Thursday, June 12, 2008

Raised or spoiled

Point of order:
1] left the shop round 830. A woman was driving in front of me weaving and I could see she was like texting on her phone, I flashed my lights she threw the finger weaved and sped some more and a cop pulled her over. Are folks that stupid? I laughed as I passed her under I20.

2] I slept to 945 today and turned in almost as soon as I got home last night – yum.

3] My folk did a book review and interview on me, im flattered.

Ok, sorry about that, I mean yawl having to deal with the back in forth with a commenter and myself and several others. Any who, on these few days before father’s day, I just wanted to say a few words and offer some blessings to fathers that are putting it down for lack of a better phrase.

See as men, we know the value of family, which means that family and especially our children are the most important tangible asset we have. We know it is not how many cars we drive or how much money we obtain but rather how much time we give providing, nurturing and raising our kids to hopefully become responsible adults.

Too many of our boys do not see this and as a consequence fail to recognize and worse replicate manhood in one form of attribution – being a father. Likewise, too many of our little girls grow up without a father in their household and fail to recognize what role the father plays in said household. For boys, it may manifest in running the streets and never being man enough to be faithful to a single woman or even respecting women as one would their sister or mother. Foe girls, it may manifest itself in that traditional view of I don’t need a man or that their looks and sex is all that defines them.

So you fathers out there, hats off to you. We know it is not a single day but each second of each minute of each hour we receive our reward and understanding of fatherhood. We know that we want to give and spoil all of those under our roof what ever we can even when we cant, but don’t because we know that by spoiling our children, we do a dis-service to our ultimate goal – raising them to be hardworking and responsible adult human beings that never feel sorry for themselves or blame others for the miss steps and bad experiences in their lives. Yep, there is a difference between spoiling a child and raising a child and I would like to think that fathers, who are fathers, know the differences and intentionally shy away from the first. So keep on doing and for those of us who have women in our lives that cant value our role or need, turn the other cheek, for although they may not admit it, God knows what we do is a good thing, something we are supposed to do, and remarkable and for me that reward enough.

ps: props to Ken Griffey Jr on that 600th jack


Darius T. Williams said...

I'm first!!!

Good post man.

Check out my dude Keith at he is the epitome of a great father.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I hope to God mine's father tries to spoil them. It will be a long stride away from his normal selfish behavior.

*crosses fingers*

DreamCop08 said...

i loved this post, shout all to my dad(deceased) and all the fathers out there that love and take care of their children.

shout out to you T. your doing a great job

MP said...

Great post. No man can ever have a more important job than being a father and that is a beautiful thing when the opportunity is held in honor.

Urban Thought said...

Man if others could read this post I think it would make a great difference in the world.

Congratulations on your fatherhood. Your children are truly blessed.

Happy Father's Day!

Content Black Woman said...

Happy Father's Day.

What profound thoughts and words. Many blessings upon you, your children and the rest of your family.


Terry said...

It's good to be a Father isn't it?

neshia said...


Ms. Jones said...

That was a real touching post, I can tell that your kids are just as blessed as I am by having a wonderful father present. The importance of fatherhood is inexpressible to a point because like I wrote in my blog if it wasn't for my dad I would have gotten caught up and probably be a product of my negative environment.Keep up the great work!

nywele said...

Great post and happy father's day!
I've just the interview and I am impressed!
off to read the entry : "I don't need a man" because that's what I always say :)

T.C. said...

definite hats off to the really dad's out there...the real pops out already know how i feel about mines...

definite props to you for always holding your up the highest priority in your life!

KIKI said...

Man, I wish more males thought like you (and I use the word "male" because real "men" already do)! Knowing that your children are a blessing comes around full circle to them being blessed for having a father like you.

Happy Father's Day T!

Waiting for Zufan! said...

You can never spoil a kid by giving them too much love or too much of your time. So skip the material things, but other than that, spoil away! :)

Clay Lowe said...

thanks raw, it is indeed great to be a father, i've enjoyed every moment of my 12 years as a dad so far.


