When I was a child, we used to say a lot of little sayings. The two I remember most are when a person wore red we would say “red, red pee in the bed, wash your face with cornbread” and “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. So I decided to post the most painful statements that I can remember ever said to me.8 – You may never walk again and your mouth will never be the same (Dr. After I was hit by a car while walking across the street).
7 – You are to bright to believe that people will want to read stories with black male characters that are smart, talk with that kind of vocabulary and come from the streets (Publisher from major imprint)
6 – You have to sign over the 75,000 to us or loose your job. You didn’t ask us for permission (Former Employer, Morehouse School of Medicine)
5 – X has been a better father to your son than you (former wife). Funny too because he has lived with me my entire life.
4 – You have to pick me or your son. I want to kill him and I hope he dies (former paramour who once lived with me).
3 – I lost it (2.5 carat engagement ring). Just buy me another one.
2 – The baby isn’t yours, its OT’s (well know married author). Said by person who said the aforementioned)
1 – You will never amount to anything and be nothing (Former High School teacher). BTW Whenever I go home I go to her office and tell them to say Dr. Stephens is here to see you. LOL
I guess the point is that I can forgive and I forgave all. But folks should never expect you to forget what you say to them, I don’t or can’t, do you? That’s why the pic me displaying a stab wound and a laceration by a knife. As long as I see them I wont forget but break my heart, say foul things to me, just don’t break my bones or cut me.
So with that said, all yawl friends and lovers and families be safe this weekend on your adventures, romantic escapades, canoe trips and visits to grand ma – me I got a dog store to get open. vote
98 comments:
Wow, those were some pretty harsh statements made...I have had my share of things said to me that have hurt me but as you said you may forgive but you dont forget.....The deepest wounds are the ones you cant see, by the way did someone on your list give you that scar on your lower abdomen?....well Wishing you and your family a great holiday weekend and Good Luck with the dog store!
IntrospectiveGoddess
IntrospectiveGoddess
no comment lol
godtype, i know how u get down, you know mrs guilder said that to all us, the day the police came up to the school with a warrent for our arrest - funny shit. i know jones took a loss, unless it was a dame, but like i said, a dame can catch a beat down too if she come at jones with a knife - u a better man than me love. will be up in that camp soon will text you
one more thing. how is fam? little girl is a queen in the making and how is Biti? Have not seen him since he was noine. Glad to have been able to have you by my side in battle. Bitch niggaz on each side now days. My little man 6'5 in 10th grade but they dont ball like we did.
people say the darnest thing i tell you ... i forgive easily but it's so damn hard to forget! Looks like you have proved some of those comments wrong! good! and nice bod.
i don't forget....and sometimes it takes me awhile to forgive..but I'm human.
its seems to hurt more when it comes from ppl who are close to you though...
enjoy your weekend & good luck w/the dog house!
Teacher, i am with Memphiz on this, nice body. Suits were nice in class, maybe you should consider going topless for more of my attention. and you are not right for ending the picture there.
scholar
I could run my tongue from scar to scar. Baby you are beautiful!
awwwwwww. that was sad. some really hurtful statements they were. but you know they can only make u stronger and be the good man that you are today.
sup hun?
I get the sticks and stones thing...but names certainly do hurt. The good thing is that you didn't let those terribly things stop you or derail you. You have a fighting spirit that is admirable.
I certainly would hand you an axe and send you out into the world and let you conquer until your heart's content. And when you got back...neck bones for everyone!
You certainly give us all pause for what's important!
i have had some ugly things said to me in the past but you know what they have shaped me into the person i am today. i know that I am a blessing from God and i have learned not to let the negativity get me down. I pick myself up and keep it moving.
in the past it used to really bother me but now shyt i dont give a fudge. these haters cant stop me and as long as i have God on my side, I do the right thing, then i know I will be okay.
I really enjoyed this post and it despite what the haters have said it seems like you are doing the damn thing!!!
Wow...something about war wounds. I think that at some point or another, we have all had some pretty hurtful stuff said to us, but what makes us all different is what we do afterward, Dr. Stephens. Enjoy the holiday and stay up.
you've really come from a long way!
I don't forget and it is very hard for me to forgive...
but then again, no one is perfect..
