Thursday, February 12, 2009

when independent is really single

Ok, I digress. This weekend is one of the holidays that I really could give a flying hoppergrass about Valentine’s Day. For one not into celebrating executions of a vicar under the reign of the Roman Emperor Claudius II and secondly, it seems to be more focused on selling a few cards, some flowers or a coupla few boxes of candy. Personal;ly I'd replace that holiday with March Madness If I had my way. With that said, I’m gonna talk about relationships based on my limited and personal understanding via my experiences.

First for us men, one word of advice own up to what we do and apologize. And don’t just apologize but mean it from your heart. For I know when I am wrong and that I am adult enough to apologize sincerely for what ever it is. From this I expect to move forward and grow. This is important for women to do as well. Now this is just the perspective of a man with respect to women, so don’t be commenting that “men do it too”, because this is not the nature of this essay. In fact it is because around the blogoverse, I have read so much about women problems with men, that I am doing this as a service to explain how we think.

But what I have learned is that some women do not listening to what a man is saying but more so how they are saying it. For it has been my experience that a considerable corpus of women have selective hearing. It is cool for me to listen, and I may not even say nothing, but sometimes the tone of discussion can be more that of yapping from a combative point of view. But the trick is that if I take this posture, then I am told that I find her intimidating, especially if I decide I do not want to deal with such and leave the situation. This lady's, playing the intimidation card is merely an excuse. Because in most cases, this is the result of issues from a prior relationship. I figure with a new man comes a new attitude. You can’t bring baggage in the past into a new relationship, especially if you are not trying to get to know me as my own person.

Another issue that women must confront if they desire to have a meaningful relationship with a man, is confusing being independent with being single. As an adult, you are supposed to take care of yourself, and be responsible. What I have found out is that they tend to be independent when they don’t have a man but it ends once they are in a relationship or in other words – no longer single. There is a difference and being independent seems to be more of an excuse, just like convincing ones self that men find them intimidating. I mean I don’t feel I am intimidating, but women often tell me I am. Has a man ever told you he found you intimidating? I doubt it, like I said, it is likely he just didn’t want to be with you and one has to get over it and deal with the rejection. Rejection should be a time for a person to evaluate oneself and not a time to make excuses.

I don’t want a woman in my face fussing and hollering in other words. I’m down with a discussion, but yelling at me for some reason is not a form of communication. Thus the importance of leaving the past in the past, in particular if it is based on another relationship.

The last thing I have learned is that communication is essential. Men will say what they mean as well as provide non verbal cues. We do not liked to be rushed into anything, let alone a relationship. As a result we will act accordingly. But even when we say such, it is as if what we desire at that point in time is relegated to being less than what the woman may desire. If I tell you I don’t want to be in a relationship, that we can date and be a friend. Never figured how a woman could make me her boyfriend or claim me with out me not desiring such and stating I don’t want a relationship. This will drive me away. If what I communicate is placed under what you communicate, there is no partnership, no growth and I’m ghost.

All I am saying is that we need to look inside of what we do, what we say if we want to sustain a meaningful relationship with another. Enjoy your candy and flowers and cards – just my two cents from this man, and i aint TD Jakes son-lol.


THE 78' MS. J said...

Interesting, good read.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

THE 78' MS. J
thank u sister

memphiz said...

valid points on communication, independent, and leaving the past in the past.

Lovebabz said...

WOO-HOO! I am so inviting you on LoveTALK :)

I hear you on some of these points. I however happen to love Valentine's Day (I know this isn't about me, but I gotta use me to make my points) I make the day whatever I want it to be. I am not lulled by the commercialism. I love sending cards far and wide...but I do that periodically for no real reason other than to say hello and I love you.

You my friend can indeed be intimidating. You have high ecpectaions for people...women (and rightly so). While some women have not had the experience of a man like you. You do not play games, you say what you mean and you mean what you say. That is refreshing and can be hard to take if you have not had the experience. So when you see is overhwelming. I am your friend I get to say this. I do think relationships take time. That you have to allow love to grow and develop and you have to learn how each other operates in the world and how they handle their lives.

