Monday, March 17, 2008

man's man or hybrid

One of my folk recently posted a blog called “mans man, woman’s man, and the girly overview.” Now I must say, it is a great read. In essences, her postulate denoted that there are two types of men: a man’s man and ladies man. In addition, just as if Cheikh Anta Diop in Civilization or Barbarism or the African Origin of Civilization, outlines the lineage of man as if is motion from homo habilis to Homo erectus to Homo sapiens sapiens; she notes a similar transition from man’s man to ladies man.

In her post she writes: “a mans man is self centered, his life and accomplishments are all about him...he proves his worth to himself and his boys...he shouts out his accomplishments and brags about what he has and how much it costs...women are important but secondary to a mans man...they don't really exist except to fulfill his needs, when he wants...a mans man always has a hot young thing on his arm...he will tell a women what HE thinks she wants to hear, without checking with her...he will fuck a women the way HE thinks she wants to be fucked...again without checking with her...he doesn't like to hear the "whining and complaining"...he will hear, but not listen...his actions are male centered...sports, hunting, money, guns...a mans man usually has a stable/harem of many fine girls to chose from...the young girls love the mans man...they attempt to immolate him, generally in sexual ways.” Regarding a woman’s man, she writes “loves women...he fundamentally respects women...he can be seen holding the purse at the mall...his down time is spent at home, watching sports/cooking/talking with his current lady...he can be with strong women and not lose his manhood...a ladies man is very secure in his beliefs/self and does not need to wear his knowledge on his sleeve, or brag about what he has...a ladies man loves every curve, lump, and bump on his woman...he gets great pleasure in pleasuring his women, and knows that when she's satisfied and happy he will be too...a woman’s man can sit in a room with women and not have the need to become the center of attention...he is quite content to listen to the ladies talk while he watches his sports...a ladies man is the protector and will look out for the neighborhood single chick without having to conquer her sexually...he has his own life and is secure hanging with the boys, or letting his lady hang with her crew.”

Now there is another, the “Girly man”, but since I don’t know many of them, I want to briefly talk about the two, and how I see myself in what she presented. I guess first off, I would be a man’s man, given my predilection for “sports, guns and money” among others. However, I would hope there would be room for gardening, planting flowers, cooking and collecting wine. True, it is important to have worth defined via myself and my folk [boys], but it is not essential, for me because I would rather deal with my Id than ego. I figure folks who nurture their ego are not self actualized and got something to prove to themselves. But that can be blamed on both the men and women in my family who taught me “that some one has to be number one, may as well be you – something I teach my son and daughter equally.

Unfortunately, I do not desire nor have a harem, albeit I could probably put one together if challenged in a week or so. I’m not one to really want someone to be a certain way, for this savagebeastmonsta don’t believes he can own anyone nor that they own him.

With respect to the woman’s man, I am one who loves women and respects them period. And at a major cost, I treat them as I would my mother or daughter. But i will put either in place if required, place being expressing what i feel. Not saying I am not a freak (a person with an supraordinate sex drive) – I am. But a desire for sex five times a day in these eyes doesn’t translate into not respecting women, but rather respecting my id. I mean I have no problem with holding my woman’s, daughter or moms purse, I change diapers and have been the only man, not African man, in my son’s PTA for years, and let them tell you, I bake the best shortbread cookies around (lavender, lemon, and blueberry among others; and the women I have worked with still beg for the chocolate and blueberry cheese cakes I make.

Then there is something I would like to call “the warrior brain.” Think in any case each of the aforementioned must have such. For a man’s man, it means that you will think first and be confident, silver back gorilla style, or alpha male style (that is how i look at myself) that no situation is too great, or that no obstacle can produce fear. I mean, for me, the only fear I have is not being able to feed or provide for my family. Likewise, I mean, I KNOW it is possible that another can whoop my ass, but on the real, I just don’t believe such. I really don’t. It takes a warrior brain also, when being a woman’s man according to my sister, to turn the other cheek, and just be able to sustain any grief a woman would give you for not recognizing the real chivalry in being able to do so. Or even with a child, like when I had to travel to Ethiopia a week after 911, and I had to calm my son, All i had to do was say "who you trust, a terrorist with a box cutter, or your poppa? He smiled and said "poppa will beat him down." But with that said, all I am saying is that I see what she is saying, but I am not an absolute, but rather harmonic as the Dogon of Mali explained, I am of both, a hybrid, cause i got lot of a both in me, that is if i am either to start with. So I just ask you, what says you?

I’m adding this last pic FYI. They have flat screens in the gas stations in the ATL. I have two things to say about this: 1] Long live higher illiteracy rates in the US and 2] Flat screen TV’s outside for folks to steal for free.

