Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Pawns of the Game

I do not know where it started, but there are some of us so insecure and filled with vile thoughts, that we will do anything to hurt others. This is something that I would never expect to happen from a god-fearing and loving person, especially a parent.

I just want to know what is it about some men and women who would use their children to inflict pain on others. Yes, if the shoe fits wear it. Truth is that many of us, especially women, often have problems in relationships and with themselves to the point that they will use children to inflict pain on the other parent. I think this problem is more prevalent with women, but the question remains, why? Why would a woman use the love that a male parent has for a child as a weapon? Does she not know that it is the child that should come first and not herself? Some even go as far as to disrupt the child’s perspective of the other parent in an effort to make this occur. Still others use their children to get back at the other parent. I would never do such and have not. But I will not ever understand it. I will always support and encourage my children to love and never disrespect their mother's. But that's just me. But Others may and this terse essay is for them.

People, please, and men too, let us just love out children completely and honestly, and let them know all they meet love them. Otherwise, we will continue to see the degradation within our communities and we will have no one to blame but ourselves. In particular, if we know the other parent is a great, wonderful and loving parent. Maybe even more loving than we do. In the final observation, a relationship and its survival is based on each person meeting the needs of the other. If they are unmet, then leave, but please leave the children out of it.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I agree with you. I think most women are vengefull creatures. Some will attack you were they think it will hurt the most whether that's your car clothes shoes house and even your child. I think that this is a trend that is unhealthy for our upcoming youths especially now when divorce is at an all time high. Its been common place for someone to be the "baby momma" what ever happened to the wife and husband thing. I know we all heard about "baby momma drama". All I have to say is its just way too common place ]nd it needs to stop!

Anonymous said...

I don't believe women are any more vengeful than men, I just think it seems that way because more women have custody of their kids and have greater resource to use their children as pawns in a game to inflict pain on fathers. It's wrong either way, having a dick doesn't make anyone less prone to shady dealings.

JJJ

Anonymous said...

I think only a mean person, male or female would do such

Anonymous said...

Family is the key. Strong parents who raise strong children.Behavior is learned; hurt and anger are a by-product of that learning. No amount of talking, reasoning or pleading can change a mind that hasn't learned to reason.

Children are hurt and become adults who hurt..retraining as hard as that is, is the only way to teach both men and women to love, accept and give love.

Children who must go through this type of manipulation find it hard to problem solve as they age. It's easier to shoot than argue. (I know this seems extreme; but if a child spends their formative years being manulipated, don't you think they will grow up learning to do the same. If it is easier to walk away from an arguement; even if you haven't proven your point; but you will still feel anger and the need for revenge. What then makes a person feel they have proven their point and they have satisfaction? It's a vicious circle.)

This is where we need extended family...strong grandmothers, aunts, uncles, grandfathers, cousins, etc. Family is the key...just pray that the family you go to for help doesn't have their own hidden issues.

Unless we all take responsiblity for what happens to children...we will have to deal with the by-product of our actions.

Look at California!

Anonymous said...

I feel that it is selfish on the parent's behalf, whether male or female, to use their children as weapons against one another. That parent usually feels that they are hurting the other parents, when really and truly, the kids will suffer more from this behavior. I think it is pathetic and we as adults need to grow up and be the adult in the situation. I have witnessed many times when kids ask to see their dads or moms and the angry parent refuses to let them do so just because the other parent desires to see the child as well. Regardless of any situation...the children's feelings should be considered before the parents'.

JD Anderson said...

It is wrong to pawn a child against a parent. I disagree that women do it more. Men are equally the blame. Internally it hurts the child. If parents have a falling out, PLEASE leave the kids out of it, and handle it like adults. The kids are the one who carry those emotional scars.

fallen angel said...

"a relationship and its survival is based on each person meeting the needs of the other. If they are unmet, then leave, but please leave the children out of it."

you know, i've always questioned, and both publicly and privately fumed about the idea that people have to stay together "for the sake of the kids." i mean, if kids are as smart as we are constantly saying they are, why on earth would we ever assume that they don't know that mama hates daddy or that daddy hates mama? plus, not only are parents putting themselves in the position to be more unhappy as each day passes, they're also teaching their kids what marriage "looks" like. i hope they're happy with that image...
~fallen angel

Anonymous said...

That's a gorgeous baby! And no one, man nor woman should use their kids as pawns, it only come back to haunt you. I managed to go through the entire divorce process before my children even realized what was taking place, because all they witnessed was respect between two adults. They were able to handle it better, knowing that we were civil and respectful, always in their presence. To seek revenge is a cowards way, and speaks of that adults immaturity.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Thanks hon, I do make some beautiful children

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