Tuesday, April 15, 2008

#1 son

I know I write a lot about fatherhood and what a great thing it is and how important being a father is to me. I also know that I talk a lot about lil momma. Namely because she is still new to me, being that she is going on three in June. But I want to say for the record that my son, well he is the shit too. He is likely the best son a person can have next to me LOL (love ya mom).

And I am not saying this because they won today in the last inning 6-5, making the Grady High School Knights 7-1 (1st place), nor because he is almost a “chip off the old block.” But because it is the truth. See although his mother has been in his life somewhat, I have raised him his entire life. When he was born, I commandeered a wheel chair and we rolled all around Crawford Long Hospital. He would be in my office at Emory in a walker, while his mother would be out clubbing, trying to find her girlfriend’s husbands. He has traveled to Africa with me on multiple occasions and was on his second passport by 8 years of age. He has been under my roof as well his entire life.

I am not saying this because I have coached him from age 4 to 14 in Little League baseball or AAU basketball at Ben Hill, the Fulton County League or Old national. But rather for the little things. Like the way he calls me Poppa, or the way he gets up on the weekend when I am tired and cooks breakfast for his sister.

And as I said, sure his mother has been in his life, and it used to hurt me like an Ice Pick in my right thigh (yes, i have been stabbed in my rt thigh with an ice pick) when he would say he didn’t want to go over to her house. Once I told him that if I ever heard him say that or anything negative about his mom again, I’d knock out his teeth. Sure he can be a knucklehead. Like this past semester when he brought home 3 A’s, 4 B’s and an F. Or like when he nailed this kid in the back of the head at school who swung on him. But Men aren’t we all at times?

I remember growing up Looking at Charlie Chan; he always had his number one son with him in the movies to help solve his cases. Biti (short for Thabiti which means a true man) is my number one son and my fist born. Yep, his name serves him well. He has seen it all with me, from cleaning guns to tracking wild turkey. When he was nine he said, “Poppa, when I’m 27 and old enough to have sex, I’m gonna carry condoms with me all the time.” I responded, “well little daddy, if u can’t wait until 27 just ask me for some. This past November, he did just that. “Poppa, can you bring me some condoms to school?” I said “Sure. You wanna do this, I mean are you ready, if it breaks to take care of a family as I do?”

I took him the condoms. He didn’t use them. When I asked what happened, he said, “she fessed…. But I wasn’t ready to take care of children like you do me and Chi.”

Like I said, nothing better than being a father and that it is the little things that mean the most, like when I came home sat from the shop, and he had mopped the kitchen floor. And all of this came to me while i was listening to Romeo and Juliet fantasy overture by Tchaikovsky (one of my favorites along with Ovarture of 1812 and Nutcracker).


Kai C. said...


MP said...

sounds like a great father raising a great son!

Anonymous said...

this was truely one of my favorite blogs. your son is going to a great man, just like his father. ive only known you a short while, but i have so much respect for you and yours. be blessed

n'Drea said...

Continue to cherish that awesome relationship with your son. This post warmed my heart. You're a good example of a responsible father and role model. Keep on keeping it real. Peace, brother.

P.S. I'll try to not be such a stranger from now on, but mi waan yu fi know seh mi neva figet yu. Yu dun know how it go sometimes when life get inna de way. LOL!

Kieya said...

Sounds like you're raising an exceptional young man. And you sound like quite the dad too.

...I remember Charlie Chan...that was me & my mom's show early sat morning...aww, memories

...i'm a fan of piano concerto no 1. :-)

PrettyBlack said...

Hmph...I like that...alot.

Lovebabz said...

Codicil to the Lovebabz Will:
Care for children, raise them, provide them with a strong upbringing that will carry them into their adult life with grace, confidence and a sense of what it means to be a Black in the world.

My friend, My love, If I die tommorrow, I want you to raise my children.

I wish I had a Dad like you...I would be totally different. I am sure.

You are amazing! Your son is absolutely ADORABLE!

