Monday, January 29, 2007

I don’t need no man

I was driving in to the office today and I was listening to one of the local radio stations. They ask different questions everyday, and today’s topic was centered on why sisters say they don’t need a man or something to that effect. I decided to write on this not only because it peeked my curiosity but also because I forgot the essay that I wrote over the weekend at home under my bed. However, I will post it tomorrow.

I just wonder how many women, sisters in particular, feel that they do not need a man and why? For me, having a man if I were a woman would mean that I have the opposite of myself in male form. Just as the brain has two hemispheres that work opposite of each other yet in concert at the same time, this is what having a mate of the opposite sex would be to me. In addition, they would have to be my partner and my equal and completely devoted to the single picture that we contrive together. To say that one does not need a man says to me that this individual does not believe in the concert in family. After all fathers, brothers, and uncles are men and I suspect that women need them in their lives.

I guess the truth is that many of the women who say this never had a man in their family in the form of a father or husband. This means that some of us men have dropped the ball. It also says that many of these women, as children were probably taught and learned such from their mothers, who likely did not have a husband or a man in their life. In essences leading to generations of women growing up with this belief - they do not need a man. Which also means that if they do not know how to recoginize a man, they will never be able or know how to respect or treat a man, even their sons.

I would like to offer that women reconsider this. I mean you do need a man and we men need women. You can raise your children by yourself true, bout they would benefit from the presence of a man if you see it or not. And not just little boys, but little girls as well because they will be able to discern what a real man is from the role their father plays, if positively oriented toward the family, in their lives mean. Then they wouldn’t want no full or gangster or thug or even consider such as a man.

The real problem is that those women who say such confuse being able to provide and take care of themselves as the rationale for not needing a man – for they only see a man as a source of income. Which means, they never learned or saw what a man is, because his character, work ethic, judges a man and how he is able to show affection and love to his woman and children universally? But then again, I may be wrong, and it may just be that in order for a woman to be able to see the real value of a man, they must be happy with themselves first, and may have to deal with the issues and demons inside of them that select to suggest they do not need us – men, in the first place.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

I NEED A GOOD MAN, BUT IF I HAVE TO DO IT ALL, THEN WE AS FEMALES DO QUESTION IF IT IS WORTH WHILE. IF YOU ARE PAYING ALL THE BILLS, RAISIING THE CHILDREN AND MAKING SURE EVERY THINGS IS WORKING,WHAT DO U NEED HIM FOR SEX? AND EVEN IF THAT IS YOUR REASON MOST MEN THEY ARE NOT FAITHFUL AND YOU END UP CONSTANTLY DEALING WITH OTHER WOMEN OR MEN.
THERE IS THE QUESTION OF EMOTIONAL STABILITY AS WELL AS DISEASE TO ADD TO THE LIST OF RESPONSIBILITIES THAT ARE ALREADY TOO LONG.
THEN THE NEW DEAL IS THE BISEXUAL AND THE CLOSET HOMOSEXUAL THING. I FELL THAT PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE, BUT DONT MESS UP MY LIFE WITH THE SHIT.

I THINK BOTH MEN AND WOMEN ESPECIALLY BLACKS NEED TO RETHINK, THE MAN WOMAN RELATIONSHIP, THE FAMILY, AND THE COMMUNITY AT LARGE. IF ANYONE THINKS THAT IT IS WORKING, REALLY IT IS NOT. WE DONT OWN A DAM THINGS, WE HAVE NO CORPORATE BANKING, MERCHANDISING, FOOD SUPPLY, HOUSING,STOCKS, AUTOS,U NAME IT. WHAT ARE WE DOING BESIDES STYLING AND PROFILING? SOME SEEM TO HAVE IT TOGETHER, BUT WHEN YOU LOOK CLOSER AT THE SITUATION, FAKE.
I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MY SELF. I DONT NEED ANYONE WHO IS SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME FOR THEIR PERSONAL GAIN, AND NOT CONCERNED WITH ME.
I HAVE HELPED MANY PEOPLE. MOST ARE USERS. THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT AND THEN MOVE ON. NOW WOMEN HAVE THE SAME ATTITUDE. "NEXT" MOST OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW ARE FLAKEY. IF I SPEND MORE TIME WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE IN BUSINESS DOING WELL THEY ARE WHITE OR FOREIGN, FOR WHICH I HAVE TAKEN MUCH HOSTILITY.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