The Flyyest said...

big ups to all my fathers out there.... i love when a man steps up and take responsibility for their seeds.... especially if you get wit a woman that already has kids and they aint yours....and you still step up and be that father type.....

PrettyBlack said...

That was good shit. I want to say happy fathers day to you. You seem like you have a good strong bond with your kids and that's what's up.

Then I have to say fathers day to the best husband in the world...My man. The best daddy in the man...and the best oooh weee in the guessed it!

I wish all of the daddies out there a very special fathers day.

Proactiff said...

you'd think i was forever the baseball fan when i saw ken griffey jr.'s face on ESPN the other morning being recognized for his effort. i had this plastered on grin while warming up on the treadmill at the gym thinking all kinds of thoughts about his sexy-lookin'-self. then i remembered the restaurant he had here that went under. at least he's still got his good looks going for him. lol

happy father's day to you, bruh. keep home-growing your shorties.

paisley said...

the one thing i did right in this world,, was marry a man that really was a dad,, a father in every way.. since i boarded the cocaine train one day,, took off to the street and never looked back.. . he had to become both father and mother,, and he did so with such finesse such grace,, raised two lovely happy well adjusted children that thanks be to god, turned out nothing like me... happy fathers day.. to all of you,, and thank you, dawg, for reminding us how important fathers a really are...

rebecca said...

yes, there is a big difference between spoiling a child and raising a child...and it is ONLY to our children's benefit that we RAISE them and not spoil them....give them the tools necessary to assimilate themselves successfully into this world and become compassionate and caring human beings who are not so much concerned with their ego and their selves as they are instead with the contributions they can make in this life towards the betterment of others less fortunate than themselves. it is through the weaving together of ribbons colored with the shades of life, love and unity that make us all a family.

a timely post terrence and if all fathers were more concerned with the lessons they can teach their children and learn to love them the right way, this would be such a better world.

peace and love,

Aunt Jackie said...

My father spoils me rotten and I'm almost 40 so I don't believe in such as thing as being too spoiled.

He layed a foundation and set a standard that all men in my life will be judged against; my father is a provider, he's spiritually intuned with God, he's a giver, a leader in the community and a hard worker.

He ain't perfect but he never let us down either, two step daughters and five biological with one in the grave.

I'm 'bout to go spoil him back right now!

Enjoy your family on your special day!

Lovebabz said...

Gosh, if I had a Dad like you! Is it too late? Darn, ok then, I will settle for being a good friend--with the occassional Dad advice(s)!

Happy Father's Day to a fine Brother!

Demetrius said...

Real strong message... It truly shows where your heart is at; your children are a piece of you, their growth lies in your hands, if you succeed, the blessings will be plentiful, if you fail, the memories of that will curse the latter days of your life. I am not a father, but the stories I hear about irresponsible fathers makes me very reluctant about being a father until I am very certain that the time is right. A child can not dictate the situation they come into, so if my heart and my situation is not in blessed position I will not dare curse my seed(s) with that fate. ~You seem to be a follower of that respectable foresight~ Much Praise to you!

"The Kid" number 600, Drug Free!

Doug said...

Good thoughts. I hope you get some love on Father's Day. Around my household, I have to remind everyone. That's not to say they don't appreciate me, but they don't put much effort into holidays.

Love the story about the idjit text-messaging. I wish that kind of thing would happen more often!

RunGirl. said...

Preach! The world needs more fathers like you ... Happy early Father's Day!!

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

I liked that review peoples, good shit.

12kyle said...

damn good review, bruh. i likes it!

big ^ to Junior! Man, if he didn't have those injuries he would've been at 8 hunnid home runs. I respect that dude, tho. He brought a lot to the game.

happy early father's day 2 ya bruh. there'll be a father's day post tomorrow. belee dat!

Demetrius said...

12kyle: 800 hundred without a doubt! Injuries stole away about four whole season, that's crazy! Still a 1st ballot H.O.F. though.

One of the best all-around athletes in history...

JR said...

Happy Fathers Day Torrance!

An excellent post. Our neighborhoods would be much better off if more males were Men and Fathers to their children.

Anonymous said...

Happy father's day early.