God bless you for being YOU and raising a son like him...he is Beautiful! Just Beautiful!

12kyle said...

i hope he keeps it up!! you sound like a proud dad! i like to hear that.

The Jaded NYer said...

That's a nice young man you got there...

I suppose being man enough to ask you for the condoms is great, but if that happened to me I'd fall over dead (with my hands wrapped around my kid's throat).

Aunt Jackie said...

i wonder if you were at emory while my friend was coaching football?

funny thing I've only heard the school mentioned from you and him.

sounds like you got a good seed on your hands! what a bless.

The Bear Maiden said...

The good moments make up for the times you want to wring their scrawny necks.


He's a cute kid. Congrats.

What's with you and the "leavembehinds", though? Jus askin. Since I can't get mine to disappear...

memphiz said...

Every boy needs a father in their life i tell you...great post.

The Immoral Matriarch said...

He will grow up to be an amazing man, without a doubt.

sista gp said...

"Sure. You wanna do this, I mean are you ready, if it breaks to take care of a family as I do?"

Great post! I will have to remember this one for my son and my step-grandsons that are due to be born in June.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Kai c - thank u how is it going and how is that book of poetry coming?

MP - i pray that u and I are right. The moping the flor without asking did it

anon - thank u and i hope u continue to read me and maybe even get some of my books one day

n'dea - ok, u pass this time, and its nice to know i can warm someone's heart

Kieya - thus far. so good. and in concert band, i remember i fell in love with it when we were in state. It was the music we had to play in the sight read section, we got a 5 (perfect) I played Timpanny (kettle drum) yes, you have to tune it and read notes bass cleft too

Prettyblack - y tht hmph? lol

Babz - thanks. He cool, but we Stephen's men frown on being described as adorable

12kyle - you will be the same way DAD in a few years

Jaded NYer - LMBAO. Thats child abuse, never u

Aunt Jackie - whats his name, and most likely 93-2005. And yep, folk here got alpha male, silver back gorilia sperm, plus i put it on the plate and it dont have to swim

Bear Maiden - dont know. I think it was just them too. I dont hink most women like that, selfish like that. My mom's daughter gave me an ultimaitum, said either your son leaves or I leave she was gone a few weks latter.

Memphiz - my pseudo hommie, thank u.

The Immoral Matriarch - like i said in response to MP and Kiyea, i hope so and jus pray

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

sista GP - congrats. Just rember expose the to all and nothing will be novel or new, for he will have sen them, lke guns dont impress my son since he had to clean them. now they like another form of work lol

Ma'at said...

See I love this post. It reminds me of all the reasons a woman can have to respect a man. I've told you a million time how beautiful your children are, and now I'm telling you that they are also brilliant just like their Poppa. If we had more men like you to raise more men like 'Biti, well we'd all be better off. I said all of that to ask this.... When are we getting married lol.

Tamra said...

Absolutely beautiful!

Great post.

Blah Blah Blah said...

Great dedication...
Pretty awesome young man...that's not surprising with a pretty awesome father.

Urban Thought said...

Wow... I never heard fatherhood expressed this way. You make it sound so great. Your son is lucky to have you as a father. And he seems to be doing the right thing for himself and his family.

Great post!

Anonymous said...

It's always a pleasure to know that some men actually take care of their responsibilities. My dad was not around much, and it really affected my brother. I mean he turned out ok, but that closeness is still not there. I believe he could have avoided a number of chaotic situations had my father and brother bonded over the years. If I have children I would hope my husband has the same mentality as you do with your son. Best wishes...

Jaded said...

What a lovely tribute to your son. It's also a great testament to you as a father. Congratulations, to both of you!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

maat - thank u mariage, uh,thanks but not now maam lol. was that a proposal?

Tamra - thank u sista

Blah - thank u, im hoping such, and i left u a comment to your response on the previous post

urban thought - yes, fatherhood is the shit

divine perception - so true, it is nothing worse to me than a man neglecting his responsibilities and not knowing what he is missing, except a woman not knowing, apreaciating, or acknowledging the value in the man and family she has

jaded - thanks lil sis.

