Thursday, September 11, 2008

i cant b faded

Somebody told me recently that I was intimidating; that I can be a bit overwhelming and that they could imagine some folks shaking when they may first meet me. They also said that they imagined it took a lot before any person was considered by me to be my folk, but that when they do that I was loyal. My response was, “I am not intimidating Jones, I’m meek and the meek shall inherit the earth, I’m just Hanes Jones, panty hoses – no nonsense.”

I know that some are laughing at Jones for describing myself as meek, but in all truth-e-ness, I am. Yep, meek, and forgive me for as I write this I am listening to Bill Summers and the Summer’s Heat You can call it what you want to and beveraging outside of my shop selling stuff for dogs.

I say this for in my short and shallow life time, I have seen a lot and I have experienced a lot. From trying to find a cobra in my home and locating it when I lived in Nigeria to having to sneak one of my best friends in his home after being stabbed in a crap game over a side bet. From being interrogated inside a Nigeria prison and having to buy my freedom on drummed up charges for $200 US to having to deal with allegations of rape for me, as well as similar allegation toward my son toward his sister by the same mentally ill person who vowed to make his life and mine miserable, to feeling the cold plated pain of metal inserted in my gums in an attempt to rebuild my mouth after being hit by a car and landing on my face.

Yep, I have seen and experienced a lot. And none have any impact on how I view the world or the way I treat others, for I still love Nigeria and I still paid the rent for the one who accused me of raping her, when such did not happen, even as she attempts to use our daughter as a pawn. And I still eat neck bones and ribs albeit the pain in my mouth remains and presses the metal in my gums harder against what remaining nerves I have in my mouth. Yet still, I am kind and likely the kindest mutha fucka am folk gone ever meet.

I can’t be faded, no I am not from the streets, I am the streets as well as the world. I take life for what it is; an enjoyable experience that my cells applaud for as a mass we know the only certainty in our future is death. Add to that, as of now, I hope such a disposition is engendered by my seeds, for they are the only valuables I have outside of what I can create and dispense with my mind. So if some find me intimidating, that’s on them for I feel no matter where I am although it may not be true, that I should run things and that somebody has to be number one, so it may as well be me. You can call it what you want to. vote


jjbrock said...

Torrance great post and what a lovely family.
Your last statement hit home: "somebody has to be number one, so it may as well be me." A MEN!

MP said...

Great post and beautiful family. I think the "meek" is an incredible vurtue to describe yourself with.

blackstar said...

Your kiddos are too cute! Hand over that baby girl! I want to pinch cheeks!

Kayos said...

Beautiful family...

I think you're pretty nice. Maybe because I'm biased.

memphiz said...

you're just so kool ... great post/cute fam.

paisley said...

well i for one find you an eclectic blend of braniac and homey... you are incredibly real and yet at the same time a huge intellectual presence.. i am fascinated by not only your thought patterns,, but also the way you present yourself... intimidating no,, more surreal..

i think if i ever met you i would sit quietly and just listen to you talk,, not only cuz it takes me a while to figure out your memphasian tongue,, but also because you are forever shedding new light,, and i would need a few moments to digest it all.....

Anonymous said...

How the hell can you be #1?

That's me, dammit.

Seriously, perhaps the intimidation comes from your ability to use language as a weapon and to heal? That freaks many ppl out.

Personally, I love ya!

nicki nicki tembo said...

See babe this is why you were nominated 'man of the year'! I'm telling ya! I read your post and it calls to mind one of my favorite poems..."yet do I marvel at this curious thing, to make a poet black and bid him sing!" Feel me?

Missy said...