You've really proven to a lot of people wrong!! :)
great body by the way ;)
That's some tough stuff to hear, glad you had the depth and heart to come out up under that.
Words can be an easy weapon and most folks sure don't understand the responsibility we have in using them.
I try not to pick anything up or lay anything down, meaning i don't buy into praise about me and i don't buy into criticism about me. I dont pick up the good or the bad words.
It's funny, sitting here, i can't think of any negative words over my life. Not saying there werent any, just saying they didn't go deep enough to bother me,
Even so, when someone says something harsh i always try and prove em right cos maybe there's some truth in what they said. Maybe i got something to learn. Often i do.
Be blessed and good luck with the store.
I had to evaluate some things the other day, and I truly have more self inflicted wounds and have said more shit to myself than anyone else ever has. YOu a strong brotha, and the Dr. part, priceless.
Sometimes the hardest lesson is finding strength in the pain that we endure. Whether it's from the words that are spoken to us, because they do have life, or the physical damage that is done to us by those we trust and love.
Next time put the picture at the end so I can focus on the words instead of constantly drifting back to that pleasant site.
Hope things go well with the dog store!!!!!!!!
Now that you have released them out into the atmosphere. They are not as powerful as when they were held close the heart of your feelings.
I know of no one who does have a fair share of painful statements that we hold close to us.
They can either be the block that we allow to keep us from moving forward, or they can be like the grain of sand that produces the pearl. Since we co create out of our desire and thoughts, we help to make their statements true or false.
The smallest member of the body, happens to be also one of the most powerful members of the body. That would be our toungues.
As a man thinks it, so it is.
What really matters T, is the fact that you did not believe that you had the lack of ability.
And we all know that when people are hurting they will use whatever is available to lash out. Even if it is not true.
That only indicates to me that the responsible party has not been able to master the art of proper combat and retreat.
This seems to be your time to release some of you inner weight. Which is probably a great way to help you keep your balance.
I was a single parent. No matter what your gender is, it is work. It is not always easy to keep things in balance. Especially when there are a lot changes going on.
But in due time and due season, it will level out.
Hi RDB,
Wow. that was some harsh harsh statements. Not sure which one is worse than the other.
The woman who said what she said about your son. Wow! How cruel and brash to say that to a parent!!!
Anyway, be safe as well. Take care.
As a Christian, I am taught to forgive and forget. I have learn that true forgiveness comes from being able to let it go and forget about it. This is what I been taught and have learn my whole life, yet in my "forgiveness" lessons, I missed the class on practicing forgiveness. How do I put those many forgive and forget lessons to use? I've accepted that I have not mastered the art of forgiving and honestly, I don't plan on it anytime soon. The negative comments towards me and the constant road blocks set by ignorant people is my fuel and motivation. I need to recall those statements and incidents as my means to drive and push forward. So forgetting is not in the plans for me. I'd rather remember it all. Perhaps there is another way to fuel my drive, but this has been working for many years...sticks and stones broke my bones but I only grew back stronger...the words that have been said linger in my head thus the reason for the armor.
-DFitz
Write is Right
Very good post!!!! Words are powerful in deed....they can build...destroy...inspire...and so much more....glad you didn't allow some of those hateful...hurtful words to stop you....Peace & Blessings
Baby I had to pulls the church fan out when I seens that picture on this post. Let me tell you chile you might have a war wound but that there picture will sho nuff get you some action in the bedroom. Take care now.
Signed
Ruthie Ann
"Dogs never bite, just humans."
Dang man. That is some messed up stuff.
Glad you still did you.
Have a safe weekend too!
Its funny because sometimes when people say things to us, they don't begin to realize the impact of their words. They just say it like it's nothing and go on about their day and we are left wounded for days, weeks, months, years. I remember after my freshman year of college, I had gained a lot of weight and I went home to the Bahamas and this guy told me that I looked "disgusting" was the exact quote. I saw this guy a couple years ago when I was at this sports charity event and he came up to me and asked me for a date. Guess what I said?:)
you just wanted to show off your divets!
Lol!
Get that dog store open and then come back and tell us how fast stuff is flying off the shelves!
Romantic escapades??? I wish! I had an anxiety attack yesterday that I feared would end in a bad way, but I was able to make it through.