point well taken, but speaking for myself, i pay all the bills, provide all the food and shelter, cookmanbd take care of my kids by myself, but i still think i need a woman. not to mention im not gay, perectly health and hygenic. But I understand what you are saying.

Clever Pearl said...

Its not that I don't need a man, but I don't want a man until I know I can take care of myself. Now-a-days I just want a man (who can possibly turn into a prospect) to take me out on a date and keep me company. I think most women are tired of all the games that men play and don't want to put all their energy into a man if its going to be all for nothing. But I know that one day that man will find me so for right now, Im not looking to waste my energy.

Anonymous said...

I think it depends on the definition of "need" and what the necessity is for. For me, I don't "need" a man for anything other that emotional affection. I do need love, couldn't live happy without it, so for me to say "I don't need a man" would be a lie. For those women that don't require such emotional attachment (whether because they simply have never experienced it, fear it, of just don't want it) it may be the truth. But one thing these women have to realize is that the less value they assign to men, the less respect from them they will receive in return. I am by no means saying men should be exalted and put on a pedastal for us as women to worship, but instead we should consider them our equals, nothing more, but also, nothing less.


JJJ

Anonymous said...

I think it depends on the definition of "need" and what the necessity is for. For me, I don't "need" a man for anything other that emotional affection. I do need love, couldn't live happy without it, so for me to say "I don't need a man" would be a lie. For those women that don't require such emotional attachment (whether because they simply have never experienced it, fear it, of just don't want it) it may be the truth. But one thing these women have to realize is that the less value they assign to men, the less respect from them they will receive in return. I am by no means saying men should be exalted and put on a pedastal for us as women to worship, but instead we should consider them our equals, nothing more, but also, nothing less.


JJJ

DecKing said...

all of that "i dont need a man" stuff is indicative of the Black woman's loss of respect for Black men period. When they say that "i dont need a man" it shouldn't be seen as them saying "i dont like men" or "i dont want men"...because they do. This is simply women showing their loss of respect for Black men whether it be because they have no positive examples of men in thier family or because they have made horrible decisions in choosing what men they want to be with. And it always kills me how when women make bad decisions on the men they deal with, they choose to paint everyone with a broad brush...

Why is it that women can sniff out a fake Gucci bag but don't no how to tell a deadbeat from a good guy...Black women's priorities are mixed up because they choose to blind themselves and lie to themselves to make themselves feel better for doing dumb shit. (sorry for trailing off)

But yeah, the "i dont need a man" stuff needs to stop. If you insist on saying that type of garbage, do youself and the rest of us a favor by being specific. Identify what you don't need a man to do for you specifically, that way you just might find one to fill the voids that you have and become a complete person in the process.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

point well stated Decking

Brownsoul said...

Interesting. Depends on what you mean by "need a man". Let me share my personal experience.

Even though my parents are very old fashioned, Southern GA folk, they raised me to not be financially dependent on anyone. I'm 24 years old and my Dad still preaches to me about getting my Master's degree and securing a job with great pay so that I will never have to depend on a man to take care of me.

I value this because I know a lot of women who were raised to find a man with money so that they would never have to work. I'm all about being finacially stable. I've had my struggles alone and I don't want to struggle with someone esle (just keeping it real). People say "I can do bad all by myself." My motto has been "I can do better by myself." Now, that relates mainly to finances. That's my biggest hurdle in a relationship. One of the recurring issues in my current relationship is that I have unknowingly on several occassions made my man feel like he's less of a man by somehow indicating that I didn't need him to pay for my meals or anything else. I didn't realize it until a guy friend pointed that out to me just recently.