I think you are right on the listening part. You know I am big fan of "People will tell you who they are... believe them!"

The thing I loved most about being married was the fact that I felt more independent than I ever did as a Single woman...then. Marriage was for me a safe harbor a place where I could replenish what the world would take away on a daily basis. Marriage was where my love was always waiting for me and cheering for me. Now I find myself Single and thinking about the very things you are raising. I suspect the rules have changed a bit since I was last Single.

So as I begin the ritual of dating and getting to know someone I certainly will take all you say into my heart and discern their meaning and how to use them to enhance my experience. Truly.

You grow me all the time...

Lovely thought provoking post.

Happy Valetine's Day!

Urban Thought said...

You hit it right on the head.

Communication is key. I never liked how folk read into certain statements more than they should. I don't get how you can interpret "I don't want a relationship" to "I didn't want a relationship until I came across you." Something I've dealt with. And why do all woman think they are a prize? Sure, you're fun right now. But are you going to be the one that I want to be with long term?

Amber-Alert said...

i like vday and not cuz of all the commercialism cuz im not into exchanging gifts and things even on actual holidays like xmas. but i agree with most of what u said. i think sometimes people confuse being independent with not needing a man which is the wrong approach to take. ive been told that im intimidating like im gonna shoot a person down at first glance but i think people make assumptions when they should just try to get to kno a person first. also i have heard soooo many times from my male friends abt how they tell females up front they dont want a relationship and i guess women think that once they get to kno them they can change their minds but thats so wrong and only ends up with the woman being hurt.

Craigjc said...

I aint with V-Day either. But I like your point about communication. Tis key.

NightFall914 said...

"Men will say what they mean as well as provide non verbal cues. We do not liked to be rushed into anything, let alone a relationship. As a result we will act accordingly. But even when we say such, it is as if what we desire at that point in time is relegated to being less than what the woman may desire. If I tell you I don’t want to be in a relationship, that we can date and be a friend. Never figured how a woman could make me her boyfriend or claim me with out me not desiring such and stating I don’t want a relationship. This will drive me away. If what I communicate is placed under what you communicate, there is no partnership, no growth and I’m ghost."

Ain't that the truth.It's like our desires, timetables and needs aren't of equal importance. I.E if shes ready to settle down, you have to ready as well or there something wrong with you.Never figured that

Jillian said...

i always enjoy your perspective on things..i don't agree however that if a man says he's intimidated that it's merely an excuse for rejection. It is very plausible for a man to feel inadequate/intimidated in relationship as it is for a female, but it's not something that is typically associated with the "male persona".

I completely agree with you on communication. That is such a significant piece of any relationship, and most communication isn't always what you say but how you say it, which I think has become more over analyzed now with things such as email and text messaging. People don't TALK TALK anymore lol.

And yes...independence should not be confused with single. I like that reference. Women should not use independence as a crutch.

This Saturday, will be celebrated as Single Awareness Day (check the blog ;) ) and well ALL-STAR WEEKEND! lol

Have a great weekend AMT!

Kayos said...

Thank you for the clarification brotha.

I needed that this morning!

Angel said...

I think all in all communication is definatley what is needed. Notnot listening to what you think your partner is saying, listening to what your partner is really saying..

I'm looking forward to valentines, I just brought a dress so when he picks me up at 8 I will be looking hot.

Ness said...

What you said makes perfect sense. I believe in communication and leaving the past in the past. I don't carry baggage w/ me b/c everything that I've ever been thru is an experience. I forgive & move on.

I don't care for VDay b/c it's overrated. Ppl spend $$ on their mate to show their love 4 1 day...when it should be a gesture everyday.

I'm a firm believer in your last statement completely!

T.Allen-Mercado said...

Has a man ever told you he found you intimidating? I doubt it, like I said, it is likely he just didn’t want to be with you and one has to get over it and deal with the rejection.