I am having sinus issues...I never had these issues, only allergies...this shit is miserable!
I'm horny.
And damn it, why didn't anybody warn me that I couldn't scroll down further on that picture?!
Yes, I did notice the stab wound, and then my imagination ran wild!
Oh shit! I'm slightly drunk, so forgive me...the statements...the one that sticks out the most was the teacher that said you would never amount to anything...I bet you love it every time you go there Good Doctor!!!!!
I don't even get into the BM stuff too well...sometimes I wonder...I am so totally not like that with my children's fathers despite how much they make me want to puke.
don't even know what to say to that.
the most hurtful things have been the most simple sounding ones or the ones that weren't even said to me.
* never did get the detailed email you said you sent
* you need to work on the body :-)
You be safe as well and hope things go smoothly with the store.
I forget very well! I have a very selective memory.
The only thing I can recall is my grandmother telling me "I'm not taking care of any more babies" when she found out I was taking birth control pills. LOL I dont have any kids yet but for her to not have confidence in me to be safe...actually it didnt hurt at the time, cause we've never had a good relationship (things went in one ear and out the other) but years later when I thought back on it, it hit me. But she's a grandmother so. By this time I think my brother had 2 kids, which she didnt take care of...maybe she was speaking of me and my brother (that she raised since we were in middle school). Who knows what she meant....lol
Dayum dude! Where this all come from? In any case, you right to get it out your system.
Peace and Love,
Alizé (LoversA.blogspot.com)
Anonymous (jones)
you gone have these folks thinking i beat folks with hammers and axes lol
and i remember - for 97 of us lol
yep bitch niggaz everwhere, asked a blgger the other day if he was one - cool kat
and few months ago got n email from a kat said he wont read my blog no more cause iwrote the word nigga
so i proceeded to tell him that was bitch nigga shit lol
i disagree. now i threw lil moma to flor when she came w knife
but she cut me any way (guess thats how she showed love for shelter, food, car, tuition and even being there when her granny died)
NEVER HIT A WOMAN IF U CAN AVOID IT FOLK
and fam fine, old girl obviated herself from picture, good heart, just fickle and decitful, needs to love herself, sure she has or will find another, n will nt recall of me
and she a queen tru, biti, growing up
but 6 5, dank folk - u got my txt right
memphiz
u started this body shit woman lol
Kieya
the query is were they ever close. any woman i select i woul loved wat she loved, even kids.
Anonymous
topless lol, would have lost my job - again scholar
Anonymous
may end up with a throat full lol
soupasexy
yep they were and are but i can live with them, they make me me and are a part of who i am, i sure more to come
Lovebabz
tru, so tru
DreamCop08
glad u enjoyed it, sometimes i wonder if i should write what i really feel, not.
the weak minded only do that
Lina
thanks n i agree totally
nywele
thanks and ive never ben objectified so much by women lol
ViolentLove
i fell in most cases they just say wo reflection - thanks 4 the support and love is violent, i have experienced such
Thic Flair
true spoken like a tru man
Ms. Ki
thanks, but im not sexy sister
msladydeborah
profound The smallest member of the body, happens to be also one of the most powerful members of the body. That would be our toungues. im guilty as well
Miriam
harsh only when they were meant to hurt. dr was a quack lol
DFitz
letting it go is hard to do, i always rem my teacher. it motivates me and its hard to forget someone saying they desire to kill your seed. maybe i am wrong but i advise folks to remember all who threaten to do such
May 25, 2008 6:02 PM
Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs
thank u hon
The Pew View
im flatered....send them my way
Immoral Matriarch
well said
MysTery
yep builds character and integrity, strength, others may say i am weak who cares i know the diff
Jackie Edwards
so true, dont know what we had until its gone. none of them ever apologized either
forgive, but hard 2 frget
Aunt Jackie
divits, whats that, we have them in golf
and i couldnt sleep at all last night, things on my mind, cause im opening to day, like first day of school
Tera
dont we al desire romace and escapades, and horny, i wish i could have the 5 day supplement. last woman i was involved with flipped and said she was saving herself til marriage cause she made a promise to good
and canoing wouldnt be bade either
bm as in bile movement
and showing more would have run others away, too big is what ive been told
Emeritus
lol, what body, i dont work out, 6-2, 180
NOLIMIT
thanks, couldnt sleep at all last night, OPNING today. and i am cursed remember all i read and what is said to me, albeit i have been told i dont listen
Xavier Pierre Jr.
