Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Check Mate

Sidebar 1: Sorry about not posting what I said I was gone post. It was based on a discussion I had with this chap while eating a BLT. He said he hated all Muslims and Arabs and called them stupid and asked if I agreed. So yawl know me, it resulted in a post for I write what I feel and think regarding what ever is on my mind.

Sidebar 2: Emory University Emergency Rooms are the shit. They got PCs in each room. And I was able to surf the web while I was there. Went last night about 9 ish. Lil momma has been recovering from a yeast infection and was scratching herself real bad. So since I promised her mother I’d take her I did. And the best thing, they gave me some free stuff to put on her for that night and this morning – no more scratching. I was scared cause they said she had t sleep with no panties and all I could imagine was a wet bed – but she didn’t. I tried to call her mother and tell her and text and left messages that were at the ER. She did not respond. So I figured her phone was dead, or she didn’t have it. But I did expect her to call, I mean wherever she was I’m sure they had a landline or cell phone. We stopped by her place around 1150pm; I wanted to leave her so I could finish pricing stuff at the shop. She wasn’t in. Maybe I expect too much.

Side Bar 3: Thanks to the folks at Pimpin Pens for the banner hey made for me.


Sidebar 4: I wonder how many of the folks in China complained about stuff and never counted their blessings, and how they feel now, if they are any of he many who have lost family members and their homes and are sitting outside in he rain after the earth quake




Saturday was an exceptional day. Although folk teeth were giving him problems and I had no loot in my pocket, I still got my shipment of this De-wormer in the mail as well as met a few more dog owners in the area. It was the weekend of the Sweet Auburn Festival and as such, I wrapped a sign around my daughters neck saying “BUY MY PAPPA’s BOOKS” and proceeded to sale 6. But it was only expected given it was the day before the day that humbles all with the effervescent spirit of mothers. Then Sunday wasn’t bad either. Got the mom’s day gifts off, bought Lil momma’s mom breakfast on behalf of her and even gave her a bottle of wine, on a Sunday on Georgia when they don’t ale liquor and I aint got none (fingers crossed). Add to that my Lil cousin graduated for Tuskegee University today and my mom, grandma, step sister and Gip came in town too.

A very needed reprise seeing that I had two days of stacking more than 900 lbs of dog food. But I did want to keep my promise, and get to the food for thought proffered by query for from Riddle me this. I asked the question to make sure I was not out of my mind. See as a man, I feel that our primary job description is to provide and as such we see the majority of our job description to our family and significant other as to provide protect and offer safety. And i dont beat women either, unless you consider slangin a woman to the flor who came after me with a knife abuse (I could have taken the knife and slit her throat but the man in me couldn't do such).

It may be foul on my behalf but that is what I believe, and that there is no reason or room for any one to complain, bitch fuss and bicker if the aforementioned is taking care of. I mean if I keep a roof over your head, keep clothes on your back, the bills paid, you with health insurance and food in your stomach and don’t beat you, there is not a mutha fiuckin reason for one to complain - woman, son or daughter - or any one living under my roof or any roof I pay for. Some may suggest this is a control issue, I say no, albeit I understand we are in America and that he who pays makes the rules.

But me, it’s a little deeper than that. Im trying to keep holding up and keep all of the real in place but most folks seem to not be in the same real world that I am in, the one where a gallon of milk is the same price as the gallon of gas. I feel for my work and proficiency, I should have someone, even if it is just my kids, have dinner cooked, the dishes washed or even a back rub ready for me - but I don’t. Another reason why today was exceptional (my mom came in and started cleaning up and better yet, friend pork chops. More importantly , offered me a drink. That’s why she the shit. I am not her man but she know how to motivate and keep and support one, even me as her son and my son as her grandson - that’s the shit.

I feel that a woman should be more than amenable to spending the night at my home and taking care of me, taking fat long dick and milking me all night if I need such to comfort me without . I feel that I should expect a back rub if she is in tune with me and appreciate and value what do.

