When the grandmomma’s gone

Was talking to my folk the other day. He called me at the shop. Told me he had some steaks and chicken on the grill. It was our conversation that fostered what I am about to write.

We both acknowledged that men were slacking as a whole regardless of race and that women also needed to step up their game. We attempted to remember a time when kids were raised by just their grandparents, especially women. But could not make a comparison because there was one point in time when children received instruction from grandparents, especially their grandmothers in concert with their mothers – in particular little girls. It was that tandem that gave me guidance just as much as the men in my family

They nurtured, supported, and taught all how to take care of themselves including cooking, cleaning and even taking care of a man and ones family. Maybe I am wrong but I don’t see the same vigor in such instruction by example anymore. Mothers today maybe more likely to leave their children to the complete tutelage of their mothers as opposed to working with them as a team - not all but some. It is as if now, the child is not as important as doing themselves, going out, having a good time or what not.

I feel that who better than two women with the experience of being women, to teach a female child what it means to be a woman. I can’t even recall a woman in my family being too busy or too rushed to fix me breakfast, or read to me, or to be at my every practice or even do something that I wanted to do. It was if sacrifice was their middle name and they did so with pride. No club, not concert, nor happy hour or anything would be more important than me. Maybe I was rare or lucky, but even when I asked for McDonalds, they said no, “we eating dinner when I cook”, or it had to be a very special occasion for them to acquiesce.

I guess now, millennium mom’s are to busy. Maybe it’s a function of technology or of the age of supra-materialism. I do not know what it is but there is a difference. This scares me because I often feel as if the last remanding hope for a lot of us is the matriarchy. I mean, I remember how women, moms, sisters, aunts and grandma’s used to hold shit together in as they would say in “hell or high water.” Not only did they instruct and lead and raise, they did so by example.

Both my granny’s were considered young when I was in my youth, being in their 60s, and have raised a couple few children and outlived their husbands – to which they only had one and was with for their entire life, representing death to we part fully. But the grandmas’s of this day, are rare in the form that I stated prior, and tend to be as young as 40 years of age.

Currently, I don’t know if the patience I observed in the women I speak of so vehemently is readily available. I know it’s the age of the drive through window, TV, viedo game. Microwave and the quick fast, but I also wonder if this serves people better – having things made so readily and easily available.

Maybe it is just me, but the grandmothers of old are still around, but they are an endangered species. I just wonder who our young women and daughters will learn womanhood from, with so dramatically a rejection of making whatever sacrifice is needed to educate and raise responsible women for the future, I mean, what’s gone happen when all the grand mamma’s are gone?


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The scorn of Lady Macbeth

remember muzk u hear is jones here mane, all live impromptu funktry muzk

Addendum: They done raised the price of the AJC to 75 cents. Bought one for 50 cents tuesday from the machine-dang.

It has been said that love is a many splendid thing. This can be no truer than with respect to the love a parent has for their child. But sometimes we can be so selfish that we place our desires and even misery over ourselves to the point where we could care less about the wants, needs, and desires of our children. Which means selfishness and hate can be more powerful and of value for some than love.

I heard a popular female radio commentator say on the air, that she used to tell her child that her father did not want to see them and that he did not love them. In the same sentence she said that told the child that because it made her feel better and gave her the fortitude to justify her keeping the child from seeing and bonding with her father. And the reason, because she did not like him and that their relationship did not work out. It was during the weekend of Father’s day when I heard this. At the end; she said she regretted it for as her child got older and learned, she despised her and that, she sawthe hurt she had caused "her baby."

It made me think. I mean not to use myself, but I have been told by a woman that she would take our child, and the reason she gave was that it would hurt both of us. She smiled when she said this. I ignored it saying no woman would use a child as a pawn and desire to hurt their child, using a child’s love with their father as a weapon. I must add at that time, I did fill out legitimization papers, for if such a day came I would be ready; so if I had to fill for custody, I would be prepared and it would be joint custody, for no matter how I feel about the other, her love and parental rights toward our child would be just as important and equally respected and valued in my eyes.

I often wondered how any person; any parent would deny a child the love of the other parent. It is some of the dumbest and most selfish shit I have ever heard. Up there with weapons of mass destruction and reminds of William Shakespeare’s play Macbeth.

All Lady Macbeth cared about was herself and the idea of being Queen, but at the same time, she despised her husband for his kindness as king. In her heart, he was not evil enough, as she was to be King. She even called him a coward for being just and kind and loving and stated that she had no pity and would even kill her own baby as it suckled at her breast, if she needed to please herself.

So is it true? Is there any justification for a woman to use a child to get back at a person for a failed relationship? Especially if the requirements of love and provision are provided for the child? I would suspect in some case the said woman may even be provided for by the father, but still may lack consideration for the child desire and love of that parent.

I would suggest that a person that does not has no love or concern for their child, especially if the child is not being abused or neglected. That if they did, they would desire for their child’s happiness to come first, in particular if the child had a strong bond with the father. But I also feel that women who grow up in homes with the father present would not do such, for they would have learned the value and love that a father or any parent would give under optimal circumstance. I also feel that women that do not have such in the home do not see the importance of a man in the lives of children and may even be the type to say they don’t need a man. I think that such is what is wrong with our communities and leads young women to think their value is only in their looks and sex, or worse, that they can only make a living by turning tricks or stripping in front of some rapper.