I was head nodding and church "mm-hmming" until I got to this. Yes, I have been told that I can be intimidating-but I wasn't rejected. All ideas, concepts and fears are shaped by past experiences-not just women's, and not just romantic ones. This man grew up in a blue collar home with a SAHM who "knew her place" and then he met me-educated and making "my place" in the world. It took some getting used to, and yes by his admission he was at first intimidated. Anyway long story short, we've been together 20 years and you're right communication which includes knowing when to just shut-up is key.

I do V'Day baking and stuff with the kids, I may stimulate the economy with a purchase of wine and truffles but nothing extravagant. Great post! :D

ms. bliss honeycomb said...

What I have found out is that they tend to be independent when they don’t have a man but it ends once they are in a relationship or in other words – no longer single. There is a difference and being independent seems to be more of an excuse, just like convincing ones self that men find them intimidating.

one caveat: i don't think it's so much "intimidation" as it is a lot of women are socialized to believe that once you "have a man", there's no reason to be "independent". it's just a way of caring for yourself until prince charming comes to take you away.


there are still women being told to go to college to find "a good man" in the 21st century. trust me.

2sweetnsaxy said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog. No coffee table book yet.

Good post. I love the male point of view. I've always had difficulty explaining my independence and now I see why.
I'm not independent, I'm single...with a little independence thrown in. :-)

I think people get stuck in a loop of doing what works. To me it's like the guy in the club who is hitting on women using the same tired line. A certain type of woman is insulted by his line but he's not bothered. He just keeps working the room with that line because he knows someone will bite.

Then he doesn't understand why he's getting the same kind of woman. Because only one type of woman bites that particular bait and he doesn't get it.

Personally, I think women yell because it's worked too many times and they think it's what they're supposed to do. They're working on that same guy in the club mentality. They do what works but don't realize what it means in the results they get.

Red Snapper said...

Well said All-Mi-T.........

Im witcha on that shit folk.

zillz said...

im with you on this.

i feel that a lot of times, what i say to a sista is not what's heard or interpreted.

from the response that I'm given, she's went 3 or 4 steps ahead...such seems to be the nature of women I've come across... most likely I haven't thought that far... such being the nature of man that I am! And other men that I know.

Rather than trying to show her that I am a man no matter what she or any of her female family / friends think, I just bail.

Because I can't think 3 or 4 steps back just so that we can be on some same level.

...Fellas, you'll notice when you're in that zone when you say something that sounds so definite to you and she says, "So what does that mean?" or "So that means..."

urbanknitrix said...

SO TRUE!!! I have been feeling the same way - listening to sister friends and reading blogs.

I tell this to sisters all the time.

Excellent post. Communication is the key to every relationship. Love, work, etc

urbanknitrix said...

I almost forgot one last thing. I don't like Valentines Day either. Too commercial and not to sound all goofy. But I figure like this - V Day should be all year around. Why limit love to one day?

Lauren said...

Hmmmmm, I heard the same EXACT thing on v103 this morning about single "not being" independent and other things...funny it's almost the exact same words.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...


u kill me lol

Urban Thought
thank u folk

id like it if i had a candy card selling biz

i feel ya

preach folk

thank u sister and u have a great weekend too

anytime folk

a dress in a recession - curse lol - i bet u will loo great

always about listening and communicating

me gonna send u a collection plate

ms. bliss honeycomb
wow and its the 21st century - but old school roles for men and women keep families together i think

thanks folk i cut off when anyone yell and dont listen - no respect u know

Red Snapper
good look see u sat

good question folk thanks for the love

seems as if thats all they talk about

im with u me show my feelings year round like w my kids

wow interesting,m jarch madness, cladius, intimidation...maybe i need to be on there or listen to them, but me listen to NPR in the morning - not to mention I wrote this saturady...but i do say stuff bf obama too lol

nicki nicki tembo said...

damn I'm doomed, communication is not my strong suit. Sure hope there's a guy out there that can appreciate a hygenic woman that handles her family and business, has the pot on the stove 6pm daily, keeps her man serviced and house clean without all the chit chat.