i write and say what i fel when it comes, u know about that i know
hey it's not my fault i started it! I just was speaking my mind lol it looks like they like what i see ... a sistah was just giving props brotha lmao
definitely not the business. that whole words will never hurt thing is such a lie. life and death are in the power of the tongue, so words can give life to a situation or kill someone's spirit. what's good is that you were resillient enough to bounce back form these hurtful statements and press on.
divits is what you got where your abs and legs hook up...that indentation that kinda frames your manhood.
those are divits.
People say some pretty cruel things sometimes.
Happy memorial day.
So question, does having positivity ever help one cover up/recover from those things. I've had some pretty shitty stuff directed into my vicnity, and I've had to work super hard to get over it. *hugs* and keep up the great work on the dog store.
rdb,
-- 7 – You are to bright to believe that people will want to read stories with black male characters that are smart, talk with that kind of vocabulary and come from the streets (Publisher from major imprint) --
I don't know why a representative from a major imprint would make that claim unless he/she believes there is no market for the work of another James Baldwin or Ralph Ellison.
On the other hand, there has been a market for "street literature." It seems to be having a small comeback these days. I've noticed special displays at a couple of NY City bookstores that were devoted to writers including Donald Goines, Iceberg Slim and a few others who built readerships by working that genre.
Then there's Walter Mosely.
Getting back to the comment, the person said "...believe that PEOPLE will want to read..."
What people? Which people? The reading market is about as fragmented as a market can get. As for characters, readers will go for any character who is believable. Of course "believability" is a function of the writer's skill at reaching an audience. But reaching an audience is tricky and sometimes more than skill is required. Luck.
However, when it comes to beliefs about all forms of art, there are still a lot of people who think writers learn how to write without studying writing. It's only in the last 20 years or so that writing schools have have become known the way art schools have always been known.
In another example, you were hurt by:
"2 – The baby isn’t yours, its OT’s..."
Was there a DNA test? Was this statement made in anger to cause hurt? Or was it said to get the truth out because it needed to be said?
Meanwhile, I see a silver lining in the admission, despite the pain it caused.
I feel the pain of those words, winced with each statement. It never ceases to amaze me the cruelty one person can inflict on another usually intentionally trying to cause pain, but sometimes thinking they're actually "trying to help", or out of complete ignornace. It doesn't matter the intent, the pain is still the same.
Words leave emotional scars. Sometimes they heal over sometimes they are sensitive to the touch.
Because of "words" I don't have a lot of confidence in what I look like on the outside but I do know it's those same "words" that made me who I am and make me confident of the beauty of the person I am on the inside. Sometimes being on the receiving end makes you more conscious of not being the one who dishes it out.
Kind of bittersweet isn't it, knowing that though you'd like to erase memories of the pain its that same pain who makes you the person you are.
Excellent post as always.
This post is so poignant and I am so sorry people said such f*cked up things to you brother. It's a shame that people are that damned callous but I love how you've overcome that. This post is truly inspirational and I think that we should all write down the 10 most painful things or whatever said to us in a way to cope and get over them if they are still a problem.
memphiz
so u like mr never work out body that much lol
JayBee
yep foul.
Aunt Jackie
so u rod stewart, think im sexy lol. aint heard a woman tell me hat in eons
Tin Ma'am
yep cruelity comes from a lack of inaction, and having no feeling for the one that is the target of such. at least they said them to my face. i can respect that
Ma'at
one should never be deciteful or mask the truth. but most do for fear, personal gain and selfishness
no_slappz
nope i didnt, but they were said, and no dna test. i have raised her whether mine or not
2sweetnsaxy
they will never be erased. i just thoes who said them will accept the powers of their words, apoligize and accept the pain it caused and dont be mad because i forgave but could not 4get
Seattle Slim
THANKS sister, i just wonder if they meant them, outside of the dr.
