Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood

Wanted to have some fun today, so I regressed back to a time in my childhood after school when I rush home to look at Mr. Roger’s neighborhood, before I go and spend the rest of my time before dinner outside playing. Mr. Rogers was a cool cat. What I liked most about was that it was he who introduced me to the concept of pretend, or what he called make-believe. True, I did pretend and make believe before that, like when I was in trouble and would make believe I wasn’t, or would pretend that if I was, I could sleep it off. But he used to make believe we could go to a place just by riding a toy trolley. So in honor of my beloved satire, I’m finna pretend that I am taking Trolley and that when I get off I will be President of the United States. I am also gonna pretend that I am holding a press conference, here goes.

VOICE: Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States and His Press Secretary: Roulac.

PRESS SECRETARY: Good morning, as you know, the President has dramatic changes planned for the next four years. I will keep it brief; I just want to say that his first forms of legislation were penned last night and signed into law in the form of executive orders. I will read them. Executive order 150000 -Tell it like itis.

WHEREAS telecommunications is vital to the security and welfare of this Nation and to the conduct of its foreign affairs;

WHEREAS the radio spectrum is a critical natural resource which requires elective, efficient and prudent administration in the national interest;

NOW, THEREFORE, as President of the United States and Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces of the United States, and by virtue of the authority vested in me hereby established that all news commentators have to have their political affiliation on screen each time they speak; in addition, if they feel like it they can curse on air without reprimand.


The second is Executive Order 150001- We don’t get down like that. In summary, we have reinstated the rules of duels to settle all political disagreement in the house and senate. You all have received copies of these two Eos in your briefing packages. Now we will open the floor to questions. Yes, Bob.

BOB: We know that the president has not named a NSA director as of yet, any names and what’s the hold up?

PRESIDENT: Let me take that folk. I have decided that I will serve as NSA director and President. I feel that I will save the tax payer money as well as would be the best person for the job.

PRES SECRETARY: Yeas, Joan.

JOAN: We have heard reports that have been on the phone with top executives of Wall Street banks, what was the nature of those discussions?

PRESS SECRETARY: Well the president feels strongly that a lot of these people, albeit not criminals, are crooked. They requested an additional $200 billion in funds for support. I will read the presidents response to their request. “Suck my mother funkn dick.” Next question. Yes, in the back. Your name?

RICHARD: We have been told that the President is planning a trip to Iran. What is the nature of this trip, and does he plan to engage in direct talks with the current president of Iran?

PRESS SECRETARY: Well the President has requested that Iran stop all nuclear activities and allow a team of multi-national inspectors in to examine all nuclear facilities. However the President of Iran rejected this request, so the president challenged him to a chess match and a boxing match to settle all differences.

RICHARD: This is so unorthodox, isn’t this proposition risky?”

PRESIDENT: Not really, but I understand your concern. So I will ask for 25 good American to fly on Air force one with me to have my back. And albeit it is possible that he can whoop my azz, I don’t believe it. So we as gentlemen have decided to handle this in the old squared circle.

PRESS SECRETARY: This concludes today’s briefing – good day.

Yep, that would be how I would run this camp. Long Live satire.

29 comments:

Babz Rawls Ivy said...

Ha ha ha! That is really funny!

However there is more truth in this than satire if you were the President....LOL! *wink*

Vee said...

HA! I agree are you just claiming satire because you aren't the President at this time?

:-p

Anonymous said...

You have no sense! lol I miss Mr. Rogers...sometimes on my off days I watch his re-runs...good times man!


I'm sure if you were President stuff would get done...:)

Anonymous said...

Funny. :-) Now that would be "change".

Thanks for dropping by my blog. I've been neglect with a lot of my favorite blogs, like this one. I think I'm spread to thin. Will try to stop in more often. I miss your brain. :-)

Anonymous said...

See, that's what I am talking about. Now that would be some change we could all see and believe in as I am starting to feel the new hope and change train is not as radical as I once believed.

Good post!

Amber-Alert said...

LOL...i bet u were a bad ass lil boy...so u would just run around slapping people with gloves challenging them to duals huh??

404 said...

Hey Mr. President........consider me "The Lady" on that AFOne gig.

Neckbones (yuck) and Melagro Silver whenever you like....

*hee hee*

kukaberry said...

That boxing idea was cute. I like that. :-) and Mr. Rogers was my favorite two even though I denied it for years! lol Trolley was the best!

msladyDeborah said...

LMBAO!

HA! HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!

This is the first post that I have read after coming home from a truly fkd up day at work.

I needed a good laugh!