So ladies I just want to say thank you for making me feel better, for making me feel that I don’t expect what is not earned and deserved. I mean so many men are fuck boy lame, cheating cant provide and foster constructive images for our family, which is my community. So thanks to you Keli for letting me know a man should expect for his woman”
being there for him…supporting him…giving him props when he’s done good, but also giving constructive criticism when he does something out of line…I show him I love him by doing the little things.

Thanks to you Tera for letting me know it is ok for a man to expect his woman to “
compliment him where he is strong and supplement him where his is weak. And that you are a LOVER. I can be spontaneous, fun, and I have a sense of humor.... that you don’t mind making him “some collard greens, hot water cornbread, chops and homemade gravy on Sunday, burgers on the grill and baked beans on Monday...we might go out on Tuesday, but I can whip up some stuffed shells and garlic bread on Wednesday. Don't let Thursday roll around for some good fried chicken, fried corn, smashed potatoes and biscuits...or Friday we mellow out and order a pizza and have a nice glass of wine. Saturday, he might just want to wine and dine...or we can do a little all day bump & grind.

Thank you Nina for letting me know its ok for me to expect my woman to do “
all I can for him. I've come home dog dead tired and cooked for my partner, given excellent sex, and stuff."

Thanks Aunt Jackie for the honesty “
how do I show my man I love him? same way as I was taught, f*ck and feed him. don't disrespect him in public, keep our shit private, work out our thing behind closed doors so we show a solid front when we leave the house, support him, listen to him, let him be a man and don't try to dominate or change him.


Tia's Real Talk is saying “
How do I love my man? By giving him all that he needs and some of what he wants. Think of him whenever I make a decision. Making sure he feels like a man at all times and never feels he is competing with me on who wears the pants. Reminding him often of how he makes me feel and how I appreciate him. Sometimes its in an email, text, picture or other married folk thangs. Knowing that men to need to vent and need a ear to just listen. Supporting all ideas even if I don't agree, and knowing the difference between the two And most of all making sure he wants to come home, and that home is a place he runs to and not from."

Blah Blah Blah, you represented too when you wrote “
I do a million and one little things...and he can list them...right on down to the way I massage his shoulders without thinking about it, to letting him watch his bball while cooking and running in during half-time to suck his dick before the game comes back on, to remembering he has shirts in the cleaners and picking them up, to reading out loud to him from the Sunday paper as he cooks breakfast, to making sure I keep Italian ices in my freezer for his scooby snack after sex, to making sure I buy his favorite sheets in every color so he feels like he's floating when he sleeps, to making sure I've watched my ESPN to make sure our conversation flows...then letting him explain something to me even though I already know it...so it makes him feel like he has taught me something, to telling him I have no problem being the thunder to his lightening, and again...the list goes on.

Veronica Wright (Hunnie), I see why your folk hugged up on you saying “.
I would show a man that I love him by caring for him and doing the things that I know would please him. Being there just to be an ear if needed, rub his back, hot cooked food, give him good GOOOOOOOD lovin..lol, be the encourager and supporter of his goals/dreams/aspirations. Take the bad with the good, etc. Be....His....Help....Mate. Period.

Lovebabz I can see you when you state “
I have shown my man that I loved him, by being a faithful and abiding wife. I have been generous in my spirit. I have greeted him with a smile and kind words. I have lovingly prepared meals and happily created a romantic space in which to express that love. There was no room for not showing love on my part. I happily choose to love the way that I do."

Ms. Ki, I can respect that to...”In showing a man that I love him. I pay attention to the little things. Cook his favorite food. Study up on the stats of his favorite team and athletes. Dedicate some time to the activities that he may enjoy that often fall on the backburner to the things I want to do.

Divine Perception, even better....”
My man usually wants for nothing. I am not a mind reader so as long as he tells me what he wants/needs I act accordingly. There is a fine line, I will do what he asks most times as long as he is not taking me for granted. He also has to be willing to go out of his way for me as well.

