when independent is really single

Ok, I digress. This weekend is one of the holidays that I really could give a flying hoppergrass about Valentine’s Day. For one not into celebrating executions of a vicar under the reign of the Roman Emperor Claudius II and secondly, it seems to be more focused on selling a few cards, some flowers or a coupla few boxes of candy. Personal;ly I'd replace that holiday with March Madness If I had my way. With that said, I’m gonna talk about relationships based on my limited and personal understanding via my experiences.

First for us men, one word of advice own up to what we do and apologize. And don’t just apologize but mean it from your heart. For I know when I am wrong and that I am adult enough to apologize sincerely for what ever it is. From this I expect to move forward and grow. This is important for women to do as well. Now this is just the perspective of a man with respect to women, so don’t be commenting that “men do it too”, because this is not the nature of this essay. In fact it is because around the blogoverse, I have read so much about women problems with men, that I am doing this as a service to explain how we think.

But what I have learned is that some women do not listening to what a man is saying but more so how they are saying it. For it has been my experience that a considerable corpus of women have selective hearing. It is cool for me to listen, and I may not even say nothing, but sometimes the tone of discussion can be more that of yapping from a combative point of view. But the trick is that if I take this posture, then I am told that I find her intimidating, especially if I decide I do not want to deal with such and leave the situation. This lady's, playing the intimidation card is merely an excuse. Because in most cases, this is the result of issues from a prior relationship. I figure with a new man comes a new attitude. You can’t bring baggage in the past into a new relationship, especially if you are not trying to get to know me as my own person.

Another issue that women must confront if they desire to have a meaningful relationship with a man, is confusing being independent with being single. As an adult, you are supposed to take care of yourself, and be responsible. What I have found out is that they tend to be independent when they don’t have a man but it ends once they are in a relationship or in other words – no longer single. There is a difference and being independent seems to be more of an excuse, just like convincing ones self that men find them intimidating. I mean I don’t feel I am intimidating, but women often tell me I am. Has a man ever told you he found you intimidating? I doubt it, like I said, it is likely he just didn’t want to be with you and one has to get over it and deal with the rejection. Rejection should be a time for a person to evaluate oneself and not a time to make excuses.

I don’t want a woman in my face fussing and hollering in other words. I’m down with a discussion, but yelling at me for some reason is not a form of communication. Thus the importance of leaving the past in the past, in particular if it is based on another relationship.

The last thing I have learned is that communication is essential. Men will say what they mean as well as provide non verbal cues. We do not liked to be rushed into anything, let alone a relationship. As a result we will act accordingly. But even when we say such, it is as if what we desire at that point in time is relegated to being less than what the woman may desire. If I tell you I don’t want to be in a relationship, that we can date and be a friend. Never figured how a woman could make me her boyfriend or claim me with out me not desiring such and stating I don’t want a relationship. This will drive me away. If what I communicate is placed under what you communicate, there is no partnership, no growth and I’m ghost.

All I am saying is that we need to look inside of what we do, what we say if we want to sustain a meaningful relationship with another. Enjoy your candy and flowers and cards – just my two cents from this man, and i aint TD Jakes son-lol.