Miriam said...

Wow! I always wonder how I am going to broach the sex talk w/my kids.

"(short for Thabiti which means a true man) "

What language is that?

PrettyBlack said...

The hmph is because it hit me REAL hard, and left me speechless, some things need absolutely nothing because you know and I know what that post was all about.

I watch the interactions between my daughter and her daddy and feel pride because I knew that I was not getting pregnant before marriage, because I wanted my daughter/son to have a dad in their lives, because I knew they would deserve that.

We always want to give our children what we didn't have, you did it and I did it. So after reading your post (twice) it hit me like a baseball in the chest, and I was brought damn near to tears (really) it takes alot to leave the pretty one speechless and you did....Ya dig?

So thanks for that.

Now you know about the muthafuckin' hmph! haha!

I don't like showing my emotions so I won't be going there again anytime soon.

Ma'at said...

LOL Nope Mr. it wasn't. Twas a Joke you know I think marriage is for the birds

Aunt Jackie said...

his name is aubrey he was a football coach during that time i'm pretty sure.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

miriam - mwera, Kenyan, bantu-hamitic.

pretyblack - i feel ya, enuff said

Ma'at - Okie dokie LOL

Aunt Jackie - yep, i did meet him will serving as an assistant professor at emory university

Don said...

i see your son has already gained wisdom towards the baby-making. good deal. and the mohawk is a cool look.

all-mi-t, man, you just keep doing what you do. it's obvious that you have made a difference in your children's life. props.

Anonymous said...

Very touching, Im sure he is just as proud to have a father like you as you are to have a son like him...you are a rare breed....yet very much needed....it's a lifetime commitment to be a parent its good to see you are more than capable of holding up the task....


Tigress said...

There is nothing I admire more than a man who is a man and takes care of his responsibility without even thinking it is a responsibility.

So many men who skip out on their children don't understand how important it is for a child to have that male figure in their life. Without him to pass along his knowledge and experience to his male off-spring, isn't it like each generation of men having nothing to start out on the ground floor? Each generation of young men should have his father's shoulders to stand on.

Big hug and a smile to you. :-)

Anonymous said...



Curious said...

I'm jealous. Jealous, jealous jealous. I never had that kind of relationship with my father. We never spoke and discussed things as equals. We just fought or obeyed orders, or gave orders in his case.

It looks like I wont have a son of my own to pass on my family traits so I shall have to live vicariously through yours. Looks like I couldn't have made a better choice.

BTW you have to careful with which version of 1812 that you listen to. Some versions will sound like they were done by people who may have drove by Carnegie Hall but never actually played there and that can ruin the whole experience.

Anonymous said...

this is pretty solid stuff brotha t. i like the way you handle those situations because let be franks, kids are going to experiment, but if they have a respect for what is out there, they are less likely to make grave mistakes.

Marcus LANGFORD of MLDTees.com

Renegade Eye said...

Very insightful, well written post.


JayBee said...

the evidence that you've done a good job is the open and honest relationship that you have with your son. more fathers need to follow your example. you're also very wise to not down his mother or accept your son downing his mom. (obviously his opinion of her must be less than high because he didn't want to go). much respect for that. so many people would talk negatively about the mother in front of the child. questions...uh...the ice pick thing...uh i guess you didn't lose sight in the eye, huh? how far did it go into your eye? when i read grady high school it made me think about how i still need to find a job. maybe i'll call them back.

Aly Cat 121 said...

never knew how much of a mommy I was until I had children of my own. Except mine don't do dishes *chuckle*

Jason Proe said...