Brownsoul
Now when it comes to showing love, well, there are obvious ways. But I don't consider that showing love as much as showing that I too am horny....My husband loves homecooked meals and when I'm feeling especially appreciative to have in my life and I want to show him that, I make an incredible meal for him complete with an after dessert foot rub.

TheophaniaPaige ...“
Feed him his favorite foods, do his hair, wash him, tell him how much he means to me and why I'm with him, etc.

IVENTBYBLOGGING
...”
I show my boo i love him by edifying-building him up. Telling him if he believe it he can achieve it, that I see greatness in him. I give him hand/arm & foot massages and watch him go to sleep. I tell him I love him everyday (even when I'd rather chew nails)...and I assure him with my words, that I'm not going anywhere. I encourage him in God...and tell him he will be the prophet, priest and king of our household when God brings us together as hubby/wife.....I also tell him I'm honored that God gave me him...an awesome gift that I will always treasure."

eve "
I'd show him I loved him by hugging him, waiting up til late for him to get home, smiling at him, making stuff for him ..... "

yummy411
showing my man that i love him? the little things, the sacrifice, putting my wants and needs aside to address his, making time for him in between the kids...love notes, phone calls, bringing home his favorite goodies."


Divine Blackness ...”
Stand by him and let me know how much you love and appreciate him.”

How to show a man you don't love him.
Cut him off and move on with your life.

....I'm jus sayin'.

Professor
...."
...how do i show my man i love him? same way as i was taught, f*ck and feed him...THREE HOT AND A COT... don't disrespect him in public, keep our shit private, work out our thing behind closed doors so we show a solid front when we leave the house, support him, listen to him, let him be a man and don't try to dominate or change him..."

IntrospectiveGoddess ....“
I show my man I love him by supporting him, listening to him and doing little things for him that he likes..like cooking little gifts and things”
professor "...how do i show my man i love him? same way as i was taught, f*ck and feed him...THREE HOT AND A COT... don't disrespect him in public, keep our shit private, work out our thing behind closed doors so we show a solid front when we leave the house, support him, listen to him, let him be a man and don't try to dominate or change him...

THE PRINCESS "CC" said...”
I treat my man LIKE A KING, LITERALLY, what ever he wants, intimacy, emotionally, completely spoiled.

So ladies, this post is to you who have restored my faith in feeling its ok for a man to desire what you say you offer, provide and give unconditionally. For I have no problem with providing, my momma always said give and ye shall receive, but she also said you can’t get blood from a turnip and that certain things are uncompromisable.


So I want to thank yawl for letting me know that you women know that saying you love someone is nothing – hat you show it. Thanks for being my Jesse Jackson (keeping my hopes alive) Thanks for letting me know that a few bad apples exist and that a real woman knows that a man that keeps a roof over their head, takes care of their children, keeps food in their stomach, pays for heir tuition and auto, who is here when they lock their keys in their car, kills bugs, takes out the trash, or who may even sacrifice having health insurance so they can have it, is something to be valued, respected appreciated, comforted, made love too and cherished – for so many men don’t. Thanks for letting me know to expect such is not unusual, for in the past I have been told such, even that black women don’t like sex, or a man that admits he desires comfort. Thanks for letting me know that I should not feel bad for believing I can go to my mate and tell her anything and expect her to listen and be there for me without saying whatever, or saying something is an argument because I say “no” or “I think”. Thanks for letting me know you see the 85 to 90 times I do things right, or is there for them, and that I try when I can’t that such is appreciated. thanks for letting me know that my work ethic and how hard I work to provide is worth a back rub or some head or some hot soup after I had major oral surgery.


Now I don’t feel bad for wishing I had someone to bring me soup when I got out of four hours of oral surgery; now I don’t feel bad for wishing I had someone to offer to and be waiting to rub my back after working hard all day; now I don’t feel bad for desiring someone to be there for me to depend on and lean on if I need such. Again, I am reassured, for I grew up playing chess along with other things, and if I could roll all of yawl into one incredible being, I’d close the game like Botvinnik used the French Defense.