Jillian said...

lol i meant to check my other blog Sometimes I Feel Like...BUT..also, i did try to check out some of your books via the links here..for whatever reasons wouldn't ANY CASE...which book would you recommend?

The idea is to read a new book each month to contribute to personal growth in some form or let me know which book you recommend...perhaps that can be March's book ;)

Pamela said...

Wait, rejoice in Valentine's Day! Sell heart stuff for dogs!!!

As for being honest and direct, yep, it's difficult. Much easier to give than to receive, in my opinion. I've had recent experience of a friend saying up front what was thought of me, and it's good to take the perspective of that it's good to hear and know than not know, and that it's one person's opinion, and what can you learn from it.

Sista GP said...

Question: Do these statements mean the same thing when said by a man who thinks a woman is mad?
"I'm sorry you are mad at me."

"I'm sorry you missed the party."

Valentine's Day is not a big deal to me. I prefer to cultivate the relationship every day.

CorporateHustler32 said...

It takes a lot to be able to self reflect..Nice write up.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

nicki nicki tembo
i feel u lol u make me smile folk

amatter of attention or butter brown

i can and we can learn from anything if understanding is our goal

Sista GP
nope and thats why i wrote in the post its about how men think not women and asked folks not post comments asking such lol

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

thanks folk good lookin

IntrospectiveGoddess said...

I agree with everything that was said but I do have one question, you said that people say you are intimidating but that a woman can't be told the same thing without the reason being that she is making a excuse for being rejected. I dont think thats necessarily true. I think men can be intimidated by women if they are insecure or are not as emotionally mature as the woman they are pursuing...but all in all I agree communication is key you have to talk but also listen to what someone is saying

I'm not feeling V-day either eh whatever

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

im saying i was told, if a man tells a woman then she is told, but most aint told

clnmike said...


Good damn post!

ms. bliss honeycomb said... continue, i didn't mean to imply that you WERE upholding oppressive whatevers, but when i hear a man talk about "old school" when it comes to women, i tend to cringe.

from what i've read of you, you don't seem overtly sexist or anything like that. i'm sure i wouldn't still be reading if you had (not the argumentative type).

if you're willing to elaborate on what "old school" elements you consider meaningful/helpful, then i could agree/disagree from there.

disclaimer: i've been told i "think like a man", so many of the things women (generally) think/do/say confuse the hell outta me, too.

James Tubman said...

what i've learned in my little 27 years on this planet is that black women are waaaaaaaaaaay more screwed up than black men

and that all black women hate black men (i didnt want to reach this conclusion but its ineveitable because they hate themselves so much. how the hell can the have love for us)

black women love it when you treat them like shit

they give you more attention and respect when you tell them just how screwed up they are

this si why she needs to be controled and cleaned up and made into the queen that god intended her to be

rainywalker said...

I'm hearing you and communication is the biggest problem humans have.

CC said...

When it comes to male and female relationships wise women have told me- tell a guy what's on your mind. They can't guess. And I've found once I say what I want the problem gets tackled or quickly remedied instead of me stewing in my own anger. Happy V day.

Amina said...

great post!!
I always thought that independent meant being single....

i also like what you said about leaving the past to the past. It has been a bit difficult and it is true it would be unfair for a new potential date to pay for someone's else mistakes

msladydeborah said...

I want to comment on this portion of your post. (Which happens to be a good one!)

Has a man ever told you he found you intimidating?

Yes I have had that experience. The first time it happened I busted out laughing because at that particular moment I was being totally honest about how I felt. And it wasn't coming across like the man wanted me to. He had long term on his mind and I was not having it. I knew that we were not meant to be connected in that manner. I said so and he freaked out. *sigh* Being in that type of relationship was not on my agenda. He resented the fact that I was not willing to give up who I am and what I am about to be with him.

