Thursday, January 26, 2006

Can’t get down like that

What is it that Black women really want? I guess this question has been asked over the ages, and as for now, it seems that we brothers are still at a loss when it comes to an answer. Over the years, I have come to find out little myself about this question. I have dated all sorts and types of women, and it all seems to add up to this - they don’t know. On the one hand they desire to be treated like a woman and loved, but yet at the same time they desire some one that will mistreat them and basically disrespect and cheapen their woman hood. I figure sisters know when they have something good, but there still remains a small caveat of consternation.

One thing is for certain are that most women today are pessimistic and insecure when it comes to being in a stable and working relationship. Maybe it’s the television influence or maybe it is the social climate of the time. Whatever the case maybe, they seem to believe that no relationship will last, that men will cheat and that nothing from an interpersonal perspective that involves love is worth working for. It is a shame to me because I see so many people longing for a loving relationship but do not dare to search inside of themselves for the patience and resilience required for meaning commitment.

I figure trust and faithfulness are what most people lack when they burden themselves with thoughts of infidelity. Namely because they have some sort of guilt or burden over themselves that makes them desire others, even when they do not have no desire for them. I believe in being honest until the point that it hurts. It is not a good thing nor is it bad. It is a reality that the insecure cannot desire to face because it will require that they look deep and long at the mirror at themselves and dig deep into their souls. In order for a relationship to work, one must have faith, whether in a higher authority or in themselves and the choice they make throughout life. Sure, I’m certain women will desire to want what they cannot have, and that they will take for granted what they already have. Which brings us back to the question: what do women want? I still don’t know but in my heart, I have the faith to try to find and keep my soul mate, because I think that a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. I just wonder which one I am since I desire to treat that special person like I want my mother to be treated. My advice is do the dirt fella’s it more attractive to them and because the more pain and heart ache you cause them, the more they will want to be by your side. My fault in the long run and I guess as a result I may never find love because I can’t get down like that. And women ask me why I think it is best to Bone and dis-own. I say I can stop, if I found one that wanted me and just me - period.

12 comments:

Tiffany said...

I'm not big on leaving comments but this year has already brought blessings from interacting, and you shared the link, sooo here it goes, lol. I don't know about the other women but all I ever ask for is a man who is witty, non comformist, who don't buy into that every woman wants a thug, that has hope just as much as women in love, not romanticism, but love, the down and out, nitty, gritty, love which comes with faults, anticipation, yearning, being able to be without yet knowing their close, believers,
dreamers, raw, uncensored, understanding, intimate, who fight for what they believe in, can be men without having to explain
why the hell they have to leave the toilet seat up yet will put
it back down so his womans ass doesn't fall in the bowl in the middle of the night, watch football without feeling guilty that your woman is over there rolling her eyes, respect, share knowledge, be taught, teach, who won't let women dilute their minds into thinking that love comes in materialisms but in connecting
with them spiritually, mentally, physically, who won't settle for less even if it sometimes means they'll be alone...
you see, with every woman comes their own definition of what they want and if you become attuned as much into the true spirit of the sacred feminine and expect aspects of that from women, you will be blessed as a true queen will come into your presence and become the breath that you often try to find when you see a beautiful sunset.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Thank you, that was so beautifully stated...TTS

That Girl said...

I disagree with most of what was said...but mad props for saying it...there are some women out there that look for bad relationships...but there are also those of us...that just genuinely want a man to act right and treat us well.

TheOneandOnlyInsanely said...

WOW, this is good. I'm agree. I believe in being honest to the point where it hurts. Until I find a mate willing to be that honest with me, I can't even do it.

Rose said...

Unfortunately I don't fit in that mold you wrote about. I know what I want and I don't want a thug, for his thug loving self because when that is over I wouldn't even be able to have a decent conversation with the man. I want a man who loves his mother and family because I know he will work to love me and his children. I want a man that I can talk to, who won't bring his problems home unless he wants to talk about them. This way we can talk about them and work together on solving his problems I want a man who will support me in my endeavors and push me when I feel like the world is caving in on my dreams. I want him to stand by me not in front but to share my success and to feel good and not threatened when I achieve. Mostly I want a man who will love me when I gain 30 pounds from carrying his child and tell me I am still desirable and beautiful. I want a strong man who makes me feel protected, who wants something out of life and will work to get it. I don't want a man who will hit me cause I hit back and I don't want a man who spends his time wanting to sex another woman. So I don't represent the women in your post but trustfully I do know some women who does.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Very insightful...but perhaps a bit myopic? I think Tiffany's comment says it best: "with every woman comes their own definition of what they want..." Bottom line.

I'm of the belief that if two people are right for each other, and pursue an honest, functional relationship, there is not the need for such technical and complex negotiations. They click.
I also find -- and since I am only familiar with you, Torrence through your book titles I am not pointing a finger at you -- that a lot of times women know EXACTLY what they want...and that men like to ask that "what do women want" question, when the woman just doesn't want THEM.

NeKaun said...

Well I figured you would have a lot more responses on this.
Man can walk on the moon, clone individuals, but can't figure out woman, lol I guess we're complex creatures.

What do women want? Personally I don't think you can have one definition of what women want for every woman out there. It doesn’t work that way.

Just my opinion, most women want to feel wanted and needed. Which may be why as you stated some women stay with men that treat them badly. Unfortunately we have men out there that will take advantage of this need to feel wanted.

I think instead of thinking what do women want as a whole, it would be a lot easier to find someone that's of interest to you and find out what does this woman want.

Just my two cents...

Shai said...

With the "playa" mentality being praised on TV, in songs, even in the hood, many people, male and female have issues with real relationships.

How many long standing relationship have been examples that directly affected many of us.

I grew up without a father and so did most of my friends. I only know a few whose parents stayed together until one of the spouses died.

Divorce, more single parent households have shown how bleak relationships are.

When you get deep down to it, it is just a spiritual warfare. If you get the family you affect the whole society. Pit men against women and we are doomed. The Enemy (the Devil) wants to kill, steal and destroy anything good. And he is getting at our minds. It may sound crazy but read and see.

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