28 comments:

The Pew View said...

I used to rub my 2nd late husband Leroy Lee down with all the time after a long hard day at work. Then once he would fall asleep I'd take some money out his pocket and hit the bar down the street. That was the good ole days. Take care now

Signed
Ruthie Ann

Anonymous said...

You aren't afraid to state your mind so go ahead and say it as it is...

You already know i say u some daddy...

Alright, I was late for the man part of things but still how come i get no love? lol... you know me T!!!

Darius T. Williams said...

Yea, man...that China thing is blowing my mind. We're having natural disasters all over the world - it's rough times. On the other hand though - that sandwich, looks mighty tasty.

Haute in LA said...

I'm on a mission to fall in love and be all kinds of good to a man that is all kinds of good to me JUST so I can get in on the next "thanks ladies" roll call.

AND, you know you always catch me waaaay off guard with shit like this:
"I feel that a woman should be more than amenable ... taking fat long dick and milking me all night..."

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

I love your ability to state the fact that as a man you need love too.

i say to you this though, don't base your future on your past, be open. your love may or may not come in the package you are looking for, so make sure you are focused on the content of a woman and a find a woman who is focused on the content of a man.

who complains and who doesn't and who shot john, all of that is extra if your needs are being met emotionally, physically and otherwise.

you really inspire me with these posts, i too would like some real love in my life but i'll be damned if the words don't get all choked up when i try to say it.


stay beautiful...

JayBee said...

sb1: waiting to read your response to that. surprised you didn't check him right then, or did you?
sb2: dang, didn't know little girls could have those type of issues. i'm so out of touch.
sb4: no words...i guess it's yet another remind that we should all be more thankful and live each day like it's blah blah blah. def gonna check out the sweet auburn festival next year. good for mom to come through. love me some porkchops and deviled eggs. you're not expecting too much if you taking care of your business.

Ms. Ki said...

I'm always inspired by your posts. Addicted to the brutal honesty that keeps me coming back daily. Stay encourage.

Lena said...

Aw I hope your daughter feels better.
That's kind of crazy about the computers though meanwhile other hospitals nearby can't even manage to function because of their debt and lack of funds (or lack of management skills).

Happy that you were reaffirmed that there is nothing wrong with what you long for.

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

It's tha End of tha world, Or at least thats what a brizzle told tha BossMack TopSoil yesterday.

MsClutchPearls said...

I love this blog, keep it coming!

Julie said...

I get what you're saying. You give a lot to a relationship and you want what you want in return. And I guess that makes sense. So, I have to wonder why these posts of yours keep rubbing me the wrong way.

And here it is. You've defined exactly how a woman should give back to you - as though the woman you choose to be with is supposed to be just what you decide she should be, with no will of her own.

I think part of really being in a relationship, really loving someone is letting that person be who they are and accepting and loving them for who they are rather than trying to make them fit some pre-defined mold.

I read a poem once that went something like this, "Oh, you want me to love you the way you would love you if you were me." I think that's something we all fall into. We know how we would show another love and respect and caring and we want to be loved that way.

But everyone loves differently. And when you decide EXACTLY how you want to be loved, then you're missing out on appreciating the love someone else has to give just because it doesn't match the list you have all set up in your head.

And brother, you have quite a list.

I think the key is finding someone who wants to express their love and appreciation for you as passionately as you do for them. Maybe she won't cook pork chops, but you'll wake to fresh cut flowers every morning. Maybe she won't rub your back, but she'll rub your feet. I don't know - but the thing is that she'll want to SHOW you she appreciates you in some way or another.

I think in any good relationship, BOTH people are more focused on what they can give than what they can get.

