Sunday, October 28, 2007

Between San Diego and Basiden

Today, I am lost for words; not really, I just don’t have anything to write about. You see I just landed in San Diego. I was hoping to see first had the smoke and the flames from the devastating wild fires. But to my surprise, I aint see shit. Not Jack, not even any smoke. I was gonna write about how FEMA showed up on time here and was working, unlike during Katrina, but I can’t write about that either because I hear they had a staged press conference already where questions were asked by FEMA employees faking to be reporters.

So what does that leave me? Nothing really, except the fact I saw the Michael Basiden show for the first time on BET. I guess they trying to clean up their act. Anywho, the were talking about the “clean-up woman.” You know the woman that chases after married men. They even had one of them air heads from charm school, who obviously failed her classes and was allowed entry under what I presuppose was the Hoochie mama scholarship.

What struck me as interesting was that one of the ladies said it was impossible for a woman to love a married man, regardless of the mans situation because she would always be nothing more than his ho, even if she was able to get some loot from him. Interesting thought I said to myself in between tokes. So I ask yawl, is it possible for a woman to love a man who is already married, with a family and who is promised to someone else? Yawl clean up women holla? I figure a woman STUPID enough to deal with a married man, or a brother for that matter, is STUPID enough to love them – just my two cents. And wouldn’t be surprised if they got it from their parents. I can see a mother asking a married man to take care of her daughter if she had a history of adultery herself.

I guess the show is supposed to be like his radio show. Maybe I will check I out again, maybe not. Since I was passing through in search of a football game.

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would call her/him a stupid Whore. Obviously a person that would do such has no home training, thats the problem with us black women today....but if ones mother is whore then her daughter will be the same, cause she will only do what she sees in real life...no fire so u saying it was staged LOL

Abeni said...

They don't love themselves is what I would say. More often tahn not the man ent leaving his wife so he just enjoying the best of both worlds.

Xcentric Pryncess said...

I am always one to not judge others, I don't have the power or the business to do so...that being said, women who deal with married men obviously have some sort of low self esteem as they don't feel as if they can demand monagamy (sp.) from a man. I have a friend whose brother cheated for the majority of the relationship with a childhood sweetheart, left his wife and has been married to this woman for 10 years. Is it justified? No, does this happen? Yes. So my question is do people just marry the wrong people sometimes?

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Anon - I agree

Abeni - Thats also a possibility, then how could they love another

Xcentric - then wha does that say about your word, or our vow to God?

Xcentric Pryncess said...

I think that people are making vows without realizing the depth behind them...the importance of the covenant not just with each other, but with God also...People treat marraige as if it is disposable and women and men are not maintaining standards of honor, I mean really, just get a divorce if you have to cheat.

the prisoner's wife said...

well, if you wanted to see the ash & smoke...you should have come last week. the air was just plain ol GRIMEY! you could feel it sitting on your skin, setting up shop.

i agree with Xenctric on this one. people rush into marriage without knowing (or understanding) the seriousness of it all. we are too eager to run at the first sign of unrest. so unless you've been privy to a POSITIVE relationship (which, these days, most haven't), you don't understand these things.

as far as Baisden...he comes on TV One, not BET. just FYI.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

XP - point well taken and I agree, but to me its lke kids, you cant divorce them after u bring them in the world.

PW - sorry im late, just here to present, make some lot and jet. u too are right commitment dont exist people love to quit and run, but i do belive that many of the folks that do such, have lovin nd positive relationships but dont realize it til they gone and see the grass is not always greener

I still wanted to write about the fire and fema though dang

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

But no one answered the query about is it possible to love a married man, i mean if he married when u meet him, how can u, and what do u think about the clean up woman/man?

strangefruit0000 said...

I am not a cleanup woman but, I was friends with one. I too find it hard to believe that you can fall in love with a married man because, you are only getting a small piece of him (lol) and not the complete package, and isn't love based on shared emotions and experiences? How much experience and sharing can you have if you only see him 10% of the time? Now having said this, I can say that there are some married men who are good at leading a double life... I have run into one but, if you keep the blinders off and you pay attention to him (what he says, what he does) you will be able to eventually discover that he is married. And to the married sisters out there who are with men that spend the night out with his "boys"..... be wary and keep your eyes open too.

Mega Rich said...

Good topic. Seems to me you are the one preaching, so maybe I need to be the deacon.

Mega Rich said...