My son can't talk yet but I think I know how you feel. "We" have been planning what we are going to do for my wife on Mother's day for a couple days. Even though he's not going to do shit but sit there a look cute while I try and cook breakfast I feel like we are 50/50 in this thing. It's a great feeling.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Jason - Yea, man it is, but belive it or not, he is in on the play and aint it a great feeling. Yawl be blessed that bond is 4 ever when u are a true father

Aly cat - a great mother i am certain u are

Jaybee - thats what men, do stand up for women, even when they are foul, they are still queens, even tricks, groupis and bitches. and i was stabbed n thigh, glad my dick was layin on other thigh

Renegade - thank u

Marcus - dont even trip, u know with your heart, u will be the same way. M advice. Take the 20 to 30 seconds u get to talk. Lecturin dont work. show and listen, and young men are easy. If u dont and order, well anything is possible. u will be a fine father folk

Curious - u and me are the same way with our fathers and i wishs for the same. But heart doesnt come from a male role model, it comes from our individual spirit and appreciation of self and life. and u right, my love came from readin the music and playing it. long live reading and writing music, and the local philaharmonics

Buelehaman - u the truth. u floor me and u aint a red neck u a human being and men are men and u know that. U can eulogize me any day

Tigress hanks but i dont call them men if u understand

IntrospectiveGoddess - i just try and love the effort

Don - dont trip with your heart, i feel u will be the same, maybe with the exception of coaching, but I can see u like me, having you kid in class whil u teach if u had too, and like Marcus and curious, you would be a grea father folk. compasion and interest.

msladydeborah said...


I have had fathers who have had to step up and do it all!

One of them was featured on national television on the Montel Williams Show. He raised quite a remarkable young woman from infancy and he saved her life from being consumed by her mom's drug addiction. He is a caring and dedicated parent. I respect and admire him very much because he could of stayed in the background and allowed his child to experience whatever. But instead he stepped up and did the right thing. He acted like a responsible parent.

One of my favorite moments in the father to child relationship cycle, came during Mother's Day, many years ago.

A little girl in my class made a card just like every other child in our class. We knew that she had not lived with her mom in awhie. A co-worker suggested that she give the card to her grandmother or to her aunt.

When we started writing the message inside of the card, this child blew me away.

Dear Dad,

You are the best mommy that I could have. I love you.

Her dad was a big strapping individual. I watched as he opened the card and read the message. He started shedding tears behind it.

She was 5 years old at that time and paid her dad the best compliment that any child could.

I enjoy reading about men who are just that~men. Being a father is an identity that is often distorted in the community and MSM.

It good to know that there are still men who love what they helped to create enough to fulfill their roles.

Keep up the good work Poppa, and keep on sharing what is going on in your parenting story.

Brittany said...

Ha! You gave him condoms. I remember being young and hearing that word on a soap opera. I went to ask my mom what it meant and she wouldn't tell me. lol

Moody Gemini said...

You are great father...and are raising an awesome young man. I can't wait to hear what your little adds to your life as she grows.

Take care of your fam.

arthur said...

congratulations on son
and your new book

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

authur - thank you

Moody gemni - i can wait to see that either

msladydeborah - strange u mention that, my sons grandma, my ex wife mother, used to send me mother day cards and father day cards

Brittany - yes i did, and your mom was foul for that LOL

The Artist In Me said...

There is a song the Chrisette Michele called "Your Joy" and it speaks about a relationship between a daughter and her father. Absolutley beautiful...has had me crying lately.

Fathers are precious (to sons and daughters). Continue to be precious to those babies!

Don said...

@ all-mi-t: thanks. i have belief the day will return where i can finally return to being the nurturer i once were.

i guess the only good thing i can say about her is the fact that she always expressed that i was a great father.

but in the end she still took him and vamped.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

the artist in me - i love that song

Don - mine cant give me props for being a great father, couldnt acknowledge me for being a great man, i mean i got her to go to dr about bipolar and paid for insurace, and she takes trips to out of town to kick it with other men, and will call me when her car breaks down but not them. bipolar is a mf, now she wants to claim me, but that baggage is gone.i wish she would vamp. lol

Don said...