I especially like these parts.
The second is Executive Order 150001- We don’t get down like that. In summary, we have reinstated the rules of duels to settle all political disagreement in the house and senate.

I have long believed this is what leaders who want to go to war should do with each other. It would cut a whole lot of bullshyt out.

But the last part--that was the most hilarious to me. When I read this part:And albeit it is possible that he can whoop my azz, I don’t believe it. I had to laugh out loud. I can imagine how stunned any leader would be to hear the POTUS talk to them like that.

Sista GP said...

Addendum to Executive Order 150000: Rename FOX News to GOP News.

Addendum to Executive Order 150001: Each duel must be up close and personal. To facilitate this, the weaponry for the duels is limited to only those that require direct contact, such as swords, knives, and even hand-to-hand combat. This excludes, guns, slingshots, spitballs, i.e. no distance attacks.

Unknown said...

haha this was really amusing.
thank you for the comment on my blog, i didn't know you wrote books - i shall takea look - happy black history month to you aswell.

Tamara said...

I like your style... very interesting!

rainywalker said...

RDB,
I always wondered what kind of drugs Mr. Rogers was on. It would be interesting to see that press conference. Even the Congress doesn't have fist fights like they did in the 19th century anymore. I would pay showtime $29.95 a month to see that again. At least we would be getting entertained while getting ripped off.
rainy

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Anonymous said...

Man, if all things were possible I'd like to actually see this happen.

ChocolateOrchid said...

Bring back "duels, a chess match, a boxing match"?.. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

you and Ahmadinejad going fisticuffs, my money's on you, dudes eyes too close together to be an effective boxer. Not sure 'bout eithers chess game.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Jones: Go back and read up on the Reverend Dr. Fred Rogers. I assure you, you will be extraordinarily impressed.

Pick an area of public policy or education and Fred Rogers was way ahead of his time on it. Shit, his old shows for kids is so far ahead of what's going on in American politics and religion today it's a fuckin joke.

He had a folksy way of speaking because he grew up in a small town in the interior. The show was meant was aimed at very young children, so, of course, it sounded silly to older ears.

The words, though, the words. The mise-en-scene and the concepts were all about each person's life being no more or less valuable than anyone else's. The were about community and about the legitmacy of your own thoughts.

As a teenager I'd laugh my ass off when he'd take off the loafers and put on the sneakers, but I'd usually stop laughing once it got down to the theme of the thing.

In a time of a lot of anti-war voices, Fred Rogers, outside of the studio, was one of the strongest. And he was never about MARKETING his religious beliefs, only about what he believed to be universal goodness.

Anonymous said...

I love Mr. Rogers. That was a cool ass show.

rawdawgbuffalo said...

Lovebabz
lol how is the ambassador to Luxemburg?

Veronica Wright
would never run, i curse too much lol

KevinsTeeTee
lol not me and none what so ever - sense

2sweetnsaxy
we good folk glad to make u smile

blackgirlinmaine
thank u sister

Amber-Alert
my momm and granny said so lol

Red Snapper
now thats what im talking about

Kiarah C. W. s
trolly was gas efficient too lol

msladydeborah
lol sounds like i made yopur first read a pleasurable one

Sista GP
hahaha u wilder dana dana

amynicola_ox
y thank u maam

Tamara
thank u too hon do come back

rainywalker
lol that kind of pay perview would get us out of debt - and likely shrooms

boukman70
good look folk whats your ne3xt book about?

Urban Thought
me too

ChocolateOrchid
thank u sister

nicki nicki tembo
id close his eyes with a few jabs all the way then

KELSO'S NUTS
he was the truth indeed

Tai
sure was and how ya been folk

heather said...

now that was a joy to read. thanks for that. i've been in need of a lift. :)
having said that, i'd be calling to ask you to make that 'swear if you gotta' rule an after 8pm for free tv, cable would be free to swear all they want, whenever they want.

All-Mi-T [Thought Crime] Rawdawgbuffalo said...

heather
any time sister u know i have to get my laugh on

P_LOCA said...

ahhhhhhhhhhhh! you are so freaking talented you know that Mr. Torrance?
I remember Mr. roegers too lol
GREAT POST!

Untouched Jewel said...

That was the best pretend satire of being POTUS. Loved it. Had me cracking up laughing.

Bougie Applebum said...

Good ol' Mr. Rogers. Oh how I miss thee. lol. How funny.

Why did "make believe" sound so much better than the word "pretend"? The man was truly ahead of his time. lol

All-Mi-T [Thought Crime] Rawdawgbuffalo said...

P_LOCA
any time sister

Untouched Jewel said...
y thank u hon


Bougie Applebum
lol yes he was

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