When I first started reading your blog, I found your style to be exactly what the name implies...RAW. I'm not sure if the comments are from a blog reader or not but, I think people tend to forget that what others write is only a tiny glimpse into their lives. Just because you become familiar with a body or style of writing does not mean you are familiar with the person that wrote it.'ve done some living haven't you?! Glad to see that the craziness hasn't made you bitter but, given 100 words to describe how I "think" you are...meek wouldn't be on top of the list...strong however would be. Isn't it a shame that black folk constantly have to feel they need to curtail strength in order to keep from appearing intimidating. First Michelle you, "Oh LAWD, make it stop!! LOL

Nice photo...lovin' the kids...and is that a smile you're wearing?? I mean, you weren't wearing much else so I HAD to focus there. LOL

no_slappz said...

Gotta watch out for those Nigerian cops.

NoRegrets said...

yay! a smiling photo. :-)
Your nickname is now Hanes... I like that. The support kind of course.

My unforgettable experience in Nigeria was being in the front passenger side of a vehicle driving some university exchange students somewhere, with no seatbelt of course, and TONS of traffic, and an emergency vehicle started racing through, and of course the need was to pull in behind the emergency vehicle. What a ride!!! racing through vehicles one foot behind an emergency vehicle - that's when you give up fear and know that whatever will happen, will happen, and there's not a thing you can do about it except decide to enjoy the ride or crap in your pants.

RealHustla said...

You know first hand, that no one is immune to drama. And even when we learn to stand up against it and thrive in the midst of it, Satan renames our victorious resolve for characteristics we don't desire like "intimidating." This only means that you have foiled him again!

Wait, this must mean that you ARE intimidating, to Satan that is.

Tera said...

Love the picture Torrance...what an awesome family!

You know what, you can't be faded. Intimidating? No. Intriguing? Mysterious? Charming? Yes.

Absofuckinglutely yes.

Tera said...

Oh yeah, as far as those BOGUS-as-FUCK charges...keep your head up pimpin'. You already know that adversity exists in this life to kick you in the balls when you are at your best. Good will, morals, and SANITY shall prevail in this one...and that's REAL.

Anonymous said...

I truly dig your style mane... love seeing the family picture. You are alright with me.

Soulstress said...

wow..what doesnt kill us makes us stronger. Nice post. Beautiful Babies.

NoRegrets said...

PS, I like how you differentiate between rumination, thinking, and thought.

BLuHaZe said...

Thanks for stopping by the site & leaving a comment. Very nice blog you have here, I will be checking it out in the future.

Blog Queen said...

No nonsense...I feel ya!!

Silly Brown Eyed Girl said...

Cute Kids...
You know what? I didn't realize you were a writer... Damn I guess I learned something new.

fly tie said...

not intimidating at all. just real. yep. and very kind.

Mizrepresent said...

Ain't a dayum thing wrong with being YOU!

Big O said...

hey, do you have a site for your pet store??

rainywalker said...

Intimidating is a relative term based on the cards you are holding.

koffeedyme said...

Nice post... baby girl is too cute... wanting to be like the men in her life...

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

Keeping it real! That is what I'm talking 'bout!


Anonymous said...

I would say you are many things...but intimidating isn't one. You seem like a deep brotha, who has alot to say and that has wonderful insight into life! Maybe you're intimidating in person??? LOL...jk

msladydeborah said...


God designs us exactly like we are meant to be in this life. Some of us understand and accept this and live accordingly.

If I had to have a non-relative male back me up~your name would definitely be on that list.
Because I would have no doubt that you'd use that wonderful gift of intelligence first. And that is a powerful weapon in a dumbed down society.

I didn't know the story regarding lil mama. Wow! I am sure that was one helluva an experience. But in due time and due season, all things work for the common good. I believe that one day the positive will reign supreme and the truth will do as it always does~it will rise to the surface.

12kyle said...

far from intimidating. you're good peeps, fam. that's for sho!

The Artist In Me said...

"Somebody has to be number one, so it may as well be me."

You got that right! We all should think this highly of ourselves. Not in an arrogant kind of way, but just knowing exactly who God created us to be. Kudos to you for knowing!

The pic of you and the family...ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!

Be blessed!