i think my kids mom has some sort of mental illness. leading up to our last days together, we lived in the same house and didn't even speak to each other the last couple months. she graduated from nursing school and lied to me about the grad day - so that was the final straw.

in the end i found out some secrets about her (9-year relationship) that crushed me.

she told my aunt that she believed something was wrong with her, but that she didn't want to take medication like her mom. her mom suffers from mental illness.

i think she played upon my compassion for the kids though.

four days later she took me for my money and, truck, and kids

maybe she was bi-polar. who knows. i just don't understand how a humna being can be so cold. she and i both have done bad things to each other, but all-mi-t believe me when i say she and her brother and her aunt are DEAD WRONG for what they did to me.

but in the end, if there is an ending, i will cry my eyes out and forgive her for all of that ish if and when the time comes for me and my now 10 and 8 year old daughters to be reunited.

the plan was for her to "go be with whoever she is cheating on me with..." and i raise the daughters. but after she left her best friend told me that "your girl said she wanted to hurt you the only way she could."

sorry for the ramble, but it's deep like that. even deeper. that is a part of the manuscript i penned.

i fell weak. weaker than a mugg. wanted out this world. i have suffered. but i am still here, free, out the street life, a better and wiser man. a humbled servant, if you will.

true enough i have emptiness in my heart but my written message is how it will take more than a hole in a person's heart to, like you, destroy the love we have for seeds.

-the end-

Dogon said...

Don – god, main, folk jones, u all man. Much respect. I bet she calls u crazy too, because u care. My blog is your blog and all else. Men don’t hold in and feel. Like I said in an earlier post she said I was soft cause I felt I should be able to tell my woman anything and desired the comfort of a woman. Dang man, why cant some folks be truth ful, and men cry, love and express their hearts openly. Glad u aint hold it in.

But never feel weak for being true to your heart. She will miss u and I know she likely has hate for u but the human being in u cant proffer such. She may think it is an ego thing when u say family before self and ego. U a wise man folk. The book I finished called her kiss was never mine is based on daughters mom, but not about her, but illness.

I applaude u folk, whether u like baseball or not. I never wanted to kill myself, but she did, and I got tired of hearing it and was like Missouri – show me, words without actions are empty - talk is cheap.

Regina said...

You know you are the man!
More fathers should be teaching their sons something positive, Kudos to you!

plez... said...

once again, you've proven why you're one of my favorite reads... and an excellent father! i hope that i'm able to dispense your kind of wisdom when my daughter gets to high school.

thanks for sharing!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

plez - thanks, u and me booth, and i dont know WTF i will tell her when her questions arise, i just want to be there

Regina - thanks, but im supposed to do it and be there u know

Kofi said...

Awesome post. Sucks about the bipolar stuff, though. Mental illness runs down my family tree like sap. I can relate.

iriegal said...

I love this post. I do not know my biological dad and was abused from the age of 7 from my adopted dad, so to see a father talk about his kids is wondeerful

guerreiranigeriana said...

he's in high school and asking for condoms!!!!...time flies!!!...i remember meeting him when i randomly ran into you and him at his junior high school...wow!!!...your children are as blessed as you...the world will be a better place because of children like yours, raised so lovingly by a man...

tAnYeTTa said...

The bond of a father and son!

I loved this story. Thank you for sharing!!!

Lina M said...

Your son will have great stories to tell his children when he grows up and has his own family. You are teaching him how to be a proud father and a strong black man. There definitely needs to be more of that in the black community.
I always smile when I see the picture of you and your daughter together on your avatar.
God BLess

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post!!

maylady84 said...

that brought a tear to my eyes! actually a few tears...that was beautiful!

wish my father had cared enough of himself to want to be a father, guess u can't get everything you want in life!

keep up the good work!

Lukeither said...

You are the man! It makes me proud to see a black man backing up his talk about the love for his children the way you do.

I'm relieved he didn't need the "c's" close call. I wonder if we'll all know when he does. Smile.

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

That was great! Love to hear about the father/son dynamic.


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