I've had a steady stream of hateful shit leveled at me from TF. Can't say I remember them all. It just made me realize there was something fundamentally wrong with him.
The thing is... if you can recall those hurtful statements, methinks you're still giving the words power. Still holding on to the pain they caused, no matter how much you say you've moved on. Cuz when it's not important anymore, you won't remember it quite so specifically.
Also, I think you need to spend a little bit more time paying attention to the types of women you let in to your inner circle. Cuz um, with all due respect, there's a pattern... and when you spend some time thinking about YOU... and how YOU allow those vampires inside, then you can keep them out.
"You can't control what others do or say to you... you can only control your reaction to them".
I've had my share of psychos, is all ahmsayin'.
Have a blessed day...
bear maiden
preach
Yup I think you're sexy. There I have said it. You have a sexy mind and body now its time to check out what's on the inside because that's what really matters in the end
Dayum just dayum. That's one long scar.
A crackhead in the old neighborhood told me that I was destined to become a drugdealer. Said he say it in my eyes; but he was only looking at my family's past, not my future. Worst comment I ever received.
jackie
thank u
marleaux
i know but im stronger and foia (that her blog name who threatend to kill my son and lost ring) bonin minus the bars now) so i hope the happy and she said she made a promise to god not to have sex til married - good look god lol
I'm hurting. Brave and tender post.
whoa brotha!!!!!
talk about harsh comments!!!!
forgive but dont forget....thats all you can do to not have excess weight on your shoulders!!!
that scar is somethin serious!!! war wounds huh!!!!!
iz u a former thug?? lol.....
LOL, God knows when promises aren't going to be kept. He probably snickered when he heard the word "promise". But I thought that was your boy. *shrugs* I guess not. Seems like that lost ring was a miracle in disguise...
You seem like a man who can never admit to what you do?
Is that true?
And I've read that you love your baby's mother, so why do you always write things to down her. You speak as if she doesn't love you. How can you expect her to, when you seem to want to be her father. Why are you such a control freak?
yasmeen christian
sittcks and stones hon
the flyyest
im bt trust that n bitch niga
marleaux s
donr roll w bitch niggazs and a blessing in deed, i csn save some loot now since he paying lol
anonymous
im a general, haibbal,napelon, churchill, i write the truth, else is esoteric dont hurt did i lie and yep im janet jackson, fell if i tske caare of u no need to complain if u aint woman to say other
So the woman who lost your ring was the same one who said she wanted to kill your son?...if it was um why did you want to marry her?!?!?! and um...are you sure the anonmymous person who called you a control freak isnt your baby's mom since she wouldnt provide a name?.....just a thought
Introspective Goddess
So the woman who lost your ring was the same one who said she wanted to kill your son?...if it was um why did you want to marry her?!?!?! and um...are you sure the anonmymous person who called you a control freak isnt your baby's mom since she wouldnt provide a name?.....just a thought
Introspective Goddess
introspective goddess
wanted to before that, but im safe now, bipolar after birth aint he fault she decietful
no it might e, she is an inseue and jealous ans hateful person so could be her, but im vhasing profit not pus, she had it good i aint mad
Ah... showing off the wound, I thought you were just showing off your delicious abs, um... I mean, well, never mind, YES words really do hurt the most don't they?
I try hard to forgive all the time but I never ever forget.
It's kind of like the "fool me one, fool me twice" saying.
I like the fact that you go to see the teacher that said you'd enver amount to anything and have some one announce you are Dr. Stephens.
Show that BAYTCH! She doesn't deserve to be a teacher
Yes, words can destroy people. Harshest things I've ever heard include: "You will always be fat and ugly and no one is ever going to love you" and "Well, if you had a child like you were, you'd understand." Both comments were spoken to me by my mother. The first comment when I was 5, although I remember it so vividly. The second when I was 41, and she was trying to tell me it was my fault that she beat me until I bled regularly. The words are worse than the beatings, in my opinion.
Very interesting blog. I have to agree with you though..it is funny that we can never forget those words that hurt us so much. Yet its hard to remember the good and kind words. We have to see our achievements, Dr. Stephens as a triumph over all the bad that was said to us.