It sounds to me like you've been with women who are focused on what they can get. And like you're focused on what it is you deserve based on what you give. I suggest doing what you do because that's the way you show how you feel and know that if the woman you're with isn't finding ways to express her love - that might be because she's not feeling it and then maybe you need to be with someone who wants to show how passionately they feel about you.

And, btw, I need to take my own advice - I've spent more than 12 years in a relationship with someone who has never expressed much and now I don't feel like expressing myself either. There's no emptier feeling than being with someone and not wanting to be bothered with doing things to make them feel good.

Keli said...

I guess I should have edited my initial comment *done good*...I hope all can over look that...I meant well, lol.

And thank you for illustrating that there are men...black men...that can appreciate our love. *smile*

Anonymous said...

you gave her alcohol on sunday in GA and you went without, give up your Memphis mac card jones

and if i didn't have a woman, jackie and all othe others who mentioned food, know that is the way to a man's heart and ...k

i am with jones too, that sandwich looks good


Railhead

María said...

Can I call bullshit on most of the comments you got regarding how they treat their men? I can? Okay - bullshit.

They may do that on good days, or when they want something but shiiittttt...

-eve- said...

> or who may even sacrifice having health insurance so they can have it, is something to be valued,
Oh, yes, that one is really romantic...! :-)

> I mean if I keep a roof over your head, keep clothes on your back, the bills paid, you with health insurance and food in your stomach and don’t beat you, there is not a mutha fiuckin reason for one to complain - woman, son or daughter - or any one living under my roof or any roof I pay for
*grins*. Ahhhh... one more thing here. What about providing emotional support? It doesn't work that you provide the physical, and she provides the emotional support, cos anyway, the woman needs support too, plus may be working, so it's not like she has to be dependent and grateful to you for putting a roof over her head :-) It's her choice to be with you, and she could probably put a roof over yours as well (unless you got a jobless one; and it's different if she COULD have a job but gave it up for you - in which case, you should be grateful! ;-))

> I feel for my work and proficiency, I should have someone, even if it is just my kids, have dinner cooked, the dishes washed or even a back rub ready for me - but I don’t.
Hmmmm... for dinner and dishes, is it ok if the maid does it? (maybe it's not the culture over there, but over here, if both parents work, one can hire a maid to do the cooking... if your partner works, it's a bit unreasonable to expect them to have dinner cooked by the time you get back; this is one of the gripes I had with my ex; that we'd both be working, in the SAME job, yet he said he'd expect me to make dinner while he rested after work. I dunno... if you loved each other, you should be considerate... but yeap, now it sounds like you're having to do this all on your own...

On another note, I enjoyed reading what the others wrote in that post, esp professor and princess c's methods of showing love... ;-)

Interesting post, as always! :-)

Dreamy said...

i understand what you are trying to say but what are you gonna to do for me as well.

men say that they want a good woman but when they get that they f*** clean on over them.

I consider myself to be a good woman. All the things that you have described I have tried to be for that man that I thought was good but ended not appreciating it. I just dont know, to me this world is so flawed!!!

I am at the point where i say I want a good man but sometimes I think well if God sends me that man will I treat him right!!! Are we ever satified is my question I ask to you???

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

Hey Brother....just sending some love your way...Peace & blessings

Sasha said...

I agree with what most of your readers said, however...if I worked a long day as well as you...its 50/50. When I'm sick, I will expect you to make sure the kitchen & laundry dont go to shit. When I'm working over time, I expect your help with things, and maybe a hot bath when I finally roll the car into the drive way. I'm still living in a give and take world. Especially being a woman with a child. I have two full time jobs. I will rarely have a break from my "jobs" and I would assume you would be so selfish that when I roll in the door around 7am, make dinner, feed the child, read him a story, brush his teeth, shower him, put him to bed, make his lunch for the next day, get his clothes put out, clean the kitchen and finally stop moving long enough to shower aroun 930 pm.....that you wont be bitching about a back rub. I may not have it in me at that point.

But I do agree, that a man needs to be loved, apreciated for all he does, and rewarded for what he brings to the table.

