Thursday, January 19, 2006

What’s a Sexual agreement?

I was asked by a publishing friend of mine to write a piece on sexual agreements. Many of us are involved in relationships and do not actually understand what it is about relationships that make them work. The first and most important thing is an attribute of ones character and integrity – honesty. Honesty goes along way with regard to trust and respect. Honest must be the ground work of all relationships especially as it deals with sex.

So I ask the question, how many of us have sexual agreements with our partners. I am not talking about agreeing to conduct the act, but agreeing on what intimacy and sex is for both parties in a relationship. For starters, it is important for people to communicate their expectations and be truthful from the start, if you know your partner has a high sex drive, and then it is not appropriate to change in mid-stream when you knew this up front. In addition, it is important to tell your partner about any discretions or infidelity that you may or may have been involved with so that you can grow and share a mutual passion together. Finding out after the fact by another party can only make it worse. True if you are honest and tell your partner, they may leave but it is something that will still gather respect via telling the truth.

It is essential that you talk about such issues, for it is more important to inform your partner if you truly love them of your actions in particular in this age if HIV. More importantly is indicating if you used protection or not. These are just small ways to show how you care about your mate, for loving and being in q relationship is a growth process that involves give and take and compromise, communication and understanding on both people’s behalf.

Another essential part of a sexual agreement is being knowledgeable of your partners sexual fantasies. If one doesn’t know their partners sexual fantasies or worse don’t have any fantasies about their partner, then they may fall short of keeping their sex lives fresh and it may lead to infidelity. The bottom line is that we need to have strong sexual agreements in our relationship if we do not want our partners to stray and/or obviate a good, working health and growing relationship between two people.


Mizrepresent said...

Well.....i see no one touched this with a ten-foot pole, but uhhhh, let me say this. Men and women definitely have different ideas about sex and apparently different levels when it comes to sex drives. I would consider myself to be a highly sexual individual, and very passionate, but that passion comes with a cost...its something you (my male partner) has to inspire...inspiring through day to day contact, showing obvious desire, compliments and just knowing that i am wanted....if on the other hand that is not shown, there is no way in hell or heaven i'm gonna be a freak...or even want to get down like that....if you show up in my bed, lay next to me and ain't nothing happening.....whose fault is it...i am surely becoming more and more open to open other words if i don't tickle your fancy then find someone who one wants to be unhappy...and i can certainly live for awhile without it...but then again...well lets not get into that...contracts are fine, but if you can't guarantee, desire, romance, and what leads to it...then what good is a contract????

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