I've seen both sides. If you are willing to listen and not be judgemental it's amazing the stuff people will tell you. I know at least one married woman and one married man who both are in love with someone other than their spouses. The brother has been married a couple times so I'm not sure if he has really found the love of his life yet, but I can't really drop my opinion here, so that's all you get on that. The woman, I haven't quite figured out, but I do think she suffers from low self esteem.

Either way, if you were to ask either of them, I believe they both would say they love the other person and that person loves them.

Thic Flair said...

Not my place to judge, however, I think it's totally possible to love someone no matter the circumstances. I feel that the action of truly loving someone is not a rational feeling so how can it be hindered by rational limitations? If you love them, you love them. How you act on that is between you, them, and whatever God you serve.

My Name Is Marcus Langford said...

Clean up women and/or men alike serve a purpose. They are filling a void for the man and/or woman of that marriage that may be going down hill. It does not make their 'job' justifiable, but I do believe that a clean up woman and/or man can make the other party realize just what they have and get their head on right. Though we have a tendency to take our mates for granted, no one likes to lose something they have and if you realize that you are losing your husband or wife to a random woman or man, it will make you step your game up. You could almost classified the clean woman and/or man, the therapist of your failing marriage.

www.MarcusLangford.com
Subscribe to 'Mind of Marcus'
The Mind For Revolution Is Here

mp1 said...

The act of adultery is disgusting, but I don't want to judge others. That's their busines and God's business. If I were in the situation, I'd leave before I cheated. It's just the right thing to do.

I never was really a fan of Mike Baisden. I respect what he's done and appreciate the attention that he brought to the Jena 6, but I'm not really feeling him. nevertheless, Ihope his show is a success.

What is a charm school reject doing on the show. What are they adding to the mix?? Ratings??

Tha L said...

Can a woman love a married man? Sure, I believe that it's possible. Not too smart, especially since most affairs don't end in the man leaving his wife to marry his mistress.But possible. At the same time, and at the risk of my morals being questioned, I must say that if a woman is smart about her cleanup status, it can be a lucrative business arrangement. Not love. Business.

Sheletha said...

Can I be the trustee???


I believe the woman can love a married man. Women are always the nurturing one, loving in spite of themselves. If she can love the one that does her wrong, she can love a married man and be number two.

Please understand Im speaking in generalizations here, I'll be damned if I let Harpo beat me!

(still in Color Purple mode, sorry)

D said...

You cannot evoke from someone else, that which is not within you!

With that said.... how can you evoke love from other thans self when you are not loving yourself? Love is freedom, justice and equality. You have to give those to self before you can give them to other than self. Often times we enter into a relationship under prefference and the relationship is doomed from the start. Because at that point, I am looking to my partner to supply me with some need.... comfort, financial gain, physical closeness, companionship. A need is never met, maybe for a while but the hunger returns cause I have not supplied myself with everything I need to feel fulfilled and of value. In this circumstance it becomes..."as long as you provide me with what I am after (my need) I love you. But the second you don't, there is a disturbance in the relationship and I no longer love you so I trade you in for something that will fill my need."

So I ask you, if a married man or woman cheats, aren't they just trading their "love" in for someone who will meet one of their needs? How can love exist in this? I say the people engaged in this are lacking love for self and therefore annot possibly give or receive it back.

One love
"D"

lea78 said...

As a woman I will admit that Yes it is possbile to love a married man. But that does not mean that he loves you. My cousin is a "clean up woman" and she is always crying about how her "man" is doing things with his wife. The nerve of her to get mad b/c the wife wants to spend some time with her husband. I hate women like this. The sad part is that 9 times out of 10 men turn to these women b/c they look at their home as a place of burden and responsibility, but a jump off is just pure fun, they have no ties and no connections. How in the hell can you compete with fun?

hottnikz said...

I thought Baisden came on TVone?

Don said...

Yawl clean up women holla?

Folk, you're about to star a fire up in here.

I think a woman can love 'em, but I think they also put it in their head that it's more than what it really is.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Don - u got me rolling. LOL

Hot - BET TV1 the same to me, aint cspan or espn

Lea - idont know what to say, y she crying

D - well put

sheletha - is that love or lust?

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

ALL YAWL - so no waging the dog on the fire

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Langford - purpose idicatrs utility, what utility is it to take from the family unit, kids included?

Mp1 - i dont know, guess she got the hoochie momma scholarship like i said she had no charm at all

straingefruit - I love that boook, anywho well put

Rich - lets start a church together

chocolate said...