The Artist In Me said...

Wonderful post Terrance. So sorry that I have been gone so long.

I commend you for being the type of man that wants and knows how to provide for his own. Lots of men these days don't get that.

Although I am not there yet (a wife), I subscribe to the ideal of being respectful and submissive...letting the man be the head. That doesn't mean I get walked over, but it does mean that I will walk alongside my future husband. Since we will trust each other, he will trust that I would never intentionally steer him wrong; therefore he will consider the things that I say and make an educated decision for me and our family.

And in our love chamber...he will NEVER want for anything! I do believe that God gave this gift to us to keep us feeling good and sane!

Be blessed!

Be blessed!

Blah Blah Blah said...

I read where a commenter said it was all bulshit... if thats how she feels...can't argue with that...

But I'll quote from the great movie...Baby Mama...
B****, I don't know your life!

Me on the other hand, I guess being raised by a father and 4 uncles I kinda got the inside track on how a man likes to be treated. Maybe it is in me to be a little more empathetic but my anger or irritation doesn't usually last pasted 45 minutes. If I love you...then I do shit without even knowing it because I am in sync with his heart...
But to be honest, I ain't been in love too many times in this here life.

I like when I see a woman that doesn't go with the tides just because it's easy...I like that she said it's bulshiiiit.
It very well could be for others...just not me :)

RunGirl. said...

Emory U hospital is that deal! I used to go to grad school there and it cost me $20,000 per semester so they better have lap tops and the like all over the place. They even had web cams in the laundry room. You could watch your clothes spin clean from the comforts of your apartment upstairs ...

THE PRINCESS "CC" said...

Thank you for giving me a shot out, much love and blessings to you as always, ...some of the things you said, made me turn red and I have a caramel complexion ha!

But on a serious tip a to "whom much is given much is required", you must endure A LOT because you have many gifts, a man of your magnitude is bound for greatness and to have a woman by your side to be there for you will be a blessing you should expect in due time...you reach people with your knowledge, there's powers in words.

I am surprised p*ssy and a** isn't thrown at you ALL day because you are the TRUTH, you don't find that much these days, everyone's a pretender, but you let it all HANG out literally all those special things you've done for your children and their mothers is not in vain. In due time everything will make sense, just ALWAYS remember your lovely family, your career, your business, your books everything and keep pushing....oh yeah and your e-fam is always here for you, Mr. All MI T

Head held high always.

THE PRINCESS "CC" said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
THE PRINCESS "CC" said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
THE PRINCESS "CC" said...

@ EVE
"On another note, I enjoyed reading what the others wrote in that post, esp professor and princess c's methods of showing love... ;-)"

Thanks, I took notes from you all as well, I use to be one little very spoiled bitch til I learned that truly supporting my man kept me HAPPY, no arguing, no drama all LOVE and thats what's its all about.

@ Immoral Matriarch

I respect your thoughts for I am sure bullshitters exist and thrive off such, but there is no "toliet paper" needed for the words I speak. There has only been two men I've seriously dealt with, one is my son's father, a first love of 10years ago (he lives in another city): Either man I can text or speed dial and they be on "READY" to be there for me in an instant willing to do WHATEVER I want or need...Am I bragging? Yes, but I gave them true love and respect and love never dies, so I have made two friends for life. And that's a beautiful thing NO BULLSHIT, Much love to you, my Dear.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the shout out hunny!

Im glad that my words could offer you comfort..but let me elaborate...When I love a man I support him, I give him unexpected gifts, cook for him, write him poetry and I always provide an ear to listen to whatever it is he is going through and thats NO BULLSHIT!!

I agree with another commentator who said they are suprised you arent getting ass thrown at you....cuz you are definetly a prize package....I hope you find what you are looking for and please dont let one woman's foolishness and disregard, discourage you on your search for a real woman......

IntrospectiveGoddess

P.S. hope your lil momma is feeling better....

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