So concluding my rant. I have always felt that financially, I don't need a man. And I realize that I need to work on feeling/showing that I've got it together without belittling or emasculating my mate. Now, do I need love, affection, support? Do I need someone to tell me that he loves me even when I'm at my worst (I mean physically and when I'm being a bitch)? Do I need someone to teach me things even when I think I know everything and someone who looks for me to teach him things? Oh hell yes! I want marriage, babies, the whole 9...

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

sounds like a yes to me brownsoul - lol

chocolate said...

I would say that I do need a man. Although I've dealt with males in the last six years none have been able to live up to the definition of what a man is.. It"s not just needing a man but a good one is a must. That is one that can take charge, be an equal partner, be able to love and appreciate me as a woman. This way he can expect to get the same in return.

3 Fingers said...

Very interesting topic you have going here.

I'm going to swing from a different angle. I'm much like you T, I'm the guy who pays the bills, wife is at home, take up time with the kids, have a business on the side, involved at church, the whole nine. However, what I've found is that sisters talk out the side of their necks. They say they don't want men that mess around, but I get more panties thrown my way than the law allows, all in the name of "you're such a good man, I need a man like you."

If I fall for the game, I'm just another dog, and when I don't I'm still the hunted prey. Lucky for me, I just choose not to play.

Many of these sisters talk about brothers bad, and that they are resigned not to have one. Yet they are tempting me and brothers like me.

So, How is it these same sisters who say they don't need a man end up chasing someone else's man. Maybe they don't need a man because they are sharing someone elses, and don't tell me you didn't know he had a woman, because I'm not buying it.

Mighty Afroditee said...

Ideally, I would like to be in a position to be able to 'need' a man, but circumstances and society being what it is, I have to ensure that I am not in this position of 'need'. Should a man neglect, attempt to abuse me, etc, I have sufficient strength, independence and self esteem so as not to tolerate crap in any form or fashion. 'Need' denotes constant reliance regardless of the circumstances, and if this is so, I do not 'need' a man. I 'need' my family, and I 'need' to love myself, but I will not debase myself or settle due to my 'need' for a significant other. If he does not come along - fine. I will not settle out of fear.

Shai said...

Torrance, I have to say that what men were traditionally needed for: Economics. Well, for some they want men for money and material things.

Establishing need vs want is important. I WANT a man in my life, I don't need one. Big difference. Cause I can take care of myself economically, I enjoy activities by myself. I have male bestfriends so I do interact with males.

My thing is what I need and want from a relationship with a man is hard to find. Men need to date these men out here then tell us women to still have hope. LOL. It ain't pretty.

I want emotional support, something many men don't get. They get financial support, I am not concerned with that, cause the man better know how to take care of business.

I get men want to feel needed. I think many are so attached to the old type of needs, they don't understand as providers is not just about money, emotions, companionship, and so on. Some see a woman has taking care of his sexual and domestic needs. With alot of women going out into the workforce, that is an unrealistic expectation for her to work and come home do domestic work and the man does not meet the needs she defines for herself.

I am really tired of the definitions put on what a woman should do and want in a relationships when it does not benefit or make her happy. I know plenty of women who would love ot have their feet rubbed or a hot meal on the table when she gets home from work. Not many experience it. I have had men roll their eyes at me when I say I want to be cooked for or my clothes washed.

I can go on and on. It just amazes me how some men are quick to get offended when we say we don't need them for certain things, instead of adjusting to the shift. I want a man, I won't die if I don't have one.

I am not bitter or a man-hater. I just know what I want, what I have to offer and I have not met the man with what I want yet.

Jamal Otolorin said...

Amid my many discussions lately regarding black male and female relationships, One theme that seems to consistently appear is the subject of male and female roles. Thanks to the feminist movement which begun in the 19th century, women's roles have changed significantly. In my opinion these changes were necessary and progressive. However these changes have also caused the greatest amount of friction in the areas of romance.