Yep, we men do neglect our fatherly responsibility at times and that’s something I have written about a lot. But not all of us. So ladies you tell me, why is it that some folks cannot live with the reality that a relationship is over, or why is it that the selfishness of an individual can over ride the love a child may have for each parent. Is scorn that much of value that, one would scar a child just to hurt another and make themselves feel good?

u are the earth

The hardest job in the world, next to being committed to ones definition or view or belief in God is being a parent. Yep its tough. As such, I think that there is no greater love than the love one receives from their mother. Maybe I say this because I did not have a father in my life. Or maybe because what she showed me allowed for me to understand that it was ok for a man to be passionate, humble, confident and appreciative of all that he had even if they had nothing. I remember as a little child, in Castalia Heights (CTO), sitting at that red little table in that cramped little kitchen in that two bedroom apartment that my mother, her older sister and my grandmother and I lived in, eating what they called milktoast (toast with cinnamon and sugar with a little butter crunched up in a bowl of milk). She was the one who was most proud of me, not when i got my PHD but when she got me a set of encyclopedias when i was 11 and i read them from A to Z that summer. She taught me that if you wanted to hide something from a nigger, put it a book and that if i was a ditch digger, be the best, for they will always call Torrance to dig that ditch. No matter what or when, even until we moved to our house (all of us when I was four) between she and my grand mother, she made sure that I had what I needed to be secure and comfortable.

She was the one who brought me comic books everyday from work at St. Joseph Hospital as the only Black Chief dietician in the city of Memphis, and the first for a major hospital. She was the one who brought me test tubes and lab equipment from other black men who did such at the hospital and got them to let me sit in on their test and experiments when I was in grade school. She was the one who told me that they Brought Martin Luther King Jr to her hospital in a Wonder Bread truck so folks wouldn’t try to mutilate his body. It was these women who taught me how to treat and value a woman, even if they could not do the same - talking about character.

Yep, a mom’s love. You mother’s are the shit. You never place yourself or anything above your children and family. I would give yawl all flowers, so just take this pic of the Verbena growing in my yard as a token of my respect for you all - yep folk here grow flowers. No, you are not baby momma’s just as I am not a baby daddy. You give us the precious intricacies in a cellular form that become children. You bless us with the ability to maintain a pleasant disposition in torrid times. Yes you give us life for you are the Earth, just as mother nature is the earth

So I just wanted to take this chance to toast to you, my breakfast of champions, tequila with a shot of hot sauce in honor of yawl. I have got my mom and last grandmother living cards today. For me and my kids. I have gotten both of my kids mother cards and gifts, although my son’s mom has never given me a fathers day card nor Christmas gift since we went our separate ways, and my daughters mother would not even call me last year on fathers day to let her daughter wish me such while I was in Quebec City, Quebec. But that is neither here nor there for they gave me the greatest gifts any man can cherish. Which means I will be indebted to them always.

They do not dictate what is great and that which should be cherished buy one who came from a mother, no, such is concomitant of my heart and respect and appreciation for the gifts they gave me that hold and hug and kiss and laugh with me; that call me pappa. The are mother's an can never be worthy of anything less as such. So happy mother’s day (especially to momma, granny, Fallon, Sue, Aunt Cecelia, Aunt Trevor,my cousin Monique, my uncle's wife phylis, aunt joyce, grandma Pee wee, Momma-D, and Angie). I love you all.

Do Right, All Day woman

Wanted to thank yawl who dropped me an accolade or two regarding my 400th post. I also want to add I love the way yawl think. Although I was torn between bashing on Lewis and Clark again (did so 2 years ago in a post) and writing on how they are experimenting on black folks again in Baltimore by dropping sewage sludge in their yards without permission (2morrows post). Instead, I was motivated by yawl, in particular MrsGrapevine, Q, Sista GP, FatLady, Aunt Jackie, the Princess CC and msladydeborah to present what I desire since im not a prince charming (and thanks to all who observed that I am a King).

MrsGrapevine asserted that men do not have such because we “have beauty queen contestants, models, video "vixens", Martha Stewart, and all these fake.” I agree completely, but still I had never searched for a perfect mate ever, only a woman that made my heart boil - albeit i have a penchant for commitment. So I started to think. I do recall that as I child I only desired a woman in terms of occupation. In fact up until jr. high, I stilled wanted her to be a super hero. From as far I can recant, from early childhood, I also desired for my mate to be a scientist, so we could explore and blow-up shit together in bliss. I too gave that up.

But up until I read the comments to this post, I had never thought about describing or labeling the perfect mate for me. So via soul searching, I have decided to describe her in accordance with one of my favorite songs by Aretha Franklin. Yep, I want a Do Right All Day Woman.

