singing to me?
Im looking to writing that post hon
and thanks for the blessings

Jones, I know I’m preaching to the chior they way your words write passion in tone and chord. And loved that joint u did for babs, the second one

Tha BossMack TopSoil
Good look Jones, I know u got my back

Lovebabz said...
Y thank u sister. Hope u like the next book of sonnets

Kawana Aminata
I know u are such a woman, and I have to chk on u u don’t chk on me LOL

Mali said...
Any time and with a anme like Mali, I know u are such a woman. Home of the Dogon, thoes inhabitants of the Mopti river region of Mali - do come by and make yourself at home, albeit I can be boring at times

J*Shy said...
U welcome and u do the same sister

Yes , that is true, we all have needs and thats what doing right
rather day or night
means for each person
at least it should

Lex said...
U making me blush - as much as this black man can turn red

Fantastically Misunderstood Me said...

Nothing wrong with that (your desires listed in this post, I mean). But that joint on leg blocking? HILARIOUS! Meanwhile, I'm trying to be on Christina's level! 20 years? I love it!!

Brownsoul said...

Love REE!

you got me sitting here singing back up... "do right!"

MrsGrapevine said...

I certainly can relate and I do like this post better. A Do Right Woman is broad and many women reading this will think that's them, but it's Torrence's vision of a Do Right Woman, that makes it specific. I like how you define right, and it's not based on some superficial trait. In other words you want a 3-Dimensional woman that's beautifully flawed.

Stephen Bess said...

Go ahead brother. I hear you. I'm fortunate to have "Do Right, All Day Woman." Yes, we have to be reasonable in our request for what we want in a woman, but we should never take shorts.

Tera said...

I love this post...the last sentence takes my breath away!

The Bear Maiden said...

I was raised to be a do right woman. Can't say it's done me any good.

Myself, I want a do-right all DAY man. Than night 'ish is way over rated. It's what's done in the daylight that I'm waiting to find.

"Will that be all, Mr. Stark?"

-eve- said...

Good post, and great punchline! ;-)

Ticia said...

I love this song.....

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

re re is the truth

r u flirting w me lol

bear maiden
yes mam lol

r u saying im breath taking

we both know u have one

i know im preaching to the chior w u

im singing with u

Fantastically Misunderstood Me
i hate leg blocking n my daughters mom did it, then said she was saving herself for marriage, then complaind bout my size now say she wants dick just not mine go figure

Danie said...

Sounds good to me...thanks for checking out my blog...I like your writing style as well...

Kai said...

I have been reading through some of the different blog topics that you have. This one in particular peaked my interest.I have to agree with the jaded nyer's comment.
Spending time together with the person that you love is a wonderful thing.However its also important,even essential to have some time apart! Being with someone that I love or care for should not mean sacrificing my own individuality , aspirations,and interests,not all of them anyway!
Is it not possible to care for someone without totally losing yourself in that person.Individuality os a good thing. Who wants to live in the shadow of another person? When you love someone you respect and support their goals and hopefully they are willing to do the same for you! If not you may need to step back, reevaluate the relationship, and think about what you really want, individually and as a couple.Furthermore people are "human" ,which means they arent perfect. They make mistakes, bad choices, and if they can live and learn even grow from the experience than it wasnt all in vain! One thing is for sure if something is NOT meant to be it wont be, however badly we may want it! There will always be a DO right , All Day Woman somewhere for a DO Right All Day Man.The question is will he "recognize her" if and when she crosses paths with him, or allow past drama issues to cloud his vision. Note that vision is more than what you see with your eyes and self anaylis is never a bad thing!

Ms. Minnie said...

this is very interesting..very good read..and no i don't mind the drive by..helped with the

Law said...

I likes... I likes... I don't want to rain on the vibe you have going here... but often times... We don't realize what we want until its too late and then there are those and there are times when we settle without knowing who we are... its only when we take a break from life to self search and self check that we come up with answers...

Answers to who we are... what we represent... stand for... what we will and will not put up with... smile...

And then we realize who we want to attract to us... not as a means to make us whole... or to complete us... but to assist us to be a better person... and to realize more of our dreams...

Helpmate... isn't that the term that the bible uses... HMmmm!

Yep, its something like that!!

SoulOnIce said...

Thanks for directing me to this post, my brotha. A Do Right, All Day Woman, in your words, is very much on point. Luckily, there are some in my life who carry some, if not most, of these characteristics.

CreoleInDC said...

I do believe you're speaking of me here. :) Excellent post!

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