The truth is quite simply. Women wanted to be more like men. They wanted to be able to do what men did. They wanted to work and earn money, so that they may be more independent of men. which is fine.

The problem is women are not men, and are biologically different than their male counterparts.

I think women who say they dont need are man not being honest with themselves. This is easily observed by looking at their actions.

Women say that they dont need a man.
Yet the complain that they are no good men out there.

Well ladies exactly is a good man?

Alot of my female friends say that a good man is one who respects women.

Then I ask them "well what does that mean"?

They go on to say a man that exemplifies the usual prince charming qualities. Opens doors. Pays for meals. Understands their emotional wants and needs. Basically a dude that takes care of them.

Hear lies the paradox in which we have ultimately found oursleves.

I love black women.

Shai said...

Jamal, we both have paradoxes on both sides. Many men want their women to stay the same yet be spontaneous, be a lady in public and a freak in bed, don't read their minds and jump to conclusions, yet don't tell us what is on your mind and we mind read you.

BOTH of us want things that appear contradicting. And there are some women who would not mind having a man in their lives, remember NEED and WANT are two different things. I WANT a man in my life that does not mean I NEED one.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Im with ya on that brother jamal ......and 3 fingers we know u already tight to death

poopsie said...

What is the dealio? We both know we need each other, right? It's just a matter of degree. Who does what, when. Y'all can probably surmise by my comments that me and my wife are on the outz.

Jamal Otolorin said...

I feel you Shai, but the truth of the matter is that men and women are happier in functioning healthy relationships.

so ladies stop frontin like you dont need no man.

If we wish to ensure the survival of our species the human family.

I suggest we stop this fatuous, prideful, inflexible rhetoric.

Anonymous said...

http://www.watiti.com

Hi,
Join me and my circle of friends at http://www.watiti.com, an online social networking community that connects people from all over the world.

Meet new people, share photos, create or attend events, post free classifieds, send free e-cards, upload music, read blogs, upload videos, be part of a club, chat rooms, forum and much more!

See you around! Bring all your friends too!

http://www.watiti.com

Anonymous said...

I have read all the comments, which are all valuable points, all the reasons why women dont want a man was listed at some point, its not that they dont want them, the problem is they fear all the heart ache that comes with it whether its emotional or physical, because they were hurt once or more than once throughout their life, and just decided to do without being hurt anymore, like one of the readers said you cant tell the good brothers from the not so good brothers, so instead of being hurt they say they dont want, but the truth is if love faces them again no matter what they say, they will try again. We say these things through hurt because brothers are fake and not stepping up to the plate to support their women and i'm not talking just financially either, i'm talking in every aspect of their lives (work, school, kids, etc. My point is, it's only said because the opposite sex have failed them time and time again.

Angel

babadawud said...

I just came across this blog and was reading the comments. On the real, Black people NEED each other wether they like it or not. Yeah that is an idealistic statement but until we recognize that we cannot continue to be each others enemies we will be talking the same crap into the year 3030 . . . if we get that far.

The relationship is the precursor to the family which is the seed to the nation. Who you choose to lay down with becomes the person you may ultimately build a community with. Unfortunately we are still suffering from the ills of slavery where the Blackman was not supposed to have a loving relationship but instead drop the seed while the woman raised the children which were eventually split up.

I will always need a woman in my life. If I have a bad relationship I will continue to seek the right woman until the day I die. Choosing the right woman is like choosing the right friends. If a friend stabs you in the back do you seek new comraderie or just say I will never have any more friends?