I love to listen to my husband when he's talking to our kids. His way with them is just different than mine and I really love that.

Tony OH said...

What's up Daddy Pappy? Yeah ity's tough being a Dad... But Ima spoil the Hell out of My Daughter... Yours

Tony OH said...

Oh yeah... New photos up at the site... Send some Folk Over!

Traycee said...

I loved the interview.....Can't wait till I get a hold of that book...

I was blessed to have great Men in my life...Thanks for the reminder..

Happy Fathers Day

Stephen Bess said...

Yes, hats off to pops! I'm going to have to make a call to ol' Rev. Bess down in ATL. I put his gift in the mail today. Happy Fathers Day to you brother and all your readers. Peace~

Tera said...

Yes, and a VERY Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers out there who are there for their children and are a part of their lives.

I couldn't point my father out in a crowd of 2 until I turned 18, and all my life, he lived just 5 minutes away from me. I was always sad and longed to know what it felt like to be "Daddy's Little Girl," because the truth is, there are many of us who don't know.

Hats off to you Torrance for accepting your responsibility with pride and being the wonderful father that I'm sure you are---Great post!

CapCity said...

Happy father's Day, DaddyRawDawg! U r an experience I'm blessed I had!

sista gp said...

Happy early Father's Day to all of you guys who are not only positive influences for your children, but are mentors to other young ones in the community.

Let your kids spoil YOU.

T, Nice review/interview. Who typed your responses? *smile*

msladydeborah said...

Good post T!

I believe that it is important for dads to speak out about parenting. You aced it with your remarks.

I read the review~you like Anais Nin? Who knew? :-) I find that to be interesting. We will have to exchange some thoughts on her work.

Linda said...

Respect, bro :) I love your post!

It's true what you say about the fathers.. it's something that lies close to my heart - fatherless kids.. heck, it's our ministry to go out there and more or less take care of them.

For father's day, I got my husband the bestest book in the world.. *lol* Called 'black fathers' - written in dutch though.. but it's more of a photo book with daddies and their kids, then some interviews.

Man, when I received and read that book I literally cried and cried over it.... because for every kid in the book, I could see a face of a kid that I know, who could never make such a picture, because daddy ain't there....

By the way, have you ever read 'the willie lynch' letters? I believe that THAT's where all of these problems come from.. if you haven't read it, just try google ;)

Greetings from holland!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Darius T. Williams
Thanks yep u #1 and I willl chk it out

Immoral Matriarch

Thank u sister albeit the mothers of my children would never admit such

Well said . No man can ever have a more important job than being a father and that is a beautiful thing when the opportunity is held in honor.

Urban Thought
Thank u and I wish more men did, I mean read in general for that matter

Content Black Woman

Thanks sister and do return
Yep it sure is, happy pappy day and many more to u man, see u had fun in last post lol

thanks doll

Ms. Jones
He raised a fine woman and thank u

y say that, just like saying u don’t need no god, how did u get here if you don’t need one, needed one to be here

Thanks and only a fck boy or bitch azz boy/man wouldnt

Thanks where have u been sister

Waiting for Zufan!
Now that’s tru, but love is a given but u know what I meant woman lol

Clay Lowe
Aint that the truth, only iof all could share our joy

The Flyyest
Yea baby sis, that is a man’s man. How is the lil flyyest hon?

Thanks and im sure the men that responded would say we all tied for first place LOL

Thanks babe, and on the treadmill thinking about sexy KGJ lol

Sounds like he was ablessing, your experience, is that why your verse is so detailed, your poetry I mean

I could not have said it better ....give them the tools necessary to assimilate themselves successfully into this world and become compassionate and caring human beings who are not so much concerned with their ego and their selves as they are instead with the contributions they can make in this life towards the betterment of others less fortunate than themselves. it is through the weaving together of ribbons colored with the shades of life, love and unity that make us all a family.