I've been in a situation with a married man. I wouldn't say it was stupid of me to become involved. All situations are different. Of course the married man presents himself as the victim. The victim of being with someone who doesn't love him, perhaps. There are so many scenerio's, reasons for his actions. I knew in my heart that it could never amount to anything more than a temporary fix for him as well as myself, so I opted out. To this day I'm being blamed for leaving this selfish person who to date is still with his wife, the person he claims doesn't love him. I would admit that it's a little foolish to become involved, but not stupid, especially when your filled with promises that things will change. Just give him time, he says..well now he has all the time in the world. let's see how long it takes him.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Chocolate - Dang is all i can say

Anonymous said...

I fell in love with a married man before he told me he was married...I was gone. I didn't know what to do so I cut it off immediately because it challenged my belief system. I loved this man with everything in me...I just could not resolve him going home to someone else.

jali said...

Of course one can fall in love with a married man, but it's a sad and ridiculous position to be in.

I've admired and respected married guys that have crossed my path - if I feel an attraction developing I find a way to stay away. Sigh.

Still in love with my right hand.

Emanuel Carpenter said...

Though rare, like four-hour erections, people who steal spouses for themselves can end up happy. It would take an incredible amount of trust though. Of course, men can be whores and go after married women too. Shows like this need to be careful of the sexist slant. It always the woman they want to label whores and hos. I believe the married person is the ultimate person to blame since it is he or she who is breaking vows.

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Erica said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shelia said...

This may have already been said, but, we're human, it's possible to love anybody in any situation. The true test of our humanity and commitment to God, if you are a believer, is whether you will invoke your free will and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Karma is a most mother. You can go tipping your behind in behind someone else's love if you want to! Just rest assured that LIFE HAPPENS, and it will touch your behind in one way or another at some point.

Femigog said...

Co-signing with Sheletha on this one. You can love anyone, regardless of what their situation is. I have a big problem calling any woman a whore because I am a woman and I have done things that I am not proud of in the name of love, companionship and idle loneliness. I was in love with a married man only I didnt find out he was married until we had been together a year. I was the clean up woman and I didnt even know it. When his wife confronted me I felt 2 feet tall and I had no rebuttal except to say that I didnt know, which was the truth. It didnt matter to her which is understandable. In her eyes I was the whore who had lured her husband off, not the victim of his bullshit and his penis just like she was! I notice there was little to say about the cheaters in the comments...They separated. He was a liar and a cheat and Still, I loved him. It didnt turn off because I found this out about him. I didnt stay with him because I felt humiliated and dirty because of some of the same things people have said in the comments. They equate the other woman with a whore, slut, low self esteem and even go so far as to demonize her parents? Come on, If the shit was really that simple then we would not be animals of higher consciousness and would act solely on instinct. We dont. We make the wrong choices and we love the WRONG people sometimes and it isnt right but it damn sure is human.
Sorry to Ramble but "YES" a woman can love a married man and vice versa.

quedawg4lyfe said...

You seem to be really caught up on the Married men/Single woman dynamic? Is there an uderlying motive or problem in your personal life? Has your significant other gotten the comfort she needs from a married man? There is more to this than you're letting out.....

Anonymous said...

You have a daughter and yet you use the word "Whore", come on Bruh!

OlderMan/YoungerWoamn said...

I was in this situation except, I was dating a married woman whom I knew was married. She was only 24 and her husband was 47 at the time. I'm 27, the relationship (so to speak) was mostly emotional, her husband wanted to completely control her life, all aspects of her life. He wanted to choose her friends, impose a curfew, etc...... at 24 a woman doesn't really know whom she is yet so it was impossible for him to make her who he wanted her to be. Her home life was completely miserable but financially stable. She was constantly depressed, contemplated suicide, heavily medicated, had several therapists. Hopefully she will learn to stand on her own two feet and find true love with someone she wants to be with and not someone she thinks she HAS to be with....