I have had that happen a couple of times since then.
Primarily under the same set of circumstances. I am pretty independent. I have a select group of male friends who I love because we have created those feelings for each other. But we have always been just friends. I appreciate what they have brought into my life as a person. I hope I have been smart enough to do the same for them.

I believe that grown folks ought to uncomplicate relating by remembering the basics of the Golden Rule:Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You. That seems to be so damn difficult for so many folks.

I also believe that both men and women need to really take time to develop a relationship instead of just jumping into one because it is available. I hate it when someone tries to stake a claim on me without my prior knowledge or consent!
This is a major turn off for me as an individual.

Anonymous said...

What I heard/read:

"I really wish that I had someone to celebrate this dumb ass holiday with but it's hard to find someone to be compatible with me. I'm getting tired of trying and waiting."

Is this a clear enough example of what you were talking about, LOL? I'm tired of trying and waiting too, Torrance, and I still believe in love.

ChocolateOrchid said...

I've never quite understood why it is even necessary to use the term "independent" as it relates to a woman. Seems a bit juvenile. Although, I do enjoy Valentine's Day and not to discredit showing love everyday as that is important. I take/enjoy V-day at face value. No going deep about it here. I do feel you on everything else you've said. Don't know if you listen to V103, but I caught their mens panel this a.m. and thoroughly enjoyed it as opposed to the entertainment that was on there yesterday morning.

Have a great weekend!

Carla said...

I wouldn't say you are intimidating at all. Intelligent, yes. But intimidating, no! One is only intimidated if they feel inferior to another, in my opinion.

As for communication, I don't think most men are very communicative at all. Nonverbal cues are insufficient.

As for V-day, to me it's no different than any other day. Regardless of the day of the year, I want to express love and have it given back! :)))

Kiarah C. W. said...

A lot of this is true. Relationships are very hard work. To tell the truth, it is hard to just work on yourself let alone "us." I like it though. It gives me another reason to get up everyday and do my best. I have someone to live for even when I don't necessarily want to get up for myself. It can be a beautiful thing.

Carla said...

@James Tubman

I feel sorry for you that you're so hurt.

Linda said...

Nice post.... but I could have said it with fewer words: look at yo grandma! *lol* ;)

@ "a flying hoppergrass".. whoahahaha, I'm keeping that expression ;)

Greetings from the netherlands!

ms. bliss honeycomb said...

@ james tubman...i SINCERELY hope you're being sarcastic...

Lorna T. said...

We make relationships bad with the personal baggage that we bring to the table. I don't know if you listened or not, but this same subject has been on v103 all week, and this guy on the panel (I think his name is Grant) said the same thing you said in this post, and he said more important things that I hoped women and men listened to.


This makes some very valid points. I believe that valentine's day can be all hype if you don't truly love the person. It's just a day to make up for ish that you haven't done in the previous year for some guys.

However, I want to jump to the communication thing, if males state they want to communicate, yet when woman try to talk to them, and ask them certain things, they don't necessarily say what they mean, out of fear of protecting the female's feelings?' I think it hurts more to find out the whole truth later, than if it was told up front. I can appreciate a person that is real with me. That's how I see it.

But I like your insight as well about the dating scene. Some woman can be possesive and start claiming guys just b/c they took them on a few dates and do couple's things. They are just in need of security and using guys for that. So you guys do have to beware when it comes to that.

This comment has been removed by the author.
Lo_lah said...

I referenced your in my blog, I hope you don't mind. If you do, I will remove the link. Check it out

Sheliza said...

cool post. I think Valentines day is a complete sham and a waste of money. I ask my hubby every year to not spend a dime on me since we have love for free 24/7.

P_LOCA said...