Aunt Jackie
Dad is lucky to have a Jackie like u

Thank u hon

Squash it and hum bug, with your spirit u will make and be a great father, yep drug free

Thanks doug, and I know when u see them smile u know what u mean to them, and yea, it was funny – people are so dumb. No her ins will go up cause she was a dumb fk LOL

Y thank u sister and stay off them treadmills lol

Tha BossMack TopSoil
Good look folk, when u gone get the dog shirts for ya bruh mane?

You may be right of KGJ and happy fathers hours to u, and I know u gone rep us all well

I agree rember seeing him as a kid when his pops played with the Reds

Thanks and I know men such as your self live by example and happy pappy day back at you brother

Thanks make sure u show him each day and I know u do, your kids sound blessed

Tony OH
Will chk it out and happy fathers day jones

Thanks hon. Let me know what u think of book

Stephen Bess
Looks as if pops raised a fine one in you and I know u already thanking him when ever he sees or hears your voice

It takes a woman to admit it, I know some will never do such and thank u

Thank u sister, that was sweet

sista gp
Thanks sista
Me, the one and only last of the 2 finger typiest

Thanks and r u flirting with me, babz say im slow and miss it, what u know about little Birds?

Thank u sister, that book sounds like I should have written it, any fish today lol

DivaJood said...

Found you from An Average American Patriot and Watergate Summer - you have an amazing blog, which I will be listing and visiting often.

Yep, there is a difference between spoiling a child and raising a child and I would like to think that fathers, who are fathers, know the differences and intentionally shy away from the first

This post in general is amazing, but this line that you write is especially poignent. My daughter and son-in-law are separated; my granddaughter is 3, and she feels it. Her father does not want the responsibility that comes with being a father - he is all flash and no substance. It breaks my heart because Beanie (my granddaughter) wants a father, not an occassional pal.

Happy father's day to you. You are clearly a father.

blackandmarried said...

Solid post and happy fathers day


Oh wow...most excellent post!!! Thanks for inspiring me to write a post on the "FATHERS" in my life I have FOUR: God (he's in a place all alone)

Then theres three: My biological father, My step father and my daddy "my man" hahahahahahahahahaha!

Did you notice I am up early two days straight?! God is good and thanks for coming to check me out..

I will be visiting your shop again SOON!!!!


Anonymous said...

Great post. The men need their props. There are a lot of good fathers out there, but the bad ones seem to blind us to this fact. I'm a little down today; a 14 year old kid was shot behind my daughter's apartment and killed a couple of days ago; One of the bullets went through her window - so sad and unnecessary. I plan to post on it soon. There is a candlelight vigil tonight. Thanks for the blog roll add, I added you to mine months ago, hope you don't mind. Keep keeping it real and sending the message! Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

Nina said...

Nice post! Found you via Tera, I'm glad I did. I'll be back again, for sure.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Torrance: These are very tough for me. August 1 can't come soon enough. The boy arrives for the whole month.

enigma4ever said...

really wonderful post....on family....fatherhood....what matters...what defines who we are....and why it matters.....have a wonderful fathers day....blessings, prayers and light to you and yours.....

Danie said...

Happy Father's Day to you and all the other Dad's out there who truly understand what a awesome and precious job it is to father and raise strong boys and girls. Extra luv to my dad for setting such a high standard for me...It is because of him...that I truly know what real manhood looks like!

Have a Great Father's day weekend!

Danie said...

...Oh and if I can of my favorite quotes in the world...

"The first man a girl falls in love with is her dad"...

I'm a walking testimony of how true that is...

Danie said...

...Oh and if I can of my favorite quotes in the world...

"The first man a girl falls in love with is her dad"...

I'm a walking testimony of how true that is...

Anonymous said...

Every day is Father's Day for the men who are active in their children's lives. I praise each and every one of you. Keep hope alive!!! For every phenomenal father out there, the light for the next generation shines a lil brighter.

Enjoy your Father's Day!!!!

DFitz said...

Loving this one, makes me think about my dad! My sisters and I all have the same father and mother! He's the greatest father ever! Sounds corny but, thats the best way I can put it LOL

ROYAL said...

nice post,had to stop by and check it out

Lena said...

Well the relationship with men especially the father figures in my life is bah but whatever. Happy Father's Day to them and especially to you. Your children are lucky to have a father like you who is there for them, instills good values and morals, and loves them.