Financial Independence is the 1st step! He's just as much at fault as she is for falling in love with her physical attributes when she obviously isn't mentally or emotionally his equal for a true marriage built on love and trust!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

dang some deep stuff yawl - and still nothing on waging the dog

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Qdawg - i write about me and all else, im a writer, who cares, albeit my preferences is amily, community, politics, cultuyre and history. But I will write what is on my mind is that a problem folk. and for the record, i probly write moe about hip/hp and fuckboys, and politrics more than anything else

Anon - whore is in the dictionary and i use all words, but not around my children, and at two i hope she aint reading this.

oldermanwoman - deep. Love is sincerity too, she should be woman enough to sa such. a man should be man enough to say such. whats the big deal. Marriage is about the union and the family should come first regardless i figure. But im single and was engaged but she lost her ring so that squashd that for me. and y stay with some one for loot, other wise id still be wit my parents today. not to mention, love comes rom the heart not looks, i mean, husband,father,wife, mom, kids, u love unconditionaly

And still no wag the dog

quedawg4lyfe said...

Understood, but the ugly married man/single woman conversaition seems to always rear it's ugly head quite often. I enjoy the writings and have been a fan of what's coming next since I was put on to the the blog, but again it ends up here at this convo more times than not.

On another Note....DAMN!!!!!!!! She lost the RING!!!!!! I'm shocked at that one! Just DAMN! I mean we all lose things but the DAMN RING.....that could end up end some O.J'ness!!!

DAMN!!!!!!!







Olderman/Youngerwoman,

Dude, I've seen that happen a million times, once this woman is standing on her own two feet, this marriage will be over.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

qdawg - 2.5 carets 4.5 K. so u tell me, im man folk, she had my daughter, i love her but i ain stupid and im a memphis niga and did u read LIVE FRE OR DIE? or beter yet read wha real folk go through. I think she in love w someone eles (married or not) but she aint woman enuff to say it, ill leave a ame wDQ wit da quickness but family deserves more LOL

and as for your comments sounds like she had bipolar, she should leave now cause if she dont she only with him for the money which means she a prostitute LOL not to mention, the mania is unheard of, why didnt u take her with you is what i wanna know

Lyrically speaking said...

So how was San Diego?

I have no respect for such women who throw themselves at married men...

Sheletha said...

SHE LOST THE FLIPPIN RING....

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

lyrically - loved it, i ate and drank good, as usual, but them thre hrs i lost were kiler

Sheletha - yep, aint that some shit LOL

Ebonne said...

"Hoochie mama scholarship"... hilarious...

but yes i do think its possible for the clean up woman to fall in love with the married man... most of them do and then convince themselves that they can actually make the man leave his family and be with them...

I would never date a married man though... I believe in Karma too much and if I found out a woman was sleeping with my husband they both would catch a beatdown!

Anonymous said...

Yes its possible for a woman to love a married man. It may not be right /morally exceptable but it is possible. You cant always control who you love but you can utilize common sense and make the choice to remove yourself from that situation! Keep in mind that just because one removes themself fromthe relationship with that married person dows not mean thatthe love for them discontinues.It just means that you recongize that it(teh relationship)is not healthy and that you as a human being deserve so much more than time spent or shared with someone who already has a signifigant other! On the flip side you cant make someone love you.If its not intheir heart it simply isnt! It take some peopel longer to mature and discover "who they are "than others! Only when you have discovered who you are as a person(man/woman) can you truely understand what you seek in a relationship ,or if you even seek one! Touching on what olderman /younger woman said, a woman that much younger than a man ,may not be ready to play the role that you hope to cast her for.She is still discovering herself.Sometimes those May/Dec type relationships work and sometimes they dont. Most women that young who date a man that much older is thinking "Sugar Daddy"sorry just being honest! A much older man has been on this earth longer,experienced more, done his share of dirt,etc etc and may be more well seasoned in regard to intimacy/emotions,etc than someone in their early 20s!Those are the years when you have fun, travel, do all that you want, at least I did. She may go into the relationship thinking that she can be all that you seek or wanting to maybe try ,but at somepoint their is always the possibility that she may discover that its not what she wants for herself! The 2 people in the relationship must want the same thing! Its not enough for you to want it! People make dumb choices,and many will agree that a woman continuing to involve herself with a man who is unable to fully commit to her is foolish.However life is for living and learning! Thank God for a forgiving God who will forgive even when man cant or wont. I dont see myself wanting that type relationship with marriued man because I'm not willing to sell myself short or cheap! I'm also not willing to stay with a man who is just a great provider , wants me to be everythign to him,but doesnt allow me to become the woman I need to be and experience life,accomplish my own goals. Some women are like birds.They need to be free and not caged! As the saying goes"if you love somethign let it go.If its yours it will return if not it never was" or maybe it was but desired to be nolonger! Just a thought!

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