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professor said...

nothing in this world is absolute, and hybrids are a natural occurrence in nature...but like when you mix a donkey with a horse you come out with a non-reproductive mule one must own who you are...yes, we all are a hybrid of many things, and it's not about pegging yourself, but by the same token, if you are a mans man, then say it does not owe another an explanation...
listen, I freely admit I'm a sarcastic bitch...yes, I have really good tendencies thrown in, but they are secondary to my sarcasm...

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

professor - LOL, im saying neither, id prefer to say im a memphis ni doubl G a first a country boy second, so i fall where i fall no big big biggy

msladydeborah said...

I have to say that if I had to make a choice at this point in my life~he would have to be a hybrid.

The Bear Maiden said...

Ah this cracked me up. You definitely strike me as a man's man, lol, but you talk about your ma and your babies enough (and you make shortbread? Wow, I LOVE shortbread) so I can see the hybrid. :)

You probably never really noticed the girlyman before, but you will now, I betcha. I've known a few. :)

There's so much more I could say but I just won't. I should have warned you, though... :P

MrsGrapevine said...

I'm glad you clarified putting them in their place. I think a good man would be the balance blend of both. I think it takes a certain level of security to love a woman in front of your boys.

Anonymous said...

Like I said...
Something to think about.
I challenge you. :-)

Thomas said...

I ran into your blog over at "The 7-10." I think I will have to add you to my list of blogs that I read regularly.

i.can't.complain. said...

thanks for the shout.

"ure biased"


so ure a hybrid, hunh?

i honestly see u more as a ladies man with severe man's man tendencies.

make sense??


Nicole said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicole said...

I'd imagine many ladies' men are reformed manly men. Personally, I think moderation is a good thing.

Anonymous said...

Hey T,

Your "folk" has hit on to something here, but I believe that men can learn, grow and even blossom from being the man's man into the woman's man.

As a personal example, my first 28 years of life were all about being a man's man. I always screwed over every woman I had a relationship with (scared, probably, that they would "get" me first).

Even after I got married at 28, it took some time for me to drop that baggage, because as I got to know Susan, I realized that I had been missing out on so much with my "persona".

Believe me, my marriage is anything but wine and roses, however, I found (especially after Naomi was born when I was 42... my first child) that she, too, is a woman. Duh!

(Female, but will be a woman... you know what I mean)

I want her to see a real man in her dad. A man who is equally comfortable holding her doll while she plays, my wife's purse while she tries on some clothes or my 9mm if I needed it.

What I am suggesting is that life circumstances can change our own views of ourselves. Sometimes this is hard, but as in my case... it was the most amazing and certainly best thing that ever happened to me.

Lovebabz said...

I rather like the mix of man's man and woman's man. If I am being honest and I am trying to be all the time, I like a man that can handle anything. I like a man who is not defined by roles, but rather how he maneuvers in the world. There has to be a softness to a man, a kindness that keeps his humanity present. But there also has to be a fearlessness too. Fearless in the sense that if shit jumps off he can handle it. I think most women don't get the right combination...the right hybrid. It is either too much of one way or the other. So you get all these mixed messages and signals and you never know where he stands or where you stand with him. I like the mix of sexiness/cool/smart brain/swagger and a big heaping of southern charm. Swagger being confidence and self actualization--he knows who he is! Sexiness--meaning he knows how to give as well as take. Smart Brain--He thinks so therefore he is. And Cool because he knows his own style and goes his own way. And last but not least southern charm--means he has manners and acts accordingly.

Now that is the Man for me...everyday of the week!

Jaded said...

In my mind, a "real" man is a happy mix of the two you described. A happy medium. One who has some bravado and swagger, but who knows how to treat his woman and his family well. The man's man and the woman's man are merely offshoots of what a real man is... the extremes. So, I don't think you have to combine the two to make a hybrid, it's the original that gets taken to the extremes in order to form each of the other two.

I prefer a real man.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

msladyveborah - dont know if i can get u them cookies but if u ever here, will make u some, shortbread is quick and easy

The bear maiden - u should say more, and yea, i probably do know a few

mrsgrapevine - y thank u hon

Krisaela - and whats that challengeThomas - good look do return and thanks folk, im gone chk out your spot

i.can't.complain - any time hon, yep i am a biased hybrid. lol hope my comment to your recent post wasnt too risque, me - risque lol

Nicole - im good at moderation with the exception of ribs and tequelia

Beyuleahman - thats is being real honest. It takes a man to state such. And im with u on the daughter. This is classic "I want her to see a real man in her dad. A man who is equally comfortable holding her doll while she plays, my wife's purse while she tries on some clothes or my 9mm if I needed it."

Babz - I resemble that remark LOL

Jaded - i can tell , besides Thats what Mr. Jaded is from the way u have described him to me

Anonymous said...