Tigress said...

Amen! Ditto on everything you said. My hat is off to all of you fathers too. The world is a much better place because of them.

dc_speaks said...

excellent post, bro.

The comments left already, I share their sentiments.

Happy Father's Day to you as well.

Gorgeous Geek said...

great post!
Happy Fathers Day to ya =]

Tamra said...

Happy Fathers Day, Torrance. Kudos to you for the way you hold it down with your kids.

I love my dad to death. I'm fortunate that my husband's dad is just as much of a dad to me too (and mine to Hubby--and can you believe my dad and his dad grew to become good friends?). I love my mom, without question, but there's this unspoken bond that I think my dad and I have--probably because we butted heads the most.

He used to be the bane of my existence as a teen because he was so strict and because he was all up in my business ALL the time--I couldn't spit without knowing he was present somewhere. But, after having grown out of the teen phase and long since into adulthood, over the years I really grew to appreciate both parents and their sacrifices, especially my dad.

Nothing like dads...

So, again, HFD!

The Jaded NYer said...

Oh yes, my Papi spoiled me and loved me and made me feel like a princess, just like a good father should, so much love to him, and Happy Father's Day to you, too :)

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

I will chk u out, yep American Patriot is good people and a good father
And thank u

Hey man, thanks for the shout out

Thanks babe and do come back, I read and commented and wished myself a happy fathers day

Thank u sister I appreciate the love

A referral thank u hon
Do come back

He man keep the faith Brother

Thank u ms DJ Enigma LOL

Thank u and I hope my little ones lovbe me as much as u do your pops

Thank u sister I appreciate it

Not corney at all to show love, value, respect and gratitude

Thanks folk, keep blogging and do come back by, need more real men blogging

We are out here Lena, and u know some women have a hard time of showing appreciation for us, maybe bad parental experiences as u say – but I will try always and love completely

Thanks for the supprt and blessings we try, no excuses

Thanks fam, and happy FD and continue to nhold it down

Gorgeous Geek
Thank u hon, hope u like what u read, u know I rolled ya

Thanks for the blessing, I hope my kids love me as much. I did get a text message from daughters mom, so that was cool for me.

The Jaded NYer
Thank u honey.

Deathstar said...

I really like what you said about fathers. I have a rather complicated relationship with mine. There are too many "fatherless" men out there.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

so true. thanks for the visit. I can only do what I can for my son, and his friends and the little boys i coached from 4 to 14 in lil league baseball and aau basketball, and PTA

Rayo said...

Congratulations on being a real father. Happy belated Father's Day.

Clever Elsie said...

Amen to that message on the role of fathers! Just taking a minute here to applaud all the men who understand the difference between just being present and being a parent, between merely providing and actually parenting.

In my personal experience, without fail, everyone I know who has serious emotional/psychological/relational problems had issues with a father who didn't parent or wasn't even there at all. The role of the father isn't given nearly the respect or esteem it deserves!

Paula said...

*Kudos* Personally, I grew up without my father. I knew him. I saw him. He made promises. He only kept them to the crackpipe. But I'm not bitter or anything like that LMBO...

But seriously,I feel like I came out perfectly fine without mine but it was a struggle getting here. I am thankful for the adversity because I know I am able to deal with anything and I am more grateful for being where I am. But I know having a more responsible and less selfish father would have changed a lot. I KNOW for a fact that I can raise a child and have them come out perfectly fine without a man. However, I know theres some valuable things that I lost out on without mine. Some things I may never even know I'm missing. And I know theres hurt that will never completely heal because of him too. For those things, I believe there should be a father in the household....or at least being a REAL father.

Great post! And Happy (Belated) Father's Day.

Anonymous said...

BTW Paula is ME!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Thanks where have u been

Clever Elsie
I could not have said it better. And you can see the sacres on some folk, including myself. Am just honest and others desire to deny such. Thank u for the wishes and do come back more often ok

Why thank you hon and your introspection shows me that you see what may have been different. Do come back by pls and continue to share your thoughts

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