There is no label on the forehead saying "right one for you". Finding that person is a journey. When you do fine them it will be worth taking the challenge. You should never just give up.

oakleyses said...

oakley vault, louis vuitton, christian louboutin, louis vuitton outlet, michael kors outlet store, nike air max, coach purses, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet online, gucci handbags, louis vuitton outlet online, true religion, louis vuitton handbags, michael kors outlet online sale, coach outlet store online, christian louboutin outlet, kate spade outlet, burberry outlet online, nike free, burberry outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, christian louboutin shoes, polo ralph lauren, ray ban sunglasses, nike outlet, michael kors outlet online, prada handbags, red bottom shoes, jordan shoes, chanel handbags, coach outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, ray ban outlet, kate spade outlet online, michael kors handbags, tiffany jewelry, nike air max, longchamp outlet online, prada outlet, longchamp handbags, tory burch outlet online, true religion outlet, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, tiffany and co jewelry, coach outlet

oakleyses said...

nike roshe run, new balance pas cher, chaussure louboutin, tn pas cher, air max pas cher, hollister, timberland, nike free, ralph lauren, mulberry uk, ralph lauren pas cher, michael kors canada, abercrombie and fitch, true religion outlet, barbour, longchamp pas cher, burberry pas cher, lacoste pas cher, guess pas cher, true religion jeans, sac michael kors, louis vuitton uk, nike free pas cher, north face, air max, hermes pas cher, oakley pas cher, converse pas cher, scarpe hogan, nike blazer pas cher, nike air max, hollister, lululemon outlet online, louis vuitton, vans pas cher, sac vanessa bruno, nike air force, louis vuitton pas cher, sac louis vuitton, air jordan, nike air max, ray ban pas cher, michael kors uk, ray ban uk, north face pas cher, nike roshe, longchamp

oakleyses said...

jimmy choo shoes, insanity workout, ugg soldes, nike trainers, canada goose outlet, ugg boots, north face jackets, lululemon outlet, canada goose outlet, herve leger, ugg boots clearance, hollister, north face jackets, mont blanc pens, giuseppe zanotti, replica watches, vans outlet, nfl jerseys, new balance outlet, birkin bag, celine handbags, ghd, soccer shoes, ugg outlet, wedding dresses, ugg outlet, mcm handbags, ferragamo shoes, instyler ionic styler, longchamp, marc jacobs outlet, chi flat iron, soccer jerseys, uggs outlet, canada goose outlet, valentino shoes, p90x workout, mac cosmetics, asics shoes, beats headphones, reebok shoes, ugg, nike roshe, babyliss, bottega veneta, abercrombie and fitch, nike huarache, canada goose, uggs on sale

oakleyses said...

canada goose pas cher, juicy couture outlet, air max, ray ban, lancel, moncler, supra shoes, oakley, converse shoes, converse, vans, uggs canada, coach outlet, pandora uk, canada goose, moncler outlet, ugg, louis vuitton canada, moncler, hollister clothing, toms outlet, swarovski jewelry, swarovski uk, montre femme, moncler, pandora charms, louboutin, hollister, karen millen, ralph lauren, iphone 6 case, baseball bats, canada goose, hollister canada, moncler outlet, pandora jewelry, thomas sabo uk, moncler, parajumpers outlet, links of london uk, nike air max, gucci, canada goose, wedding dress, replica watches, timberland shoes, juicy couture outlet, moncler

Zheng junxai5 said...

zhengjx20160819
oakley vault
polo ralph lauren
michael kors outlet clearance
louboutin shoes
true religion jeans cheap
kate spade handbags
ralph lauren outlet
toms wedges
polo ralph lauren
jordan femme pas cher
cheap jordans
true religion outlet online
ugg boots
retro jordans 13
coach factory outlet online
rolex watches outlet
asics running shoes
coach outlet store online
louis vuitton outlet
michael kors outlet
toms wedges
michael kors bags
christian louboutin sneakers
mbt shoes
moncler coat
true religion uk
adidas yeezy 350
christian louboutin sale
canada goose sale
michael kors outlet online
louis vuitton handbags
cheap rolex watches
ralph lauren
michael kors outlet
fitflops
gucci outlet
air jordan 11
michael kors outlet
nike tn pas cher
true religion jeans