I may not know you personally but I want you to know and the world to know you are a good man!
You are very're intelligent, funny, good's just tooo bad there aren't others like you out there and especially a female version of you *wink* lol
To me personally Valentines day is very important, I know everyone keeps saying "you should cherised and express your love to your significant other every day" BUT that feb. 14th is something different, that's when we have to go beyond and pour our hearts out :)
I love to give, and receive nice cards, flowers sent to my job (just romantic)-I LOVE ROMANCE AND AFFECTION...WHO DOESN'T?
yeah everyone does have differengt feeling about V-DAY.
Also the communication part is VERY important in a relationship-it's just sad that some ppl doesn't know how to go about it....and let the person go instead of talking about it (weak).
beautiful post-like always!

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

clnmike said...

thanks folk

ms. bliss honeycomb
i think men and women, husband and wife, children and parents, students and teachers have roles. all cant pull one out and not accept a standard for the other

James Tubman
All is a pretty strong descriptor

so true

good advice and thank u folk

we all need to be able to grow and move on

wow. bravo

love is real, the holiday is a fake

no i dont and wrote this last week lol

just going by what my home girls and other women tell me - always say im too honest, never met a man like me before la di da

Kiarah C. W.
well said and i agree with that

thank u my sister - it6s an old memphis word for grass hopper lol

ms. bliss honeycomb
idk, u should read his blog and descide

Lorna T.
somebody else told me that but I wrote this a week ago and listen to NPR in the morning - no substance, least not enuff for me on V103

thank u folk, i like you view on this as well

thank u sister. I will chk it out.

me too a hustle - folks get rich on one day and dont have to work no more

y thank u folk. im flattered

Anonymous said...

Great post and well spoken. I'll try to remember. Have a lovely week.

Lina M said...

There are men who are strong and independent who would'nt be intimidated by a woman when she she speaks her mind. There are also women who choose to be single; not forever though. I agree with you on the fact that if you are independent when you're single you should have no problem doing your part to contribute when you meet someone and commit to a relationship with them. The men who are intimidated by a women standing up for herself are boys in a man's body.
I definitely agree with you that in a relationship communication is a big part of keeping peace, but sometimes it is how you say something opposed to what you say. Two people can agree to disagree and respect each other.
Unless you have never been in a committed relationship, some things that you experience in past relationships prepare you for the next relationship. Of course it makes since to share some of the positive experiences that you have learned from past relationships rather than the negative things. But the negative things if they don't kill you they make you stronger.
Love Rocks...

aulelia said...

Nice article.

Mizrepresent said...

Communication and mutual respest is essential in any relationship and of love, just don't say it!

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

Great post!

What is funny is I've had women tell me I must intimidate men, but I have never felt like I have or that men think I am.

Which I think is right. I've had men not want to own up to being wrong, which takes growth. However I am friends with those same men which is why I can say they were wrong, they later agreed.

Anyway I think EVERYTHING you said is on point and if more women lived that know the rest.

My rule of thumb is we are NOT together until YOU (who ever the TOM A is at that time) tell me I want US to be US. Men (or whoever is the last one holding out...usually the man) should always make that decision IMO. Makes for a better relationship when both parties are ready.

Anyway enough blabbing.


Bombchell said...

so true lol.

Jackie E. said...

The insight is priceless. I read it twice. I'm never one to shun away from learning more, no matter the topic and if that topic ends up being about men and their psyche, then I'm definitely all ears:) I will say too that I agree that communication is THE KEY to any relationship.

Kim said...

Sigh.... Excuses, Execuses. What's wrong with gifting the one you love on Valentines Day. If you should do it everyday then today is like no other..

Aunt Jackie said...

i don't trust men who don't celebrate valentine's day. it's like a lay up and not getting the dunk. it's an easy way/day to make a woman happy.

Waiting for Zufan! said...

V-Day is great for kids. Personally, I find it annoying and quite silly for adults. Just my jaded opinion. :)

OK, a question on the communication thing. Let's say, in theory a guys says one thing with words, but your intuition picks up on totally different vibes. What do you go with? The words or the non-verbal? There's often a discrepancy there.