I stepped in to brag, I HAVE THE BOOK! I HAVE THE BOOK! I'm enjoying a great read.

Definitions - hmmmm.
I was accused of being anti-feminist by someone on a message board since I won't raise my fist in solidarity with women protesting whatever or the other - I dunno. I don't demand that my guy share certain chores or that everything be equal - nah, not for me. Each just do what each can do. it works in my life.

I'm more into harmony - peace and quiet and I've found that living by someone's definition of a man or a woman is useless. I don't need to assert myself, since I choose men that never doubt my intelligence or wit and who show appreciation for my hard earned skills. Willingness to guard me from bugs is important too.

I enjoyed reading the definitions -I've met mens-men. I just call them assholes. There are so many types of guys out there that I can't imagine using just 2 or 3 catagories to try to understand them.

Anonymous said...

YO, drop the address of the gas stations, me and mine coming down to the ATL soon and i need some flat screens

Anonymous said...

YO, drop the address of the gas stations, me and mine coming down to the ATL soon and i need some flat screens

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

jalishouse - u anti feminist, whats that, lol. and whats the book? and so are you saying i am an ANAL PORE LOL

dejanae said...

and let them tell you, I bake the best shortbread cookies around (lavender, lemon, and blueberry among others; and the women I have worked with still beg for the chocolate and blueberry cheese cakes I make.

ship some to a bk chick

Jaded said...

He is, indeed. I am somewhat difficult, as I'm sure you can imagine, lol. While it annoys me that he doesn't put up with crap, I'd never want to be with a man I could boss around or walk all over. It's a give and take thing, know what I mean?

bernice said...

Woman's Recipe for Man

6 parts Woman's Man
3 parts Man's Man (sports, hunting, money, guns, mechanic, handyman)
1 part Girly Man (to handle thangs when wifey is not available)

blend until smooth (a must)
pour into a well-greased dish (9-13 should suffice)
bake in a pre-heated oven @ 360 degrees (for well-roundedness)
until any shade of brown you desire

should be done when it has risen and bounces up when touched slightly underneath

enjoy before it cools off

--ramblings of a bored programmer, time to get back to work

Aunt Jackie said...

I like Alpha males. As an Alpha female I wouldn't feel right with the runt of the bunch of the weak one of the pact, for genetic reasons and on a purely base level I don't get excited for weak dudes.

Weak could mean moral fiber, weakened by addiction, weak minded, or a word that means nothing.

I don't know what I think about men's men or ladie's men, I would have probably switched the two definitions around. A ladies man has always been a skirt chaser in my mind and a man's man is a provider..but that's just me.

Can I come to ATL and eat your cookies for a day or two?

VE said...

And interesting observation, but really, does anyone like being categorized?

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

dejanae - will do hon

Jaded - i bet u are - DIFFICULT LOL in a good way though

Bernice - sounds like a milk shake lol, get to work, except whe u read me and th new book is out today yeaaaa

aunt jackie - sure, come an eat what u desire

ve - i dont think any one does

Yasmeen Christian said...

A hybrid witha lean towards a Man's Man, I don't like dudes that stay in the mirror longer than me ;-)

Mizrepresent said...

You are definitely the hybrid T...but that's what i love about you...if anyone seen you with your babies, like the pics you display, then read your stuff, and come to know you for the the man you are...they would appreciate on the spot...but dayum, that 5 times a day loving, smh...

memphiz said...

this has nothing to do with this post *sorry* but today i was reading this blog on some political stuff about Obama and stuff...and it made me think of you b/c i know u would leave like a deep ass, educated response...just thought u should know.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

yasmeen - dont stay in mirror at all, and plus, i do ask her how she wants it, but will also say take this d....

mz my fault, it hits the navel like that cursed or blessed lol

memphiz - lol y me, whats the link

Blah Blah Blah said...

...there are men that you want to fuck with... but then there are men you want to get with...

KELSO'S NUTS said...

T: Every man in the world thinks he's the perfect hybrid. Or he wouldn't be a man! I know I do. If I'm honest with myself I know that I'm too much a man's man and not enough a woman's man which is why I've been divorced twice.

Like you, Girly-Man for me was never a factor or an option.

We've been down this road before but, like you, I guess, I decided that nothing less than Alpha would do for me. That said, at around 11or 12 or whenever cognitive thought and puberty kick in, a man-child with an Alpha need makes a choice as to whether he's going to establish dominance with brains or muscle. It was the former for me.

Like you I don't derive my sex drive from Ego but rather from Id (or low Seratonin and Dopamine levels!) I'm your age, and when I was still living in the States and I'd be with women under 30, I'd often be accused of being a "playa." At first I assumed that was just a reference to how I earned my living! Then I realized it was a way of telling me how deficient I was in elements of the "Woman's Man," although god knows I pride myself on being a gentleman. My manners are really excellent.