SoCal Muchacha said...

"...shallow life time..." Um, Torrance, what the heck is YOUR definition of shallow, because I'd hardly say your life has been anything remotely resembling shallow. Thanks for sharing. :)

profunksticated said...


Had no idea you've been through so much. Not sure how people find you intimidating. You got your own style.

The kidz are cute.

LovexHate said...

I love this post! Stay strong, despite the struggles and cute family pic :)

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

Thank u maam

Thanks to u as well on both counts

cant give u lil momma – she don’t get down like that

U biased too?

thanks pseudo home slice

brainiac – not really just read too much and surreal – me likes, and intro to mephisian 102 out this weekend lol

love u too folk, we aint in the same place so its like two undefeated teams that don’t play each other lol

nicki nicki tembo
yes I do and love Countée Cullen and leave a url next time folk

Thank u sister, and what u mean now me?
and I was wearing a towel.

LOL u aint never lied It made me think cop was short for corrupt over there

The mean mug (incessant mean mug) is why some have said such. B ut I smile all the time

I guess I will have to settle satan “pato bantan”

Thanks sister, im gone handle mine and she will wish she had never threatened my kids, the stories I could tell – but bipolar and selfishness donet mix and envy

I truly dig your style mane... love seeing the family picture. You are alright with me.

Thank u sister glad u liked it

It’s the scientist in me

Thanks folk, I go out my way to find black men and scholars (colorless) that blog, welcome to the ro,ll

Blog Queen
Blog queen rules. How are u scholar

Silly Brown Eyed Girl
Thank u and we all do or should each day

fly tie
That was sweet – did I say that? lol

Thanks sister. When u stopping back at the shop

Big O
Will do folk not online yet

I feel u, only to the weak ey brother?

koffeedyme .
I hope we can be a blessing to her – I really do

OG, The Original Glamazon
Than ks scholar although u aint try my drank in the DR. LOL but I know u got faith

Daysha Writes
Im meek sister, cant u see the smile LOL

Thanks scholar and I would have you back as if u were my blood. I rise every day and smile

Thanks bruh, greatly appreciated from a good father like yourself, but u know whats going like we talked before

The Artist In Me
Its what I belive and thanks hon, on both counts and I am blessed

SoCal Muchacha
Anytime sisters, how u think your chargers gone do this year

Thanks, and yea folk. Thjat is not the tip of the iceburg

Thanks hon, I will just hate folk using OUR daughter as a pawn. Some woman.

T.C. said...

you aren't are just a real type of person...who in short doesn't take bs, but doesn't expect anything from anyone in return you are just who you are, period...which happens to be a real intelligent dude

Literate Muse said...

Thanks for baring your soul and sharing a little bit of yourself with the electronic world. You are at the very least a responsible and respectable indvidual with mucho love to give and receive.

Much love to you and your family, doc.

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

Hey Brother!

God is good...your still standing black man..through it all!

Sheliza said...

What a great photo :) Hey, you always keep it real, 'no nonsense'. It took me a while to get you but I finally get you. I wish you a lovely weekend. I love neck bones too! he he!

Dusty said...

Ah Torrance, that you can still have faith in humanity after all you have experienced..hugs to you brotha..big cyber hugs. ;)

I really love that pic of you and the kids..thank you for your words of wisdom.

(fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] said...

to answer your question about my maxwell post, of course ;)

you've been through a lot and seen even more...but your are resilent..and that's exactly what your kids need.

people will always try to still your joy, but they fail to realize that it only makes you a stronger person.

(damit, for some reason i can never get my openid to work!)

Anonymous said...

Hm. You're not intimidating,IMO. You're kind of odd though. You know like, pulling your shirt up and rubbing your belly in public-odd. lol

I think it's just being country though. hahahaha. :P

And you take good pictures with your kids. You should smile more often ;)

Mr.Slish said...