SPOKEN SO TRUE...I REALLY ENJOYED READING THIS POST. THE FUNNY THING I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE TELL I CAN'T DO SOMETHING BECAUSE IT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN I PROVE THEM WRONG.
respect man..... all I can say....
greetings from the netherlands!
hey i have been over here many times, and every time i try to post a comment it doesn't do it...so that's why you haven't "heard from me" none the less...this post right here resignates very much so with me...especially since i have had some very harsh comments said to me yesterday and over the last month or so...
like you said you forgive you can't forget, but most of all you can't let those comments seep into your soul and kill the spirit that YOU know you have inside that YOU know is the exact opposite of what that person said to you...
keep moving forward bruh
Well...at least you know you're being takled about! lol! Let me go surf and see if I got any haters...I could use the boost in readership! LMAO!!!
Big Brother, worry not about what others have to say, you have a store to tend to. ;)
Very intense post here RDB...
as are a few of the comments.
It seems as though you've put up with a lot of crap from people, but you used that negative energy positively. You allowed all the discouragement and resentment to be the fuel driving your success. Certainly a perspective I need to incorporate in my life.
dang... you've had some mean ruthless chicks in ya life bruh!
We've all been told a lot of hurtful things, but the good that comes out of it always outweighs the hurt...
#3 seems shady as hell on her part, smh...
#2, if it's who I think it is all I can say is wooooooow!
I'm not EVEN going to comment on the picture :) lol...
Good one. I really enjoyed this. Humorous, entertaining, yet oh so truthful. The most emotional statements people can say are the ones we don't want to believe that are really true! That others stuff usually rolls off us like water on oil. The truths hurts sometimes! BTW, it's been a while since I visited - what is the dog store about! Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.
Big Momma Pimpalishisness
so u think im sexy too lol
Veronica Wright
u know i got 2 represent
Jaded
u said it sis, how is fam
Just Startin'
never forget but always 4give
Cat Hill
yea with faith and hard work, we make them frown
Linda
hey u thought u 4got boutme
T.C.
i will sis as long as u do the same
vertigoVirgo
i dont think folk mean that in his heart
Miss Mika
yep one has to to be truthful and express faith
Eb the Celeb
hey sista u forgive me yet and u should have come to the shop
TheophaniaPaige
y no comment on pic lol
cordieb
i try to be honest hon
That's oh so terribly whack. But I am glad to see that you did not become a victim to that negativity. Words cannot kill us, we have to remember that.
I need to swing by here more often. Good food for thought.
ErynMyisha
Yep I looked up to that teacher and loved that woman, but to say such bout my seed , folk don’t get down like that
Seven
Yep u do, just don’t say u like my divots lol
I thought it profound that you shared both the physical and emotional scars that you've encountered over the years.
Hurtful, spiteful people are society's evil. Glad to see you've risen above it all.
damn, and i know why the call u horse man, u tease, speaking for myself would love to see how it hangs and i am not the only woman
^
well damn anonymous, that was pretty blunt. i wonder who'll be getting an email soon?
Those comments don't really amaze me. Only because you are a very intelligent, wise and strong black brutha and that doesn't come easy. I believe it is because of those comments that helped you to achieve and be where you are today. Nevertheless, they were still mean and hurtful. Unfortunately you had a very bumpy road but you have arrived! You made it! Like I say.."If God felt you were weak, He wouldn't have allowed such trials" so know that you are considered a strong one. I told myself that when I was diagnosed with my condition. A doctor has also told me I would never walk normal again too. But I know who my master physician is! I'm still figuring out this blog thang so I don't quite know how to link titles. But here's the post on my condition and the things I were told. Check it when you get a moment...
http://tias-mind.blogspot.com/2008/02/science-say-ms-god-says-testimony.html
Ms Smack
Yep, I just hope they improve the spirit in their hearts
Anonymous
U don’t want to see that, but I am flattered
Emeritus
I agree LOL
Tia's Real Talk
Thanks sister for your encouragement
The worst thing said to me: "That's not your little brother, he's mine", said to me by my vindictive bitch ass stepsister in the 11th grade at the hospital right before my little brother was born. It hurt so much because I was so excited and it killed my joy. that was 13 years ago.
Wow...loved #1 though (the fact that you basically throw it in the teacher's face how wrong they were!) UGH!
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