But jeez I work in a very masculine environment to the whole sense of "the boys" is crucial to me and I've yet to be criticized by a woman for being too confident or aggressive.

At the same time, who likes to feel like a heel, you know?

Princess TinyButt said...

hey there 'all-mi-t'! thanks so much for stopping by my site. i really appreciate it. i love your spot too, and have a few comments for this post, i hate that i've got to go to bed now, because i want to stay up and read all your posts and comment!

i'll be back tomorrow!

be well :)

mp1 v.8.0 said...

I'm a least I hope I am.

I was thinking the exact same thing about the tv. They're just begging to be stolen. Thanks for the shout, holmes

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Jaded said...

In a good way, huh? I certainly hope so!

Christopher said...

This is the problem with trying to define people in narrow terms.

In my experience, roles are never that closely delineated. Sometimes, we wear one hat, sometimes we wear another hat.

It's like when white people assume black people are somehow predisposed to criminal behavior. This is simply not true and completely inaccurate. Or when straight people say all gay men are effeminate. Wrong, totally wrong and completely ignorant.

I think one of the things that I like about humanity -- all of humanity, is how varied and unique people are. This is exciting and why stereotypes just don't ring true.

Don said...

This is a great post. Very thought-provoked. It's funny reading it because I see how much my life has changed. I grew up being cold in my heart. So I guess I was the mans man. But after the birth of my daughters I became more of a womans man. I think I begin to see the world through their eyes.

I still have my moments where I be on some f*ck a b*tch type-ish, but for the most part, I offer compassion and respect.

Unless a female cross me. LOL.

The Love Collective said...

hybrid rules, but what if a hybrid mixes with another hybrid, then is the result still a half-breed, or full-blooded?

MP said...

I appreciate a good balance of the two. I have found one and I couldn't imagine being with just one or the other. Something would always be missing. good post!

VertigoVirgo said...

I hate the tv's at the gas stations now...I mean was it not easy enough to get jacked without having a tv set up to distract you. I would never picture you as a "Man's Man" in her terms. I've never really viewed a Man's Man as being that way. I often say my little brother is a Man's Man, but my definition is different. I would say that the definitions for me are flipped, Man's Man, and Ladies Man. I've never heard of a Ladies man being the one that respects men, and is around them and takes care of them, I've only known a ladies man to be the opposite, he may be a very good lover...but that's only because he's been with half the block, and you are girl #2 of the evening and it's still light outside. N-E-WAY...hmmm.

Sheria said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. Interesting topics and good writing, I've added you to my blogroll. Hope that you will return the favor. BTW, I think that hybrids are actually a better breed, Pure breds can be very high maintenance.

Aly Cat 121 said...

ummm interesting. Frankly the only men I've known with a STABLE of women were pimps. And they were more like "ladies men" then "men, men."

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

aly cat - we caled them pimps too lol

Sheria - u welcome and i will do the same, but pure bred, do tell lol

vertigo - that makes very good sense, i just thought i was a man b reding the post

mp - we have to be satisied in our choices. or else we will keep leaving when we see or think we see somethin better - grass aint always greener

love collective - i hope the two men dont procreate, adopt maybe lol

Don - don worry, me too, its just something we learn to control eventually lol

christopher - i could not have said it beter and add to that geat example.

Jaded - like the son say "if u dont know me by now....... lol

MP1 - and the japanesee tv's top shelf and water proof

princess tinybutt - y hanks for the drive by, and do return, and u know i want to ask about the screen name

Kelso - not he playa play from the himalias, he ayatolla he ho controlla and i peep your style GAME RECOGNIZE GAME

BLAH - what is the difference and which would i be lol

Kieya said...

good post, i think its cool that you were honest and talked about having both sides. but you bake?....shortbread cookies...? that sounds absolutely divine.

ps the book cover is fly

strangefruit0000 said...

I agree... it is simplistic to catagorize in such a way. I think that this type of thinking leads to other types of generalizations and catagorizations.

tigress said...

I always enjoy reading your posts. I tend to think there are more than two types of men or the three once you added the girly man in there. You sound like the one who fits between the manly man and the ladies man. I'll call him "his own man". You're not out to please the men with something to prove and your not so much the ladies' man that you can't the be leader and protector she doesn't think she needs but wants really badly, who will never lose himself. And, I guess that is what you said, isn't it?

Special K said...

WOW...loved the post I once had a man's man and its so sad that all they see is themselves. I really feellike men like that will ultimately end up alone. Enough about that, what about the cheesecake, I'll be back in the 'A' in May!!!