Have a great day, Torrance, give your cute kids a chocolate from me. :)

James Tubman said...

to terrance... you have to think like this so that you dont get caught off guard when they inevitably act in that hateful way

ive seen black women treat you nice one day and not give a shit about you the next

and brothers get surprised when they flip out

but if you knew that they ahate you to begin with then you wont be surprised when they treat you in that way

it took me a while to get it but i got it by judging their behavior towards the black man

im telling you man this is liberating way of seeing the black woman

look at their behavior

look at how they talk about black men and how they act towards them

im just trying to save a brother from making a stupid mistake that might land him in jail

to miss bliss honeycomb... i like your name

and i am dead serious

most women dont realize this on a conscious level but they do

its okay ive learned to live with it

as long as i know what the deal is i wont be confused

Stephen Bess said...

I've had a crash course in communication as a married man. I'm always tested on the listening skills. Communication and honesty are key. This goes for the married and single. The honesty needs to be there in the beginning. For example, I've seen cases where a woman would say that she's not looking for a relationship and then change her mind a month into us "seeing" each other. [Thinking] Man, it sho was complicated for a brother just 3 1/2 years ago. Great post.

uNWrItten* said...

i enjoyed this a lot...its been a while

Coffey0072 said...

I think I'm amongst only a handful of women who refuse to acknowledge Valentine's Day as a legitimate holiday. In any event, ditto on this thought: All I am saying is that we need to look inside of what we do, what we say if we want to sustain a meaningful relationship with another.

As far as relationships go, we (men AND women) tend to be allergic to accepting personal responsibility for what we decide to bring (or not) to a relationship.

Sister Girl said...

I can dig where you're coming from,as you know Valentine's day is extremely overated. It's not about material things that I care about,but the condition of his head & heart that matters all day long.

A kind word & a smile is something that you cannot buy at any cost, and it will never penetrate if it isn't sincere.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

Lina M
yes it does and great point

y thank u maam

now i know u know we have talked about this before

OG, The Original Glamazon
...even better comment and u didnt blab - coherent if anything

Hey u how has madam jet setter been?

Jackie E.
thanks sister, how is the int des biz coming?

each day is like that for me. U sound like if i did what u expect on vday each day except that one u would have tude lol

Aunt Jackie
I can respect that

Waiting for Zufan!
thank u honey. how is the family and i know u cooking something grand

James Tubman

Stephen Bess
a crash course huh - dig it

thank u, glad to see u back

so true it takes two

Sister Girl
me to head, heart = actions

Erin Michell said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. :-) This was a good read. I agree that without communication a meaningful relationship is not possible!!!! Relationships take continual work which people sometimes often forget. It is a process that will sometimes involve struggle or disagreements, but at the end of the day the struggle and compromise is worth it if the relationship is meant to be. Relationships should be deeper than what someone can buy you or what they do for you on Valentine's Day. Vday is once a year, a meaningful relationship can have daily benefits!!!!

Soulstress said...

Real the part u wrote bout women only bein independent when they're single haha.

Nikki Wadley said...

Excuse me for getting another message form this. When you wrote 'Rejection should be a time for a person to evaluate oneself and not a time to make excuses', I said a quiet Amen. People should LIVE by that quote in any situation. I actually teach that to women in my sales classes. But, when it comes to life, one should always take time to breath and reflect on their part in the failure of the relationship. Excuses are for those who are OK with repeating the same mistakes.

As far as the rest of your post, I tell my very few female friends that I have more male friends that female because I appreciate the LOGIC that men use. Their thoughts are so clear and concise; it's us women who translate those thoughts into emotional rubble. But, that is a manufacturer's defect that I embrace in myself as a woman. After listening to my awesome male friends and studying the inner-workings of their minds, I have learned to keep my emotions in check when the situation calls for logic and objective thinking. I'm sure there will be some women who don't agree with me; oh well. For those who agree, welcom to the world of balanced thinking; isn't it wonderful. Great Post Raw Dawg!

James Tubman said...

@carla... all black men are hurt or have been hurt by black women at some point and time

they just repress it

the only difference between them and me is that i am expressing it freely

i think i watch too much dr. phil lol

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