Good read my brotha and you still have the ability to enjoy life after going through all of that..How long did it take you to get through the bitterness of it all.

LadyLee said...

Tell em how you really feel (about yourself!)! We all need to stand up and do some "Station identification" sometimes,i.e., let people know who we are and what we believe about ourselves. Great post:)

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Jones: We've discussed this subject privately a few times before. We share the same DNA. This is a fun post for me to read especially because I've tried versions of it myself now and then.

I've tried leading with my chin, describing all of my flaws, errors of commission and omission, ways in which I've failed myself and failed others. I've tried explaining how humbled I am in the presence of my son and my parents.

In the end my ambition and the degree to which I've banished fear and dread through experience always comes back and I'm right where I started: a passive-aggressive workaholic and dreamer, with a need for constant new challenges and lots of attention. And brother I got a big streak of what I hope is HEALTHY narcissism.

You didn't give away any secrets to the game, luckily, so I won't either. LOL

Ms TooFly said...

You have such a beautiful family...I didn't realise you had been through so much.
Not many people are truly honest and sometimes others have difficulty handling it...its a shame, just keep doing you.

Darius T. Williams said...

So yea, I'm with you man...or should I say you and do you!

poison.ivy said...

WOW!!! that was a great post.
the pics of you are you kids are beatuiful

this is my first time here...beginner to the blogworld...but i'll be back to your blog

Pajnstl said...

love when you post pics of the family.

Anonymous said...

dang bruh, you have been through some stuff in your life. reading this post kinda reminded me of that part on 'antwone fisher' where ol' boy was like ".....all the stuff you did to me, you couldn't break me...i'm still standin', i'm still strong!

rebecca said...

Boats Sail On The Rivers


Boats sail on the rivers,

And ships sail on the seas;

But clouds that sail across the sky,

Are prettier far than these.


There are bridges on the rivers,

As pretty as you please;

But the bow that bridges heaven,

And overtops the trees,

And builds a road from earth to sky,

Is prettier far than these.

-----by runescape gold

Cat said...

Deep. Just gotta be you. You've been through a lot and aren't carrying it but growing from it. Maybe that wisdom in your eyes is what's intimidating- can't and don't change that!

Big Cheekz said...

nice lookin family folk. we need more men like u & my hubby out there for these kids.

T.Allen-Mercado said...

Perhaps they are intimidated by your versatility. Few are as well versed on both sides of the game. Real folks are really scarce.

Your children are beautiful. :)

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Your lil girl could be baby doll she's so cute! And your big man looks like a fine son for any daddy to be proud. Nice fam, Torrance.

april said...

You're the man. Beautiful family.

sista gp said...

I can understand "overwhelming" and "intimidating", especially within the first minutes of our meeting, you read aloud Basic Thrust Equation within earshot of my son, mother, and our aunt KB in the other room full of estrogen.

Amina said...

wow!! I didn't know you went through all that! You have a big heart for forgiving the wrong doers and moving on....

Personally, i don't think you're intimidating...:)

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

thank u sister, u made my day

Literate Muse
as a writer i must write what i feel and leave wo fear - thanks for the blessings

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs i can only try

thanks mom

thanks that hug was what i needed

(fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] i hope i do them justice, thats all

i thank u for my family lol

was never bitter folk, if king and jesus could be spat on and not respond, i could too. thanks for the love folk

station identification - this is AL MI T

yea bruh, cant give up the game plan or genetic code

Ms TooFly
i will and its all i know how to do and be

Darius T. Williams
been in memphis too long i see

thank u and do return sister

they are adorable huh?

my mom would say they broke the mold when they made men like u and me folk

nice verse sister

wisdom, me?

Big Cheekz
he sounds like a fine man, he did get u

thats a good way to look at it sister and thank u

Kit (Keep It Trill)
thanks folk, family is the shit - just need a wife now

oh thank u hon

sista gp
family will always be biased lol

im a nice person and thanks 4 the love

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