I mean, since women (or men) aint like cereal boxes where you can read what you getting with each serving before you buy it, I think that title suits the woman I desire. I think in some form or fashion, from Lolita Smith (5th grade) to Yodi and Monique Williams, to my son’s Mom and Fallon, all of these women had great qualities and bad ones - just as I do. That’s what made them special to me. None were complete and I didn’t expect them to be. I expected and understood that relationships were a growing deal and that they required hard work and maintaining like an old house or car.

To me a Do Right All Day woman is a person you can depend on, a friend first and a staunch critique of you as an individual. They want to maximize the utility of your performance. They care about you and things you love as you do. They are dependable and will love your kids and family as their own. They don’t take no mess when it comes to their man and family. In addition, she never makes excuses for what she does or did not do. A Do right all day woman is a hard worker, doesn’t expect handouts, cherishes each day of her life and is committed to WE and never is selfish or look at herself as me, I or my. They are faithful, honest and more importantly unconditional in giving and accepting love for they know they are earth, the givers of life and the true queen that a man would desire as a mother, wife, lover, sister or friend.

Now I know I still have some standards that may not be available on today’s market, and leg-blocking still remains a no no in my book. But in short, ladies you are right and wrong, I want a do right all day woman, cause im a do right all night man.

I’m a blessed mf

I aint trying to be sentimental and shit, but I got to get this out of me, although I need to drop this piece I wrote about John McCain and another post on Cubans in Florida. and the US governments history of laying with dictators. You know today, I realized how BLESSED I was. I have been dealing with a lot of shit inclusive of automobile trouble lately, well the last 4 weeks. And as such, it required that I utilize close to 2700$ on a rent-a-car, well really several rentals. Today, I returned the rental and picked up my truck. It still needed a manifold and it sounded like a laboratory run by a mad scientist (I resemble that remark). But it was drivable and that was good enough for me. Lil momma was in the back seat and we were in route to pick up lil daddy.

We got Jones, stopped by the shop for a few and headed to the cut. As soon as folk got on the highway, it stopped, I mean it cut off, sounded to me like the alternator although Jones here aint no auto mechanic. I was just BLESSED that my cousin was behind me. She was dropping off a cell phone for my son since his mom took it away from him because she didn’t like his attitude towards her husband (I think they married). When her husband, the adult was the one who cursed at my son. No I didn’t take it there, but I felt like it. See it does pay off to have brain cells.

I pulled over between the median, right adjacent to Grady Hospital. I was upset but never frustrated. My cousin attempted to give me a boost, but to no avail, I mean everything worked electrically so it wasn’t the battery. I asked her to take my son and daughter to my house and that I would be there. I had no money. No checks in from Morehouse School of Medicine, but mainly because I had not hit the bank and would not be able to. They left and I kept trying. I would have called my folk, but my cell was dead. I know big slim (owner of Do It Right Car wash), or Red (Jet Bail Bonding) or Damon (owner M Bar) or Tony Oh or Smooth or any my folk would have been there but I couldn’t contact them. Then my folk Willie Mitch Drove by, and then Vaughn, we had all gone and graduated from Morehouse College together. We tried but eventually had to push the car to the road. The last person to stop was this State Trooper, Officer Patton (see u at the signing). He was professional and cool to the max. We all talked, folks that we knew blew their horns and it almost turned into a mini Freaknic. I signed a book for the Officer. And Mitch took me to the cut,

I was BLESSED. All of this on a day when Jose, hadn’t done what he said he would, repair my truck, and on a day when I found out my daughters mother, well how can I say…Well put it this way, my mom left me with my granny while she was at Vanderbilt in graduate school. She and my granny told me it was crushing to her to leave me behind. But each break, she would return and spend each and every hour of the day with me until she went back. I was only two. My daughter’s mom says she misses her little princes (i'm sure she does honestly) and that she dislikes her being a daddy’s girl, but I found out she was in Florida, sloshed on the back of some motorcycle during bike week. Now she will say I am bashing her when what I said about my mom, her sentiments, and her selecting the latter (self) ovr child is true. I say the truth will set u free and free your mind and your ass will follow (George Clinton). Any who, my point is, Truck broke down, I found about the aforementioned, cell phone was dead, no loot in my pocket, no job, but I had a shipment of dog food come in, shop coming along fine, my friends were there for me to depend on, my kids were safe, and I never got or felt down at all. In fact I just smiled, just like the sun was doing on this 75-degree day in the ATL. I am BLESSED.

But I figure if it is the truth, it is the truth. I am a BLESSED MF. Not to mention I have no shame in writing what I experience. George Bush even says we bash him for no reason at all regarding the Iraq war when 1] he said it was over 3 years ago on a battle ship and 2] that they had wmd’s. But I’m home now, I got a 40-ounce and kids are loud as fuck. I do regret now going over to Jose’s last Friday with my pistol. Didn’t mean to scare him, cause it got me a fucked up deal, but it was that South Memphis in Jones that just seeped out accidently. But what the fuck, I mean, I’ll just spend more on my truck. So yawl support your folk, just another poor starving writer of the mad scientist variety who acknowledges that there is a thin line between brilliance and insanity…..and them two post coming next week.